The next week or so went by in a haze of sleep and recuperation. Now that he was thirty-three, soon to be thirty-four, the effects of wearing himself out to this extent were not the easiest to overcome. He wasn't about to lie and say that the rest wasn't completely warranted.

He didn't mind his stay in the hospital so much this time, most likely because he wasn't conscious for a good portion of it. Otherwise, Sakura had done plenty to distract him from the fact that he was stuck in bed, like sharing hospital gossip or playing crappy games of cards. For that he was grateful.

There weren't many visitors save for some nurses and Genma with the latest news around town. It would have been nice if Yamato weren't off doing…whatever he'd been assigned to do lately. He missed his old buddy and his level head, not to mention his willingness to do everything his favorite senpai asked of him. In Yamato's stead, Gai often took it upon himself to visit Kakashi's hospital room, shouting happily and giving him a headache with all the power and vigor of youth. The only youth it held any resemblance to was a newly genin Naruto, or Lee as the case was.

Much to Kakashi's delight, Sakura usually caught Gai in action and forcibly wheeled him out of the room, claiming her dear old sensei wasn't allowed visitors during his stay. Kakashi deeply wished the same principle applied to Tsunade, who liked to pop her head in just to keep him on his toes.

It was great that his fatigue didn't allow him much in the way of anxiety; a slow wavelength of dread hummed at the back of his mind instead. This Hokage business had never exactly been news to him, but it was now a reality he was highly unwilling to face. There wasn't a way out—at least not that he could come up with in the midst of his exhaustion.

His finger reached for the button by his side. Maybe Sakura could knock him into a coma.

Seconds later, a harried nurse walked into the room, the same one who'd been attending to him since yesterday. "Yes, Hatake-san?"

She didn't sound too thrilled, probably because he'd buzzed her several times that morning for no apparent reason, so he put on his sweetest eye-smile. "Is Sakura in?"

The nurse shifted her weight to one foot and crossed her arms. "Haruno-sensei is still in surgery. She's already been notified to come check on you afterward. Twice." Impatience cracked through her polite, forced expression. "Can I get you anything else while you're waiting?"

He smiled again. "A sponge bath would be nice."

"You've already had a shower today, Hatake-san." Her tone was one more commonly used with small children. "I'm going to go back to work now. Use the call button only if you're having an emergency, okay?" Without waiting for a response, she promptly turned and left.

As the door closed with a loud metallic clack, something occurred to Kakashi. With Gai annoying him all week and him annoying the nurse, he realized how easy it was to get on people's nerves enough to make them want to avoid him. He'd never actively tried to make people dislike him before, especially since he had to stop caring after a certain point in his life, but now it made so much sense.

Perhaps this was the perfect thing. Slowly but surely, he could annoy the living shit out of everyone in Konoha, and then no one would want him as Hokage.

He sank dejectedly into his pillow. Carrying that plan out required too much effort. Besides, all the jounin and officials would know what he was up to, Tsunade especially, and she'd rush the process just to get him out of her hair. It was a stupid, childish thought anyway, but he was too tired to come up with anything else. Something told him it would be easier to just do the damn job.

He rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Fuck me," he whispered to no one. Or so he thought.

"No thanks, this job is already doing that to me." Sakura had entered the room almost silently. Her hair was pulled back into a spiky mess of pink with bangs pinned haphazardly off her face. She looked grumpy and unkempt, which was kind of cute if he ignored the dark circles under her eyes. "I heard you made Michiko request a shift change."

"You mean my nurse today? She's a peach."

"I would be too if someone buzzed me eight times in two hours." Her lips quirked into a lopsided grin. "You must have been really bored if she came to tell me while I was wrist-deep in someone's skull."

"I am bored," he said as she moved his bed so that he was sitting up halfway, then sank tiredly into the chair at his side. "If I recall, a certain favorite student of mine promised to dictate a certain favorite series of mine."

Sakura chuckled and reached between them to grab a book from the nightstand. Briefly he remembered how this used to embarrass the hell out of him, and he wondered if he would regret letting her read it aloud. But he was still too sore to hold up the book for longer than a few minutes, and it was giving him porn withdrawals. And, he justified, she was a medical professional. She'd seen her fair share of genitalia and the like, and if he'd seen her murder zombie soldiers with her bare hands, he could handle her reading him some trashy erotica. No big deal.

"You know," she drawled thoughtfully, reclining in her chair and turning the teal book over in her hands, "when I was your student, what, ten years ago?" Her nose wrinkled and eyes glinted as they scanned the back of the novel. "I was dying to know what was in these things. But I kind of completely lost interest after I found out Jiraiya wrote them."

Tsunade had surely bred that difference in taste. "Are you saying you don't appreciate the greatest literary mind this village has ever produced?"

"God, no." Her stage-whisper was thoroughly scandalized. "I'll never forget when I went on that mission with him and Naruto. I mean, he never said anything weird to me, but with every other woman he was a wild card. Total lech. And for some reason they all loved it." After a pause, she shuddered and made a disgusted noise.

"Don't you think he had a certain charm?" He was just teasing her, but she gave him a dark look.

"Uh, he let fourteen-year-old Naruto lose his virginity to a prostitute, Kakashi-sensei. I wouldn't exactly say that counts as charming."

It was Kakashi's turn to shudder. "I really did not need to know that."

"Well, I didn't either, so now we're even." With a huff, Sakura plopped the book onto her stomach and glanced up at him. Her hair was mashed against the wall, fanning out like a pink cloud behind her head. "So, while we're on the subject of total debauchery, where would you like to start today?"

Hmm. If that was Tactics, he'd have to try and remember which parts were lighter on the porn… "Chapter eight?"

"Chapter eight it is." She wriggled a bit to get comfortable, feet on the side of the bed. "Can I have a blanket? It's freezing in here."

He handed her the pink blanket Genma had brought him. The thing had to be Shizune's, unless his friend knew how to quilt—it was in far too good a condition, too soft, and smelled too clean to be owned by a usually-single man in his thirties. Sakura wrapped it around her shoulders, humming with contentment as she cocooned herself.

Once settled, she thumbed through the pages until she found the chapter. Sadly, he'd lost his sharingan before he had thought to fully memorize the last volume of the series, so he had to wait for whatever came with that increasingly suspicious look on her face. Her eyes scanned the book as though it were an ancient scroll full of secret medical jutsu. Uh oh.

"Actually, on second thought, I changed my mind."

"Aw, come on. It can't be worse than anything Ino lends me." Sakura was turning pages back and forth now, trying to get some context, he assumed. "If I hate it, I'll stop."

That was guaranteed to keep this whole thing rather brief, so he allowed it, giving her the go-ahead with a reluctant motion of his hand.

There was a moment before she cleared her throat for show, then began, "Natsumi was breathless, her lover's confession still ringing in her ears. But Katsuo had only been telling her the truth—at least the one he wanted her to believe." Her voice trailed off as she let out a disbelieving laugh. "Kakashi-sensei…this is so bad."

"Told you." She had a nice reading voice, animated and melodic; he filed that information away for the next time he was hospitalized. Maybe he'd find something safer for her to read.

A giggle bubbled from her throat. "Her breasts heaved as she gasped for air, tears sparkling in her beautiful eyes. 'Oh, Katsuo-sama…I don't know what to say.'" Sakura's voice was high, breathy, totally dramatic as she read Natsumi's line. "He wiped the glistening drop from her cheek. 'Then don't say anything,'" she quoted, her voice going comically deep. "Taking her in his arms, he captured her lips with his own, feeling her moan against his mouth'—wait, she's already moaning? He hasn't even done anything yet!"

Kakashi only spared her a sidelong glance, hoping this was just a kissing scene instead of the prelude to a huge sex scene. He really couldn't remember. That was disappointing and a little frightening in the current circumstances.

"'Katsuo,' Natsumi whispered, trembling in his embrace.'" Sakura's free hand moved theatrically as she spoke. "'His hands traced her perfect hourglass figure, one settling in the curve of her delicate waist and the other caressing her voluptuous breast as he kissed her with abandon. He felt himself grow hard'—are you serious? This is ridiculous. Honestly."

As she read, he recalled why he'd been so embarrassed before. When someone else made him aware of how the writing sounded out of context, it was hard—well, perhaps difficult was a better word—not to get self-conscious.

"Fun's over," he murmured, face heating to an uncomfortable degree as he reached for the book. This was definitely leading to the sex scene. It must have been chapter seven he was looking for, unfortunately.

Sakura only held it out of his grasp looking like the cat who ate the canary. He should have recalled sooner that the only thing stronger than her fist was her sense of spite when challenged.

"A promise is a promise, sensei," she sang, green eyes bright with a mix of mischief and slap-happiness, and then settled back into her previous position. This had been a terrible idea. He seemed to have a bad history of agreeing to things he hated.

"'She gasped when he pressed himself against her, looking seductively at him from beneath her thick lashes. He felt her hand slipping beneath the waistband of his pants.' …Oh, please. He's already getting off? What the hell did he say to her?" She snickered not entirely unlike Tsunade, intently absorbing the words in front of her.

"Stop," he protested, face feeling red as a beet, but she wasn't really paying attention.

"I don't…How can you read this and enjoy it? It's so unrealistic. The way he describes things sounds worse than when Naruto and I went at it."

"I'm sorry—what?" Kakashi was certainly getting an earful today. He hadn't been bored enough to listen to this shit.

"If he says 'voluptuous' one more time, I'm going to explode." She sucked in a breath suddenly before emitting a shocked breath of laughter. "Yikes, looks like Katsuo just did, all over—"

"Sakura." The desperation finally made her look up at him, and he could tell when she noticed how utterly awkward he felt. It would be impossible not to; he was probably blushing down to his knees. God.

"Fine, I'm stopping." The smile she offered was sheepish as she lost momentum, but still highly entertained. "I forgot you can't read this out loud. I wouldn't either if people knew I was into something this terrible."

"Uh, yeah." He coughed. "I'm actually surprised you did it at all."

"You agreed to it, remember?" Sakura set the book unceremoniously on his chest, then leaned back to burrow herself in the blanket.

"If I recall correctly, I was pretty tired when you offered. Speaking of which, aren't you tired?" Her surgery had to have taken hours if she'd been indisposed all day.

"Mhmm. That's probably why I didn't stop reading after the first sentence." A deep yawn warped the words. "But that doesn't keep me from backing out of my commitments."

"You sound like Naruto," he said, amused. That philosophy probably made her job pretty damn exhausting.

She hummed with closed eyes. "I kinda miss him. He's been on a mission for a few weeks and he's not due back for at least one more."

"Hmm. I bet Ichiraku is suffering without their number-one customer."

"I don't think Tsunade's ever been happier in her life. Being in ANBU hasn't exactly stopped him from being obnoxious." Air blew out of her nose in an attempt to laugh, but she was definitely starting to fall asleep.

"I'll bet." Her slow, even breaths confirmed his observation. "Aren't you on a shift?" He asked this less out of concern and more out of amusement—Kakashi was hardly one to talk when it came to lazing around during work hours.

"Eh, I probably deserve a break. Wake me up if someone's dying."

Well, he couldn't do much to stop her. At any rate, Sakura did deserve a break. This place probably sucked the life out of her, and given her skills, she had to be in high demand. Not to mention that she had to take care of him on top of it all.

Once she was deeply asleep, Kakashi didn't have a whole lot to do. He could try to read, but he thought it necessary to put today's incident out of his mind before being able to fully enjoy the story again. He could call the nurse for some food, but she might chew his head off if she hadn't already switched wards, and he was pretty positive Sakura had snatched the call button while he was distracted. Plus, it might get her in trouble for sleeping on the job, which he presumed wouldn't go over too well.

He simply decided to wait until she woke up, or until he fell asleep too.

.

.

.

Funnily enough, both happened, and around the same time to boot.

The door slammed open with enough force to crack the wall it swung against. Kakashi woke with a start, forgetting where he was and that he'd slept at all.

"Whoops." It was Tsunade, of course. She looked at the gaping hole in the drywall, then at Kakashi, then at a sleeping Sakura. "Should I even ask?"

"Not what it looks like," he said plainly after realizing that Sakura had moved over the course of her nap, and boy, did she like to get cozy. Her head was resting on her arms, which were resting at his hip, and her face was turned toward the elbow which edged dangerously close to his lap.

"Sakura." Tsunade clapped, and Kakashi had the sudden feeling that this napping thing was a routine occurrence. "Get up."

"Mmnh." The sound was uncannily similar to a dying animal.

"Get up, girl. I know you can hear me."

"Five more minutes," she mumbled into Kakashi's thigh, sliding her cheek across her forearm and subsequently getting far too close for comfort. Involuntarily, panicked, he sent a pleading look to Tsunade—unlike she might've been, he was definitely not used to this—but she just sniggered evilly, hand on her hip.

"I think you're about to give Kakashi an aneurysm."

"Kakashi?" Sakura frowned, confused, then immediately lifted her head to stare at him with drowsy eyes, widening as she looked at her current position and removing herself with a faint blush. "Oh. Sorry, sensei…that probably wasn't the most comfortable hour of your life."

It had actually been two and a half hours if the clock was accurate, but he didn't correct her.

"I would beg to differ," Tsunade scoffed. "That's probably the most action he's gotten in years."

He couldn't exactly deny that, but she didn't give him a chance to even try as Sakura leaned forward to high-five her. Between this and Icha Icha it wasn't quite turning out to be his day.

"To be fair, I've been running your errands for however long it's been." He scratched his head, sweeping the hair out of his eyes. "Doesn't quite give me a chance to work my magic."

"Hn. That didn't stop Jiraiya." She let out a hard laugh. "I guess it doesn't matter either way. You're both repulsive."

He wasn't supposed to mention it, but of course, he did anyway. "Now, Tsunade-sama, should you really be saying that about your future—"

"Shut your damn mouth, brat." Her thoroughly frustrated exhale was pretty satisfying. "Anyway, I wouldn't exactly say it's a good thing you're both here, but at least it saves me a trip."

Something dawned on Sakura that made her sit up straight. "Wait, it's already—"

"Yes, Sakura, it's already four," Tsunade sighed. "Don't sweat it. Your craniotomy this morning was pretty damn impressive, so I'll let it go."

"Thanks, shishou." Sakura was visibly relieved, if slightly chagrined. She might have been the only person who could get away with this stuff. That was a pretty admirable thing in itself.

"What I'd like to discuss with you two is Kakashi's recovery." He suppressed any obvious negative reactions. "I need you back in shape as soon as possible. I'm sending you out again in two weeks. There's a new trade agreement we're establishing with the other kages, so you'll essentially be representing me, making sure everything is in order. Think of it as a few months of paid vacation."

Her sharp amber glare conveyed the message loud and clear: Make a good impression on them, and don't you dare embarrass me. He indicated his understanding with a slow nod. "I can do that."

"So he's making a round trip through every country?" Sakura's question held a note of envy behind her concern and doubt. "After the way he came back from his last mission?"

"That's where you come in." Tsunade stepped closer to her, arms crossed loosely but with authority. "He will not be going anywhere without a medic until you two return to Konoha. And before you leave, I want you to work on getting his leg strengthened and his chakra stabilized. You know what to do."

An affirmative nod from Sakura was all her master needed, it seemed. As Sakura's former teacher and team leader, Kakashi knew she was diligent and an absolute perfectionist—traits she'd exhibited far before her years of training with the Godaime—and the reminder was a comfort. Out of all his other teammates, it was a relief to know he'd been paired with her.

The only downside was that there was no way she'd let him conveniently go missing-nin.

"Shishou," Sakura began with some hesitance, head resting thoughtfully against the wall, "how long is this going to keep me from work? Shizune and I are in the preliminary stages of creating those synthetic neurotoxins, and I'm still working on that noninvasive blade ninjutsu."

Kakashi blinked, reeling a bit. He had no idea her job entailed this much effort. No wonder she slept like the dead.

Tsunade only shrugged. "They can wait for a few months. Shizune has a lot going on with helping me organize the obstetric ward's redevelopment, so you'd have to put the experiments on the back burner anyway."

Sakura's cheek sucked in as she chewed the inside, something clearly still bothering her. Her complete lack of poker face was another trait she apparently had yet to let go of. "Okay."

"I have thought this out, you know." A wry smile hinted at the corners of Tsunade's mouth. "You may feel like you've been demoted to babysitter—which, let's be honest, you have." A pointed look was sent toward Kakashi. "But this is the most important thing you could be doing for me right now. You won't be missing anything. Take my word for it."

That assuaged Sakura enough to unfurl some of the tension in her shoulders. "Okay. I will."

"Good." A moment lingered where she gazed at Sakura, a subtle pride smoothing her brow, but it vanished completely when she turned to him. "Buck up, Hatake. You're out of here by five on Friday."

Less than two days. Thank God. He was starting to get a little stir-crazy. "Yes ma'am."

"And if you waste Sakura's time, I'll break your other leg."

"Of course, Hokage-sama."

"Excellent. Glad we're on the same page." Tsunade suddenly tossed the clipboard under her arm to her apprentice who caught it with ease. "Come on, Sakura. We've got work to do."

"Yes, shishou." As Tsunade stepped away, Sakura gave him a short wave. "Thanks for letting me hide here. That's probably the most I've slept all week."

"No problem. Just come wipe up this drool later, if you don't mind." He closed his eyes into a fake smile as she scoffed and gave his knee a lighthearted push, and then she hopped up and dashed out of the room.

Once he was alone, Kakashi drew the hastily discarded blanket over his head and shoulders, enveloping himself in pink-tinted darkness, and hoped to separate himself from reality for a moment or two. It was close to impossible, though, so he didn't waste the effort on preventing his mind from turning.

If he'd deduced correctly, Tsunade was giving him several months to butter up the other kages as much as possible, as well as give him some downtime to get his shit together. Perhaps, too, it was an apology from both her and ANBU for the disastrous last mission. Pain in the ass that they were, Kakashi didn't mind being assigned the action-free diplomatic conquests, but this one felt more like a last hoorah than some sort of beginning for his new life and position.

He supposed that having Sakura there would make it a little less miserable. She'd keep him in line better than anyone else, and he got along with her more easily than their other teammates—sometimes Yamato included. It still felt like he hardly knew her, though, even after all their years of working together. But what he did know was that she was trustworthy and level-headed in a crisis, of which he was sure there would be many in the coming months, and that was all that was important.

His hands dragged over his face, pulling down his mask and scrubbing wearily over his skin, and he had the distinct impression that this would be the least strange day he'd experience for a long while. And if that was the case, then in the meantime he'd have to try not to lose his goddamn mind.

.

.

.

When he was finally discharged from the hospital, Kakashi was free to have his existential crisis in peace.

As he strolled through the streets of Konoha, his pace leisurely from remaining soreness, some abstract and unnameable concoction of emotion pulsed through him. The waves were slow at first as he took in the familiar sights of food stands he frequented and rooftops where he often read or hid. He passed the house where he'd grown up with his dad, walked over the bridge leading to the training grounds, saw the Hokage monument everywhere he went. There were hundreds of people milling around town—families, shinobi, academy students, civilians—and he wondered how much they knew about him, or how much they cared. How much they would care if he ran this place and the country beyond its gates.

No matter how many times he pictured it, he loathed the thought of taking this job, resented the pressure of always being the one they turned to when all else failed. Throughout his life he'd known plenty of other people whose dream was to become Hokage, had even watched some die for their cause. Kakashi was not one of those people. He never had been, and he wasn't about to pretend to be.

With a long sigh, he decided to pick up some takeout and make his way home. If he didn't want to do the job, well, he'd just have to find someone who did.

.

a/n: I kind of accidentally lied—it's the next few chapters you'll probably have to wait a bit longer for. this fic is the only light I have in the dark world of university bullshit and finals...or something like that. so yeah, I'm definitely writing this actively, just slowly since I unfortunately have real life to tend to. kakashi and I would both appreciate ur love and patience in these trying times.