[angst/conflict]
[unedited]
It had been like any other day in Elsa's life.
A soft click echoed inside the small apartment, as a woman stepped inside, closing the door behind her with a soft thud. Her platinum blonde hair was tangled and sticking out into various directions from her once neat side braid, the used tie dangling at the tip, ready to fall down any second much like her body. She slumped down on the red sofa, letting her head fall back and heaving out a sigh.
She threw her old and used bag somewhere between the glass table and the carpeted floor – she couldn't remember and she didn't give a single damn if she broke yet another furniture in the household. Her eyes drooped down, the dark half-crescent moons becoming more prominent against the light on her pale dry skin. She took steady and deep breaths as the events from not too long ago flashed inside her mind like a broken record – repeating over and over again in a consecutive and dull way.
Elsa knitted her eyebrows together, creating hard lines around her closed eyes, the aching pain in her temples slowly becoming more noticeable with every passing second. And as sudden as the falling hard rain, realization dawned on her as fast and as hard. She bit the corner of her lip to prevent the sob from coming out of her cracked red-stained lips, clenching her dark pencil skirt in the process. She'd rather suffer a thousand deaths than to admit defeat.
Her body started to tremble in such a strong and intense force as she felt a wet drop fall from her face down to her exposed neck. She sucked in a deep breath and coughed out the hidden emotions bottled up inside her. Hands closed tightly with every ounce of strength she has left, a soft cry escaped her mouth.
Damn it, no.
Elsa quickly removed a hand from her firm grasp on her skirt and clamped it shut on where the accursed sound came from. She cussed on how much of an idiot she was for letting her feelings get to her inside her head. A mixed of emotions washed over her like big waves trying to get a grip on the sand. Her bony shoulders heaved up and down in a strenuous way as she shook her head over and over again in a denying way, her lips trailing a red wine – too red, matching her already crimson mouth, a deep shade it was from biting down on them too hard.
She let it anyway, much like any other day.
Her chest tightened in a binding and constricting way as tiny and sharp needles impaled it all at the same time. She felt as if all the oxygen from her lungs were sucked out of her, and was left with dread and despair – something she knew too well she would be able to recognize in a split second. She felt as if she was drowning in an ocean of happiness, she can't baptize herself in. She felt as if she was being embraced by death herself. An antagonizing and torment it was.
Elsa opened her eyes in a slow and careful motion and wiped away the blood using the back of her wrist, tainting her once white and clean sleeves. She blinked and looked down, her other hand becoming loose from its once strong grip, leaving cracked marks on her skirt. She heaved out a sigh, her blue and downcast eyes as empty as can be, her mind drifting off to places she never thought she would be as a once young girl with once big dreams of her future. What happened?
She let herself be driven away for a torturing minute, a second, a heartbeat, before she came to a tight and firm, yet depressing conclusion. And so, she stood with unsteady legs, pushing herself off from the couch, with slim arms and shaking slightly. She took a step forward with her black low-heeled sandals, almost falling but luckily caught herself in time. She started taking slow and easy steps, almost like a child walking. She stumbled as she took a hold of a cabinet, wiping her hand on it, along with the dusts and an expensive vase, falling down the tiled floor with its pieces shattering.
The noise made her head throb with a spinning ache. She let out a groan and placed a hand on it, regretting the choice she made. She continued to walk – more carefully this time. She made her way up the stairs, grabbing a hold of the steel railings, then immediately went inside her room.
Elsa caught hold of the wheeled travel bag at the edge of her messy bed, almost as if she was waiting for this moment to happen at any second. She then began to open her drawers, removed her clothes and threw it on her mattress. She opened her bag, laying it down and packed her things with a heavy heart. Tears were starting to fill her eyes once more and were threatening to fall when she sucked in a deep breath and looked up, not wanting to break down again.
"No, no. Not this time, not anymore," she whispered to herself.
Elsa was almost finished when a sudden knock interrupted her. She froze, her hands suspended in mid-air as her eyes widened with surprise. Her fists slowly clenched at the shirt she was holding, not bothering to spare a glance behind her.
"Elsa? Are you in there?" the familiar voice asked.
She paused, "Yeah, I'm here." Her voice sharp and deadly, ready to snap at the intruder.
"What happened downstairs? Are you alright?"
Elsa scoffed at this. "Up until now, I still wonder how you are able to keep this act up."
There was silence for a moment, a faint and heavy breathing from the other side of the door. "Elsa, I.. I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play games with me! I know it, you know it, and we both know it Jack!" Her voice broke upon mentioning the man's name, her lower lip trembling slightly.
"What?" he asked, confused at her sudden outburst. "I don't understand. Can we talk about this?"
Elsa hissed under her breath and shoved the last shirt inside her bag, zipping it up with much force. "See what I mean? You act like nothing's wrong and you keep pretending like you're not seeing this giant wall between us."
The knob twisted as the door slammed open, revealing a man with office clothes, his eyes also matching the tiredness she felt. He had his brows knitted together and his mouth set on a grim line. His mouth opened, about to respond when his body went still upon seeing the travel bag, his mind a mess and his heart beat fastened.
"What are you doing?"
She didn't look back behind her. "It's pretty self-explanatory."
"You're leaving?" His voice breaking, along with his remaining love for her.
"I'm leaving." She repeated, as if to torment him even more, mocking him using a cold tone.
"What?" Despair can be heard along with the other synonyms for the word. Though, he didn't think there was anything similar to what he was feeling. His broad shoulders slumped, as if it was being pushed down by the weight of the world – no, the universe, blue eyes widened in disbelief, seeing nothing but the once split image of their unconditional love for each other and his mouth parted slightly, at loss for any sort of retort or reply. What could he say to the one woman he dedicated his life to now that she was leaving him? What did he do wrong? What happened?
Elsa's shoulders rose up slightly as she took a deep breath. She finally looked at the person behind her, turning her whole body to him. Her eyes met his, as blues collided, with their emotions sending big tidal waves over. She saw the pain, the endless questions, the wreckage she left him with her words – and it broke her so much, she was tempted to take back those words and pretend she wasn't packing her bags and the tears didn't fall.
But she didn't, and instead she sent him a grim smile, much like she always does when she's saying good bye to someone. But this time, it was different, much different. She wasn't as tear-streaked as she was a while ago, because realization came to her when she knew this was for the best. The two of them parting ways was for the best.
"You heard me, Jack. I'm not going to repeat myself."
"No, no, say it again. Say it again please." It was pathetic how he was pleading, begging for her. Jack wasn't the type to beg, it was usually the other way around. But this was Elsa, the woman he loved – loves. And she was leaving. She was leaving.
He took a step forward to her, close enough for him to hear the beating of her heart, but it wasn't close enough to fill the distance between the shattered bonds they build over the years they had been together. He lifted both his hands and placed them on her shoulders, trembling slightly, staring straight into the very depths of her eyes. "Tell me what I'm hearing is not real."
Her lower lip shook as her whole world came crashing down upon hearing his cracked voice. She let a low cry exit her mouth and shook her head, straying away from his intense gaze on her. And before she knew it, drops of sadness started to fall down from her sealed eyes, her breathing uneven and ragged. "I'm s-sorry. I'm really sorry."
Jack's grip on her tightened. "I d-don't understand. What happened? What did I do wrong?"
She shrugged off his hands forcibly and opened her eyes, flashing with anger, "Don't play dumb Jack! I'm not stupid! I know everything, now! Rapunzel told me about the stupid bet you made with your co-workers. What were you thinking, Jack?"
He stopped breathing for a second as his shoulders went still. His shaking hands only worsened violently as he pursed his lips in a thin line. "I-I.. Elsa, I didn't-"
"Did you really think I wouldn't know? You have been so careless with your work that you didn't notice the money you wasted with that new project of yours! All because you made a bet that you could finish it within a month and look at what happened. Look at what happened!"
His hold on her loosened as he felt Elsa slipping through his fingers within a fraction of time. Jack looked away from her, afraid she might see through him. She's always been that kind of person to begin with, she can read him like an open book, and his eyes were to blame. His eyes were as clear as water, his emotions would see through it and she'd know. She'd always know and he thought, for a second, that she wouldn't find out about it. Jack felt her glares stabbing him.
"Jack, look at the expenses! Did you think we could pay all that with my current job right now? And with your state, it's more than unlikely! Why didn't you tell me this? Why did you keep all of this away from me? From your own wife?" Elsa stared expectantly at him.
The only sound can be heard inside the small room was their ragged breathings and the heavy tension surrounding the two of them. It was as if, they were waiting for a resolution that would occur. As if waiting for someone to speak up and expect things would be alright, but this was different this time around. Elsa felt as if the four white walls were slowly enclosing them and she was struggling to breath every passing second.
"Answer me Jack, because I'm tired with everything that's been going on. I'm fed up with all the lies, all the pain that you've caused me, all the never ending questions."
Jack stayed silent as he stared down at the floor, eyes half-closed and mouth sealed shut.
"Jack, please. Say something."
"Why does it feel like it's always my fault?"
Elsa stopped; her body loosened as she looked at him with eyes that held nothing but emotions even she couldn't explain what. The tone of his voice sounded as if a lost child was calling out for his parents, alone in the woods with his small voice, as if afraid to speak up. She pressed her lips together hard, scared she might say something that'll hurt him even more. She clenched her fists tight and took a step back from him.
"Why does it feel like I'm always at fault here? Why does it feel like you're always against me? Everything I do is wrong in your eyes, and you're just waiting for me to mess up again, only to point it back and fire at me. Why do you only notice my mistakes? What about the things I did right? Aren't they important to you at all?" Jack felt his eyes sting as his vision started to blur.
"The things you did right? Jack, I tried to envision you sitting in an office, a cup of coffee on your right, with that warm smile on your face, with that wonderful aura coming out of you. But ever since you accepted that man's offer, you never had the time for me anymore. You've lost that smile that I loved so much and I wanted it back. But now I realized how much of a fool I was for ever thinking that someday you'll be back. You'll be back again and everything would be just as it was before."
"Just as it was? You wanted to live in an occupied small building filled with drunken men on a busy and polluted street? You wanted to live a life like that?" he stared at her with disbelief shown in his face. "Elsa, I accepted that man's offer because I wanted to give you the best. You deserved better than to live in that rotting and god forbid, smelly place. I wanted what's best for you!"
She shook her head at him, wiping the remaining tears. "No, Jack. I was contented having you next to me, with my head pressed on your chest, our hands intertwined, too tight to ever come undone. Every night was special to us. We made it special."
"And we still do."
"You're wrong. We don't even sleep together anymore. We may do at times, but it felt as if you're far away from me, and this distance will be the death of me if we don't part ways and end things. Ironic, isn't it?" she let out a bitter chuckle and shook her head once more.
"No, no Elsa. I won't let you go. I made a promise," he took her hand and clutched it tightly with every ounce of strength he has left for the both of them. "Don't let it end like this."
"Jack, let me go. You have to let me go," her voice broke as she struggled to remove his contact from hers. "Please. I can't take it anymore."
He closed the gap between them, hoping to fill the distance between their hearts as well by pressing his cold lips on hers in a tight lock. She was taken aback at the sudden action and fought under his embrace, her eyes closed, as she felt a hand wrap around her waist, pulling her closer to his body. It was a kiss filled with despair and deep longing.
Elsa didn't recognize it, she couldn't remember the last time they shared an intense action before. She felt his mouth move along with hers as she raised a closed fist and slamming it onto his hard chest repeatedly. She let out a muffled voice and pulled away before she had the chance to give in and forget everything that happened between them.
She wiped her mouth and slapped him hard across the cheek, the painful sound echoing throughout the room, her breathing ragged and her eyes flashing with rage. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why won't you ever listen to what I say? Am I some sort of pet for you to play with? Jack, we're not children anymore! When will you learn to grow up?"
His face sting from the slap he gave him, his eyes widen and his mouth parted. His brows slowly furrowed as his fists clenched with renounced anger from before, from what she said, from all the things they've been through, from all the fights, from all the bottled up feelings he kept enclosed for a long time. He snapped.
"You have a lot of nerve to say that. A lot of fucking nerve. Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk inside the damn building with all eyes on you because they know how much of a failure you are? Do you have any idea how much work do I have to go through everyday just to buy all the things needed in this apartment? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to realize that I can't have a child?"
She took a sharp breath, a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, along with the bubbled and steaming fury inside her. She closed her eyes for a split second before opening them back again. "You're blaming me for not being able to conceive a child for you? Jack, you were with me when we were at the hospital. You heard what the doctor said!" she screamed at him, her face flushed down to her neck.
"And words cannot describe how painful it was to me. To realize that I can't have a little Jack or Elsa running around the house, to can't have that one missing piece to complete a family. I wanted a family, Elsa. I wanted a family." He'd repeat it over and over again, as if to mock her failure as a wife. Though Jack didn't mean it, but it did sting. It did hurt to not have a child of your own. To have that little happiness in your life.
"It was painful to me too, Jack. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my damn fault! Did you know how much I wanted to have a child of my own too? Did you know the pain a woman has to go through upon realizing that you cannot bear the one thing you were trained and learned for? No, you can't because you're too busy sulking with your mistakes to consider my own feelings!"
It happened within a split second, a moment; a short amount of time, Elsa felt the cold and solid hand of Jack collide with her face, the audible noise much stronger than before. She stumbled back down, her hands pressed shakily on the floor, disbelief and betrayal filling up her senses as his hand was now stained with guilt and sin against a woman for as long as he lived.
He couldn't believe what he just did. He looked down at his hand then back to his wife. "Elsa, I.. I didn't mean it, I.."
"I want a divorce."
He stayed quiet.
She pushed herself off and stood up, grabbing the travel bag. "I'll be back with the papers," she said with no emotion can be heard or be recognized, it was as if all the love she had for her was gone, within a blink of an eye. Just like that.
"I'm sorry, Elsa."
"You said you made a promise, right? You made a promise in front of my family and relatives along with yours. I wonder what happened to that now. I thought you wanted me to be happy. I thought this was going to work. I thought we could make it. We almost did though." With that said, she walked out of the room, leaving Jack alone with his loud thoughts to bother him endlessly. The room felt as frosty as ever with only one beating heart inside.
He was left with the once split image of a perfect family.