Please review! That means a lot! :)

Shit.

Once again I'm rudely wakened, this time by a shrill annoying noise I recognize as my cell phone. What the… What time is it? All I know is it's dark now. I blindly turn and reach to grab it, only to find I'm blocked by someone's warm sleeping form.

Oh, fuck. That's right. I slept with Jade.

"…Umph… Tori, w's up?..."

"I got this. Go back to sleep," I whisper, trying to roll out of bed. 'Trying' is the key word, because in an instant there are arms around me, preventing me from moving.

"W'th you," she mumbles, sleepily nuzzling the back of my neck. I stiffen. Thankfully, the phone chooses the right moment to start ringing again.

"I gotta take that. I'll be back." She falls asleep as I untangle myself from her.

When I finally reach the phone and get a glimpse of the caller ID, I immediately wish I'd ignored that.

It's Caroline.

"Hey you!" She cheerily announces in my ear as I pick up. "You okay? Not dead in a pool of your own vomit?"

"No, but with visuals like that, I'm about to be," I reply in tone, hurriedly exiting the bedroom and closing the door behind me. I pace the hallway as I talk.

"Oh please, your stomach's like, made of iron," she scoffs. "Didn't you brag you were vomit-free since '93?"

"You're thinking 'How I Met Your Mother' re-runs, Care," I chuckle, shaking my head lightly.

"Right! I thought that was familiar… Anyway, whatcha doing?"

I freeze.

The question is who am I doing, isn't it? The whole afternoon, might I add.

Shit. I slept with Jade. Shit.

The gravity of it hits me, hard, and I almost sink to the floor.

"Tori? You there?"

Oh Jesus. Caroline's going to kill me when she finds out. So, as every sane person ever faced with Care's wrath, I do the only possible thing. I lie.

"Uh, yeah, I, um, I've actually been napping on and off the whole day," I rush out, wincing at myself.

"Well, that's understandable," she states with sympathy. "Did I wake you up? Is that why your voice is so scratchy?"

Sure, I grimly think to myself. Certainly not from screaming.

"Uh, yeah," I opt to say instead.

"…Alright," she states warily. "What's wrong?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" Crap, she knows.

"Well, lately something always is."

I don't really know how to refute that one.

"Is it… Is it about Jade?" Care hesitatingly asks. I push panic down my throat.

"It's… Yes. She, uh, she stayed over, apparently?"

"Oh, no, at first I totally threw her out, but she came back early in the morning with her tail between her legs and a soy latte," Caroline informs me happily. "And you know how I am with soy lattes."

"You'd sell Klaus for one."

"Yeah, why are they so addictive?" She muses thoughtfully. I let out a little laugh.

"But seriously, are you okay?" I hear slight shuffling on the other line as Caroline probably tries to find a comfortable position. Which reminds me… What time is it? I quickly glance at the clock. Whoa. It's past 11 p.m. We practically slept the day away.

Well, we also fucked for a good half of it, so…

A new rush of guilt pools in my stomach.

"I'm… I guess," I say slowly. "Yeah. I'm okay. Thanks, Care."

"What, for selling you out for an overpriced yet deliciously addictive latte?"

"No. For everything," I say sincerely. "I can't thank you enough. Seriously. You've done so much." And apparently a lot more than I deserve.

"I do get paid for like half of it," she laughs, and I relish in the crystal sound of it. She doesn't know about my betrayal of her kindness.

Yet, I tell myself. She'll know eventually, and you'll be the one to tell her.

"Still. I… You're my best friend."

"Aw, Tori…" Caroline's smile is heard over the phone. "You're my best friend, too, you know that?"

"Course I do."

"Okay, enough of that mushy crap," she laughs again. "I also wanted to remind you that you get the rest of this week of to regroup, but after that there's a tight schedule to keep to, young lady!"

I smile against my will.

"Gotcha, boss. Send it to me?"

"Way ahead of you. Check your inbox. Alright, I'm dozing off already, so I'm gonna let you sleep too. I'll swing by tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure. Make it lunch, though?"

I can practically hear Caroline roll her eyes at my words. If only she knew it's just so I'll have enough time to get Jade out of my house, and not to get some extra sleep as she currently thinks…

"Fine, you lazy butt. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight," I whisper as the call disconnects.

Three weeks. That's how long I've been kissing my sanity goodbye.

On one hand, there's Jade. Actually she's pretty much everywhere. Caroline thinks she's been trying to win me back with all the chivalry and thoughtfulness and romance, and she has, but what Care doesn't know is that Jade and I christened my whole house and two closets at the office.

And that's the other thing. I still haven't told Caroline, and guilt is eating me up inside.

Because I actually understand the whole gravity of the situation. It's not only me who's affected by all of it. Care's been doing so much to help me get through this, and now I'm throwing it all away by doing the very thing that got me into this mess. Jade.

There are also many other people to consider. My parents. My co-workers. People who enjoy my work. There are so many people reliant on my mental stability, and right now… Right now I don't think it exists.

I keep falling in bed with her over and over, and I just can't seem to stop, even after I found so many incentives to do so. And that leads me to think… What if it's still not good enough?

What if the thing I need is to be fully responsible before someone for my actions? I have a long history of hurting those I care about, yes; but will I be able to hurt someone I choose to commit to?

Am I even ready to commit to anyone besides Jade? Especially Jade? I don't even remember life before Jade; love life, at least. All I know is her.

Maybe I should learn something else.

And, when I was having lunch at my usual restaurant and a girl who has been sitting two tables away from me for months stood up, drew a big breath and slowly walked in my direction, I got a chance to do just that.

All that's left is to tell Jade. Yay.

Fuck.

Turns out I'm terrible with self-control, but we all already knew that.

Jade watches me, squinting, as I redress myself. She's wearing nothing but a sheet as she lounges on my bed. I flat out refused to come over to her place when this whole mess started happening. It was either my house or nothing. And even though we did have some close calls, I feel a lot more comfortable with keeping it that way.

"Why do you bother?" She drawls as I tug my shirt on. "You know I'm going to get you out of that in a minute."

"No, you're not," I smirk. "I have a thing this evening."

"I thought you're finished for today," she says, meaning my work. I shrug.

"Yeah, I am."

I hear fabric rustling as she rises from the bed, and next thing I know, her arms entwine my waist. Warm lips find their way to my shoulder, then neck, drawing a shuddering breath from me. Dammit.

"Really," she murmurs into my skin. "And what type of 'thing' do you have planned, then?"

Quick. Like a Band-Aid.

"A… a date… type of thing."

Kisses stop. Then she chuckles, a sound vibrating against my back.

"Um… For a second here I thought I heard you say 'date'."

"You did," I state softly, taking a step away and turning to face her. "I… I have a date."

Jade's expression is absolutely lost.

"You…a date?"

"Jade, look-"

"No. No, I get it," she smirks suddenly. I can almost hear the 'snap' as her face changes expressions rapidly, finally settling on one of a barely concealed anger. "You have a date. Right. It's not like we're in a relationship or anything, right. Not like we're in love – except we are," the last word is practically hissed as she frantically starts to throw her clothes on, fuming.

"I don't know anything but you!" I shout, effectively stopping all her movements. She's perfectly still with her back facing me when I continue. "I only know you," I whisper. "And maybe… Maybe I need to …"

"What? Taste some other flavors?" Her voice is flat.

"Jade, this… Whatever this is between us now, needs to end," I brokenly say.

She's livid.

"You started it!" She blows up, whipping around. "You let me believe we had… something, anything. You let me make love to you, you let me hold you at nights, Jesus fucking Christ, Tori – what… Why? Just, why?"

I don't know.

"I thought it was something, too," I answer instead. "I thought… I don't know what I thought, okay? All I know is I missed you so fucking much," I try to touch her hand, but she yanks it away.

"And now what, you grew sick of me? Is that it?"

Oh, how wrong she is.

"I could never grow sick of you," I state firmly. Because it's true.

She's next to me in a flash, gripping my forearms, gentle enough not to hurt me, hard enough to make me breathless.

"Then why are you doing this?" She asks softly, searching my eyes. "I don't understand, Tori. I thought… This was going somewhere. We were making progress, weren't we? It was like- I was falling for you all over again, and… Please don't take that away from me," she finishes quietly, her eyes speaking volumes where her words couldn't. And I feel it. I can see it, her love for me, but for the first time I find myself wondering if love alone could ever be enough.

"Jade, I'm sorry. I am, I really am, but I have to do it. For me. And I'm so… I shouldn't have slept with you." She flinches at the impassive term I used. "I lead you on. Even though I told you I couldn't give you something more, I knew what it meant for you-" no, I didn't, "- and I'm so sorry."

She nods. She nods, and lets out a little laugh, and shakes her head as if amused, but I see the way her eyes are watering. Somehow, this feels a lot more like a break-up than that fateful night when I walked out the door of then-our home.

"The worst thing is," she starts, gathering her remaining clothes, "you actually are."

Then, she leaves, and I stay.