Author's Note: Finally.
Thanks so much to Scripto, MoonlitShadowsoftheHumanSoul, DarkWolf-Nightmare, SarjyMoose, IvyClare2020 and Killerwhale! (Man there's so many of you ahah) And all you readers, thanks for your time.
Young Levi fighting reminds me of Lisbeth Salander. Tiny furious folks who don't give up.
I don't think there's Christmas in SNK world. But there can be some festivities, specially close to the end of the year. I'd imagine that at least, hence wrote it.
Warnings: Violence and death.
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"Kenny!" his voice cracked more than Levi would ever admit, but everyone heard it. He knew Kenny was watching, on top of a higher staircase and looking at the scene in the courtyard, but he also knew Kenny wouldn't do anything to help. So the fact he called out ought to say something.
Well, they were four against one, all bigger kids than him. It was natural he'd be scared. But he needed to learn to pick his own fights. And he was learning.
The boys were unbelievably annoying though, even to Kenny. The leader of the group, a pretty blond teenager, was the one Levi cleverly tried to take down first, but miscalculated the partners' interference. His face was bleeding pretty badly and his movements were slowed down by ugly bruises in-the-making, but Kenny knew his main concern was probably dirtying the tattered shirt he so fondly saved from his childhood days. Main concern should be avoiding to be kicked around, not fucking laundry.
The boys cackled loud at him calling out, mocking him. Never show weakness, how many times had Kenny said that?
"You're such a baby!"
"Boo-boo!"
"Ha ha, Levi's a crybaby!"
The blond leader cackled louder than the rest: "See, that's how it's done. Eye for an eye, you dumb little kid."
Levi spat at the leader's face, more blood than anything else, and jumped at him, punching the blond until he was literally teared off the older boy by the other three, pulling him by the jacket and repeatedly kicking him until they threw him to the ground again.
"Ya know what, no one's gonna believe it was us who beat him unless we show it off," one of the kids said to the leader as the blond got up, bloody faced as well. He grinned and looked around, searching for something.
"Hey, bring me that."
Kenny followed the kid's direction with his eyes and saw him go for Levi's knife that had been stolen earlier. He picked it up with a ridiculous flourish, absolutely nothing like Levi's ease and natural talent at wielding it. He tried too hard at being intimidating, but the act worked well enough when he had company to back him up.
"So, Levi... you cut your girly hair now, but you still kinda look like a little girl don't you? What to do about that...?"
Levi just didn't give up. He hit one of the boys with a heavy punch, shoved an elbow on another's stomach and tried to get up, losing again. He wouldn't be so easily outmaneuvered by other kids in the near future, Kenny could just tell by the fury and the hurt in his eyes. He'd probably learn to carry more than one knife, too, like you're supposed to.
"You look stupid with that hair, bet you look better without it. Be still and I won't carve your face."
Ok, ok, annoying.
"Hiya boys! Let's all chill down for one moment, huh?"
The leader turned to Kenny, smug face flushed with overconfidence as he glared at the older man stepping down the stairs. Levi looked up as well, but the sight didn't exactly help apeace his anger. Kenny was sure it was the contrary.
"Stay outta this, old man." Two of the boys knocked Levi back down when he tried standing up.
"Ah come on! I'm not that old! Besides, you boys've shared your piece, put the little fucker in his place. Let's call it a day, don't ya think?"
"Fuck you, Kenny," Ooooh Levi was mad. Kenny wanted to grin.
"Wanna take your little protegé, do ya Kenny?" the leader asked, slightly staggered breathing. "I've never liked you two."
"Do I look like I care? I don't like me either! So boys, I solve this kinda stuff another way. Ya know the brothel nearby? All frustrations get right outta ya. Ya've been there before? I'll let ya try it and let's put this behind us, sounds good?"
The boys exchanged looks and laughed at his face, while Levi went absolutely livid, silent pure wrath building up. He thought Kenny was serious.
Ah, stupid kid.
"As if we'd believe you," one of the boys spat.
"I'm serious, I am getting kinda old, I ain't fighting you boys. Let's get our agressive energies elsewhere and carry on friends." The boys kept smiling with superiority, all smug and mighty as they did have the upper hand on the fight and outcome. "Oh, okay, one more spanking sounds fair. One for each, huh? Let me just start 'cause he ignored everything I've always told him and he deserves to be smacked."
The leader looked at one of the other boys and let out a laughter, seeing Kenny approach Levi, still sprawled on the ground.
"Well ok, I guess I can work that," the leader laughed again, turning his back to Kenny and looking at Levi. The little bastard wanted to see whatever beating he thought Kenny was going to give Levi. "Can I cut his hair though? Can we work that out too?"
"Yeah whatever works for ya," Kenny said uninterested, hand flying to the boy's mouth and blade sliding faster than a blink. Blood sprayed violently out of his throat and hit Levi and the boys, the later whom immediately jumped back yelping, eyes popping out in disbelief. The casualness Kenny shot at them turned the kids bloodless white. "Or this works too, right boys?"
He shoved his shoulders back, dustying the annoying act off as the boys screamed and bumped at each other, fleeing as fast as they could and leaving their now dead leader to fall against the steps.
"Kids these days," Kenny sighed, spinning the blade as usual. A coughing sound made him look down at Levi, who was starting to stand up again, arms and hands apart as he did when he got dirty with something. "And you-"
"Fuck you."
"Well ya're welcome, ya ungrateful brat," Kenny spat back as Levi shoved him out his way, slightly limping and cursing under his breath. He didn't look at the blond boy dumped over increasingly blood trails on the steps, coughing again and spitting blood off his mouth.
"I need to wash myself."
"Shut up."
"I need to get this off me. I'm serious, Kenny."
Kenny dismissed the subject. As if it was the first time he got bloody. It was just some damn drips! He had enough of his own blood anyway. "Stop being such a cleaning freak, ya need to learn to pay attention to the partners of the target instead, ya-"
"I can get sick."
"From what?" Kenny asked loudly, shrugging theatrically. "Seriously, brat!"
Levi spinned on his heels, disgust mixed with rage as he displayed his face and chest - which to Kenny was no form of answer at all. "You fucking sprayed me with his blood!"
"Well thank you very much! Ya even lowered yourself to cry out for me, ya ain't supposed to do that! I ain't helping you again, ya hear? No one can give ya power, ya have to build yar own! And as for yar blood babbling, that's only if the blood mixes or something, stop being such a freak and focus on what's important."
That wasn't really Levi's expected answer, and together with all the events in the last ten minutes, he might be closer to scream his lungs out and just try to beat Kenny up until his bruises made him stop and cough up some air.
But of course, this was Levi. He just frowned until his eyes disappeared beneath his brows and hissed ice cold death threats, bit down the pain and ran away faster than Kenny could or wanted to keep up.
"I ain't got time for your teenage bullshit!" Kenny still yelled, annoyed.
He took his time, not really wanting to deal with Levi right now. When he got to the safehouse, Levi had viciously scrubbed his body of any trace of visible blood, his hair still damp and tickling against his forehead. His tattered shirt and jacket were drying up on the shelf, and instead he had shoved some other sleeveless thin fabric over his head and was deeply engaged in cleaning every single bit of the safehouse as if it had been infected by proxy. Kenny could almost bet he was scrubbing the floor as hard as he had tried to rip the blood off him - the patches of pinkish skin, visible in-between the growing bruises, were a clear enough sign of that.
"Don't come in," he warned immediately before Kenny stepped inside. "I'm cleaning. Go piss off somewhere else."
Kenny was about to complain but chose against it, noticing how badly bruised Levi's face was already turning. His body was probably hurting too, but that wouldn't stop his obssessive exorcising cleaning, picking up the water bucket and carrying it closer to the entrance.
"Tsk, ya should rest don't ya think?" Of course, he was ignored. Kenny sighed. "Argh, why are ya so damn stubborn?! Now ya know not to underestimate someone, brat, and-"
"Fuck off, Kenny!"
"And why're so angry anyway? I get ya're hurting, but ya-"
It happened so fast none of them really understood it. Levi dropped the bucket and threw the scrub that hit Kenny straight in the forehead. The scrub went flying up and spinning, threw Kenny's hat to the floor and left him dipping under dusty water and foam. A whole second later, the scrub hit the floor with an echo, swirling twice before stopping.
His mouth shut tight, too stunned for a moment. Levi didn't look startled nor victorious, just too surprised to move, almost as if he hadn't been the one to throw the damn thing and was trying to understand what had just happened. Both of them stood there looking at each other, drips falling from Kenny's hair.
The awkward silence lasted about three seconds, when a weird strangled sound came from Levi as he seemingly chocked on something and his lips curled up. Kenny blinked and, out of reflex than anything else, he snorted. He wasn't even angry, his forehead throbbed just a bit, far from a war wound, but just... he probably looked like an idiot, he had to mock himself.
Levi probably wasn't so ahead to process his own change of emotions in such a small time, so instead he just laughed.
Now that was a new one. Kenny really must look silly, the situation ridiculous. It was most likely one of the first times Kenny saw the kid actually laugh, and it actually made Kenny smile back for no reason. He felt stupid, but he didn't care.
"Guess I know how to make you wash yourself now," Levi said between laughs.
"Ah ya think so?" He cackled and dashed forward. Levi still let out a 'Hey!' as if to stop him, but Kenny headed for the bucket and dived his cupped hand on it, throwing a splash of water. Levi chuckled and dodged but got hit by most of the splatter and for once not minding the mess. Kenny almost let out a 'whoa' when he noted Levi didn't immediately complain.
"You can't catch me," the sly brat said instead, swirling around Kenny before the older man could even try to get hold of him. They averted around the small division, damn kid was a monkey. He darted outside, delaying his step by the doorway teasingly. "You suck, Kenny! You really are getting old."
Grinning, he went after the kid, seeing him hop down the stairs outside their safe house and land unscathed as if he didn't have his body throbbing with fresh bruises and as if he hadn't just spent the last minutes grudging Kenny. Now he was calling Kenny and laughing.
Levi was laughing. What the hell.
A couple of people on the street heard the noise and looked casually, smiling as they saw an older man with a longcoat playing tag and running after a skinny kid and losing by a mile. Everyone was so used to scavage for survival, silly moments felt like a rare entertainment.
Levi ignored people around him and ignored his pain like only a kid's resistance and perseverance could allow him to. Kenny saw him clench his teeth once when he curled and dodged Kenny, but that was about it, even his limping was mostly unnoticed. It was weird to see him smile already; this was downright abnormal.
"Man, damn ya brat ya're fast!" At that, Levi just grinned and mockingly ran right past him.
It grew boring shortly afterwards. Kenny's pace slowed and he breathed out, trying to comb the damp hair and feeling suddenly naked and exposed without his hat. Now he had to go up again and fetch it.
"That's it brat, I'm out."
"Wait, no," Levi complained, slightly puffy breathing. "You haven't catched me yet."
"I can't catch you, you're too fast. Go finish your hobbie or something, I splattered water everywhere."
"Wait, Kenny."
He heard the running footsteps approaching, hopping the stairs after him while Kenny climbed up and turned to their doorway.
"Come on, just a little more."
"Nah, that's it. I have stuff to take care of, ya rest or whatever ya want, ya hear?"
Levi's face crumbled down painfully, his smile vanishing and gaze lowering from more than disappointment, but Kenny didn't see it, minding his hat and picking the suitcase instead. When he did try to shove him aside with his friendly, sloppy way, Levi just stepped forward and ignored him, returning to his cleaning.
...
Levi should've known all this too. Didn't need to be said.
11 years old
Kenny was sitting by some discarded cargo boxes, watching people working and eating on the courtyard some meters away. Festivities were rare, but when they happened, they were worth noting and everyone tried to have some form of break from their daily surviving struggles. Kenny found it extremely ironic and ridiculous that on these ocasions, people spent and wasted food they otherwise wouldn't be able to afford normally. It felt like an ostentatious waste of effort. But it worked for everyone; people were happy whenever a local festivity occurred: the organizers, regular citizens and the underfed. Plus there was occasional different music echoing through alleys and streets, making the Underground suddenly a slightly off, strange place.
Kenny spot a couple of teenagers scrounging bread pies and disappearing without being noticed, and a kid soon followed them, reminding him of Levi when he was that age because the kid barely reached the table where the food was stored. Levi used to be like that, Kuchel's shirt used to be long enough to actually cover his whole body. Now it'd soon become too small for him to wear, not to mention too tattered.
He laughed at himself, but since he was far enough from people, no one turned or questioned his sanity. As he watched the starving kid run away with two-days-worth of meals, he just realized: Levi really had grown up! Ah, it was hilarious. He hadn't really thought much on it before, but now that he had a direct comparision to look at, it was clear as day. And that despite the puberty that would hit Levi in some years ahead, Kenny was sure he wouldn't grow that much more. Ah, the tiny runt.
"Why aren't you stealing some food?" Speak of the devil. Levi's voice came from above him, and Kenny turned his head up to find him standing on the top of the staircase nearby.
"What's with you and heights, seriously? Overcompensating something?"
Levi's eyebrow raised, and Kenny chuckled from his own dumb comment. Despite his own thoughts just now, he sometimes still forgot how much of a kid Levi still was.
"Ya hungry? Go fetch some of that, it does smell nice."
"No." Levi climbed down the stairs, his jacket slidding over his shoulder like usual, jumping down the bottom steps. His hair was slightly ruffled. "I can get something to drink though. I've got some money."
"Maybe Martha has that stupid tea you like."
"I wouldn't mind getting drunk if I could."
"Something happened?" Kenny asked, and Levi looked at him, blinking, as if he wasn't expecting the question.
"Nothing. I got into a fight."
"You didn't lose this time, huh?" Kenny noted, chuckling. Levi jumped on top of the cargo box next to Kenny (a higher one...), checking the people on the courtyard through the corner of his eye.
"He was one of the guys that beat me up once."
"Ya killed him?"
Levi looked at Kenny again, his expression falling weirdly now, like he was disappointed or something. Kenny couldn't really tell why, why would he be disappointed anyway?
"No."
Kenny shrugged it off. "He was just a kid anyway."
"You killed the blond kid that time."
Normally, Kenny would take a while remembering whom Levi meant in particular, but he actually remembered that one. He didn't make a point in killing teens, and anyway, he knew it had been the same day Levi went from being angry at him to laughing - always something that registered in mind. The particular mention of the blond kid made Kenny shrug again.
"Well, he was annoying."
"Would you kill me, Kenny?"
He laughed at that.
"Ah, ya're annoying but I haven't killed ya yet, have I?!"
"You thought about it before, haven't you. The day you met me."
It was his turn to look at Levi, frowning. Man, that had been a while ago. What was wrong with him, why that now? Ah ok, Levi was on his weird moods. Hence the weird expressions and general weirdness to Kenny's basic questions. Oh well, better be prepared for his mental ramblings.
Either way, Kenny also remembered that particular moment - that one he had reluctantly admited he wouldn't forget anytime soon, considering all it changed in his life.
"Well, ya were half dead anyway. Of course I thought it was easier and better to kill ya," He eased the subject, albeit probably not the best way, by adding: "It'd have saved us both lots of trouble, huh?"
Levi didn't show reaction to that, so Kenny grinned, stood up and tried to tousle his hair as usual, but Levi dodged too fast.
"Why didn't you?"
"Eh, who knows. I had a change of heart. I guess it's a good thing I didn't though, right? Ya wouldn't be here to piss me off would ya?"
Despite his predisposition for being an annoying prick, Levi rarely shrugged or sighed or showed any typical signs of a foul mouthed arrogant boy. He just sat there without reaction.
Kenny frowned again, not really knowing how to act to that lack of reaction. He didn't really like to feel like a little kid apologizing for wrongs done, and this felt like it was escalating towards that, so he felt like adding:
"Meh, who knows. If ya go about stealing those dog straps and weird gas bottles that make ya fly around, become a MP and come after me, then I'd have to kill ya. Ironic scenario, huh?"
Levi snorted at the idiocy and mumbled "As if," before jumping from the cargo box and walking away muttering something about beers.
Kenny didn't have any problem with shrugging, so that he did. He watched some kids playing, but the distraction didn't stop him from noticing a teenage boy, around fourteen years old, approaching his direction unmistakably.
"Hey. You know Levi, don't you?"
"And?" He gazed at the boy checking for weapons, not finding any apparent ones. "Who're you? Levi's boyfriend?"
The boy blinked, as if the words had made no sense to him. Well, there was something wrong with boys today, huh?
"Levi doesn't have friends," he replied. He shrugged, dismissing Kenny as a weirdo and carrying on. "Uh, I'm just here to give this to him. From my sister."
Kenny squinted at the cheap but neatly wrapped small box the boy presented him with.
"So is she his girlfriend?"
"Uh, no. What's with you and girlfriends and boyfriends? Levi helped her out some days ago when we were trying to get the celebrations ready, and it's his birthday so she wanted to thank him."
Now it was Kenny's turn to look at him as a weirdo, bug-eyed. The boy more of less shoved the box next to Kenny, relieved for not having the burden on his hand anymore and one less reason to be there.
"Yeah, ok, that's that. I'd appreciate if you'd give it to him."
Kenny ignored the boy, focused on the box instead. Birthday? The midget's birthday was today?
He tried to remember something, but as he wasn't even sure what it was, his mind appeared blank at his attempt. Well, the year was almost ending, the date was probably right. How old was he turning anyway? Kenny tried to do some math, but rather than giving him a certain answer between ten or eleven, it just worked to make him realize how long he was looking out for Levi. He could literally count with fingers of one hand the amount of times he had shared a companionship with someone else, and those lasted about two hours each. Levi kinda exceeded that number slightly. And he didn't really enter the 'companionship' criteria. Kenny wouldn't go watching over any partner during nightmare filled nights.
What had been the plan, again? What had he thought when he chose not to ignore his nephew and leave him to die alone, when he chose not to slice his throat and be done with?
Teach him to live in this world. Ensure he wouldn't die a miserable death like Kuchel had. But Kenny doubted from day one he could look over a kid. There was literally every reason in the world why Kenny the Ripper wasn't meant to have a kid under his care. Still, he did.
The plan was to make sure he could survive alone, like you're supposed to live. To wait around until he had enough power of his own to survive. You were supposed to live alone. Hence no companionships, no wives, no kids, barely any family contact.
What the hell had Kenny been doing for nearly five years? Living with the kid - according to the plan, but Kenny had probably been a stupid-ass idiot back on that day when he misjudged the change he was bringing to himself, his life and his routine - building a routine.
He kept training Levi, ensuring his self growth, most of the times in ways Levi wasn't happy with (he wasn't meant to be happy, he was meant to learn), but Kenny hadn't really considered dealing with the nightmares, or take time to pull a blanket over him when he finally slept, or to actually register the times he was happy enough to show. Share all that with someone.
Those moments, several of them and different from each other, scattered around nearly five years; Kenny realized how many had actually committed to memory - an useless set of memories that he wasn't expecting. And that he was actually fond of, in a way.
He had fun messing with Levi, tousling his hair and purposefully annoying him just to get a laugh at his face. That time when the kid broke down all masked control and acted like a normal child, thrilled and asking about the sky - Kenny remembered it, but he probably hadn't been as comprehesive as he should have been, discarded his fascination and curiosity.
But it had been... nice?, to see him like that. And Kenny actually enjoyed all the times he saw Levi learn a new knife skill, that sense of accomplishment that probably wasn't just like a mentor would feel.
Kenny felt his hand rub his nape as he sighed and sank back over the box, his old annoying problem-solving-that-did-nothing-to-solve-anything tic returning.
It was weird thinking about all this - weird because this 'normality' became routine and routines weren't meant to exist in the first place. And this one would end.
All that was dated.
Sooner rather than later this would be over, Kenny would move on with his life, his objectives. The plan was to leave. He never considered otherwise. He had more than done his share, he stalled too long, carrying Levi around. All this had an expiration date stampped on it.
Kenny knew it. He didn't think about it, hadn't thought about it in those exact words for most of the previous years, but he knew it.
Levi didn't.
"Here."
Kenny looked up, startled by the sound. Levi had returned with two beer mugs. Despite his puzzled look to Kenny's surprise, he didn't ask anything. Kenny was thankful for that and just picked up one of the beers, quickly drinking a mouthful. Levi climbed up again, and drank his own share in silence under the older man's glance.
"Ugh, your weird moods are contagious."
"What?"
"Would it have been easier for both of us?" What was he even talking about. "If I had snuffed ya out, or if I came by one week later?"
"Why are you asking me that? I'm the one who asked first."
"As if, ya were a damn baby midget," Kenny continued, ignoring Levi and just thinking outlud. "What good is it to ask all the 'ifs', they don't change our life now. They don't matter. What matters is power to keep on living. That's what matters, not wondering about past decisions, or what could have been."
He snorted and sighed, his beer staring back at him stupidly. What an ugly mug.
This wouldn't last much longer, would it. Even these silent moments, drinking or just wandering around. He was getting strong enough.
That was good. That was what mattered in the end.
Not everyone is cut out for this. Kenny sure as fuck wasn't.
"Ah, we're so fuckin' insignicant, kid. We're worse than vermin, garbage. And I can't fucking stand that. Our little lives, struggling just to survive, it's so damn enfuriating. That's why I want more, I want it all. That's all ya need, ya hear me Levi? Power. Power allows you to live and have everythin'. Ya don't need anything else. You keep up, gotta go to the top, and tear the whole world down if ya don't like what ya see."
"Where'd that come from? Alcoholic inspiration?"
He gazed at the courtyard, at the people eating. There were children playing there, prying some snacks here and there. Almost looked like a scene from above, minus the privilege of having a sky.
Levi followed his gaze, drinking the beer like it was water. Whatever the kid was thinking of Kenny's weird behavior, as usual, was unclear to him.
"Ya shouldn't be drinking," Kenny said more to himself than anything else, several moments later.
"I don't get drunk."
"All the more reasons not to drink."
"What's with you today anyway? Starting to worry you may die or something?"
His face had a muscle memory of its own, reacting to that with a grin he wasn't actually wanting to put on. "Ah, ya wish."
Kenny stood up, straightening his jacket and picking up the suitcase beside him.
"I don't like these parties and festivities and whatever."
"I do."
"Then stay here, I'm going."
The folks at the courtyard were starting to play a song. This really wasn't for him.
"Ah, right." He turned, pointing. "That's for you. Some girl sent it."
He caught a glimpse of Levi looking at the wrapped box with an inquisitive look, but Kenny turned his back without looking back at him.
The rustle sound of paper being unwrapped followed after him, so he didn't really need to turn to know Levi hadn't stayed behind alone. He heard the paper rustled into Levi's pocket, imagined Levi's expression to what was inside. He'd like to get a present, whatever it might have been. He was still pretty naive and young. Kids like gifts, don't they.
Kenny could just turn around and see, make some usual snarling remark to mess with him, try to hide the fact he didn't know if was the kid's birthday by paying a meal or something and hoping Levi would interpert it as a present. Compliment him. Just say a simple, uninspired 'happy birthday'.
But he didn't.
I'm not fit to be a parent. Never was.
If only.
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the end
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Author's Note: The fic 'Words' happens before Levi's 11th birthday and explains a bit of the coldness in the final part of this chapter.
I won't likely be writing again anytime soon. My reality break is over. This fic was an unexpected self defense mechanism.
Thanks for reading, any form of feedback is appreciated after I poured mind and time into 20000 words in less than a month. Please point out mistakes.
see you. The series continues, if you want to read more.
This is part of a series called 'A dysfunctional family' , aka kid!Levi fics, entirely independent stories but that build a continuity if you read them in order. You can use ctrl+f on my profile to find them and read the summaries and rating warnings. Here is the list:
1 - Parting words (Kenny, Kuchel)
2 - Change (Kuchel, Levi)
3 - One day (Kuchel, Levi)
4 - The Window to the Sky (Kuchel, Levi)
5 - Something important (Kuchel, Levi)
6 - Choice (Kenny, Levi)
7 - First (Kenny, Levi)
8 - Pain (Kenny, Levi)
9 - Reminders and remains (Levi, Kenny)
10 - The Talk (Kenny, Levi)
11 - Words (Kenny, Levi)
12 - Loss (Kenny, Levi) -you are here-
13 - Decision (Levi, Kenny)
14 - Father by any other name (Kenny)
15 - Alone (Levi)