Another chapter! Yay! Question - should I keep the new character, or should they just serve their purpose as a bygone?
Please review!
There is nothing better than a freshly brewed disgusting cheap coffee in a God-forsaken town somewhere in West Virginia, because I highly doubt anyone from my usual social circle will wound up here and witness my sweatpants-wearing self in big sunglasses that cover giant bags under my eyes. I also hope against all hopes that no one will recognize me, and so far my prayers are heard.
"I don't mean to be rude, but you're Victoria Vega, right? May I get your autograph?"
Or not.
"Sure," I mumble through a fake polite smile, not looking up as I quickly sign a piece of paper.
"You have a pretty signature," my unknown admirer states.
"Thank you, um…"
"I doubt you'd remember my name," a smirk is palpable in the voice as it changes, revealing its owner, and I jerk my head up, surprised.
Jade stares back at me with a half-smile, looking as sinfully good as ever, and I grit my teeth, biting back an insult.
"I thought I told you to leave," I hiss at her, standing up and hastily grabbing my coffee as I try to make a run for it.
"Whoa," she chuckles, going after me. "Is that how you treat your fans?"
"Jade, what are you doing," I tiredly address her, stopping.
"You know my name?" She fakes shock, but her smirk gives her away. "I don't believe we've met before, but I'm a huge fan of your work, Miss Vega."
"I'm sorry, I'm confused," I mutter, wearily rubbing my temples. What was she playing at?
"I'm the one who should be confused," she replies, winking at me. "My celebrity crush knows my name, how exciting is that? Perhaps we could discuss it over dinner sometime and, you know… get to know each other properly," her stress on the word 'know' is not dirty nor suggestive, and I finally realize what's going on.
She's asking for a clean slate, and not just a simply clean one; she wants a blank sheet to start rewriting us all over.
"I'm Jade West," she thrusts her hand forward, and I roll my eyes as I shake it, but a small smile still escapes from me.
"I assume you know my name already," I reply, fighting against smiling wider and failing miserably.
A tiny sign of affection and lightheartedness from her, and I fall in her trap, just like that. But I can't help it. I'm crazy for her, and trust me, there is nothing I want more than to fall out of love with her, but you don't get to dictate your heart who to let in.
"Don't think I'm some sort of a crazy stalker," she raises her arms in surrender. "I'm just your average fan. And, well, okay, maybe a tiny bit of a stalker. I did fly across the country to talk to you," she adds softly, looking at me with adoration.
"A bold move for a fan I don't even know," I retort teasingly. It feels bizarre. This is Twilight Zone at its finest: Jade and I talking and teasing each other, a playful banter in our light conversation.
Almost as if we're whole, undamaged, healthy.
"Oh, so there are fans you do know?" She asks with a smile, a picture so foreign to my eyes. She never smiles. She smirks and grins and sneers, but she doesn't smile so easily and openly, and she especially doesn't do that for me.
Once again, I'm dangerously close to tilting over the edge of a panic attack.
I'm saved, and it's the most surprising ally that comes to my rescue.
"Jade? Is that you?"
Madison Montgomery, a promising model, an outstanding bitch, one of Jade's earlier sex toys, and, as I regretfully recall, a native West - Virginian.
A deep growl rumbles in my chest as Madison teasingly touches Jade's arm in a greeting. No. Why should I bother? It's not like Jade's my… anything, really.
"What are you doing here?" Jade asks uneasily, her eyes still trained on me. She feels me slipping away, shutting down any fragile emotional connection we barely formed, and her lips form a thin line as her eyes grow pleading.
"I'm just passing through on my way to my hometown," Madison shrugs, gesturing to her car full of her so-called friends. "Hey Tori," the skinny blonde cocks her head to the side, her light emotionless eyes unnerving on my face. "You two took a relationship-remedy vacation? Not that there was anything to save in the first place," she shrugs carelessly, her unwavering gaze making my skin prickle unpleasantly.
"Hi," I grit through my teeth, adjusting my shades back on my face.
"Madison, if you don't mind, we were in the middle of a conversation," Jade cuts her off rather coldly.
Good job, Jade. Keep your bitches in line.
God, I need a cigarette.
"Whatever," the blonde rolls her beautiful, dead, dead eyes, stepping away. "See you around, Jadey."
I watch her hips sway in her too-tight, too-short dress as she walks away in her probably uncomfortable heels, that delicious rotten air around her as she carries herself without care.
I won't be able to ever compete with that, because, unlike Jade and this girl, I still care. I still have feelings and emotions and memories and I can't turn them off with a snap of my fingers.
And that's the problem.
"Dammit," Jade breathes out, frustrated. "I'm so sorry, she's just-"
"It's not only her though, is it?" I speak up quietly, interrupting her mid-sentence. "There are others, all of them, and I could say I remember every single one of them, for a dramatic effect, but I don't, because it's impossible to keep track of them."
"Tori, please, let me explain."
"There is nothing to explain," I shrug, raising the wall for good. "It's not even about your escorts."
"What is it about?" She questions softly, looking scared.
"Jade, you just basically tried to erase the past and everything I've been through!" I exclaim, losing it. I can't keep calm and emotionless. Everything inside me seethes and screams in agony and fury, and I let it.
It feels good. Finally, something feels good.
"It doesn't work that way," I state firmly. "You can't just start over. You don't get to start over; no one does, because there are scars to remind us of where we've been." I look her dead in the eye, my face a stone cold mask. "And with you, I've been in Hell."
She crumbles under my words yet again, her hand reaching out for me, and I jerk back from her, shaking my head.
"Tori, I was just joking around," she rushes out, broken. "That's not what I meant, of course I can't just ask you to forget about my mistakes. I know that."
"Do you?" I ask coolly. "Do you, really? Then what were you trying to achieve?"
"I just wanted a peaceful moment with you," she whispers. "I lay at night in my motel room and I thought back to the past, and I realized there were so few of them. I just craved one little moment of lightness."
I nod with a bored expression, concealing the raging emotional storm inside me.
"Did you get it?"
"Yes, but did you?" She's going to a predator mode, leaving her defensive retreat. "I saw you, Tori. I saw your smile and your eyes as you looked at me when we were goofing around," she tries, searching my face with her gaze. "It could be like that if you let it, Tori. Just give me another chance. I never asked for one before. I think I'm entitled to at least one tiny shot at happiness with you."
I feel my features twist in scowl as I regard her words. She's not entitled to anything.
"I need to think, Jade," I say instead, feeling a chill creep up my spine out of blue. "I need my space, and you're not giving it to me."
"Tell me I will see you again," she replies. "Tell me I stand a chance with you. That's all I need. Hope. Just a little bit of hope. I could use it in my life."
How can I give her hope when I don't feel anything close to it, myself?
Caroline will kill me for the words I'm about to let out of my mouth.
"Of course you will see me again," I breathe out in my defeat, surrendering to her. "I can't say anything else, but you will see me again."
"There's another thing."
I snap my head up at her sharply. It's too much. She can't ask for anything else. She can't demand something more from me.
"Come back to LA," she asks suddenly. "Not with me, just – just come back. I swear I'll live the city for a week or a month or for how long it is you want me to stay away. Everyone's been worrying sick about you."
"I already asked Caroline for a vacation."
"Tori, you're allergic to small towns like this," she scoffs. "You need to be surrounded by people you love, not hide out in a cliché vampire town."
I shake my head as I'm once again astonished at her surprising knowledge of me. How does she know me so well? I really do hate it here, if I'm being honest with myself, and I haven't been here for twenty four hours. I won't survive a whole week without getting black out drunk and ending up in a hospital with alcohol poisoning.
She's finally tangled up all my thoughts beyond salvation. I don't understand her, I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm drowning and suffocating as I struggle to make sense of her past actions and present words.
She's my friend with benefits, and she's with Beck. She's my girlfriend, and we're in an 'open' relationship. She has feelings for me, and she sleeps with everyone around her.
She's in love with me, and apparently knows me like the back of her hand.
I don't know what to think anymore, and honestly, I'm too drained to do so.
"I'll fly back this evening," I find myself saying. "You don't need to skip town. Just don't approach me and seek me out until I'm ready to talk to you, okay?"
"Deal," she answers as she bathes me in her tender gaze.
"And stop looking at me like that," I snap, hugging myself as the level of comfort reaches a new low. "I get confused."
"It's not like I can help it," she whispers, slowly coming closer. "I just wanna ask for one more thing, just one more."
"If you ask to kiss me again, then hell no," I flinch back, eyeing her warily. "I'm already going crazy with this whole mess."
"Please," she breathes, gently grasping my crossed arms.
I'm too good at giving in. She's too good at making me cave.
Our lips meet in an innocent touch, barely moving, and I feel her sigh as she hugs me close. I was right. It leaves my mind even more disheveled than it already was.
"They are so soft," she quietly observes as we part, her making no move to let me out of her embrace.
"Thanks," all I can manage as my head uncontrollably drops on her shoulder, and I fight back the urge to cry as she presses a sweet kiss to my hair.
"Jade, I have no idea what's going on," I softly confess in her chest, inhaling the scent of expensive worn leather and her unique aroma mixed together.
"I know. I'm sorry-"
"Stop," I push her away, the now-familiar burn of anger coursing through my veins. "Stop apologizing, because it doesn't make everything okay!" I breathe heavily, throwing daggers at her with my eyes as she just stays there, watching me with sadness. "It doesn't hurt any less just because you're sorry," I hiss, shaking my head.
"I'll stop," she replied with sorrow. "I just… Tori, I'm so fucking afraid of losing you," she exhales sharply. "All I ever did was push you away, and when I finally succeeded… I'm terrified," she admits shakily.
I can't deal with it right now. I'm not ready to get into her issues when I'm fucked up and damaged myself.
"I will let you know when I'm ready to face you," I utter, walking backwards. "Please don't bother me until then."
I catch her nodding sadly to herself as I turn and quickly walk away, shaken up from the encounter.
I need a drink.
Please don't forget to review - those are love!