Tessa and all of you who keep up with this, you help me keep with this

And I thank you.

He feels her presence and her breathing like its part of him, his forehead is still pressed against hers. Her hands relax, less tense within his own.

"I'm sorry." He tells her. For running away like a coward. For everything, for this whole situation, for not telling her his feelings, for treating her the opposite of such, but mostly, for not deserving her like he should have. "I'm sorry"

She pulls back and looks at him and then glances to the side. "Gunther... If you can't, be- do..." She lets out a huff of irritated breath, color splayed onto her face in embarrassment. She takes a deep breath this time and speaks again, her face remains a bright red. "I understand. We will figure something out..." He stares at her as she talks, his mouth slightly agape, the words not really settling in him at first. He is just beginning to grasp their meaning.

He had been so busy worrying about what she wanted and how she felt that he had never stopped to reassure her what he wanted. That she might even think that he did not want her or that he was not willing... Had never even crossed mind. It should have, with the way they had always gotten along, with the way he had always treated her, the way he had treated her tonight. He had never told her how he felt. Had he just expected her to know? He was such a fool.

The laugh escapes through his mouth unabated, as what she is saying fully registers.

She looks up at him, a startled look on her face, again he almost cannot fathom the fact that she doesn't realize just how much he really does want her, that the love he has for her has been tearing him apart inside for such a long time he had mostly grown accustomed to being in constant state of malrepair. Today it finally managed to completely split and mull him into a new shape. How many times he has already felt like he is dying at the thought of her?

She needs to know and words have already failed him enough tonight.

No more of that.

When he reaches for her this time there is no hesitance, he digs his hand into her hair crushing her to him. She makes an exclamation of surprise that he catches in his mouth as his lips meet hers. His mouth moving on hers the way he had always wanted. He holds her tight putting his whole body, his entire being into the kiss. Then after a moment, the surprise of his movement melting away, she is kissing him back. He is running on instinct once more, he moves both his hands to her back to bring her closer pressing as hard as he can against her. Her own hands pressed against his chest but she isn't pushing him away, she just presses them hard flat against him. He can imagine imprints left behind where her hands will have burned through his clothes and into his skin with the heat that comes from them. Her fingers curl slightly into the material of his shirt.

She is all over him, the taste of her lips, her hands burning holes in his chest, she is so close, unbearably so, it is like staring into the radiance of the sun, and yet it is not enough. Not for the way he feels, not for the fever running rampart inside him.

She pulls back drawing great heaps of breath, he can feel each hitch of breath as if it were his own, and although his breath is just as shallow as hers, he doesn't want to lose the momentum. He tilts his his head and slides his mouth along her jaw tasting her skin, moving down and finding the softness of her neck. She gasps when he bites down lightly, her fingers tightening into fists, his shirt bunched under her fingers. He is pretty sure shes got some of his skin under there as well, he couldn't care less, he already belongs to her. He is hers to with as she likes.

He doesn't want to stop. He never wants to stop as long as he lives, it would be like suddenly being forced to live without the sun; an unbearable existence.

But of course this isn't just about what he wants, so he holds himself back, pressing his forehead against her collarbone instead, gasping for air.

He takes a few breaths but remains there, with his forehead against her collarbone its easier to get the words out somehow. "Jane... I've thought about you that way..." So vividly, and wildly and constantly and chastised himself only to find his thoughts drifting back to her hair and the freckles speckled across her face and her being close enough to count them, but just kissing her instead, and more. "So many times, its indecent really." He can feel her tense up as he speaks but she doesn't disengage from their embrace. And then because the words feel like they are too heavy, "Someone should beat me with a stick." She lets out a small huff of breath that he can feel move his hair, he recognizes it as a small laugh. Some levity, but it was true. He shouldn't have been having those thoughts about her, so often and always oddly bright making everything vivid and colorful, and intense in that color, they would follow into in his dreams at times and when he woke up the world would seem dull and diminished in comparison, at least until he saw her again...

"Then why..." Her voice is a low but he can hear her perfectly, her hands have lost their death grip on his shirt and used-to-be-a-part-of-chest-skin. She moves her flat hand slowly against his chest a small up and down movement that feels almost out of habit, she probably doesn't even realize she's doing it. She definitely maimed his chest however, he can feel the sting as she moves her hand, its a sweet sort of pain. He lifts his face a bit, dragging his chin slowly where his forehead had been, his face now in her hair the smell of lavender and smoke in the air once again. He remembers wanting to run his hand through her fiery curls once more, he doesn't deny himself the opportunity this time.

"Because I am stupid, and It was easier to run." Pulling himself back to finally look her in the eye, he moves his hand up along her back finding her hair and running his fingers slowly through her thick and lovely curls, savoring the feeling.

She bites her lip looking up at him intently, she's still pressed against him and it takes all his willpower to keep himself from bending down slightly and freeing that lip with his own. He focuses of the feel of her hair, the length it is cool fire soft and alive in his fingers... and his other hand around her waist, her hands still resting lightly on his chest, her warmth, her softness...

"Gunther."

"Yes?" It takes him a moment to focus his mind on her words.

"Then why did you stop me... from taking... removing..." She goes slightly red once more, the color spreading over her face and neck, her hands move down curling in on themselves she presses them together again just below her breasts (he gulps), he had never noticed how expressive her hands were, until they were pressed up against him, he must have been to busy looking at every other part of her.

He takes his own hand out of her hair to run it along her cheek, until she looks up at him again "I did not want it to be like that. You deserve better." Better than him, certainly and a better situation at that. "No matter how impatient I may be." He raises his eyebrow at her, color splaying across her features again. He doesn't want her to misunderstand him this time. "You should not have to do anything you do not want. Just because I could not dredge up the courage to say or do anything, to do things the poper way... I... It should only happen if you actually want to." His heart skips a couple of beats as the words come out of his mouth.

"I don't things that I don't want to." Jane says, she sounds slightly affronted. "I agreed to this for the same reasons, Gunther." Her mouth moves in the most wonderful way when she says his name. "And under the same understanding. I knew precisely what I was getting. We both did." She shifts, and he knows she means to set her hands on her hips, but hes still holding on to her so she just shifts her weight instead "We are in the same boat you and I."

He stays quiet because he knows it is untrue, he hadn't agreed for the same reasons as she had, he hadn't done it out of loyalty or obedience he had done it because he was selfish, because he was offered the chance to have Jane, and he had taken it masking himself under those other circumstances. Lying even to himself about his true motives... He realizes after a moment that he has his hand in her hair once again.

"So," He says, his mouth feels dry and his heart begins its race-horse pace once again. "What do we do now?"

Thanks once again for the reviews I love to see your feedback and just the fact that you take time to say something means so much.

You guys keep me writing. I've already written the next part so I promise I won't leave you hanging here for to long. Wendsday didn't let me get this up early, (but I tried! I did.) But here it is on schedule. At 12:00 so I think that is pretty good.

See you next Thursday... Maybe a bit earlier...

I have kept you waiting... I don't know... Do you want it early... ;)

Let me know your feelings on this!