I could't belive it.
It was like time was frozen still for a moment.
I was petrified and couldn't move an inch of my body: Lexa was dying because Titus shot her in an attempt of killing me.
After everything we went through this couldn't be the end for us.
There was no way that I would have let Lexa die in front of me.
After a few second I was finally able to recollect myself and was immediately by Lexa's side, who was lying on my bed.
I caressed softly her cheek trying to give her a reassuring smile, even though a tear escaped my eyes.
- You're going to be ok, Lexa. I'm going to fix it. Just stay still, please.- I said with a crack in my voice.
I turned back facing Titus, screaming at him to get me something to stop the bleeding.
I saw pain on his face too, like he couldn't believe what he had done.
I saw regret because it was never his intention to harm his Commander and he was just trying to do what he thought was right for his people.
I turned to Lexa again inspecting her wound.
It seemed bad, like really bad.
The bulled was still inside and I needed to remove it before it could cause more damage.
Just when I was reaching for the rag that Titus brought to me to clean her wound I felt Lexa's hand reaching for mine, making me face her once again.
She had a small and sad smile on her lips and looked her eyes with mine in an attempt of reassurance.
I hold her hand and brought it to my lips.
- Stay with me Lexa, please.- I whispered.
She swallowed hard, I could see that she was trying so hard not to let tears escape her eyes.
- You're are going to be okay Clarke. Remember what I told you: death is not the end.-. She smiled at me, and after a small pause she continued : -Maybe it's fate that we are not destined to be together in this lifetime, but knowing that you forgave me and that you felt the same way for me too even just for a brief moment…that's all I could have hoped for…-.
She closed her eyes breathing hard.
- My fight is over Clarke.-.
I shacked my head, refusing to accept what she just said.
No, there was no way that she was going to die today, not after we finally confronted our feelings and abandoned ourselves to them.
I really couldn't believe that she was refusing to fight.
- No, Lexa. You have to fight for your people, for mine…for me. I need you.-.
With that I started cleaning her wound immediately, but there was too much blood.
I asked Titus to help me applying pressure on the wound on her stomach and he obeyed without hesitance, with a concern look on his face.
-Please, forgive me Heda.-. I heard him whispering.
Lexa looked at him with a serious expression.
- Promise me that you'll never try to harm Clarke again. Promise me!-. She shout trying to sit up.
He nodded: - I will not, Heda-.
Then she turned back to me, watching me with nothing more than love.
- You were right Clarke. Life IS about more than just surviving.-. She smiled sadly again.
- The next Commander will protect you.-. She continued.
- I don't want the next Commander, I want YOU.- I replied giving her an intense glare.
I went back to my previous task, almost reaching the bullet when I noticed that Lexa had stopped breathing.
I immediately reached for her face, stroking her gently.
Tears now falling freely on my cheeks.
- No, no, no…Lexa come back to me, come back to me!-.
I cried so hard.
The pain was so unbearable at the moment.
Why couldn't I be happy for once?
Why things had to be so damn complicated all the time?
Why the only person that I loved with all my heart had to die?
Titus put his hands on my shoulders, trying to comfort me.
- She's gone Clarke and I need to finish my task.-
He whispered before reaching for the scalpel lying on the bad.
- No! Don't touch her! She's not dead, she can't be.-.
I pushed him off of her and resumed my probably stupid last attempt of saving her.
Two days later
Somehow I managed to save Lexa.
Maybe saving was a strong word, considering that she was alive but hadn't waken up yet.
When she stopped breathing it was like the world was falling apart.
There are no words to express the pain that I felt in that moment, and I really didn't know how it was possible for her to survive.
I like to think that maybe we weren't ready to let each other go.
I never left her side during the past two days.
They had been intense and God knows if I was exhausted, but I was afraid of leaving her.
Plus I wanted to be there when she woke up.
I was finally falling asleep on a chair beside her bed, with my head over her chest, when I heard a groan and then a hand gently caressing my hairs.
-Clarke…-.
I jumped from the chair nearly falling down and eyed Lexa with a shocked expression.
Her eyes were still closed.
I reached for her hand.
-I'm here Lexa.-. I whispered to her after I recollected myself.
She finally locked her eyes with mine.
-You saved me, even if it was so easy choosing to let me go.-. She whispered with adoration.
- I told you that you were not going to die. I chose you Lexa, and maybe it's selfish and I shouldn't because we are on the edge of another war between each other's clans, but this time I'm not going to put my people before myself. I love them and I'll do whatever needs to be done in order to protect them, but I'm not going to give up on you…on us, because I do think that we both deserve happiness-.
She remained silent for a while and I took advantage of that to get closer to her, holding her face and forcing her to see right through me.
- I love you Lexa kom Trikru, and I won't let any other day pass without being able to tell you that. I fell in love with you and my biggest regret would have been not being able to tell you that.-.
I said to her in one breath, letting a few tears escape my eyes.
She looked at me with an expression full of love, her fingers reaching my face trying to wipe away my tears.
-I love you too, Clarke.-.
She said in tears before guiding her lips to mine, savoring the taste of happiness for the first time in our life.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi, I apologize if there are grammar mistakes, but English is not my first language.
I'm sure that all of the clexa fans are devastated like me for how last episode turned out. Really, I never thought that Lexa Would die like that and so fast.
This story is just an attempt to write an alternative ending of the episode.