Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Author's Note: Thanks for the support! You guys are amazing. We're getting closer to the main event and so this chapter is going to get…a little angsty at the end. Next chapter will be as well so please stick with me! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
Bella POV
I didn't care.
At that moment I just didn't fucking care.
All I wanted was for Edward to hold me. It was probably weak. It was definitely selfish. And it was—without a doubt—crossing the line.
But I didn't care.
Yesterday had opened my eyes. When I saw the true fear and horror in Edward's eyes when he was trying to save me, I knew. I knew that no matter what happened, he would always love me. And I would always love him. It didn't matter how hard I tried hating him because in the end, the two of us could not exist without each other.
If I drowned, he drowned—and vice versa.
I understood that now.
His arms had been so warm and wonderful wrapped around my torso. After Edward woke me up for dinner, we joined the family downstairs and everyone was freaking out about the incident earlier. I kept reassuring them that I was fine and that I just needed to rest.
Edward brought me back upstairs and we lay down just like before—my back flush against his chest. I didn't ask him to do it—I didn't need to. We both knew. We both needed it. So when I woke up the next morning to a cold and empty bed, I wasn't going to lie and pretend I wasn't completely disappointed.
I sat up slowly and patted my unruly hair down before getting out of bed and stretching. I winched when I felt how truly sore my muscles were, but I'd be damned if that wasn't the best night's sleep I had gotten in ages.
I went into the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth before heading downstairs. I turned the corner to the kitchen and saw the refrigerator was open as someone was rummaging around inside. My heart started beating erratically and I took a step closer, wanting to see his face. To say I was disappointed when Emmett stood up straight would be an understatement.
He noticed me standing there and dropped the sausage in his hand to come over and hug me tightly, lifting me off the ground. "Morning, Bells! Sleep well?" he asked, setting me back down.
I nodded and sighed. "Yea, you?" I didn't really care how he had slept. All I cared about was the fact that I had woken up alone.
"Yea," he answered warily, sensing my mood. "Edward's in the den watching t.v. if you want to go see him. Everyone else is at work."
That woke me right up. "Why aren't you at work?" I asked, suddenly becoming interested in the conversation.
He turned around and picked up the sausage as he walked over to the stove where he was scrambling eggs. "I have the day off since the banquet is tonight." He suddenly spun around to face me. "You are going, right? I mean…I know you had a near death experience and all, but…"
"I'm going, Em," I smiled reassuringly.
His answering smile was almost blinding. "You make me happy." He turned back around to finish scrambling the eggs. "Oh, Bells," he called as I was eagerly making my way toward the living room.
I turned around and saw his back was still to me as he scrambled his eggs. "Yea, Em?"
"Did you think about what we discussed the other night?" he asked, not turning to face me.
I blushed, knowing exactly what he was talking about, and not being able to lie. Of course I had thought about it. It had been a major epiphany for me. I wasn't faking anymore and I wanted Edward to know it.
Shit, when had I made that decision?
Emmett turned around and smirked at me when he didn't receive a reply. I'm sure he enjoyed my blush a little too much.
"I love you, Em," I stated, hoping that was enough of a response.
His face turned serious. "You know I love you, Bella. Even when Rose and I…act like…"
"Asses?" I interjected.
He chuckled and I knew then that my Emmett was back. "Some would say…" he trailed off.
I laughed and shook my head as I walked out of the kitchen and toward the sound of the television coming from the den. I walked to the doorway and saw Edward sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal in hand as he watched a morning episode of The Office.
The sight of him struck me hard. This was what Edward and I would do on the weekends. We'd sit around the living room, eating breakfast, watching our favorite t.v. shows, and just being happy spending time together.
He must have noticed me standing there because he finally looked up at me and smiled, moving over so I'd have room to sit beside him. I smiled shyly and walked over to sit next to him, curling my legs underneath me as I looked at the screen where Steve Carrel's character, Michael, was once again bossing Dwight around shamelessly. Edward and I remained silent, but we would both laugh out loud whenever something funny would happen.
"Are you hungry?" he asked me suddenly.
I looked at him and before I could respond, my stomach growled loudly. He just chuckled and shook his head as he stood up. "It always answers for you, huh?" he asked jokingly.
I blushed and shrugged as I watched him leave, only to return a few minutes later with a new bowl of cereal for me. I thanked him as he sat back down and we resumed watching the show.
Finally, a commercial break came on and I set my now empty bowl of cereal on the coffee table as Edward turned to face me. "How are you feeling?" he asked, obviously still concerned about yesterday.
"I'm fine," I replied truthfully. "Thank you again, Edward."
He shook his head. "Bella, don't thank me for saving you. I…I just…" He seemed to be struggling to find his words.
"Edward," I said, leaning over and resting my hand on his knee gently. "It doesn't matter what you say…you saved my life…and I won't ever forget that."
He looked up at me and for a moment, I was completely mesmerized by his eyes. I had forgotten how beautiful they were. After a few minutes of both of us just staring at each other, I noticed him begin to slowly lean in closer. My breathing hitched when his eyes glanced down at my lips and I moved away, sitting up straight once again.
"Tonight," I blurted out. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion so I elaborated, "We need to talk…tonight."
He nodded slowly, still watching me with that same gaze. "Okay."
I nodded in return and breathed a sigh of relief before getting up and grabbing my bowl. I walked back into the kitchen, sensing Edward following close behind me. Emmett was sitting at the counter, watching a football game on the plasma t.v. that was hanging on the wall across from him.
I went to put my bowl in the sink when I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist from behind. My breath caught in my throat when I felt his lips at me ear.
"No more waiting," he whispered. "We're talking tonight."
I could sense that he was doubtful—given everything we had been through—and I knew he was tired of putting it off. We needed to talk and we couldn't avoid it any longer.
I nodded, still completely shocked by how intimate he was being. I didn't even think he realized the effect his small gesture had on me. He pulled back, but not before I felt his lips brush against the skin just below my ear, and just like that, he was gone.
I turned around and saw that Emmett and I were now alone. Emmett was sitting at he counter, his t.v. program all but forgotten, with his fork suspended in the air.
Finally, after a few minutes of us just staring at each other shocked, Emmett spoke, "I have never seen…so much sexual tension in one room before."
I opened my mouth, but quickly shut it when I realized I had nothing to say. Edward had left me far too flustered to even formulate a response and I was sure Emmett noticed.
"I'm…I'm going to go shower," I stammered distractedly, walking toward the stairs.
"Hurry now!" Emmett bellowed. "Edward may be waiting!"
I. Fucking. Wished.
XxXxX
I wasn't sure when exactly I had fallen asleep. All I remembered was going up to our bedroom after Edward and I had lunch with Emmett downstairs. I had left the boys alone to talk about football because I was extremely tired. I only came to when I felt a hand gently rubbing my back.
"Bella," the beautiful voice whispered.
"Mmmm," was my intelligent response as I sunk deeper into the soft pillows.
"Love, wake up," the voice repeated.
My eyes snapped open. Slowly, I turned around and saw Edward leaning over the bed, his hand resting on the small of my back as he continued to rub like he had been doing before.
"Edward?"
He chuckled and nodded. "You were tired." It wasn't a question.
"Yea, I guess so," I said in daze, sitting up and straightening out my clothes.
"I'm sorry I had to wake you, but Alice is back and wants to start getting ready for the banquet," he said regretfully.
I gasped and looked at the clock, realizing with a start that it was nearly six o'clock in the evening. I had been sleeping for five hours.
"Oh my god," I breathed. "I can't believe I slept that long."
"You probably didn't sleep well last night," Edward said dejectedly. He had sat down on the bed and was playing with a loose thread on the comforter.
Why did he seem upset? Did he honestly think that last night hadn't been the best sleep I had ever gotten in my entire life? Did he seriously not know how much I loved that his arms were wrapped around me all night? How protected and safe and…loved I felt?
"Actually…last night I probably got the best night sleep…I've ever gotten in my life," I said, my voice wavering slightly. It took a lot for me to admit that to him, but I needed him to know how much it meant to me. We had been evading our issues and ignoring the changes occurring between us, but that didn't mean that they weren't there. This was my first step in acknowledging them.
He looked up at me—shocked at first—before his mouth turned into that crooked smile that I loved so much. He looked back down at the comforter again and chuckled lightly. "I love…holding you, Bella," he said quietly, almost timidly.
I just stared at him, not sure what to say. I could not believe he had come right out and said something so…honest like that. It was probably hard for him to admit that to me and I knew he was going to be worried about my reaction, but I honestly did not know how to reply. I was…stunned.
I was saved from my internal battle, however, when Alice came barreling into the bedroom, a few shopping bags in hand.
"Alright, my dear Bella, time for dress up!" she yelped excitedly.
I laughed without humor. "Alice, I'm not a Barbie doll."
"Yes you are," she pouted mockingly. "You're my Barbie doll. Now come, Barbie!" And with that, she sauntered toward her bedroom.
I sighed and shook my head at Alice's antics before getting off the bed. Edward was still staring down at the comforter, his eyebrows knit tightly together. I realized I still hadn't said anything in reply to his statement and he had probably taken that as a response in itself.
"Edward," I said once I got to the doorway. His head snapped up and he looked at me warily. "Tonight."
He nodded, understanding what I meant by that one word. I smiled slightly before walking into Alice and Jasper's bedroom and preparing myself for a long hour of hair-pulling, dress-ripping fun.
Less than forty-five minutes later and Alice had made my hair wavy, yet natural. She had added light make-up which she said only served to outline my natural beauty. And the heels she had gotten me were definitely walk-able.
But it was the dress that kept me in awe. The dress was a midnight blue, strapless, stopping just above my knees and fitting to my curves in all the right places. I was surprised because it was simple, yet elegant and beautiful on its own.
"You look great, Bell," she said proudly, standing next to me in the bathroom and putting in her earrings.
"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself."
She smirked at me and placed her hands on her hips. Her dress was a deep purple with sleeves and a beautiful plunging neckline. Her short, spiky hair was still jet black and silky as ever.
"We are pretty sexy," she said smugly.
I laughed and nodded as I played with my hair a little and slipped into my heels just as there was a loud and obnoxious knock on the bedroom door.
"Alice, I'm almost a hundred years old. You girls done yet?" Jasper's voice flooded into the room.
Alice grabbed my hand and laughed as we walked to the bed and each grabbed out clutches. "He is so impatient," she admonished playfully.
I agreed whole-heartedly and we both walked outside where a very impatient and annoyed Jasper was waiting. He led us out front to Emmett's Hummer and that's when I saw Edward. He looked stunning.
I always did love what a suit could do to him. He was wearing fitted black slacks with a white button down and black tie, a black suit jacket completing the ensemble and his messy, disarray of hair was just adding to the sexiness.
Slow down, Bella, you are divorcing the man.
That thought stabbed me right in the heart. Divorce. I was divorcing Edward. For the first time in weeks, I actually allowed myself to acknowledge the fact that Edward and I were getting a divorce. And it fucking killed me.
"Bella!" Alice called. "Let's go!"
I shook my head to rid myself of the intruding thoughts as I walked over to the car. Alice and Jasper got into the very back seat while Edward held the door open so we could slide into the middle section, while Emmett and Rosalie got into the front.
"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he grabbed my waist and helped me get into the car before sliding in after me.
"Yea, I'm fine. Just a little groggy from my nap I guess. Where are Esme and Carlisle?" I asked, noticing we had taken off already and they had been nowhere in sight.
"They're going in Carlisle's car," Rosalie answered for me.
"Now, you guys, be on your best behavior tonight," Emmett said a little while later as we reached the hotel where the banquet dinner was being held.
"Are you serious, Em?" Jasper shot back. "You're the most annoying of all of us combined!"
"That's fucking blasphemy!" he yelled, getting out of the car and effectively scaring the valet as he handed him his keys.
Edward took my hand and helped me out of the car and we all walked into the beautiful hotel. It was definitely a place where big businesses would have a dinner party.
Emmett led us to the ballroom and the size was astounding. It was massive and absolutely breathtaking. Tables were scattered about elegantly and chandeliers made of crystal hung from the high ceilings.
"Alright, we're table sixteen. It's over there by the windows," Emmett said, pointing to the large floor to ceiling windows that offered a brilliant view of Seattle and led out onto a balcony. It reminded me of the reception hall for Alice and Jasper's wedding, only this was much, much bigger. "Just…mingle. And be good," Emmett joked as he took Rosalie's hand and led her to what I'm sure was one of his colleagues.
"Well, this is where we part," Alice said, mocking sadness. "I see some champagne with my name on it." She all but dragged Jasper in the direction of our table and Edward and I were left alone.
"Would you like something to drink, Bella?" Edward asked me.
"Sure."
We both walked over to a long table that had a few refreshments scattered about and Edward grabbed two champagne glasses, handing one to me. I thanked him and we both walked over to a more deserted part of the ballroom to drink.
"This place is beautiful," I mused, staring at the room in awe.
Edward nodded and glanced at the windows. "Do you want to go out on the balcony? I really want to see the view."
I nodded and smiled as we made our way to the large windows and stepped outside one of the glass doors. There were only a few people outside since it was rather cold out, but the view was definitely worth the temperature.
Edward and I both leaned over on the railing side by side and just took in the beautiful sight of the city.
"It's beautiful at night," I said, breaking the silence after a few moments. Edward didn't reply so after a couple of seconds, I turned to see him staring at me.
"Yea, it is," he stated simply.
I probably flushed several shades of red as I finished downing the contents in my glass. I glanced at him again, but he was now facing the city.
"I would have loved to live here," he said, breaking another spout of silence. "Before I got offered the internship in New York…I got a call from a law firm here in Seattle that wanted to take me on, but…I thought…New York…city of opportunities. Now that I think about it…I wonder how it would have been different…had I decided to come here." He looked at me again, but this time I didn't break his gaze.
"You never told me that," I said, completely surprised that he had been offered another internship when he was so young.
He nodded and sighed. "I figured since I wasn't going to accept the offer in Seattle that…it wouldn't matter. And you were so excited about starting you writing career in New York. It just seemed…perfect at the time."
"I wish you would have told me that…but I don't regret going to New York. I love it there."
"You don't hate how far it is from our family?" he asked me disbelievingly.
"Of course I do," I scoffed. "But there's no going back…and I love what I'm doing there."
He nodded, looking down at his hands. "Yea, you're right. There's no going back…" he trailed off, sounding incredibly regretful. I wanted to lighten up his mood a bit.
"Want me to get you another drink?" I asked as cheerfully as I could manage.
He looked at me and shook his head. "I'll go get them. Go ahead and stay here…enjoy the city." He smiled my crooked smile before taking my empty champagne glass and walking back into the ballroom.
I watched him go, a small smile on my face, as I turned back to gaze at the beautiful city. I was mentally preparing myself for the talk with Edward, going over all I had to say to him and what he would say in return.
I didn't want to fight with him, but there was a lot of shit that needed to be sorted through and I wasn't sure where it would leave us. My contemplations were cut short when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It wasn't Edward's warm hands, though. No, these hands were ice cold. I slowly turned around and stared into the icy blue eyes of the person I thought I would never see again.
"Bella Cullen," she sneered, glancing at me from head to toe. "Well…this is awkward."
"Tanya," I replied, my voice hard. I wasn't going to back down and let the bitch know how much she fucking got to me. I was going to be civil. She had pretty much aided in destroying my marriage, but at least I could keep my dignity in tact.
"Fancy seeing you here," she replied. "Dating another rich lawyer?"
"No, actually, I'm here with my husband. I think you know him? Edward Cullen?"
Her eyes widened immensely as she stared at me incredulously. "You two are still together?"
I nodded, feigning innocence. "Of course, why wouldn't we be?" On the outside I was cool and collected. Inside I was fucking falling apart. Being this close to the person who had caused me all this anguish in the last three months was making it really hard to breathe.
"I just figured he'd come to his senses is all," she shrugged, although I could sense her nonchalance attitude unraveling.
"Well…you showed him what a good thing he's got in me," I quipped. I could tell that it took her a few seconds to realize that I had just insulted her.
"Tanya?"
Tanya and I both looked at the doorway where Edward was standing, holding two champagne glasses in his hands and staring at us in shock.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Well, since my last boss fired me…" she said, looking at Edward pointedly. "I had to take on another secretary job and that happened to be here in Seattle," she replied, shrugging. "What are you doing here?"
"My brother works at one of the company's advertisement agencies," he replied distractedly as his eyes remained locked on mine, obviously measuring my reaction.
I was glad that Emmett obviously didn't work for the same company as Tanya. No one should have to work anywhere near her.
"Well," she started, smiling devilishly. "I see you two have worked out your differences. Bella," she turned to address me. I looked at her and glared. "You ran away in tears that night and…it broke my heart. I'm sorry you had to walk in on us like that, but…Edward's a man and he obviously needed some attention from someone a little more…shall I say…experienced?"
I opened my mouth to defend myself, knowing it wouldn't make a difference, but Edward's voice beat me to it.
"Tanya, shut the fuck up," he said, his voice getting a bit louder as he walked over to stand beside me and directly in front of her. He was no longer holding the champagne glasses and I saw that he had put them on one of the tables. "I didn't want you…you threw yourself at me, so don't fucking come here and start telling my wife this shit. Just…go."
Tanya's mouth opened and closed a few times and it reminded me of a fish. "Edward…what we had…"
"Was nothing," Edward finished for her. "You were my secretary. I was your boss. And you fucking crossed a line. Now leave," he stated firmly.
"You know, you were really smart…so I don't see why you married her," she muttered quietly as she turned to leave.
Edward stepped forward and opened his mouth to say something, but I stepped in front of him before he had the chance.
"Tanya," I called.
She stopped and turned to look at me.
"Go fuck yourself because rest assured, sweetheart, no one else will want to." The words flew out of my mouth before I had the opportunity to stop them. It was so unlike me to talk that way to someone, but I had gone through hell and back these past three months and Tanya was the one who had set it all off. I had to redeem myself and this seemed like the classiest way.
Tanya opened her mouth, just as surprised at my boldness as I was, and turned to stalk back inside. It was then that I noticed Rosalie and Emmett standing there, both of their mouths hanging wide open as Tanya brushed past them and headed inside. I stood there, still in complete shock at what had just happened. But it had felt good. It had felt so fucking good.
"Bella," Edward said as he touched my shoulder.
I shook him off quickly and hurried inside, bumping shoulders with Rosalie, as I made my way to the exit of the ballroom and out the revolving doors of the hotel. I stepped out into the cool, crisp night air of Seattle and began walking, not sure where I was going exactly.
"Bella!" I heard him call
I stopped and turned around as Edward jogged over to me, Emmett and Rosalie standing on the stairs watching us.
"Bella, where are you going?" Edward asked when he reached me.
"I just…I need to get out of here," I said.
Seeing Tanya again reminded me of the shit storm that had occurred and why Edward and I were currently in the place that we were. I knew we couldn't avoid the talk any longer, but I couldn't do it now. Not with all of these emotions that had just been awakened once again.
"Don't go, Bella. I can't…I can't watch you walk away again," he pleaded.
I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. "That felt so good in there, Edward! Saying that to her!"
"I know, baby, and you were fucking amazing," he said desperately, placing his hands on either side of my face, obviously trying to keep me there longer.
"But…I just…I need to think," I said, pulling away from him and taking a few steps back.
"About what, Bella?" he demanded, his tone becoming angrier now. "You can't fucking avoid this any longer. You can't…pretend you don't feel this…this shift between us. This change."
"Of course I do, Edward!" I sobbed. "I feel it and tonight…seeing Tanya? God, it made me relive that night all over again! Seeing you with her! Just…the pain…I can't…I can't do this now." I turned to walk away again, but his voice stopped me.
"Do you remember the night we went out to dinner with everyone and played truth or dare? Emmett and Rosalie dared us to kiss. Do you remember that, Bella?" I turned around and nodded as he continued, "Later that night…you asked me something. You asked me how I felt about that kiss."
I just stared at him completely confused, not sure where this was going.
"I couldn't tell you how I felt because I was so fucking hurt when you said the night we slept together…drunk at Alice and Jasper's engagement party…should have never happened. You thought it was a mistake," he continued, pausing for a moment to catch his breath. "But I didn't fucking think it was a mistake. It was the best night of my life.
"And what did I fucking feel when we kissed? I felt…like I was on fire. Like everything in my life…everything that mattered was right there…with you. I wanted to kiss you again…and hold you again…and touch you again and…I couldn't tell you that because you said us making love was a mistake."
"No," I whispered, shaking my head. "I didn't…" I choked on my own tears before looking at Edward's confused and desperate face. "It wasn't a mistake, Edward. It was…god it was…the most incredible night of my life."
"Then don't walk away. Don't fucking walk away again, Bella. You did it once and I…I just can't see you do it again." His voice shook slightly when he spoke.
"I just need time to think," I pleaded, sucking up the tears and wiping the ones on my face away furiously.
"I can't go back to pretending," he said quietly, seeming defeated. "So don't expect me to." He stared at me for a while longer before turning around and walking back up the steps to where Emmett and Rosalie were. He had a brief discussion with them for a few minutes and I was sure he was telling them to make sure I got home safe.
I sighed as Rosalie approached me. "What is it, Bella? What's wrong?" she asked, seemingly frustrated.
"I-I…I don't know…Tanya…she was there and…Edward is…here…I just…need to be alone," I stuttered, knowing my words didn't make any sense.
"Talk to him," she pleaded, her voice turning gentle. "He's so broken, Bella, he needs you." Her voice wavered slightly and I looked at her, only to see that she had tears in her eyes. I had never seen Rosalie cry before.
"Please, Rose," I whispered, trying to keep my own tears at bay. "Please understand. You know what I've been through. I just need time by myself. Seeing Tanya tonight…it just brought back all those memories I've been trying so hard to keep away. Memories of that night…" I trailed off, not wanting to think about how one simple night had caused so much anguish.
Rosalie gave me a hard look for a very long time, but I finally looked away from her. I heard her sigh loudly before she hailed a taxi and paid the man, giving him the address to the lake house. Rosalie opened the door for me to get in and I didn't say anything to her as I slid into the cab.
She leaned into the taxi and looked at me. "Get your shit together, Bella, because I will not stand back and watch two people that I love fall apart again." She didn't even give me a chance to reply as she slammed the door and the taxi driver took off driving.
Tonight had been epic, in the worst possible way. I fought back all of the emotions and tears and frustration building up within me and instead focused on Edward's eyes when I had walked away. He seemed so defeated, so broken and lost and I had done that to him.
I knew then that neither of us could go on pretending after this. I couldn't ignore it anymore. And even though I should have been thinking about what I was going to say to Edward when we finally talked, all I could think about was what he had said to me about the night we slept together…about the night we kissed. One thing stuck to me and actually made me smile through my tears.
He didn't think any of it was a mistake, either.
Rosalie POV
"Is she okay?" Emmett asked me as I walked back over to where he was standing by the entrance to the hotel.
I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest to keep warm. "Are either of them okay?" I asked rhetorically.
He sighed and nodded, putting his arm around my shoulder.
"Where's Edward?" I asked, looking around and seeing no sight of him.
"He went back in. He's gonna tell the family Bella wasn't feeling well. Rosie, can you sleep with Bella tonight, sweetheart? Edward doesn't want to…bother her, you know?"
I nodded and sighed. "Yea…I will." I shook my head and wrapped my arms around Emmett's waist, hating how much pain Edward and Bella were going through. Hating how helpless I felt about it. Even through all of our clever schemes, nothing had been fixed. But…they had gotten closer. They both acknowledged that something had changed. They just needed an extra…push.
I knew we should have stayed out of it and I knew Emmett would be totally against interfering again now, but a sudden thought came to mind and I'd be damned if anyone was going to stop me.
"Emmett, I have a plan," I said, looking up at him.
"No more, baby, please," he pleaded, looking down at me. "They're too stubborn. Just let them realize how stupid they're being on their own."
"One more. And then that's it. Just one more and I promise we'll stop."
It was a promise I was willing to keep because I knew that if this final plan didn't work, then it was a lost cause. I just hoped it wouldn't come to that.
Author's Note: Alright, I am going to go hide because you all probably hate me now. Next chapter will be up next Sunday! :)