Summer ended quicker than Tsukishima thought it would, probably because he has been trying to keep himself more occupied with his summer classes. After all the string of events that happened- Yamaguchi actually getting a boyfriend and Kuroo fooling around with him (more like flirting actually) - he started to feel uncertain. He likes to think that he doesn't have a crush on anyone right now, because having crushes are difficult. You keep trying to look out for them and you become more self conscious of yourself. He has also been trying to put aside his past with Yamaguchi; it wasn't easy, but at least Kuroo seem to always be around to distract him. In a way, Tsukishima views Kuroo as a convenient getaway.

He had tried to call Yamaguchi to meet up again, just to clarify things. Yamaguchi decided that they should meet up in the usual coffee shop, but Tsukishima thought different. Despite the coffee shop being where he was the happiest, it was also the place where he got heart broken, by the same person who filled his heart with all blooming flowers.

"So the cake shop it is," Yamaguchi confirms at the other end of the line. Tsukishima heard his own voice crack and waver when he said 'yes'. As much as Tsukishima hated being seen weak by other people, Yamaguchi was the person he was most vulnerable with, and when Yamaguchi asked if he was alright, he could only choke out a lie.

It's fine.

It will be fine.

Tsukishima was a little more than nervous. He was afraid of breaking down and shattering to pieces if he saw Yamaguchi. He thought about calling Kuroo to try to get him to keep watch but discarded the idea afterwards, because it's Kuroo. He would definitely tease Tsukishima to no end. But in the end, he sent Kuroo a text anyway.

To: Kuroo Tetsurou

From: Tsukishima Kei

I can't join you for lunch today. I'm meeting the freckled guy from last time in the cake shop.

He wasn't sure why he did what he did. Probably because it made him feel safer, somehow, in a way or another. Kuroo probably sees himself as a place for Tsukishima to lean on, and even though Tsukishima disagrees to that, he had started accepting it.

By the time Tsukishima arrived, Yamaguchi was already there, sitting in a spot Tsukishima liked- away from the glass panel that separated the shop from the sidewalk. Yamaguchi gave a little wave the moment he noticed the other walking in and gestured him to come over. Tsukishima took a glance around the shop to make sure Kuroo hadn't actually been following him before he finally reached the table Yamaguchi was in.

"I've ordered. You like strawberry shortcake, right?" Yamaguchi asked as Tsukishima took his seat.

"Un. Thanks," Tsukishima replied, giving the other a tremulous smile. Tsukishima eyes can't help but direct itself towards Yamaguchi. His tiny frame and small shoulders makes Tsukishima wants to wrap his arms around them, or so he thought. The freckles that decorated his face made Tsukishima want to run his thumb across his cheeks, or so he thought. Now that Yamaguchi has a boyfriend, that was no longer possible. It never was from the start. Yamaguchi caught Tsukishima staring at him and asked if he was okay, to which Tsukishima lies, of course, as usual.

"Tsukki, about last time, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier," Yamaguchi said with his usual shy smile as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "It must've made you really uncomfortable. Actually I'm surprised you still want to hang out-"

"I never said I was uncomfortable," Tsukishima said, cutting Yamaguchi midway through his sentence. "I left you just like that the other time. My bad."

Why didn't he tell me.

It's all Yamaguchi fault.

Otherwise, we could've been together right now.

"No no! It's my fault for saying things like that!" Yamaguchi said, raising a hand to scratch the back of his head. This is awkward, he thought.

"I didn't know you were gay," Tsukishima said. "I should've known earlier because-"

I loved you, he wanted to say. But he thought the better of it. After all, he knew Yamaguchi better than anyone else. Even though Yamaguchi might not be able to reciprocate his feelings, Yamaguchi wouldn't have been able to leave without traces of guilt. Because he knew that Yamaguchi admired him, he knew that Yamaguchi looks up to him, and that Yamaguchi think he's cool, but Yamaguchi doesn't view him in the light that Tsukishima wants him to.

If only I had the courage to bring it up back in highschool.

I should've known.

I was wrong. It's not Yamaguchi's fault.

It's mine.

It's all my fault.

"Because?"

Tsukishima quickly waved away Yamaguchi's doubts and changed the subject. Their cakes arrived shortly after that, and they started helping themselves.

"How's your boyfriend?"

Yamaguchi froze a little after hearing the question thrown at him. He smiled a little and said, "Well, he's cool."

"What is he like?"

Yamaguchi let a little chuckle escape his lips and said, "That's so not you, Tsukki! To be interested in my love life that is."

"What is he like?" Tsukishima repeated.

"This is really embarrassing to say but," Yamaguchi hesitated a little but continued anyway. "There's this really cool person I had a terrible crush on during high school and my boyfriend is really similar to him. Makes me feel like I'm actually with my high school crush until he starts speaking," Yamaguchi said, chuckling a little. "Personality wise, totally different. This guy's such a romantic and so soft hearted."

Tsukishima's interested was piqued. Not only was he interested in who this person is, but also if that person is actually him. After all, the only friend Yamaguchi hangs out with is him, and Yamaguchi did told him once that Yamaguchi sticks around him a lot because he thought Tsukishima was cool.

Tsukishima decided to press on the subject further. "Why?" he asked, "Why not confess to the boy you liked in high school then?"

Unable to look at the other right in the eye, Yamaguchi lowered his head and stared down at his cake. He then said, "I'm afraid. Of rejection that is. I'm sure he doesn't see me the way I see him."

"But you don't know yet." Right back at me, Tsukishima thought to himself.

I wasn't strong enough either.

I wasn't brave enough either.

"Well, I have him now. I think that's all that matters." Yamaguchi said as he played a little with the fork between his fingers. Tsukishima wondered if what Yamaguchi felt was exactly the same as what he felt. There's the aspect where you think you're not good enough for the other, and there's the social aspect to it too. Just because you act all lovey dovey in front of other people and show that you sincerely care for your significant other doesn't mean they will accept your sexual orientation; who you really are.

"Don't you feel bad for him though? You're still clinging into the past and I don't think he would've liked to know the reason you liked him," Tsukishima asks. as if he hadn't pried too much into Yamaguchi's love life.

Yamaguchi heaved a little sigh. "He knows. He knows and he says he accepts it."

By the time Tsukishima was back in his apartment, he got a call from Kuroo, apologising to him about not being able to help out and asking him about how his 'date' was with the freckled guy. Tsukishima had only quickly changed the subject, and when Kuroo presses further into the subject, Tsukishima had already hung up.

Tsukishima had wanted to ask Yamaguchi more, he regretted not asking him more, but it was pointless. Him knowing wasn't going to change anything.

I'm a prisoner of my own past, he thought. I can't move on like this.

Tsukishima was depressed, and had carelessly let himself into getting dragged by Kuroo back into the gay club they went to the other time. However this time, he chugged on as many shots as he could, because Kuroo had offered to buy him drinks, but mostly to drown the depression before it starts resurfacing again.

"We're gonna need a designated driver, because we're gonna get drunk!" Kuroo shouted, raising his glass filled with beer up to the brim. "I'm gonna have to go call someone to pick us up later."

Tsukishima could only chug down another shot down his throat and savour the sensation as the fiery liquid slid down his throat as he slumped onto the table. Never had he ever thought that alcohol could do this good to a depressed man. Somehow this time, the blinding disco light didn't bother him the slightest, and when he got down to dance, bumping into each other wasn't that much of a big deal either. He even thought of going the next time Kuroo drags him, it wasn't bad after all. If anything, it was great.

"So Kei, what has gotten you depressed this time?"

Tsukishima looked up only to find Kuroo staring back at him, holding up another glass of beer.

"I told you, we're not that close."

"Well, we can be."

It was only nearly the middle of the night when Kuroo grabbed Tsukishima by his wrist and pulled him outside the club through the back door and started to pin him against the bricked walls behind them. Despite the glasses, Tsukishima felt his vision started to blur out, but he can still hear. He heard Kuroo say something.

"I love you."

He felt Kuroo's hand gently grab both sides of his head and right after that, he felt rough, chapped lips smashed against his own.

After reading this one really wonderful fanfiction, I suddenly felt the urge to write again xD

So here it is! xD