The monster had arrived. I could feel it stirring within me as I took part in my usual routine of training, meditation and daily life. In honesty, I was thankful for its presence when I had found the frightened little boy who cringed away from me. The monster had never envountered such a thing and so moved my arms towards picking him up. I held him close wondering if the monster knew something I didn't and before long my actions were my own once more.

Is it not strange, dear reader, that when we hurt someone- they seem to seek our approval and our forgiveness? Anakin did. My shoulder was laced with murmured apologies and promises of good behaviour. I even teased the boy!

"No more biscuits then?"

He had shaken his head so hard I had to place my hands on his cheeks to steady him. His pale eyes shone with such a ring of red around then. I couldn't help it. The pain in my chest grew stronger to see the anguish in such a nymphic little face. He seemed groggy and simply rested his weight against my shoulder, though he had grown lankier, our proportions to each other were still relatively comical. He was older now but in an endearing fashion, he wiped his snotty little nose across the fabric of my robes and lay himself across the bed so as to place his head in my lap.

He thought we were the only people in that room for he didn't know about the problem I had acquired only moments before. Gently, oh so gently, I carded my fingers through his short hair. He sniffled as we sat there and sniffled when manouevered to the kitchen. My nerves were jangled as I made supper that day. I did not like the way in which my little protegee stared at me. My little master would shrug and sigh at any attempt at small talk and though it made me wonder if he hsd truly forgiven me, I came to realise that this teenage version of him was here to stay.

"You will try harder with your meditation, my Padawan," I told him when we finished our simple meal.

"Mm," he replied.

"Anakin!"

"Yes, Master," he said with sadness. Force help me.

"I only want to help you," I said, my teeth gritted. "You will poison yourself with your own anger and pain. Your moods are affecting the entire temple, can you understand why I am asking you to meditate? Why I am pushing you?"

"Yes, Master."

He swung his legs under the table as his pale eyes darted towards the biscuit jar.

"Anakin, listen to me. The Force is incredibly powerful and within you it is the strongest we have ever seen. But the Force does not make you good. It has the power to become dark and to twist the love you feel. I know you wouldn't want that. Not for those who love you."

Reader, I must tell you how arrogant I was then. For when I spoke of those who love him, I thought only of my own name. The fact that the boy existed to other people completely left my thoughts. To me, he was my child and my Anakin. He always had been, I couldn't recall any room ever having been free from his pestering annoyance.

"You do want to be good, don't you Anakin? You want to work hard and become a powerful Jedi," I smiled at him and nudge his foot under the table.

"No."

I withdrew. Despite being mischievous, I knew that Anakin would not lie to me.

"No?"

He shrugged his bony little shoulders and cast his eyes away from me in shame.

"You don't want that," I asked him. I could taste my own fear but now I wonder if I was tasting his through our growing bond.

"I want-"

My silence encouraged him.

"I want to go home."

"This is your home," I snapped. He didn't look at me but he gave a tiny nod. My heart was thundering in my ears and the room gave a funny turn. Throughout the rest of the evening an usual quiet descended over our living quarters and the old cad Obi Wan lay in his bed awaiting the pad pad pad of his padawan's little feet. He looked up during the course of the night to see the door frame empty and so reached out with the Force to scope into the other sleeping room.

I had crossed the apartment and stood against the door, its cold, clean form was used to soothe my fevered skin. When I think back now I wonder how I ever had enough restraint to stay there. I heard something I had heard a number of times. My padawan was crying. But I had never once heard it through a closed door. I went back to my own room, lay down amongst the soft sheets. And we cried together, apart.