For Tessa
And all of you lovely readers thanks for sticking with me while I was stuck.
She sits at the vanity preoccupied, a cup in her hand, her wrist turning slowly, swirling the liquid inside in circles not spilling a drop. She doesn't see him for a moment and when she finally looks up he detects surprise in the brief glance, she looks away immediately casting her gaze aside, looking at anything but him. She straitens up her posture as if his entrance has perturbed her in some substantial way, it is not the best way to take heart, she puts the cup down.
"I brought some of what I could find in the kitchen." He tells her, setting the plate down in front of her next to the wine set that had been a house warming gift to them from Princess Lavinia, not that she would know that.
She glances at the plate but doesn't look up at him. "Thank you." She says in a clearly perturbed tone, not sounding very grateful at all. Not that he expected her to, she certainly has the right to be upset.
He sighs audibly and takes the seat opposite of her, he messed up when he left, clearly she isn't very happy with him, not that she has been all day but before he had ran off things had seem to be going at least somewhat smoother for them. "Help, yourself." He tells her and for good measure takes a piece of bread and partakes himself. The bread's taste hardly registers as he watches her. She sits stoically on the other side of the table, her long thin fingers worrying a piece of the same bread he had taken a chunk from, into powder. He takes another piece himself trying to think of what to to do next.
She is still quiet, but he can feel an impatience coming from her as she finishes with the piece of bread, a small hill of crumbs borne beneath her fingers. He opens his mouth to say something, to explain, to apologize or perhaps utter some idle chatter. He isn't quite sure for the whatever those words are they die in his throat as she huffs loudly pushing her chair back suddenly and roughly from the table an audible screech made loud and unbearable in the vast silence around them. He can't help but wince at it.
"I've had quite enough of this." Jane says standing just as abruptly, her tone is part anger, part exasperation, but most disturbingly of all there is a tremble to her voice, the same one he had heard from her before they had gone into the great hall. "Let's just get this over with." The same one she used to steel herself for unpleasant moments to come.
She moves away from the table, just a few feet away to stand in front of the bed and meets his gaze with an expectant stare. This one isn't like before, she isn't beckoning him but simply waiting for him to do something. But he doesn't know what to do. He simply looks at her, standing there, her hair flowing around her looking more orange than red in the firelight, his heart hammering away in chest, in protest and expectation. He can't even seem to get his voice to work, the entire time he wants to call out her name, Jane. Jane, Jane! But the words he swallowed a moments before are lodged there and he cannot get it to function, he's surprised he can still breathe.
She gives a small sigh at his unresponsiveness, as he still cannot get himself to move. And begins to methodically pull away her clothing. And he just sits there, not able to say or do anything except watch her as the top layer of her clothing comes off, piece by piece. The skirts, the corset he had undone himself, and all the bits and bobs he never would have known were part of the dress, until she sanding there in just her shift.
It isn't exactly sheer, but isn't the most opaque fabric in the world.
The light from the fire across from them lets her in its warm yellow glow. He can see the lines of her body beneath it. Almost like shadows. Her legs, the flair of her hips, her waist, the curve of her breasts... If he had been capable of coherent thoughts before he certainly wouldn't be now, his mind is nothing but buzzing, his body nothing but instinct. A small part of him knows he is gaping at her, and has been for far too long. She is still waiting for him to do something, to get up, to get it over with. He tries to get his voice again, a small sound does manage to escape from him, but it is more breath and growl than anything even resembling English, it slices through the air and snaps the trance over him, he blinks and the shuts his eyes again and looks down taking a couple of deep breaths trying to calm himself and all his male instincts that are warring inside his body against his mind. A war that had left him immobile and stupefied.
He finally starts, his voice low and slightly raspy, while he stares determinedly at his boots. "We don't ha-" But she interjects immediately cutting him off part way through.
Her voice is an angry slice tipped with resignation. "Yes, we do." He cannot help it and against his better judgment his eyes whip back to her at her words, he tries to keep his eyes on her face but the movements of her hands draw his eye immediately and without a second thought (or even a first one really) he is on his feet and in two strides has reached her. She looks up startled, most-likely at how quickly he materializes in front of her after being immobile for so long.
"Don't." He says, his hands immediately circling around her fingers and stilling them where they had been pulling at the simple knot at her chest that kept her last garment in place.
His whole body is pulled taut. He couldn't let her... not like this. It needs to be her choice. But he is most afraid that if she took down that last barrier, the war inside him would be no more. It was too much to ask of him, really, to hold himself back at that point, he isn't sure he has the strength. Because he wants her, especially now that he's kissed her, he wants the feel of her lips once more, to taste her skin and feel the lithe and the strength of her body against his own, to see beneath her clothes and know more about her than anybody else. He is selfish because he wants more, he wants everything and he feels guilty because he is taking pleasure, that while she is giving it willingly, she isn't giving it in exchange for her own.
He should have never let things get this far.
Her face is full of confusion and she bites her lip looking up at him, her hands in fists. He can feel them tense and grow tighter, beneath his own, they are almost shaking.
"Jane..." Her name finally falls from his mouth, its no more than a whisper, but they are standing so close that it hardly matters. He takes one of his hands off hers and lifts it to her cheek instead. She doesn't flinch and as the relief floods through him, he realizes that part of him had been completely sure that she would.
Instead she just closes her eyes, he tilts his face down resting his forehead against hers and they stand there, just breathing and letting the contact stand between them.
So fun fact this latest chapter was over 3,000 words without editing!
Yeah, so I decided to chop it up into little pieces so that i could post it without waiting to finish it all.
Guys thanks so much for the love and I am so sorry that it has taken me this long!
So here is the thing, Gunther running out of the room earlier... Not in my original plan so while I was able to initially roll with it...
It really screwed me over in the long run on what and how I had planned. I didn't realize just how much but I was suddenly left with a different dynamic and and had to reassess what had to happen and again how and what i could salvage still.So that took awhile, it was difficult but i think I'm back in a roll. At least I hope I am. Characters tend to do what they want at times, so lets hope it doesn't eff me up again.
I can tell you now that this doesn't end at the end of this night.
That said I still need to refine the rest of the chapter... Or really the other chapters now. I am hoping to extend it because the cut-off point... I don't think it was... satisfactory...
Also I'm not gonna lie, my recent obsession with The Musketeers (BBC) and Hamilton (the musical soundtrack) haven't made me all that productive. But they are amazing :D
Guys thanks for reading and the reviews! Let me know what you thought of this cause I know it has been awhile!