A/N This chapter has a lot of background information about Beca in it. There's obviously more to come in future chapters. Along with Chloe. There's an introduction to a really important character in this chapter that you'll probably hear a lot about or see more of in future entries. **There is also a flashback in the middle of the chapter that will be bold and in italics. Lyrics are in bold. ***Trigger warning mentions of self harm**** feedback is always appreciated from anyone.
Chloe stirred as she heard the sound of chirping birds, not quite ready to open her eyes she yanks the covers over her head. After about ten minutes of lying there regretting her decisions she sits up. Clutching her head and groaning again she cracks her eye open to try and observe her surroundings. Covering her face with her hands she falls back into the bed only peeking through her fingers when she feels weight on the bed next to her. Why is there a cat? She thought to herself in confusion before darting up. Where the fuck am I? She was clutching the sheets to her chest before she looked down and gulp. Oh god. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Profanities were flying through her head so fast she couldn't keep up. She slowly lifted the blankets. "SHIT!" Chloe yelled before falling back again. "Not again!" She groaned into her hands. Her memories from the previous night still super blurry and distant. She glanced to one side of the room and didn't recognize any of the decorations and groaned even louder.
"So, good morning?" The voice asked hesitantly and for the first time Chloe realized she wasn't alone in the room. She craned her neck to the other side of the room and saw the tiny brunette from the country club sitting in a desk chair sipping on what smelled like coffee, her legs criss cross and her hair thrown in a messy bun, last night's makeup still on her face. She looks so damn hot! Chloe frowned at the thought in her head. Chloe shifted awkwardly trying to keep the blankets across her chest. Her eyes widening when the idea that she was naked in someone else's bed after a party hit her.
"Did we uhh-" Chloe asked as fear crept into her voice. Don't get her wrong she had her one night stand period when she started college but she was long passed that at this point and hadn't planned on going back. The younger woman laughed and shook her head violently.
"No no no. First off I don't sleep with unconscious people. Especially not umm.. How much do you remember about last night?" A look of concern was written on her face. Chloe what the fuck did you do? Was all Chloe could think at first.
"I parked my car outside of the guest house at Elly's. Then I took some E, had a few drinks. Tom made me play beer pong with him or whatever so I drank more." Chloe's eyes snapped up and she remembered clear as day. All she could do was shudder as tears stung her eyes. "Tom." Her eyes shifted uneasily back to the other girl's eyes. Discomfort and anger clearly burning in her eyes. "I umm- Came back outside. Took more shots with Aubrey and Stacie. I remember belting a PVRIS song on a table. And that's it." Chloe finished with a heavy sigh.
"You singing on that table was pretty comical. Especially when you requested Stacy's mom. And your friend Aubrey is it? The blonde got up on the table and got so into it. I think the brunette might have actually thought she thought her mom was hot." The mystery girl laughed coolly in front of Chloe who shook her head believing the story entirely. "After that, I set up a playlist for the rest of the crowd. You and your two friends had vanished so I figured you left with them. I wasn't expecting to come out here and hear the shower running. I thought some stupid couple was fucking. Then I walked in to the bathroom and you were completely catatonic. Fully clothed and everything sitting under the cold water." She shot Chloe a sympathetic look.
"What?" Chloe was struggling to dig the memory up but couldn't which was frustrating her. She stared at the seemingly nameless girl in front of her waiting for her to continue. Finally noticing how badly her body hurt.
"I asked if you wanted me to call anyone to come get you and you just pulled your knees to your chest and sobbed. Eventually I panicked and didn't know what to do, I turned the water off and climbed in the tub and held you until you stopped. I tried to get you to change but at that point you started crying again. I pulled your shirt and pants off figuring it'd be better to sleep in a wet bra and underwear than soaking clothes." She paused but before she could continue Chloe interrupted.
"And then I woke up?" Chloe was exhausted and she believed the woman sitting in front of her, she also felt extremely guilty for putting her through that.
"No, I got you in bed after you took the rest of your clothes off I might add. Then you asked me to sit next to you because you were scared and tired of feeling alone. So I did, holding your hand until you fell asleep." The girl closed her mouth and thought for a moment before she spoke again, looking like she was unsure if it was a good idea to finish. "When you were sleeping you wouldn't stop crying. And talking. You were yelling at Tom to stop. That you didn't want to." She awkwardly ran her hand through her hair. "That he was hurting you and you didn't want to." The girl shifted slightly before locking eyes with Chloe. Chloe knowing right then that she knew. I just met this girl like twenty-four hours ago and she knows two of my secrets. At least she only knows about this time. Chloe choked back tears as she thought quietly to herself. "Red," She smiled encouragingly and my eyes widened at the casual nickname in such a heavy moment. Her eyes saddened quickly. "That's not the first time this has happened is it?" Chloe didn't want to look at her anymore, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Here." Beca gestured to an advil bottle and glass of water next to the bet. Then set a pair of shorts and an old team tshirt on the bed. "I know it's nothing fancy but it's better than the wet clothes. You can shower if you need to." Chloe looked around again still unsure of her surroundings before she caught glimpse of her car just outside.
"Is this Elly's guest house?" Chloe asked quietly as the brunette stood up.
"Yeah, when I moved in last fall Elly moved to the loft above the shop because it made her deals easier and I took over out here. Sorry I thought you knew where you were." The girl chuckled lightly before awkwardly smiling and leaving the room. She backed up and sighed. "Chloe right? Don't worry, if you don't want to tell anyone your secret is safe with me." The small alternative girl walked away leaving her sentence hanging in the air.
"You always rope me into crazy shit! Know who gets caught, gets the shit end, gets in trouble or ends up babysitting every single time?" Beca glared at Elly across the kitchen counter of the guest house. Beca's phone was ringing but she didn't feel like trying to find it in the messy living room. Sighing at the thought of Chloe's break down weeks ago. How could someone do something like that to such a beautiful person? Beca had only met her three times now but her heart really ached for the girl. Beca frowned absently.
"Come on dude." Elly narrowed her eyes in an attempt to intimidate Beca. "You've been locked up in this house all summer. You leave in like a week to go to college." Beca couldn't help but let a sinister laugh out.
"And who's fault is that again? I should be going to LA." Elly sighed as her cousin's angry words settled. "If I hadn't covered for you in high school with those stupid pills I wouldn't have had to agree to go to Barden for a year before I can get my inheritance and go to LA." Elly shifted as guilt etched into her features. Beca sighed in defeat. "Where and when?" Elly's head snapped up and her eyes were sparkling.
"This afternoon we go on at 5. It's just a small dive bar on the outside of town called The Riff Off. There's a fake underneath your steering wheel." Elly grinned with excitement, Beca had never seen her band play because most of the members were gone a majority of the year for college. "It's just a bunch of covers. But it'll be fun I promise!" Beca nodded grimly. Elly had asked me to DJ for her a few times over the summer. She queued up a few lists only going to the equipment to make a few adjustments and change the set. Avoiding any socializing. Beca watched the parties from her window, searching the crowds for the red haired woman. Watching from a distance when she came into view. Ignoring her knocks on the door with a guilty feeling the few times she tried to find her. Eventually she quit trying. Beca was lost in thought when her phone rang again. This time she scrambled to find it, eventually realizing it was shoved between the couch cushions.
"Hey kid." The familiar voice muttered on the other end of the line causing Beca to grin to herself.
"Hey Taylor, what's up?" Beca responded easily.
"I was starting to get worried, I've been calling you all morning." The older woman's voice sounded as if she were frowning and Beca couldn't help but laugh.
"You mean the goddess of rock and roll was scared?" Beca teased her older sister. Silence came from the phone and Beca had to make sure the call was still on the line. "What's going on sis?" Beca's brow furrowed as a bunch of bad thoughts rushed her spinning mind.
"Dammit Ben if you weren't the best guitarist I know I'd consider firing you sometimes." Her sister sighed deeply. "Sorry Becs, I swear I'm surrounded by idiots sometimes." A few protests came from the background and Taylor laughed lazily. "Anyways to the point I guess. I have a few days of R and R. I figured I could come visit you before you head off to college." Before Beca could respond her sister spoke again. "If you don't mind that is."
"Of course not, when were you thinking?" Beca agreed without even thinking about it. It had been almost six months since she saw her older sister last.
"I'm about two hours away so I figured I could be there this afternoon. I'll crash on the couch or whatever."
"Taylor I have a spare bedroom. You know that." Beca thought for a second. "Elly and her band are playing some gig at a dive bar later. Around four or five I guess. Wanna go with me?"
"Which bar?" Her sister asked sounded distracted. Taylor was always distracted though.
"The Riff Off." Beca answered receiving a laugh in return. "What?"
"I'll meet you there. I used to do gigs at that place all the time in high school. Elly got you a fake right?" Beca nodded before realizing her sister couldn't see the gesture.
"Yeah. Hey, umm. How are you?" Beca didn't like bringing up personal details with her sister often but they hadn't talked in a long time and she had a lot of questions.
"I'm still taking me meds and doing treatments. No worries. I'll see you soon kid." Taylor disconnected before Beca could speak. Beca rolled her eyes before setting her phone down and quickly moving throughout her space, picking up clothing and empty containers. She did the dishes and took a shower before quickly dressing and getting in her car to drive across town.
"ID please." The man at the door asked barley glancing at Beca. She handed him a fake and he stamped her hand. Beca glanced around the crowded bar and waved to Elly who was testing the equipment on stage who shot her a grateful smile in return. Beca made her way to the bar and got a beer before finding a seat at a small table in the back corner, getting comfortable as she waited for the set to start. Scrolling through her social media as she grew bored, a voice on stage caught her attention. Elly was standing off to the side with her guitar grinning widely as a redhead laughed next to her. Beca squinted in confusion.
"Hey everyone." The tall girl spoke into the microphone, receiving some noise from the now packed bar. "Thank you for coming out. We don't get to do this often because we're a bunch off crazy college kids, we appreciate the great turn out." Beca took in the appearance of Chloe Beale on stage. Complete with a lot of black eye liner, torn up black skinny jeans and a black band shirt that had been turned into a muscle shirt. "We're just doing some covers. Here to have fun and hoping you enjoy. Our first song is a PVRIS cover called My House." She stepped back from the microphone as the band began to play. Her voice full of pure emotion as she began to sing. Beca chugged the last of the beer she was holding and set it down.
"Good thing I got two." The voice caused Beca to jump. She looked to the left of her to see her sister placing another beer on the table for her. Beca stood up and hugged her sister quickly. "I haven't seen Elly play before. What did I miss?" Beca eyed the blonde as she sat down and kicked her feet up on the empty chair, taking note that her expression showed that she was taking care of herself.
"They just started." Beca stated evenly as her eyes fell on Chloe. "How was the drive?" Beca looked back to see her sister shrug and left it at that. They watched in silence until the next song started, a grin twisting onto both their faces as the recognized the song.
"They have good taste." Taylor teased as they began to play Just Tonight by The Pretty Reckless.
"Here we are and I can't think from all the pills, hey. Start the car and take me home. Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say. Start the car and take me home. Just tonight I will stay and we'll throw it all away."
"Wow that girl has one hell of a voice." Taylor said before focusing her attention back on the music. Beca nodded, her eyes locked on Chloe's face as she sang. A mixture of sadness and sympathy feeling her body as thought about what this song meant to Chloe.
"Here I am and I can't seem to see straight. But I'm too numb to feel right now. And here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time. I'm too numb to feel right now."
Beca fought back the urge to tell Taylor about the redhead but knew that she made a promise not to.
"Do you understand who I am, do you want to know? Can you really see through me? Now I've got to go. Just tonight I won't leave and I'll lie and you'll believe. Just tonight, I won't see that it's all because of me."
Beca stared in disbelief at how well the redhead sang the words to her sister's song. Taylor seemed to enjoy how well the band sounded and glanced at Beca. "What's up shorty?" When Beca met her sister's eyes the badass façade faded and she shrank in her seat.
"I just know that she's been through a lot." Beca stated safely avoiding any context of what the details were. Her sister tilted her head as she thought back.
"Isn't she a Beale?" The question was causal but still caught Beca off guard. "I went to school at the same time as her. Things were kind of rough for her I guess. I mean if you didn't pay attention you'd never have noticed." Taylor laughed softly. "But you know how I am. I notice everything." Beca was still staring straight ahead as her sister took in her body lagauge. "Which leads me to my next question. What's going on? I know you better than anyone." Beca hesitated but couldn't stop the words from tumbling out after a moment and she explained all the details to her sister, who patiently listened and nodded occasionally. "There's more to it Becs." This really threw the younger sister off.
"What?" Beca's voice cracked. Curious on what her sister knew that she didn't.
"I don't know anything, just look at her." Taylor hitched her head toward the girl singing a different song at this point. "It's more than what you know. No one may no." Taylor sat back in her seat, telling Beca silently that she was done talking about this.
"Have you been okay? Have you…" Taylor laughed at the younger girl's awkward attempt at a question.
"I've got it under control. No voices. No panic attacks. Nightmares happen occasionally but that's about it." Beca searched her Taylor's features and sighed when she couldn't read anything that signaled that she wasn't being truthful. "I've got it under control kid. It's not like it was when mom died." Beca sighed again and closed her eyes. Her attention caught by a lot of movement on the stage.
"So this song is a favorite as of recently. I met this really amazing person my first day back for break and she really helped me out one night. I'll never be able to repay her for that. So to the mystery girl with the dark blue eyes, wherever you are. This is for you. Take it easy on me. This is the first acoustic song I've preformed." Chloe spoke nervously. Beca's eyes widened as she leaned forward in her seat. Unaware of Taylor carefully watching her. She began to strum the guitar flawlessly and Beca sat back in her seat. Knowing the song right away, she had listened to Taylor write it back when she was sick and Beca was the only person she'd talk to. She remembered laying in the bed across the room as Taylor sat up with a flashlight playing this song in the dark over and over again at night. The bar was silent except for Chloe's voice and the haunting sound of the guitar.
"You don't want me, oh. You don't need me. Like I want you, oh. Like I need you. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life. You can't see me, no. Like I see you. I can't have you, no. Like you have me. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life."
Taylor was crying hysterically, rocking back and forth in the fetal position as Beca walked into the room after band practice. Beca dropped her bag and ran over to the catatonic blonde. Pulling her hands down from her ears. "Taylor listen to me, look at me sis." She lifted Taylor's chin gently with her fingers. The look of pure horror written in her eyes. Beca sighed as she slipped her legs under her sister's knees. Pulling them back until her chest was against the older girl's. Pushing Taylor's head into her shoulder, she rocked the back and forth.
"Get out of my head." Taylor sobbed over and over again. Beca had been here too many times and knew that her sister was afraid. The doctors had told them she was schizophrenic. Their dad had flipped out, refusing to allow his adopted-stepdaughter to take the medications the doctors had prescribed. As if ignoring her illness would make it go away. He then decided that ignoring his daughters all together was the best course of action. Beca cursed is ignorance silently in her head. Taylor hadn't stopped crying so Beca did the only thing she knew to do.
"And I want you in my life and I need you in my life." Her words came out as a hushed song and she felt Taylor tense up. They were the words she had repeated over and over again to her sister when Taylor had said that the voices were right. That she would be better off to kill herself so Beca didn't have to take care of her. "I want you in my life. I need you in my life." Beca repeated louder. Humming as she rocked her sister back and forth. "Taylor, it's okay I'm here."
"Beca I don't want to do this anymore." Beca looked at the floor behind Taylor and choked down a sob as she saw blood and a razor on the floor. She pulled back as she felt the sobs stop.
"You can't see me, like I see you." Beca sighed. She took her the bloody arm in her hand and wiped a few tears from her eyes. "We're going to get you better Taylor. We'll figure this out. I promise." Beca's eyes locked on her sister's. "I'm not going to leave you. I don't care what the voices say. You're the only family I have left. We'll beat this. I promise."
"Mom couldn't beat it. She listened to the voices. She believed them. Maybe they're right." New tears were pooling in her eyes.
"Don't talk like that. This is dad's fault. He wouldn't get her help when she needed it. We didn't know how to help her. I won't let that happen to you. I can't lose you. Just don't move okay, I'm going to go get the first aid kit." Beca stood and rushed across the hall to the bathroom. Locking the bedroom door when she returned. "Let me see it." Beca asked patiently, sadness and anger making her hands shake as she cleaned the wounds and bandaged them up. "Look, all good." Beca stood, kicking the kit under her bed and pulled Taylor to her feet.
"I wrote you something. Well it's something for you and mom. But mostly you." Taylor wiped a tear away with her sleeve. "Wanna hear it?" Beca smiled and sat across the room on her twin sized bed nodding. Taylor took her place on her own twin sized bed, grabbing her guitar before sitting down. As soon as the chords started Beca couldn't focus on anything else.
Taylor's hand slipped into Beca's. Bringing Beca back to reality. Beca focused on the singer in front of her.
"You can't feel me, no. Like I feel you. I can't steal you like you stole me. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life."
Chloe strummed out the rest of the song before the whole bar burst out in applause. Taylor shifting awkwardly as she clapped. Beca looked around to see people trying to point subtly at the blonde next her. Whispering and staring like they weren't sure if it was who they thought it was or not. "Hey I'm gonna sneak out. People are starting to notice me." Taylor's face fell a little as her eyes lingered on Chloe up front. "She's really good." She added before chugging the rest of her beer. "She deserves everyone's attention. I just don't want to steal it." She frowned at her feet before standing.
"I'll come with you." Beca finished her beer before pushing her seat back. She hesitated as Chloe's laugh rang through the air. "I've never seen anyone play that as well as you. No offense." Taylor smiled at the young brunette squeezing her hand.
"She played it better."
Song in this chapter is You by The Pretty Reckless