After that night, she seemed better, her fears more controlled. She had started enjoying her pregnancy and everybody's attention a little bit, although, you could still tell she got really nervous very often, especially when a new test or ultrasound was scheduled. The days before she had her mid-pregnancy ultrasound, when the doctor would closely examine the baby for several anomalies, Jane's stress levels reached a high again. She could not sleep well, she was distracted, and nothing Kurt, Borden or Patterson did could make her feel better.
The morning of their appointment, Jane was a wreck. She was holding Kurt's hand with a death grip but was just unable to hear anything he was saying to her. Kurt, really worried, asked Borden to be with them. When inside the examination room, she refused to let Kurt's hand for any reason, and she was shaking the whole the time. Kurt was brushing her cheek and kept whispering to her ear but she was just looking terrified. Her blood pressure was really high, and he could see that the doctor was also worried.
"Okay, Jane. I think that we should stop the examination now and just talk for a little bit," the doctor suggested.
Jane panicked. There was something wrong with the baby. What was it? What were they not telling her? "Is the baby alright?" she asked feeling her heart in her throat.
"She is just fine," he said, "but I think her mom really isn't."
"It's a girl?" she asked as tears were falling from her green eyes.
"It's a girl! A healthy little girl, with perfect measurements. She takes after her mom I guess," he told her smiling.
Kurt was sure that his heart had stopped. He almost lost it.
"Come on Agent Weller, close your mouth now, and take your wife back to my office. We have to talk before we go on," the doctor suggested leaving the room with a smile.
The parents to be were left alone to digest what he had just told them... "A little girl," Kurt thought to himself, "A little girl taking after her mommy." He hugged Jane kissing the top of her head and led her to the doctor's office.
Borden was there waiting for them. Jane sat in the chair in front of the doctor's office and Kurt sat beside her. She grabbed his hand again and looked at the doctor really nervous. "Well?" she mumbled.
"Well, Jane I think I am going to reprimand you today. You know what happened to your blood pressure in there? It skyrocketed. I'll be honest with you. If you don't relax immediately and if you don't try to be calm for the next few months, you will get your baby in trouble. Do you want that?" the doctor asked her carefully.
"No, of course not," she said while tears started falling again from her eyes.
"Do you trust me Jane? Do you trust Dr Borden? Do you trust your partner?" he asked again.
"Of course I do," she said, lips trembling.
"Well to me it seems that you do not trust any of us," said Dr Watson. "Otherwise, you would believe us when we say that your baby is absolutely fine, she is healthy, her heart is strong, she is growing everyday and now she can feel you, she can listen to you and she can understand when you are okay and when you are not. And the last few days, she felt like you were not okay."
Jane was now sobbing uncontrollably, almost cracking Kurt's hand. Kurt was losing his mind. He was seriously thinking about hitting the doctor. Borden touched his forearm to tell him to let the doctor continue. Jane needed to hear this.
The doctor left his chair and sat on the edge of his desk in front of Jane. He reached for her free hand and she gave it to him. "Look at me Jane. I would never lie to you. I think you know that. Neither would these two. She's fine. She's healthy. In four months you'll be holding your daughter in your arms. And you'll will be a good mom. I can tell that. Do you believe me when I say this?" he was talking really softly and really slowly.
Jane was sobbing but never stopped looking at his eyes. "I don't know Dr Watson," she said, "I am afraid that I may not be".
"Well, Jane, do you love your baby?" he asked again softly holding her hand tighter.
"Yes..." She was really crying now and Kurt felt his heart breaking. "What the hell is this doctor doing?" he thought, "is he trying to break her down completely?" But Borden touched his arm again.
"And you'll do anything I'd ask you to do for her sake? Do you do those injections and take all the pills and the vitamins, and do you drink the horrible juices and foods I asked you to eat? Have you been resting and following my advice?" the doctor asked again. He knew Jane was doing everything by the book, never questioned the doctor's orders, never complained that she did't like something or that it made her uncomfortable, even those injections. Well, everything except the worry and stress part. But, he honestly couldn't blame her for this. He could see how hard she was trying, how overwhelming all this was for her. But, he also knew that from time to time he had to be the one to shake her.
She gave him a watery smile. "I do," she whispered.
"Then, I think you do all the things a good mom would do." He smiled at her genuinely. Jane was one of his favorite patients. Strong and fragile at the same time. Confident but also shy. And above all, loving and protective of the people around her.
"But, what if these are not enough, Dr Watson?" she asked.
Well, that was the eternal question when it came to Jane. What if I am not enough, what if what I do is not enough, what if what I know is not enough, what if the way I love is not enough, what if how much I love is not enough, what if how I do my job is not enough, what if how much I try is not enough. Her everlasting fear.
"They are more than enough. I say so, Dr Borden says so, Kurt says so and your little girl says so. Now, are you so stubborn that you won't believe any of us? Is she so stubborn, Agent Weller?" The doctor looked at Kurt but he kind of knew the answer. He had known Jane for three months now.
Kurt sighed heavily looking at Jane. He was crazy for her but… "You have no idea, doc."
Jane protested. "Hey…" she said looking at him but she was smiling now. She turned to the doctor again.
"Jane, I am going to ask you to do one more thing to make sure the baby is fine. Are you willing to do it? It's kind of hard, I have to warn you," the doctor said to her.
"I'll do anything," she replied without hesitation.
"Very well, then. Be happy. Be appreciative of the gift you were given. Smile. Start making plans for your baby. Stop worrying for the past and be determined to give your little girl the best future you can. Listen to your doctors and stop giving Agent Weller here such a hard time. Give the poor guy a break, Jane".
Jane grinned at the doctor. "Are you sure I have nothing to be afraid of? Are you sure doctor?" she asked again.
"Yes. Yes, I am very sure Jane. Okay?" the doctor sighed but smiled at her.
Jane smiled too. "Okay, Dr Watson. I'll do everything you asked me to do. I promise. Promise I will. Except, maybe, the last one. He's not as innocent as he looks, you know", she said looking at Kurt but her smile said something else.
They, then, went back into the examination room to see their baby. They listened to her heartbeat and saw her little nose and ears, her arms, her legs, her little fingers. She was awake and she was squirming and she was the most glorious thing they'd even seen. He could not wait for her to arrive. He could not wait to meet this teeny tiny little creature made just by Jane and him.
Jane seemed relaxed now and happy, but of course, she was crying again. She would do that for the rest of her pregnancy for no reason at all.
When Jane got at the door hugging the doctor and saying goodbye, Kurt asked if he could stay for one more minute. She looked at him embarrassed. "Please, do not ask the doctor anything… inappropriate, Kurt" she spelled.
Well, normally he would reassure her, but now, he thought to himself, she totally deserved that so… "I have some questions about sex in the last months of pregnancy, Jane. You can stay and listen if you want or I could tell you everything later". She turned red and turned around, leaving the room. Borden was laughing.
"Well, Agent Weller?" said the doctor with a smile "what exactly you wanna know?"
He laughed. "Nothing doc. I just want to say thank you for everything you are doing for us, for Jane. She is having a really hard time and sometimes I just don't know what to do. I feel like nothing I do is enough" he admitted.
The doctor laughed. He had been having this conversation with every dad he'd ever met. "Well, join the long list of expecting fathers, Agent Weller. Just be there, love her, do what she asks and take the blame for everything. Trust me, it will be okay!"