A/N Okay just a heads up there's only Chloe's perspective in this chapter. So much goes down, you learn some back story. Next chapter I'll make up for it by making it only Beca's perspective which I think will work because Beca's about to have some sort of curve ball thrown at her. Chloe meets a very important person. Bechloe makes an appearance. This one is full of twists and turns. So just read on fellow nerds. Feedback is appreciated. I've been so excited to post this chapter! ***Trigger Warning*** Self harm, reference to drugs and sexual abuse.
It was the night of the concert and Chloe was pacing her apartment. She had bailed on Tom and the thought of how upset he was going to be when she saw him next had her one edge. She had only seen Beca once between classes since coffee but had received a few texts throughout the week. She was supposed to meet Beca by the coffee shack in ten minutes. Chloe. Chloe stiffened and inhaled sharply. Please not tonight. Chloe rushed into the bathroom, staring at the clearness of her eyes. She had been cutting back on the drugs due to the fact that the voices hadn't bothered her much since her self harm incident in the bathroom. She wanted to be clear minded tonight, for the concert, herself and mostly Beca. Why are you even trying? She's just going to leave as soon as she finds out. She might even tell everyone your secrets Chloe. Chloe was gripping the sink silently hoping they'd just go away. Chloe. The voices seemed to be whispering in turns from all corners of Chloe's hearing. Chloe's phone buzzed in her pocket, she dropped her eyes down to the device when she removed it from her pocket. It was Beca. She looked back to her reflection. "I'm not doing this tonight." She stated firmly, believing her own words for once. Have fun then. The devious voice echoed her Chloe's thoughts as she walked to where she was supposed to meet Beca. Calmly sliding into the passenger seat.
"You look stunning." Beca said as she took in the rock girl version of Chloe Beale. Beca turned to check and see if she could pull into the road. "She's gonna love you." Beca whispered barley loud enough Chloe could hear. Although Chloe was sure she wasn't meant to hear it and didn't even comment. The drove chatting and comparing music and arguing over who was and wasn't a true rock legend. Both strongly agreeing that Taylor Momsen was on her way no doubt to being one.
"You going to tell me how you got these tickets?" Chloe asked still wondering how she pulled off such a magic trick.
"I've got my ways." Beca replied slyly. "You'll see soon enough." She added only confusing Chloe even more. Beca parked the car in an alley way a few blocks up the road. Sending a quick text before climbing out and opening Chloe's door.
"Such a gentleman." Chloe teased before resting her hand on Beca's cheek. Beca seemed to blush in the darkness, Chloe couldn't really tell though. Chloe looked around before laughing. "Are you going to kill me and dump my body in a dumpster?" Chloe looked to Beca for a response only half kidding in her question. All of a sudden the realization that Chloe knew nothing really about this mystery girl hit her. She wasn't uneasy about it, just made her more curious.
"No, it's just easier to go this way then to wrestle through the line out front." Beca pulled back a banner on the fence to reveal a whole large enough to duck through. Chloe eyed her skeptically but went through anyways. She found herself questioning a lot of decisions around the tiny woman. A large man stood to his feet quickly as they emerged from the shadows but when Beca's face came into light he smiled and waved in a friendly manner. Chloe looked down when Beca's fingers interlaced with her own. Smiling slightly to herself. "Bruce." Beca nodded as we walked up the stairs towards the door he was guarding.
"Turn right, third door on the left. Trust me you can't miss it." Bruce spoke in a booming voice and Beca patted his shoulder when she walked by.
"Of course not, you never can." She retorted, receiving a hearty chuckle from the giant man. We followed his directions and stopped shy of the door to see a combat boot smash into the door directly across the hall. "Ready?" Chloe felt Beca sigh before squeezing her hand reassuringly. She yanked Chloe into the bright room. A sting of profanity coming from one of the rooms occupants. "Whoa, what did I miss?" Beca asked shooting glances around. Chloe a moment before she realized who was in front of them. Beca looked over after everyone settled down to see a bright eyed Chloe Beale staring in awe. She laughed a little too hard.
"Beca, dude give me your boots!" The blonde shouted after a moment, Chloe furrowing her brow in confusion.
"Dude no! I'll never get them back!" Beca whined as the blonde bent down to take them right off of Beca's being. "Stop it you asshole!" Beca slapped the woman's back. The blonde stood up and glared at her before grinning.
"I'll give you these!" She said while rummaging through a box of looked like different combat boots. She held up a pair of black ones with a light gray lining. Chloe looked at Beca to gauge her response even though the red head was more confused now than ever. "Come on, you tried to steal them from me last time I saw you! I had to practically brawl with you to get them back."
"Fine." Beca dropped Chloe's hand and quickly untied her boots, tossing them at the singer before sliding the new boots in place. She noticed Chloe hadn't said a word and shot her an apologetic look. "Chloe this is Taylor. Taylor this is Chloe." Beca gestured between the two women and Taylor walked over and hugged a stunned Chloe.
"Hun, I'm a human being just like you." She whispered for only Chloe to hear, the red head's arms tightened around the small singer as the words settled in her ears. Taylor pulled back and smiled slyly. "So we go on soon. You guys have stage seats. Or you can chill out back here. There's food, alcohol or whatever you need. Are you going to stick around and chill out after the show?" Taylor looked back and forth between the pair expectantly.
"If that's what Chloe wants to do." Beca offered, Chloe nodding excitedly.
"That'd be totes awesome." Her voice full of cheer. Taylor jerked a thumb towards her before stage whispering.
"I like her." Winking at Beca and hugging Chloe again. "See you guys soon." Taylor nodded, glancing at the both one more time before sulking off for their performance. Beca turned to a stunned Chloe slowly.
"You good? What do you think?" Beca asked watching Chloe's demeanor intently trying to gauge her reactions. She noticed that Chloe's eyes were clear and she smiled to herself happy that she wasn't high. Chloe shifted and opened her mouth before closing it, her thoughts racing a million miles an hour.
"She's so… NICE." Chloe finally blurted out before blinking at her own words. "She looks so intense and scary but wow." Beca couldn't help but laugh.
"She is scary. Trust me. Just wait until you get to know her you'll see what I'm talking about." Beca silently promised, not thinking much about the fact that she wanted Taylor to have a chance to get to know the girl in front of her. "Let's get out there. Being on stage is so much better than the pit." Beca stated while tugging Chloe close behind her. Being escorted to their place on stage. Taylor spoke a short speech about how she hates society and how fucked up it is. She launched into a few songs and then stopped to speak again.
"So Atlanta, it's not very often that I get to see people that are dear to me. Not that I really have all that many anyways." Taylor laughs and the crowd grows deadly silent waiting for her to continue. "Tonight is an exception. I'd like you to give a huge and brutal welcome to my baby sister Beca Mitchell. She drove out from college with her hopefully soon to be girlfriend to see me play." Taylor looked back at the pair and waved them on. Beca shook her head as if signaling no, when Taylor's eyes locked on Chloe's and her grin mirrored the red head's Chloe couldn't help but twist her hand into Beca's and pull her forward. The crowd exploded as the two took center stage with Taylor. "Look at that Becs, Red has more balls than you." Taylor beamed at Chloe who smiled in return. Chloe's heart sank when the same grin Taylor had just given her was now directed at Beca. Who in turn turned to Chloe with a knowing smirk. Taylor walked off and returned holding a gorgeous acoustic, thrusting it towards Chloe who stared in complete confusion. Watching as Taylor walked to the edge of the stage. "This cute little red head has the voice of a fucking goddess. I stopped by to see little Becs a couple months back and this girl and her cover band were singing in a local bar. When she started singing I was completely floored. Like ass glued to the fucking seat." The cheers erupted again. "She performed one of my songs in dedication to my sister in some fate will have it twisted situation. Here she was singing a song for a woman that had swept her off her feet one night. She didn't know her name or anything about her. And as if fate wasn't fucking twisted enough. She sang a song written by said woman's older sister." Taylor beamed at the crowd as the went absolutely off the walls. "How about it Red, care to humor us?" Taylor finally asked. Chloe stood wide eyed in front of the enormous crowed, on stage with her idol who actually happened to be her crush's older sister. This has got to be some big crazy, sexy ending fantasy dream. It'll end with Beca, Taylor and I having a steamy threesome. Chloe thought before she furrowed her brows.But if it's just a dream why not sing? Chloe stepped forward taking the guitar in her hands, Taylor replaced the microphone on the stand before stepping up behind Chloe.
"The first time I meet Beca's family and you guys throw me to the wolves." Chloe whispered loud enough for Taylor to hear. She reached out and adjusted the microphone. "Okay, I'm obviously no Taylor Momsen, rock goddess. But this song has become a recent favorite. I learned how to play it before I even knew who Beca was. She saved me. In a literal way on two occasions before I even knew her name. I didn't actually meet her until she randomly showed up on my campus at the end of summer. Shocking the hell out of both of us. I had no idea she or Taylor saw me preform this song at the bar. So just, take it easy on me." Chloe flashed her signature smile before stumming the guitar perfectly.
"You don't want me no; you don't need me. Like I want you oh, like I need you. And I want you in my life. And I need you in my life. You can't see me no, like I see you. I can't have you no; like you have me. And I want you in my life and I need you in my life."
Chloe drifted into the melody as she perfectly executed the song. She said with her eyes closed for a moment, the entire venue silent before everyone started screaming and clapping. Taylor quickly taking up the microphone again.
"Did I not fucking tell you? Voice of an angel." Her eyes looked wet like she had just been crying and Chloe looked back at Beca who was standing all wide eyed, giant grin waiting for her. She slipped her arm around Beca's waist and leaned into her for support.
"Chloe Beale, you are incredible." Beca spoke directly into her ear as Taylor went into the final song of the seat. Chloe was all smiles as the all trotted off the stage and began to file out to Beca's car. Taylor making the same comment Chloe had, about being murdered. "What do you want to do Taylor?" Taylor thought for a second.
"I need to change and then maybe hit a bar or something. Denny's kind of sounds good to be honest." Chloe couldn't help but laugh at how normal that sounded. She caught Taylor questioning her in the mirror. Chloe turned in her seat to explain.
"I was just standing on stage with you. You have this aura and you just kill it out there. You're a rock goddess whether you want to agree or not. Then you step out of the area and you're just… A normal college age human being. You want beer and nasty cheap, twenty-four-hour diner food." Taylor shrugged in agreement and busted up laughing also.
"I'm just as normal as you and Becs. We're all a lot alike though. Our passion for music driving us to be alive every day. If it wasn't for music, I'd be dead." A serious tone washed into the blonde's voice, Chloe catching it along with the serious expression on Beca's face. "Well that and Beca. But that girl right there has some mad beats. Music has brought her a long way as an individual. Just by hearing you sing I'm sure it's done just as much for you." Chloe nods at the woman's wise words. Knowing fully in her heart that she couldn't have said it any better herself. She sat in silence listening to the other two bicker playfully as they made their way to the Denny's just up the block from the hotel. Taylor was instantly recognized by the waitress and asked if we could be seated in the corner. The waitress who was star struck didn't even ask Beca for her ID when she ordered a beer. I pinched the bridge of my nose fighting off the irritating headache I felt coming on.
"Sorry if post show isn't as exciting as you thought it would be." Beca frowned at Chloe who was now deeply trying to will away the nagging feeling that was building, Chloe forced a small smile on her face as looked up.
"This is better than having a crazy wild party. I'm really enjoying my night. Thank you. Seriously, both of you for everything tonight." Chloe's eyes weren't sparkling like normal but her smile was just as huge. "Uhh, can I get by you. I just need to use the restroom?" Chloe asked trying not to wince as her headache grew more persistant. Chloe slid out and muttered something about being right back before rushing towards the bathroom. Not even making it to a stall when she collapsed to her knees as the voices bombarded her head in a roar as loud as the crowed from the concert had bed. Tears escaped Chloe's eyes immediately as she rocked her body back and forth absently. Just trying to survive the static roar of violent screaming insults and profanities. She did hear the door open or close.
"Chloe?"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!" Chloe cried out pathetically at the sound of her name. The blonde woman dropping to her knees, Chloe still completely unaware of her presence. Chloe was now catatonic, hyperventilating between body shaking sobs. Rocking back and forth harder than she ever had before with her hands clamped tightly over her ears.
"Chloe, it's okay honey. Honey look at me." Chloe's eyes snapped open as someone grabbed her face. Still unable to focus on anything but the insistent mind shattering screaming. She couldn't focus her eyes but she saw the woman's lips moving. The woman spoke her name over and over again, trying to gently tug Chloe's hands from her ears. "Tell me now can you feel it? I've been keeping company with a ghost. She comes to me like a piece of summer. She comes to me on the days when I need it most. Summer dies and nothing lasts forever. You were so fine. The way you stand up to your fears" Taylor's voice echoes softly as she sings to Chloe. Chloe's eyes finally clearing from the agonized fog as they come to focus on Taylor. Horror strikes Chloe in the chest and she scrambles backwards, trying to pull her hands from Taylor's death grip. "Chloe! Chloe, wait wait. Don't run. Just listen okay. You're going to be surprised by what I have to say." Taylor's demeanor falls slightly and this alone makes Chloe stay. The goddess of rock, her idol, the same woman whose voice has gotten her through endless nights of screaming and praying for death was sitting in front of her completely vulnerable. "If I tell you a secret it has to stay between us, you can't say anything to Beca." Chloe laughs the thought of her keeping Beca around after Taylor finding her like this was just absurd. Taylor's eyes are filled with pain and sympathy and Chloe can't help but listen.
"I won't tell anyone, especially not Beca." Chloe's voice is raspy from the sobbing and Taylor gives her a small yet reassuring smile before taking Chloe's hand in her own hands. Chloe blinks and thinks to herself that this has to be one super twisted dream.
"Before I start I want you to know that I understand the exact situation you just experiences Chloe." Chloe searched the eyes staring back at her but found nothing but honesty. "That's how I knew to sing to you." She added more confidence in her voice. "I'm schizophrenic." The words come out rushed and Chloe's jaw drops.
"No way! How is that… No you're a rockstar!" Chloe was angry that someone would use her vulnerability against her in such a cruel way. Taylor squeezed her hand in an attempt to regain her attention.
"Yes, I am. But I didn't used to be. I was a depressed, sick and suicidal teenager at one point." She sighed as her eyes seemed to glaze over. She shook her head. "Beca is the only reason I'm alive. I can't even explain what that girl has done for me. She's just always been my saving grace. After our mother killed herself." Taylor stopped to even her breathing. Chloe gasped thinking back to Beca's expression when Chloe asked about her family and she told her she had passed away. She mentally slapped herself for being so insensitive, not that she had meant to be. Taylor spoke again, softer this time. "She was sick also. Our dad, well Beca's father. He adopted me when our mom married him when we were younger. But he was embarrassed by her diagnosis. He thought if we ignored it that it would go away. It only got worse and one day when Beca and I came home from work when I was fifteen and Beca was thirteen I found our mom dead in the bath tub. She had overdosed and bled out in the water." Taylor's eyes grew even darker right in front of Chloe and Chloe panicked not knowing what to say so she settled on squeezing Taylor's had. Taylor smiled softly at her.
"What does this have to do with…" Chloe didn't even know what she wanted to ask she just didn't want to talk about Beca's mom anymore.
"I know you do a lot of drugs." Taylor stated.
"How?" Chloe's eyes narrowed.
"You're constantly touching your purse. There's drugs in there. You also have little habits like scanning the room and forcing a smile all the damn time even when it doesn't reach your eyes." Chloe stared in the other woman's dull eyes and sighed. "You're sober now though and that's why the voices were so powerful huh?" Chloe blinked in shock, it was like the woman knew her deepest secrets. Before Chloe could answer Taylor twisted her arm and shoved her sleeve up in one swift motion not giving any reaction to the red head who now felt naked in front of the singer. "I thought so." She pulled her own sleeve up, revealing a serious of deep but old scars running in every direction across her own forearm. Chloe gasped, covering her mouth at the saddening sight. "This is the most person question I'm going to ask but have you been… taken advantage of?" Chloe searched Taylor's eyes for something but wasn't sure what. Nodding very slightly before breaking eye contact. "Do me a favor, take my phone number. Don't tell Beca about me telling you this. I feel like she needs to tell you this on her own. She may not be sick but she's got her own problems. She had to take care of me and had no healthy role model to be there for her. She's independent and stubborn but no one loves as deeply as she does once she decides to care." Chloe sat wondering why Taylor was telling her all of this. "I'm going to go out there, tell Beca you aren't feeling well. Skipping this conversation. Explain to her that you need to go home and rest and we'll take you home."
"Are you going to tell her?" Chloe's voice cracked as she stared at the one person she never thought she'd meet. Her mind racing over the night's events.
"I think you should be the one to tell her. But if you don't want to I understand. You need to tell someone though, so you have someone to help just in case this happens. Until then though. You've got my phone number. I'm always a call or text away. Even if I'm far away okay? If I've come this far. You can fight this bullshit also." Taylor pulls Chloe to her feet and hugs her. Leaving the usually well put together Chloe Beale grasping desperately for a sense of reality.
Song in this chapter is You by The Pretty Reckless