Ever since he was first partnered up with Natasha, Steve had been given warnings about the Russian Death Glare. Clint described it as a force of nature, one that could make even the Hulk cower in fear if he found himself on the business end of it. Steve had never found it directed at him. Until now. "What are you doing?"

Steve stood behind a punching bag in the gym, his son wearing a pair of gloves, two sizes too big. James took one look at his mother's face and cowered "Uh-oh."

Steve didn't know what was wrong, but he knew the look on Natasha's face. It reminded him of the way Peggy looked right before she shot at him. Only Natasha looked like she might use something bigger. Like a bazooka. "Nat, just calm down."

"Shut up Rogers before I come over there and break every bone in your body."

"That doesn't work on dad," James informed "He thinks you're cute when you're angry."

Steve's face turned bright red. "U-uh…I,"

Natasha wasn't even fazed. "Well he's about to think I'm adorable if you don't take off those gloves right now!"

"Yes ma'am!" James squeaked.

"Nat, will you please calm down and tell us what the problem is?" Steve asked.

"What's wrong? I turn my back for five minutes and you have James in boxing gloves? He is ten years-old!"

"James was practicing by himself when I got down here. I was just giving him a few pointers."

"So he can do what, beat up kids on the playground?"

"I really don't see what the big deal is."

Natasha growled. "Вы такие, как пещерный!"

"I don't speak Russian Nat!"

"She called you a caveman," James translated "She's forgetting her English. She must be really mad."

"Natasha," Steve quickly followed Natasha as she stormed out, grabbing her arm to keep here in place "Will you calm down and talk to me, please?"

"That is my son," Natasha snapped, her voice and eyes full of fury "My little boy. And I will not have you turning him into some child soldier!"

Steve could hardly believe what he was hearing. "He's mine son too Nat. And no one's said anything about turning him into soldier. I just want to make sure he's able to protect himself."

"He's ten years old!" Natasha repeated "He doesn't need to protect himself. That's what we're for."

"Mom?"James tugged on his Natasha's sleeve as his parents argued "is this about the Red Room?"

The moment those words left his mouth, Natasha's whole body language changed. It was something Steve had never seen on him before, but would recognize on any person: pure terror. "Who told you about that?"

James wanted to slap himself his father's shield. "Oops."

"Who told you about that!"

"Natasha!"

The spy blinked at the sound of the soldier's voice called back to reality, the frightened look on her son's face making her sick. "James… baby, I didn't…., I'm sorry." And she took off without another word.

"Rule number one about Natasha," Clint informed "Never, ever mention Red Room."

"Yeah, I figured that out from James," Steve told him "he called it her boogeyman."

Clint's eyes widened. "He said that?"

Steve nodded. "His exact words. So what happened there? All James said is it's where she was trained."

Clint stayed silent.

"Clint."

"Steve, I can't."

"Nat keeps saying you're like a brother to her," Steve reminded "you're telling me that you don't know what happened?"

"Of course I know what happened," Clint admitted "but I also know how badly they messed her up and it's not my place to tell you about it."

Steve sighed. "Fine. But can you at least tell me where she went?"

"Right now, it might be best to leave her alone," Clint advised.

"Clint, please" Steve just couldn't shake the terrified look on Natasha's face when James mentioned Red Room. "I just want to make sure she's alright."

Clint saw the concerned look on Steve's face and sighed. "There's a bar on the South end of 83rd street."

"What are you doing here Rogers?"

Steve sat down next to Natasha as she poured herself a drink. "Clint said that this place has the most authentic Russian vodka in the city."

"Care to try it out? Might finally get a buzz out of you."

Steve shook his head. "Something tells me one of us should be able to drive," As she quickly drained another shot, Steve couldn't wait anymore. "How old were you when you joined Red Room?"

Natasha kept eyes glued to her now empty shot glass, her free hand balling into a tight fist. "What did James tell you?"

"That it was where you trained and that all the recruits were orphan girls," Steve replied in a gentle voice "that's all he knew."

"Good. That's good. It's good that's all he knows," Natasha swallowed as the painful memories came flooding back to her "I was sixteen. They didn't usually take… recruits at my age. But since my parents supported the old government, they decided to make an example of me. Most of the girls were no older than James. Most of them didn't survive the program."

"That's why got so upset?"

Natasha nodded. "The second I saw James in those gloves, I just… I couldn't help think about all those little girls who were turned into weapons."

Steve reached across the bar and held her hand. "You know I wouldn't do that."

"I know. Bad memories just have a way of never leaving you alone," Natasha took a shaky breath as her hand started to tremble "They tried to take him from me."

"Who?"

"James," Natasha swallowed as lump formed in her throat "in Red Room, they have this graduation ceremony. Where they…," Natasha paused as tears formed in her eyes "they sterilize you,"Steve felt his heart breaking with every word "Prevent the one thing that could come before completing a mission. It's efficient," she said as she struggled to keep her voice level. "makes everything easier. Even killing. But they messed up. Put me in a program that's been reversing the damage ever since."

"How?"

Natasha glanced briefly at Steve "They tried to turn me into you."

Steve was stunned. "What do you mean?"

"A few years ago, Russia got their hands on some old files from the super soldier serum," she explained "tried to recreate for themselves."

Steve eyes widened. "You're like me?"

"Not exactly. I'm not as strong but I heal just as fast. But the process," Natasha shuddered "some week, huh?"

That was it. Steve quickly wrapped his around the spy and pulled her close, not giving her a moment to protest. Natasha frowned. "What's this for?"

"Just seemed like you needed one." As he pulled away, Steve looked into Natasha's eyes, those hypnotic pools of green enticing him with every second. Steve could get lost in those eyes, waiting for one of those rare moments when Natasha actually let people see what she was feeling. This was one of those times. Right now, Steve saw surprise. His concern, his care surprised her. She really had no idea how much she meant to her. Steve's heart quickened as his lips brushed hers, the memory of their kiss coming back to him in full force. When she pulled away, Steve's heart sank "I am really starting to regret that deal we made."

"We can't. We can't do this, Steve," She insisted, her voice turning to a whisper "no matter how much we want to."

Steve blinked. "We?"

"It's like a told you Rogers, what girl wouldn't want to be Captain America's crush?" Natasha offered a brief smile "I don't think I've ever trusted anyone the way that I trust you. That's why I left after DC. In Red Room, they taught us not to feel. But ever since that kiss, I feel like teenager going through their first crush every time I look into your baby blues. I want to be with you, Steve. But I can't."

Steve could hardly believe his ears. "Natasha, you are the most beautiful, remarkable, awe-inspiring woman that I have ever met. I have been slowly falling for you ever since ever since DC and never in a million years would I imagine that a scrawny kid from Brooklyn would have chance with a woman like you. You cannot tell me that you feel the same way and without telling me why we can't give us a chance."

"I can't be with you, Steve."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

Natasha paused before she answered "я недостаточно хорош."

"I still don't speak Russian, Nat."

"I said I'm not good enough," Natasha voice was full of pain and guilt "you think that you know me, but you don't. The things that I've done. The people I hurt. Banner might be the Hulk, but me," Natasha's voice was hardly a whisper "I'm a monster."

Steve took her face in his hands so he could look her in the eyes and to her amazement he was smiling. "Now who's the bad liar? Natasha, you wouldn't have survived all that Red Room put you through if you didn't have a light inside you. Much less come out wanting to do good. You think that you're a monster because what you've done, but the fact that you feel remorse is proof that you are anything but. Monsters don't feel regret, Nat. They don't feel anything. The people hurt you, the people who run Red Room, they're the monsters. And after everything they did to break you, you chose to good. That doesn't make you a monster, Natasha. It makes you a hero," Steve smiled "and just about the strongest person I've ever met." Words could not describe the amount of déjavu Natasha was feeling right now "You say that we can't be together because you don't trust yourself. But I trust you, Nat," Steve gently wiped away the tears from Natasha's face "I trust you."

Natasha looked into Steve's eyes, his caring pale blue orbs making her heart pound against her chest. "I'm sorry" Natasha pulled away, leaving Steve at the bar as she walked off. "I can't. I just can't Steve."