A/N: Um, hi all! Well, you all sounded pretty intrigued by the two new Decepticons, and I figured, what kind of unfair gimboid would I be if I didn't service your intrigue properly? So this happened. 2300 words plus, which is like the second longest thing I've ever written, and I love it.
Yes, the new 'Cons will be getting musical accompaniment too. Relax. And I think you're going to like them. All five of them.
Uh-huh. I said FIVE.
Anyway, when writing Agent Fowler, I thought to myself, "Wait, I don't want to write Silus as a good guy. Maybe I can find some other way to make Fowler opposite."
Then it hit me. His tie.
Federal Agent William Fowler has a very, very short tie in the Prime series, he is African-American and he also has an issue with using America references as expletives.
No longer.
His tie is now very, very long, and the rest you will have to find out for yourself.
Oh yeah, and I put two new Autobots in - because so far we've had Cliffjumper, Goldbug, the Aerialbots, and Optimus Prime; and we needed more. So here's my two favourite-ish Autobots, reimagined in Shattered Glass format. If you've read my other story Sirens & Scalpels you already know these Autobots and may require fluff therapy to get over the shock of their evilness in this chapter. (Sirens & Scalpels is also being updated, so you can go there and recover from the traumatic experience which is this chapter later.)
Many thanks to my reviewers; who apparently haven't gotten bored yet - my only request is that you keep up the glorious work! (Because if you don't, I will kill Ravage with a spoon and never reveal the ingenious ship I have readied for Barricade. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA)
*Minor coughing fit due to sustained evil laughter*
Newcomers On Both Sides
Straight after Katie stepped off the AWACS plane and then sat through the debriefing (where the AWACS staff were congratulated for a successful operation with the Seekers and then reprimanded for losing the visual feeds) she found Barricade sitting outside the building. Katie opened his driver-side door and slid into the seat. "So. How're the two you pulled from that escape pod?" she asked. Barricade made a non-committal "I don't know" beep and pulled away from the pavement, heading out of the base towards the Decepticon headquarters.
When Katie and Barricade arrived at the bunker, Knock Out was already up and fussing over one of the newcomers – a leggy grey femme with a yellow visor and four spiky wing things on her back – while Breakdown was messing with the other, a dark blue and tan mech (also with a yellow visor) who was about as bulky as Breakdown and taller than Starscream (who looked very miffed about this). Megatron was standing nearby, conversing quietly with Soundwave as Skywarp teased Thundercracker and Ramjet contradicted everything he said.
Barricade let Katie out and transformed, wandering over to where most of the team was standing. Katie called to Slipstream, who obligingly stooped and let the human walk onto her servo. The femme Seeker walked over to the rest and deposited Katie on Starscream's shoulder.
"Lord Megatron, it is an honour." the blue mech was saying while Shockwave checked the huge tan guns on his back. "I did not expect to be received by you in person." He had a very Swedish-sounding accent (which, Katie figured, meant he had spent a lot of time on a planet populated entirely by people with Swedish accents, which sounded a lot like heaven to her).
Megatron inclined his head in a modest and leaderlike way. "All Decepticons are worthy of my time. We do not leave our own behind, Onslaught. You and your sister are welcome here – your other siblings, if they come, will be too."
Onslaught looked very starstruck. "Of course, sir. The other Combaticons should be arriving within the orbital cycle, if they haven't been delayed."
Something beeped on Knock Out's datapad, and he huffed. "Well, everything seems fine with you, Vortex. DO NOT strain those rotors, or I will rip you apart transistor by transistor, which would be such a shame. You look fabulous, dahling."
Vortex giggled nervously. "Um, sure thing, Doc Knock. Don't strain the rotors. Stay fabulous. Got it."
"I would say the same to you, Onslaught." Shockwave told his charge. "You will return to full functionality as long as you do not overstrain your camshaft or inflict further damage to your alternator."
Onslaught straightened. "Yes, sir."
"So how did you two crash?" Katie asked loudly. Vortex looked around for a speaker for a second before she found Katie (on Starscream's shoulder) and cautiously asked "What is that?"
"This is one of our human contacts, she's called Katie." Thunderblast said. "We consider her a valued friend."
Katie looked over to Thunderblast. "Wait, what? One of your contacts? Who's the other one?"
Suddenly, a human-sized door on the catwalk was kicked in and a pale blonde-haired man with an incredibly long tie and a cream suit walked in. "What in Judi Dench's hair is going on around here?! First I get a call on the dog-and-bone from Boston sayin' there's a satellite or something crashed, then you giant tin soldiers roll out in force and have a scrap with a damn Megazord or something, then orders from up the apples-and-pears come in and I have to clean up the mess!" he ranted in a strong Cockney accent, before catching sight of Katie and looking thunderous. "Who the Sean Connery is that?" he asked.
"No-one." Ramjet said innocently. "You're imagining things, Agent Fowler."
Agent Fowler looked at Ramjet furiously. "Right, and Pierce Brosnan can sing. That is a person, which I'm pretty sure wasn't here the last time I dropped by."
"Um, I'm Katie. I'm the AWACS handler for the Seekers. Who are you, and why are you shouting so much?" Katie informed the man.
"Well, that's just bloody peachy, Kate. I'm William Fowler, on loan from MI6 to the Pentagon, and I'm the government liaison for these crazy aliens. Who never do anything I tell them, for example NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU, DAMMIT MEGATRON!" Agent Fowler exploded, all in one breath.
Megatron shrugged and pointed at Thunderblast, who pointed at Starscream, who pointed at Thundercracker, who pointed at Skywarp, who pointed at Slipstream, who punched him in the face.
Fowler slapped a hand to his forehead and slid it down his face very slowly. "Okay, Will. Relax. They're nowhere near as bad as George Lazenby." he said to himself. "Now. I'm willin' to forget about your AWACS handler knowing about you, since she's military, as long as you explain WHERE YOU GOT TWO EXTRA DECEPTICONS FROM."
"That is simple enough, Agent Fowler." Megatron answered calmly. "They crashed in the Earth city of Boston, and we went to recover them."
"And the Megazord?"
"That would be Autobots."
"And you didn't call me WHY?"
"We did call you. You were unavailable."
"You sent me a text entirely in gibberish."
Soundwave shrugged. "Ravage said he had it handled, you dig?"
"Whatever." Fowler said with barely controlled fury. "Just try and actually inform me next time?"
"Of course, Agent Fowler." Megatron acquiesced. "However, if you would allow me to make a small request?"
"What." Fowler said flatly.
"We will need a selection of military vehicles for our comrades, in order for them to choose an alternate mode. Can you provide us with any?"
"THERE IS A MILITARY BASE LITERALLY 20 MILES AWAY." Fowler replied crossly. "You know, that thing filled with tanks and choppers and planes with all the hangars and flags? JUST GO THERE."
"I thought we weren't supposed to show ourselves." Thunderblast said. Fowler sighed for about thirty seconds straight.
"FINE. I'll have the guys at Fort Bliss clear out a hangar and shove some vehicles in it for you." Fowler allowed, turning and stalking out the door. "Just please, in Roger Moore's name, don't blow up the base."
They didn't blow up the base.
Knock Out and Breakdown took Katie and the two Combaticons out to the hangar that Fowler, true to his word, had had cleared out and a selection of military vehicles laid out like an expensive cheeseboard.
Vortex immediately gravitated towards a Blackhawk helicopter, "scanning" it with a yellow beam of light which projected from her visor and swept over the helicopter, before finishing with a beep. She then transformed her entire body, panels switching out and helicopter parts appearing in their place, the four spiked winglets on her back retracting and long helicopter rotor blades replacing them, sliding down and locking into place. Vortex transformed and took off, despite Knock Out's warnings of "don't you even dare and try anything extreme, missy"; flying around the hangar a few times and then transforming, bending her knees and landing easily on her thick high heels.
"Whew, I've missed that. Ugh, come on Onslaught. Pick already!" she said breathlessly, flexing her arms and cracking her neck cables.
Onslaught continued to um and err about his vehicle mode, but at length he chose a huge ten-wheeled truck with a gigantic double-barrelled artillery cannon mounted on the back.
He transformed into vehicle mode and back, stretching his arms. "Yes," he said, priming about a million guns which transformed out of his body and then putting them away again, "great work can be done with this form."
"So what were you guys runnin' from that shook you up so bad?" Breakdown asked, as the small convoy returned to base. Katie rode in Breakdown's passenger seat.
Onslaught shuddered. "It was Prowl, and Red Alert."
Knock Out blanched. "No! They're coming here? We have to tell Megatron right now."
"So, who are Prowl and Red Alert, and why are they so bad?" Katie asked. She was getting used to not knowing about the enemy's soldiers and looking dumbfounded whenever the Decepticons responded with gasps when one of them was mentioned.
"Well, Katie, Red Alert is the Autobots' security director." Breakdown said stoically. "She's the craziest femme out there, and she don't go anywhere without her lackey Prowl. Some 'Cons think they're sparkbonded, but I don't buy it."
"Eh, I dunno. You didn't see them interacting, Breakdown - it was kinda like Red Alert and Prowl were, y'know, sorta flirting while they were shootin' us." Vortex put in.
"Yes, it was very...disconcerting, the way they acted." Onslaught agreed. "Tactically, it made no sense. There were far too many suggestive actions on the part of Red Alert especially for them not to be romantically involved in some way – although I do not think that Red Alert could ever be leveraged by Prowl's capture."
"Yes, yes. Personally, I think they are together, but whatever." Knock Out said. "Red Alert is a medic – completely sick in the processor, mind you – but she's not like Ratchet; no, Red Alert is utterly insane. She operates less as a medic and more as a torturer. She's unstable to the extremes – a demented, giggling murderer. Prowl, on the other hand, is a cold, clinical killer with the emotional range of a blaster pistol and the personality of a broken datapad. The strange thing is, though, Prowl only listens to Red Alert. Prime has to give orders through Red Alert if he wants Prowl to do anything – and he can't threaten Red Alert either, because Prowl is probably the most protective being in the universe when it comes to Red Alert. You remember when Cliffjumper attacked you, Katie? What did his face look like?"
Katie nodded. "Yeah, he looked like he'd spilled acid on it. His face was all melted. Why?"
"Apparently," Knock Out said, like he was sharing red-hot gossip, "that was Prowl. The story goes that Cliffjumper wanted Red Alert for himself – Primus only knows why; she might be beautiful, but she's crazier than someone wearing white-wall tyres – and challenged Prowl. He lost. Prowl wields a set of two-of-a-kind acid beam pistols with only two settings – maim and kill. Obviously Cliffjumper got lucky."
Katie shivered. "Okay, that's nice. Can we get back to the base now? You guys are great and all, no offence, but I suddenly feel like hiding behind the badass sword-wielding gladiator leader and his walking missile launcher wife."
Breakdown laughed and accelerated off into the night.
- Autobot spacecraft "ACOLYTE"; on course for Earth; 23:00 UST -
"The remaining Combaticons have escaped, Red Alert." Prowl reported coldly. "How unfortunate."
"Yes, what a shame." Red Alert cooed. "I was so looking forward to dissecting Swindle. So annoying."
The red and white femme giggled, stretched out, catlike, in the commander's chair of the Acolyte. "Oh well. I suppose we'll have to join Prime after all." Red Alert looked at Prowl, manning the console beside her, and stroked his chin with a servo. "You'll come with me, won't you?" she asked, tilting her head and pouting childishly.
Prowl put a servo over hers. "Yes, Red Alert. Wherever you go, I go." he replied mechanically, nodding once. "Whomever you fight, I fight."
"Now, now." Red Alert chided. "We don't want to go and ruin our lovely relationship with dear Optimus, do we? No, we don't! So we do what we're told." She giggled madly. "For now."
"Optimus Prime's flagship is hailing us, Red Alert. Response or termination?" Prowl asked, one servo poised over the communications console and the other over the weapons control.
"Response. Oh, yes. Let's respond." Red Alert said happily. "We do like talking to Optimus, don't we." Prowl nodded and pressed a button, opening a comm call. Optimus Prime's huge black frame appeared, his shoulders hunched and his serrated teeth set in a snarl. Purple optics flashing, he tilted his inky black helm to the side.
"Red Alert. Such a...pleasure...to see you." he growled.
"Don't forget about poor Prowlie, now, Optimus!" Red Alert admonished. "You always forget about my dear Prowl."
Prime gnashed his teeth. "Prowl. Finally, someone competent." Prowl gave a tiny nod of acknowledgement but otherwise ignored the Prime, his stance aggressive; one servo placed just in front of Red Alert and the other still hovering over the weapons console.
"Oh, we do like seeing Optimus, don't we, Prowl?" Red Alert smiled sweetly. She rolled around in the commander's chair so that she was sitting upside-down with her legs hung up over the back of the chair. "Now, Optimus, we were just chasing some irritating little patients who weren't being nice to us; and they seem to have thought we were playing hide-and-seek! Isn't that strange?"
"Isn't it." Prime repeated dangerously. "Is there a point to this prattle, Red Alert?"
"Well, our patients are hiding on that planet down there! And we think it is very likely that they've gone, yes, gone and joined Megatron's simply horrid little band of rejects." Red Alert continued, inspecting her claws. "And since we're all such good friends, we thought that you might like to help us get our playmates back!" she finished brightly, her optics sparkling sickly green.
Prime snarled. "Of course. You are welcome to take the fugitive Combaticons. But hear this, Red Alert. Megatron is MINE."
Red Alert laughed girlishly. "Why so possessive, Optimus! We don't want Megatron. He's far too nasty to play with us – no, we only want the Combaticons." Her voice changed suddenly to a furious whisper. "Especially Swindle. I will tear Swindle's spark out of his chest while he's still online and he will watch while I rip it apart."
Prime raised an optic ridge. "Yes...well, your methods are unimportant. Rendezvous with my flagship and we will...discuss...this further." With that, Prime closed the comm connection.
"You heard Optimus, Prowl!" Red Alert trilled, her voice back to its unstable brightness. "He wants us to come to his ship...ooh, maybe he'll let us play with Cliffjumper again! Would we like that?" she asked, spinning around and lying sideways across her chair with her back arched like a cat.
Prowl nodded. "Yes, Red Alert. I think we would like to play with Cliffjumper." he answered slowly.
"We would like that. Yes! Set a course for the Sentinel, darling Prowl!" Red Alert ordered, giggling.
"Yes, Red Alert." Prowl typed a few commands and the Acolyte flew down towards the planet.
And Red Alert kept giggling to herself. She licked the tip of one of her claws.
"We do what we're told. For now."