Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Quick Side Note: BaileyMac from "Twilighted. net" brought to my attention the fact that Bella and Edward are off of work for four weeks. I'm sorry I didn't explain this. I just figured we would all assume they got time off. They are both in pretty high standing in their respective jobs and it's not like they've taken any vacation time in the last three months so it wasn't difficult for them to get the time off. As for the rest of the family: they all live in Seattle and most of them own their own businesses so it isn't hard for them to take a few days off at a time. Hope it's okay I didn't go too in detail with this, but thanks again to BaileyMac for reminding me of this little aspect :)
Author's Note: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! You guys are all awesome and for all of you who are feeling bad for Edward…you will probably appreciate this chapter. Keep in mind, the end of this chapter is a little bit heartbreaking, but it is going to get better. This was just really unavoidable and definitely necessary. It is actually my favorite chapter so far so I hope you all enjoy it!
Edward POV
I could not believe I had actually gotten on the fucking floor. How did that woman make me get on the fucking floor.
I sighed again and rolled over onto my other side, pulling the small blanket over myself a little more. I was on the ground, at the foot of the bed, cursing every one and any one within a thousand mile radius because I couldn't bring myself to curse her.
She was nice and warm and cuddly on the giant king sized bed while I had tossed and turned on the God damn floor for the last two hours. She hadn't even shifted once. Finally, with another loud huff—I was trying to wake her up on purpose, I'm not gonna lie—I got up off the floor, tossed the blanket onto one of the chairs, and quietly opened the door to the bedroom, stepping out into the hallway and closing it quietly behind me.
"What'chya doin?"
I jumped at the sudden voice behind me, startled. Turning around, I caught sight of Alice watching me with an amused expression on her face as I clutched my chest and tried to slow down my heavy breathing and erratic heart beat.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Alice!" I hissed. "What are you trying to do, kill me?" I asked, only half joking.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head at me. "Always such a drama queen, Edward. I was just going to check on you and Bella. See if you two were hungry. Mom and dad called. They'll be here in a couple of hours. Is Bella awake?"
"No, she's asleep on the bed," I said a little too harshly as I glared at the floor. I looked up when Alice remained silent and saw that she was watching me curiously, trying to read my expression. "It's really comfortable, we love it," I added quickly to try and salvage what I could of my obvious fuck up.
"Uh huh," she answered, seemingly unconvinced as she crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at me.
"So you mentioned food earlier?" I said, trying to divert her from where this conversation was headed. "I'm actually starving." I managed my signature crooked smile as I brushed past her and headed down the steps. I glanced over my shoulder and saw her in the same position, staring at the bedroom door. I sighed and shook my head as I rounded the corner and walked into the kitchen.
My mother had mentioned she was remodeling this place a few years ago, but I hadn't been here in a while. It was beautiful. The refrigerator was stainless steel, the cabins were a dark maple wood, and the counters were black granite—her favorite.
I focused my gaze on Jasper, who was seated on a stool at the counter, devouring an enormous sandwich and flipping through a magazine. A small chuckle escaped my mouth at the sight of 'Mr. Always Put Together' going totally apeshit on that sandwich like it was going to disappear or something.
His head snapped up in my direction and he somehow managed to swallow the bite in his mouth before offering me a sheepish smile and shrug. "Want one?" he offered.
I laughed and shook my head, but within minutes, I too had made myself a skyscraper of a sandwich and sat one stool away from Jasper as I dug into it.
We sat in compatible silence for a few moments, just eating and looking at the magazine Jasper had, when the girls emerged from upstairs.
"Hey, guys," Alice said cheerfully. I smiled at her and thanked whoever was listening to my pleas for making Alice let whatever was on her mind earlier go.
"Hey, girls," Jasper replied, glancing up at them. "Bella, you sleep well? That bed sure is comfortable isn't it?"
I nearly choked on the bite in my mouth and everyone looked at me with a panicked expression. Everyone—that is—except Bella, who just stood there with a knowing smile on her face and the most fucking amused expression I had ever seen.
Jasper smacked my back a couple times and Alice handed me a bottle of water which I swallowed graciously. After a few more coughs and sips of water, I felt better. I let out a breathy sigh and thanked everyone for their help, looking pointedly at Bella when I did so.
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" she asked. She actually sounded sincere and the thought made me just stare at her completely stunned as she approached me, standing in between my parted legs. I knew she was just playing along with our façade, but still. That was fucking good acting on her part. Even I bought it.
"I'm fine," I managed, shifting a bit uncomfortably. "I'm fine. No big deal," I repeated—seemingly flustered—before turning around and finishing the rest of my sandwich slowly.
Jasper just laughed—no, he fucking guffawed—and Alice just put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Jazz. Help me put the clean sheets on mom and dad's bed," Alice said in her exasperated tone of voice.
I watched as poor Jasper finished the last huge bite of his sandwich in one swallow before he trudged over to the sink, put his plate in, and then followed Alice upstairs a little less than enthusiastically. Once they were gone, Bella and I both turned to each other and openly glared at one another.
"That went well," I said quietly, taking my plate and rinsing it in the sink.
"Yea," she said as she followed and stood beside me, leaning against the counter by the sink. "And next time you start choking…just remember to swallow," she finished seductively before smirking and giving me a hard pat on the back.
I just stood there, mouth gaping open, watching her retreating form. And still gaping at the empty kitchen after she left.
Did she really just say that to me?
This was going to be hell. And she wasn't going to make it any easier.
XxXxX
My parents arrived some time around midnight, but we had all already gone into our own rooms to sleep. I only heard them come in because there was no way in hell I could fall asleep on the fucking hard ass floor.
With a heavy sigh, I got up off the floor and padded my way towards the side of the bed that Bella was not occupying. Slowly, as not to wake her, I lifted the covers and climbed into bed, all the while holding my breath. I gradually lay back on the bed and closed my eyes contentedly. The second my head hit that pillow, I was gone.
I don't know how long I had been out, but suddenly something soft hit me on the head—hard. I squinted my eyes and turned over onto my other side only to have it hit my back.
"What the f—" I groaned as I sat up sleepily and turned to my right side.
Oh shit.
Bella looked mad. No, actually, she looked fucking livid. Even in the darkness of the room I could make out her fury. She had her pillow clutched in her hand in a major death grip and her eyes were blazing with rage as she glared at me.
"'What the fuck' is right," she spat back. "What the fuck are you doing in my bed?" she demanded angrily.
"Your bed?" I prodded, knowing I shouldn't push her, but being unable to contain my own frustration. "I believe this is myparent's beach house, so technically? This is my bed."
I saw her face fall a little at the truth in my words, but then she jutted out her chin all defiantly and smirked. "Well they're my in-laws so technically they're my parents too," she retorted smugly.
"Not for much longer," I said in a quieter voice, repeating her sentiments from earlier.
She seemed taken aback by my words for a few minutes before she finally composed herself and sighed shaking her head. "Edward, you can't sleep here," she said, her voice five octaves softer than it had been just moments ago.
"Bella," I whined—yea, fucking whined like a five-year-old who wanted cookies before dinner. "I can't sleep on the floor and I'm exhausted. Please. I won't touch you. I won't look at you. Fuck, I'll duct tape my hands to the bedpost if you want."
I could see her calculating all of this in her head, trying to come to a conclusion. Finally, after three long ass minutes—yea I was counting—she sighed, defeated, and placed her pillow back behind her head, laying down on her back and pulling the covers up to her chest.
"Fine," she said grudgingly. "Stay on your side." Her voice sounded hard and hateful and a part of me died away with it.
"Done," I stated with finality.
I lay back down and closed my eyes once again. I felt shifting on the bed and turned to see Bella had rolled over onto her side, facing away from me. A part of me wanted to go to her, wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me all night. I felt so empty sleeping without her—something I would never admit to anyone else.
The other part of me despised her for making me miss her so much, and need her so much. She took every part of me with her when she left and I wanted it back. I wanted her to give it all back.
With a deep breath, I rolled over onto my side and faced her. I kept a good distance between us, but just so I could gain some closure, I extended my arm across the bed so it lay between us. If this was as close as I could get to her, then I would take it.
XxXxX
I woke up the next morning with something very warm pressed against my side. I was lying on my back and my arm was wrapped around whatever this warmth was. I blinked and rubbed my eyes a few times to get rid of the sleepiness before glancing beside me and seeing Bella cuddled up to me. Her faced was pressed into my neck and my arm was wrapped around her with my hand resting on the small of her back, holding her to me securely.
I didn't want to wake her up, but I also didn't want to move from the position we were currently in. It was obvious she was the one who had come closer to me in her sleep because I was still fully on my side of the bed. Judging from the way she had freaked out on the plane when she had fallen asleep on my shoulder, I decided it was best to get out of bed before she woke up.
Slowly, I unwrapped my arm around her and she seemed to groan in her sleep from the movement. I held my breath and easily slid out from underneath her, putting my pillow in my place. She snuggled up close to it and I felt a pang of jealousy that a simple down pillow could offer her the same level of comfort that I had been doing.
I took the moment to just watch Bella. I always loved waking up earlier than her and just watching her sleep beside me. She was so beautiful when she slept; so carefree and peaceful. During the day she always had worry lines around her eyes, but at night she didn't have a care in the world.
I took another deep breath and raked my fingers through my already disheveled hair before silently walking to the large bathroom and closing the door behind me. I washed my face and brushed my teeth with one of the two toothbrushes that Alice had obviously set out for us. I contemplated taking a shower, but decided it would probably wake Bella and she seemed to need her rest right now.
I mutely walked out of the bathroom and out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me, as I made my way down the stairs. I could hear soft voices coming from the kitchen and recognized my mother's immediately as I stepped in the entryway.
My mother, Esme, was sitting at the kitchen bar with Alice while my sister-in-law, Rosalie, was standing across from them, sipping coffee from her mug. I was surprised I hadn't heard Emmett's booming voice when they arrived last night, but then I realized it was because I had been sleeping on the floor and by the time I finally got on the bed, I was absolutely exhausted.
"Well, well, well," Alice's voice broke me out of my musings. I looked at her and glared. "Look who finally pulled himself away from the cave. It's just after noon," she stated matter-of-factly before taking a satisfied sip of her tea.
My eyes widened and I glanced at the clock on the microwave. Sure enough it read 12:13 p.m. "Holy shit," I groaned, completely shocked that we had slept for most of the morning.
"Edward!" Rosalie chastised from where she was standing near the counter. "Is that how you say 'hello' to your mother and favorite sister-in-law?"
I turned to her and smirked. "Rose, you're my only sister-in-law."
"Screw you, Edward!" she yelled, putting her hands on her hips.
My smirk only widened. "You'd like that wouldn't you. Too bad Emmett got to you first, huh?" I said teasingly, knowing very well that I was getting under her skin. I winked at her and she huffed and rolled her eyes at me before going to the sink to wash some of the dishes.
I sighed and went up behind her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders in a tight hug, planting a big, wet, sloppy kiss on the side of her face. "I missed you, Rose."
"Ew!" she shrieked, wiping the side of her head where I had kissed her, before pushing me away. I could see the corners of her mouth lifting up into a small smile and I took that as my 'hello.' I finally turned around and walked over to where my mother was sitting on the bar stool, watching our exchange with amusement.
"Hey, mom," I said, smiling at her as I hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead.
"Oh, Edward," she sighed contentedly, hugging me back fiercely. I pulled away and saw my mother's eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "You and Bella need to come see us more often. You live too far away," she said sadly, trying very hard to put on a brave face.
I gave her a small smile in return and nodded. "I'm sorry. Bella and I…we've been busy." Getting divorced, I added silently.
She nodded in understanding before placing one hand on my cheek and stroking it with the back of her thumb. "We just miss the two of you is all."
I grabbed her hand that was on my face and squeezed gently before leaning in and kissing her cheek. "I love you, mom."
"I love you too, Edward," she replied, smiling again. This time it reached her eyes.
"Speaking of Bella," Rosalie interrupted obnoxiously. She had finished with the dishes and was standing beside Alice on the other side of the kitchen bar. Both of them had re-filled their cups once again. "Where is the little she-devil?"
I smirked, but for different reasons. If only Rosalie knew how true her words really were.
"The she-devil has a name."
We all turned our attention to where Bella was standing in the entryway of the kitchen, her hands on her hips as she looked at Rosalie with a mock glare. She still had on her
pajamas like all of us, but I cold tell she had brushed her hair before she came downstairs—that thing was always a chicken's nest when she woke up in the mornings.
"Bella!" Rosalie squealed in excitement before running the ten steps over to where Bella was. The two hugged and smiled for a few seconds before Rosalie pulled away and looked at Bella from head to toe, as if she was looking for any signs of change since we had seen them last Christmas. "You're still beautiful, Bella," she said appraisingly as she pulled her in for another hug. When they pulled away, Rosalie turned and gave me a mock glare. "I'm surprised you still haven't screwed this up yet, Edward," she said jokingly.
I swallowed the hard lump I felt forming in my throat as the truth in her words stabbed me with a thousand knives. I chanced a glance at Bella and saw she was staring at me intensely, obviously not sure how to react to Rose's comment.
Thankfully my mother chose that moment to speak up, sensing that the room had gone eerily quiet. "Oh, Bella," she gasped, getting up from her stool and walking around the counter to where Bella was still standing next to Rosalie. "I missed you so much." She pulled Bella in for a tight hug.
"So!" Alice said, clapping her hands together. "I was thinking that we should all go down to the lake today and ride dad's new boat. It's so beautiful, Edward. You'll love it." I looked up at Alice and nodded curtly since she was only looking at me.
"Great," Alice chirped excitedly. "Dad, Jasper, and Emmett are getting everything set up on the dock right now. Do you guys wanna just meet down there once everyone's dressed?" she asked, looking at each person in the room.
I didn't really offer any input, but everyone else nodded silently and we all began filing out of the kitchen and heading upstairs to our respective rooms. My mom and dad had opted to take the room downstairs so all the 'kids' could have the top floor to themselves.
I sighed as Rosalie and Alice went into their separate rooms and I followed Bella into ours. I closed the door behind us as she stomped to the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her. After a few moments, I heard the water running and realized she was taking a shower. Realizing I wouldn't have time to take one myself, I started stripping off my pajamas. I took my swim trunks out of my suitcase and pulled them on before putting on a simple white t-shirt. I shuffled around my two suitcases, searching for the lone pair of flip flops I had brought for occasions such as this until I finally found them buried at the bottom of one of my bags.
After I was fully dressed, I decided to help Bella get ready quicker so I went into her suitcase and pulled out the first bikini I could get my hands on. It was easy to find since everything in Bella's suitcase was ordered a certain way. I put the bikini set on the bed and also pulled out a skirt and simple top, figuring since I had come this far, might as well complete the ensemble. She would probably bitch a fit, but I would rather Bella yell at me instead of Alice chewing us out for being late.
With a final deep breath, I opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway to give her some privacy. Alice, Rose, and my mother had obviously gone down to the lake already because I couldn't hear them talking anymore. I sighed and took a seat on the first step, scrubbing my hands over my face before running them through my hair in frustration and shaking my head.
How were we going to pull this off? It was one thing to be in the same room with each other and fool everyone into thinking we were fine, but I knew they would get suspicious if we never went near each other. Some PDA was definitely needed, as much as it might pain us both.
A few more minutes went by before the door to the bedroom finally opened. I looked up and saw Bella standing in the doorway, wearing the outfit I had laid out for her. I smirked before getting up and watching as she walked over to me hesitantly.
"Um…did…did you go into my suitcase?" she asked in a small voice, looking down at her feet. She looked so fucking nervous and timid. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to kiss her.
I was getting hard.
Fuck.
Sweet, shy Bella always gave me a hard-on. Every. Fucking. Time.
"Uh, y-yeah," I answered honestly, rubbing the back of my neck and anticipating her to blow up at me for going through her shit.
"Thanks," she said quietly, finally looking up to meet my gaze.
I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open like a fish. Her response shocked me to no end. I was expecting to be fully chewed out for doing that for her, but here she was, looking at me with shy and uncertain eyes, and actually thanking me. I didn't know what to say.
"You're welcome," I answered. Fucking smooth.
A few awkward moments passed before I suddenly realized we had probably been taking far too long and everyone would most likely be wondering where we were.
"Uh, after you," I said as I stepped aside and allowed Bella to walk down the stairs first. I did it to be a gentleman. And to check out her ass in that mini jean skirt she had on. I smirked at my choice of clothing for her. Fucking genius.
We walked in complete silence down the side of the house to where the wooden steps were that would lead us down to the lake. Bella slipped a few times so I held onto her arm the rest of the way down to keep her from hurting herself.
I could see my family already on the boat as my father and Emmett worked to get the sail up. We finally walked onto the small dock and over to the boat. I went in first and then helped Bella climb in; the last thing we needed was for her to fall into the water and start drowning. She wasn't a very good swimmer and the actual shock of falling in would probably slow down her reflexes.
"Edward!" my older brother Emmett bellowed loudly, making his way over to Bella and I. "Good to see you again, sis," he said, smiling a dimpled smile at Bella and wrapping her in a tight bear hug; I wasn't sure if she could breathe.
"Hey, Emmett," she choked out before finally being able to pull away and catch her breath.
He laughed and looked at me. "Hey, bro," he said. We did one of those manly high five hug type of things before he looked at us both like we were all in on some inside joke. "So what took you guys so long? Getting a little exercise up in that master bedroom of yours?" he laughed, making a few crude jesters before Rosalie smacked his arm and glared at him.
"Emmett, stop harassing them," my father, Carlisle chastised as he came over and greeted Bella and I each with a warm smile. "Hey, you too," he said, first enveloping Bella in a warm hug and then turning to give me one as well.
"Hey, dad," I greeted happily. Of everyone in my family, I probably missed my parents the most. They were the ones who were always there for me through everything and I knew they always would be; which was more then I could say for some people.
He pulled away from me and smiled again at Bella before clapping his hands and walking over to the steering wheel of the boat. "Alright, everyone all set?" he asked enthusiastically.
Everyone nodded excitedly as Emmett started the motor. After a few minutes of prepping, we finally left the dock and started on a nice, even pace down the lake.
I took an ice cold beer that Jasper handed me before sitting on the cushions that were encircled on the front of the boat. Jasper sat down beside me and took a nice, long drink of his own.
"So how's it feel being somebody's fiancé?" I asked, taking a swig of my own delicious alcoholic beverage.
He laughed and sighed, looking to where Bella and Alice were talking animatedly across from us. "It feels like I'm basically on top of the world, as cheesy as that sounds," he replied sincerely. "What about you, though? How are things in married land? You guys poppin out babies anytime soon?"
I raised my eyebrows at his choice of words and then laughed, almost spitting out my beer in the process. "Did you seriously just fucking say that?" I asked.
He smirked and shrugged, taking another long drink. "What can I say? I'm ready to be an uncle," he said, looking at me pointedly.
I sighed and looked over at Bella. She looked so comfortable sitting there talking and laughing with my sister. That used to be us. That should still be us.
"I don't know. Things are a little…complicated right now. I don't think now's the best time to have kids," I answered carefully. It wasn't a lie. It was just a carefully worded truth.
"Well, get on that soon. You guys have been married for three years. What are you waiting for, an invitation?" he asked sarcastically, completely oblivious to how uncomfortable this conversation was making me.
I forced a small chuckle and caught Bella's eyes from across the boat. Alice was talking to her excitedly about the wedding, but Bella just continued staring at me, obviously having heard the direction of mine and Jasper's conversation.
We sailed for a little while longer until the sun finally went down and my mother and father announced we would be having a small bon fire by the lake. Everyone exited the boat after it docked and the guys went to get the food to grill on the barbecue while the girls went about setting up a fold up table next to where the fire would be. They placed chairs all around the small fire pit where we would sit and have drinks after dinner.
Upon returning, I couldn't help but notice that we were short two chairs. I glanced at Bella and noticed her biting her lip apprehensively, eyeing the chairs as if it would make two more appear.
"Alice, we need more chairs," I said as I helped her with getting the paper plates and utensils out of the bag and setting them on the table.
"I know, but these are the only ones we have," she answered apologetically. "I'll just sit on Jazz's lap and Bella can sit on yours."
"I don't think that's fair," I replied, trying not to sound as put out as I truly was.
She just laughed and shook her head as she got the napkins out. "Come on, Edward. If mom sits on dad's lap then that would just be awkward for all of us. And you know Rosalie's not going to want to be in the cross fire of Emmett and hamburgers so…you're going to have to take one for the team," she said as she patted my back and walked over to help my dad and Emmett with the grill.
I sighed and closed my eyes, willing my frustration at the situation to just go the fuck away. Why was this so difficult? After three months of holding in all of my anger and anxiety, I was starting to get fed up. I could feel myself reaching the breaking point and I wasn't sure how much longer I could go putting up this fake façade.
The truth was I had been a complete mess for these last three months after Bella walked out on me. And the thing that pissed me off the most was that I hadn't done anything wrong. She had been the one kissing somebody else; I wasn't. She was the one who cheated on me; I hadn't. Yet she was the one who was pissed off and I was the one begging for forgiveness.
Fuck that. I was sick of being everyone's personal punching bag. I didn't deserve it.
"Edward!"
I was brought out of my morbid thoughts by Emmett's loud, obnoxious voice. I looked over at him and saw that everyone was seated at the table, ready to dig into the hamburgers and hot dogs that my father and Emmett had made. Apparently I had been day dreaming longer than I thought.
I forced a small smile before going to sit in the empty seat next to Bella with Emmett on my right on the bench. My mother handed me a paper plate with a hamburger on it which I handed to Bella before getting my own.
Halfway through the meal, when I was sure everyone else was engrossed in their own conversations, I leaned down so that my mouth was right beside Bella's ear. I heard her take a small intake of breath and shiver slightly.
"You need to sit on my lap when we all sit around the bon fire," I whispered before pulling back slightly to look at her.
Her eyes widened and she looked back up at me. "What? Why?" she asked incredulously, as if it was my own plan.
"Because there aren't enough seats and Alice is making us," I said, exasperated as I turned back to my food and continued shoving it into my mouth, not really caring what it was or how it tasted.
After dinner, we cleaned off the table and threw all the trash away. I opted to clean the barbecue just so I could prolong the inevitable for just a few more minutes. Finally, however, I couldn't stall any longer and finally walked over to where my family was seated around the large bon fire in the middle. There were a few other groups of people scattered about the lake, having a get together similar to ours.
I groaned internally when I saw Alice sitting on Jasper's lap and Bella sitting in the seat beside them. I don't know why I thought there would somehow be a spare seat left, but I still hoped. I sighed and walked over to where Bella sat before leaning down and kissing the top of her head and gently asking her if she could get up so she could sit on my lap. I was surprised that I pulled it off so smoothly and no one was the wiser.
Bella hesitated before sighing softly and standing up, only to sit back down on my lap once I was situated. I grudgingly put my hands on her hips and tried my best to seem comfortable even though that was the complete opposite of how I felt.
I finally tuned into the conversation going on around us. Alice—who owned a clothing store here in Seattle—was telling a story about one of her new employees. I listened intently just so she couldn't accuse me of never paying attention to her later.
"So this woman I just hired came into work the other day in hysterics. Apparently she just found out that her husband of five years has been screwing his secretary. I mean, she has two children with this man and he is just off doing some trashy skank!" she shrieked in shock. "Can you believe that? How could a married man do something like that to his wife?"
I didn't think anything of the story until I felt Bella stiffen on top of me and then start shaking slightly. I looked up at her concerned and against my better judgment, started rubbing her back soothingly.
"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.
Suddenly she bolted off of me, making a hasty excuse that she wasn't feeling good, before she made a beeline for the steps that led back up to the lake house. She was out of sight in a matter of minutes.
I watched her go—mouth gaping open in confusion after she had gone—and tried to figure out what the hell had set her off. I had kept my hands to myself the entire time so she couldn't have thought I was trying to feel her up or anything.
Then it hit me.
Alice's story.
Son of a fucking bitch. Back to that. Always fucking back to that.
"Is Bella okay?" Alice asked me. I looked at her and saw genuine concern and worry etched into her features.
"She's fine, Alice," I said a little too harshly as I stood up.
"You're going to go check on her, Edward?" my mother asked, equally concerned.
"Yea. I'm going to go check on her," I answered stiffly before turning and walking with no real purpose up the stairs and toward the lake house.
I didn't rush, seeing as I knew I was going to probably get a verbal beating from her the second she laid eyes on me. As I reached the sliding glass doors at the back of the house, I noticed all the lights were off and thought maybe she hadn't come inside after all. But then I looked inside and saw her walking slowly into the living room, her back to me.
With a heavy sigh—and silent prayer—I slowly opened the door and walked in, closing it behind me with no noise whatsoever. I walked through the dark kitchen into the dark living room and stopped in the entryway when I saw her sitting on the couch staring blankly ahead of her. I went to switch the light on, but her voice stopped me.
"Don't."
I turned and looked at her confused before going to stand in front of her. "Bella, what's wrong?"
She laughed darkly and looked up at me. My eyes were finally adjusting to the darkness and I could see her eyes were livid. "I don't know. That story just…fucking got to me." She paused and looked down at her lap. "I wonder why," she mumbled sarcastically.
"Okay enough!" I yelled, kicking the coffee table—fucking hard I might add—causing her to jump a little in her seat and look at me shocked. "What the fuck am I supposed to say to you, Bella? What the fuck do you want me to do? You keep bringing up the fucking past yet you don't let me explain anything to you! Tell me, what I am supposed to do! What do you want me to do?!"
She stood up and met my glare, not backing down when I towered over her. "I want you to tell me, why her?" she spat back. "What is so fucking great about her that you would break me like this?!"
"Let me say this—for the last fucking time—what you saw in there was a complete misunderstanding! Tanya came in and threw herself at me! I was relieved when you walked in, thinking you were going to help me! Imagine my surprise when my wife takes off running in the opposite direction and immediately goes home and jumps the first man she sees!" I bit back angrily. "Don't you get it, Bella? Don't you fucking see? I didn't cheat on you! You cheated on me! What the fuck made you think that was okay?!"
"Because it fucking hurt seeing you with her!" she yelled back, pushing hard enough on my chest that I stumbled back a couple of steps. "Because I always knew that would happen! I was just waiting!" Her voice trembled on the last part as she ran a hand through her hair nervously and went over to sit on the couch once again.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked incredulously.
She chuckled without humor and looked up at me, defeated. "It's supposed to mean that I knew I was no good for you since the day I met you. You could do a hell of a lot better than me, Edward. I don't know how I got to keep you for as long as I did." She practically whispered the last part and I was just becoming angrier by the minute as she unraveled all of her insecurities about our relationship—insecurities I had no idea she even had. "When you did nothing about Tanya's flirtations, I tried to just push the stupid thoughts out of my mind, but they were always there. They have been there for the last eight years. I guess they were just hiding somewhere in my subconscious. But seeing you with her, it all just came together. You finally found someone equally as beautiful as you; someone who was worth as much as you. So why not take her?"
I just stared at her, open mouthed, not really sure what to say to that. What the fuck do you say to your wife—soon to be ex—who just admitted that she had been fucking insecure about your relationship since the day you met and thought that you were just waiting on the right whore so you could leave her? What the fuck do you say to that?
"I don't know how I got to keep you for as long as I did," she repeated quietly.
That did it. I finally found my voice.
"I cannot believe that after everything I've told you over the last eight years; after everything we've been through together, that you would be this fucking insecure, Bella," I spat disgustedly. "That you would actually think that low of me…and of our relationship…to think I would just throw it away on the first piece of fucking trash I found."
"It's not like that," she said in a small, defeated tone. "I'm no good for you. I'm plain…and I'm not beautiful and—"
"Stop that! Just fucking stop that," I quickly interceded. "Stop victimizing yourself. You said what you said and it's over and done. You had no faith in this relationship and now you're just throwing a fucking pity party for yourself so you can feel better about what you did to me."
She looked up at me angrily and stood up once again, coming to stand directly in front of me. "What I did to you?" she asked disbelievingly.
"You kissed Jacob because you thought I kissed Tanya. Two wrongs don't make some sick, twisted right, Bella. What the fuck were you thinking?" I knew my tone of voice was harsh and I shouldn't have been cursing as much as I was because my mother would have been disappointed, but I was so fucking mad and had held this all in for three months that I just couldn't do it anymore.
"He—" she started before choking back on the tears threatening to escape. I kept my hard mask in place, not wanting to show her any sympathy. "I thought he was as good as it could get for me. I thought he was all I was worth. People like you deserve people like… Tanya Denali…and Rosalie Hale; beautiful…interesting people."
I stared at her for a few minutes before stepping in closer so that our noses were almost touching. "And what do people like you deserve, Bella?" I asked in a low, menacing voice.
She swallowed the visible lump in her throat before straightening up and looking me square in the eye, replying in a breathy voice, "People like me deserve to just…settle."
I nodded minutely and took a few steps back from her, shrugging. "Alright. Good. I'm glad we got this all cleared and out of the way. Once the divorce is final…you can be free to settle all you want and I can be free to…well…I don't know, Bella, you tell me since you seem to know everything about everyone."
"Don't, Edward," she said in a hard, shaky voice.
I shook my head. "It's fine, I won't. Ever again. Thank you for tonight though. It was certainly educational," I stated in a sarcastic tone as I started walking towards the stairs to go up to the bedroom. "I learned a lot about us…about you…hell, even about myself," I said with a dark laugh, looking at her over my shoulder. I hardly recognized who I was at that moment. The person talking did not sound like me. He sounded emotionless and albeit frightening.
Bella just stood helplessly in the middle of the living room, watching as I slowly ascended the stairs, calculating each and every step, before reaching halfway and stopping, turning around to look her straight in the eye.
In a very serious voice void of all sarcasm and humor, I managed to say, "I promise that the wedding will be the last time you'll see me. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I never existed." And with that I walked the remaining steps up to our room and shut the door softly behind me.
I went straight for the bathroom and just fucking heaved all of my dinner into the toilet. The conversation and the things that were said had taken a toll on me. Bella was fucking insecure as hell about our relationship. How could she think—after everything that we had been through—that I would want anyone but her? That I had been waiting until the opportune moment to leave? I never wanted to leave. Ever.
I suddenly remembered when we had first started dating and she had said things similar to the things she had just told me. That she was no good for me and that she didn't deserve me. She would say that I could do better than her and I didn't understand why she had been so insecure. I thought she had gotten over that, because I reminded her constantly that the two of us just…fucking fit. She was beautiful and perfect and everything I ever wanted.
But obviously she didn't think we fit anymore. I didn't understand what she meant by being surprised that she got to keep me for as long as she did. As if I was a fucking possession waiting to be passed on to the next owner.
I was fucking done with the redemption bullshit. I didn't give a shit if she believed me about Tanya anymore and I didn't give a shit who the hell she was making out with on the couch at our house.
But the fire inside me—the one that would not die out—kept telling me that I did care. Because I still loved her. And I didn't want to because it hurt so fucking badly.
I still loved Bella Swan. And over the course of the next four weeks, I would have to somehow learn to love hating her…because then maybe it would hurt a little bit less.
Author's Note: I'm sorry if you guys hate me for this! Don't worry. This story will not be all dark and angsty. This story is meant to be fun and funny, but there are moments like these that cannot be avoided. Thank you for reading, and please review!