"He constantly runs from fights and don't even get me started on his idea of humor!" Clint stood up out of his seat and frowned sternly at the Director of SHIELD, sticking his lower lip out into what could only be called a pout. Wade threw his arms up from his seat, situated in front of Fury's desk, but made no effort to deny his partner's claims. It was true, the hero did tend to cower at the first sign of danger. As for his jokes, they were meant to be innocent, but for some reason, Hawkeye just didn't find his dead baby and 'yo mama' jokes funny…

"I can't take it anymore! You don't pay me to babysit, and if I have to go on one more mission with this...this…" He turned to glower down at Wilson and searched for the right word.

Deadpool kindly assisted. "A-hole? Fuckface?"

Fury crossed his arms, looking extremely unimpressed. He didn't have time for this. "Watch your language, Wilson." With a huff, he turned his head down and brought a hand up to rub at his good eye. "Barton, I'm keeping you two together whether you like it or not. Now, we could sit here in my office all day and debate about it, but we both know that'd be a waste of time, because I'd win, so I suggest you both high-tail it out of here and get to work!"

Clint sat up and scoffed in frustration, but Fury was right. It looked like he was stuck with Deadpool for good. The past two missions had been a nightmare, and while Clint had known all about Deadpool's reputation, he'd really never expected...that. Horrible jokes, a reckless disregard for anyone's safety (including his own), an inability to accomplish the simplest of tasks without complaining, and perhaps most surprising of all, his habit of flirting with anything that moved.

Barton rose and moved towards the door in an attempt to avoid revealing any further details to Fury about their ill-fated partnership. His mind drifted as he walked out of the office and towards the landing pads to yesterday when he'd gotten so fed up he'd actually shot Wade, right through the chest. His response, "Oh, I think I'm in love, been shot by Cupid's arrow…" had actually been sort of...adorable.

Clint flushed, wishing to immediately smack himself for thinking that. Wilson was not in any way cute or fun to be around. He only made more work for the pair and more trouble for everyone around him. He had no redeeming qualities. None.

As he got settled into the helicopter, the archer crossed his arms and waited for his partner to join him. "If you don't get in this vehicle right now, you'll be taking the quicker way down, Wade." He pulled out his phone and began looking over the next mission file. Oh great…

"You'd push me off the helicarrier? Through the turbines or just straight off? I haven't been sky-diving in a while, might be fun." Wilson plopped into the seat next to Hawkeye, not bothering with the seatbelt as his partner did. He peeked over at the phone screen, "What're you looking at? Porn? Old lady porn? Goat porn?"

"Our next mission." Clint said flatly, ignoring the way Wade had draped his arm around Clint's shoulders. He could not, however, remain neutral as the red-suited merc began to grope at his chest. "Wade, for the thousandth time, I'm a guy, stop it or I'll cut your hands off."

There was a pause and Wade shrugged, continuing to grope at nothing. "Worth it!'

The next thing Wilson knew, he was enjoying that sky-dive he'd just been thinking about. Hold the turbines.

Hawkeye sat on top of a building opposite to a cafe that their target was currently having lunch in. After collecting Deadpool's body from the ocean (luckily he had a tracker on his suit, or perhaps it was unlucky for Barton), they'd made their way to the city, found their 'victim' as Wade was calling him and began stalking. That was all they were suppose to do, but by lunch Clint was at his breaking point.

"Go home, I can handle this by myself. I don't need you screwing up a simple job like this one."

"We're supposed to work together." The merc pouted, or seemed to, through the hood. "I'm so bored! How do you not shoot yourself in the head, scream into infinity, bored?"

"Training, patience, sanity… things you don't have. Why don't you just shoot yourself if you think that will be better." The archer had yet to look away from the target's location even for a second.

"I can, you know I can, it'll only last forty-five minutes. Then I'm bored again."

"Hmmm, well if it'll give me some peace and quiet, try harder this time, for me."

Wade sighed deeply and laid out on his back next to where Clint was keeping watch. "Seriously, though, why do you do this?"

"Why do you do it?"

"Money, mostly… and there's nothing better to do."

"Aren't you rich already?" Barton inquired, getting up as the target came out of the cafe.

"Yeah, but money is money. Can't we just put a tracker on him? Tag him and go home?" Wade got up, sluggishly following his partner. "Maybe you wanna come over to my place? I have lots of cool stuff, and you can break whatever you want!"

"Even you?" Clint froze. Shit, what the hell did I just say? That was dangerously close to flirting. That was not a good idea. If he crossed that line, there was no going back.

"Oh, sure!" The merc brightened and made his way over the rooftops, jogging to keep up as Clint had begun to move more swiftly. "Hey, wait up! You can break me in anytime!"

Clint descended down onto the street and turned the corner, mentally hating everything in the known world as their target met a woman outside a hotel, slipping through the entrance with her. The lady in question was most certainly not his wife. "We'll have to get a room next door, come on."

"Oh, moving pretty quick aren't we? Got any rubbers? Oh well, I guess if I'm bottom it doesn't matter." Wade was completely distracted, talking to himself, falling back on his ass as he ran into a statuesque Barton, face completely blank, expressionless.

The archer squatted down and pressed his face into Wade, "Look you squirming, bitching, cowardly little pimple. I am not going to fuck you now, or later, or ever. Alright? I'm not interested and you need to stop joking around! It's getting on my nerves."

There was a long moment of rare silence between the two, then Wade pulled up the bottom of his mask, leaned forward, and stole a kiss.

Clint's eyes widened and his first reaction was to punch Wilson in the face, though even that didn't remove the feeling of the rough skin against his own. "What the fuck?"

Wade only shrugged. "I might be an asshole… but I'm totally serious."

Barton blushed lightly and turned away, walking in his casual clothes towards the hotel's front doors. He slipped inside and worked on getting the room they needed. If there was a way to kill Wade, and stay dead, Clint might have considered it, though on the other hand... he'd never met anyone short of the Avengers or Fury that could so easily brush him off. The balls he must have… fuck, don't think about that...

"You know, the kiss wasn't too bad, his lips are kind of soft like a girl's."

"Clint takes care of himself and seems to value personal appearance and hygiene, at least a normal degree… you know, unlike us."

"What are you saying?"

"We're sort of disgusting, you know that."

"You don't have to say it, hurts my feelings."

"Our feelings."

"Both of you shut up, I'll take a fucking shower, okay?"

"Probably a good idea."

"Will that take away the rotting smell?"

"...Fuck you."

Wade got up off the street and followed his partner into the hotel, managing to catch sight of him as he got in the elevator. "What? You can't just leave me!" Deadpool was in his mask but with more normal clothing and a hoodie. There was no way he was going to get any information out of anyone without threatening them and making a scene. And that was if he asked politely.

He pulled out his phone and texted Clint, 'Room number?'

'Guess.'

'Are you seriously going to make me search the whole hotel?'

'At least you won't be bored anymore.''

Wade blinked and groaned as he felt his stomach twist and his chest ache. He was such a masochist. "He wants me to stop, but he's just so sexy about it… does he not even realize...?" The merc moved towards the stairs and decided to go room by room. Knocking and saying hello to everyone would really piss Clint off, and not in the good way. So, he would just use one of those fun tools Fury had given him. Up until now, he'd been using it like a sixth grader to peek at locker rooms and other naughty things. He supposed this was it's intended use, at least a bit.

For every woman or man lounging on a bed, undressing, or having sex he saw as he scanned the room, (pausing when things needed to be investigated further, of course) he found three cleaning ladies or four empty rooms. The hotel wasn't very active this time of day, most checked in around 4 or 5 in the evening.

"Can we skip this part?"

~skip~

"Huh, maybe you're not so bad."

The room number of their target, or victim, was 637. The target was in the middle of screwing the escort, her body riding the slightly plumper man. Wade had only watched for a minute or so. It wasn't exactly the most intriguing porn that had ever been presented to him.

"Whoa there, this is rated M right?"

"Yes, it is."

"Then what's with the cut off? I can't talk about my %% #& #$% &... Hey!"

"Some things need to be left for the reader to imagine on their own. If we listed all your fetishes and your entire porn collection our audience would get turned off. They are here for male on male sex and probably some sweet romance. Anything to do with that, feel free."

"I wish to protest this, it's censorship. You'll have us guzzling a dick but we can't talk about %$# &&."

"&^%##$... Oh that's fun! &^ #%! Hehe, whatever it's not like she'd denying it's there she just doesn't want the reader to go limp."

"Why is HE the one making sense?"

"I've no idea, I'm thoroughly ashamed. Alright just carry on, however, I remain in protest."

"Alright, let's be clear, anything to do with cock I can talk about?"

"You're golden."

"But not &%$$ or && #%? Alright, what about foot fetishes… oh that's fine? Really?"

"It's not gender bias. Can we move on?"

"Yes, suppose I'll just start jerking off to Clint in a maid's uniform or something."

"Please, go ahead."

"Damn, you bitches are kinky."

Wade knocked on 638 and waited, grinning, as Clint opened the door for him. "I'm here for our randevu."

Barton rolled his eyes, shutting the door behind his partner. "We won't be here long. I don't think the target can last much longer."

"He'll last as long as these chicks want us alone in a hotel room. Or he'll take a nap." Wade walked to the bed and sprawled out on it. "Come on, stop fighting it and just fuck me already. You know you'd love it, dominating my ass, in more ways than one."

Clint moved to the desk and sat down, masking his expressions, "Do you ever think about anything else?"

"Hmm, death, fighting, sex, and food… specifically chimichangas. Love'em. Maybe sports, sometimes, when there's a good game on? What else is there to really think about? I bet I can boil anything you say down to sex, food, or fighting."

Barton revisited the bait for a long time, going through a list in his head, then he finally took it. "Flowers."

"Food for animals and a sign you wanna fuck your date; Next."

"Stamps."

"Used to send letters to Hustlers by yours truly, also licking is just a fun action in general."

"Old women's shoes."

"Ever seen that horny turtle video?"

Clint banged his head on the desk. "Please, stop." Barton was not used to thinking about everything in such a twisted way. Wade was slowly corrupting, him he could feel it.

"Alright honey, I'll be quiet, I won't say anything else until we leave the hotel… If you give everyone what they want and kiss me." The man tapped his masked lips.

"The whole time?"

"Yep, not one word."

Clint rose from the desk and stood at the side of the bed. He licked his lips and debated for a long time. Then, sliding one knee onto the bed, he pulled up the bottom of Deadpool's mask and pressed his lips against the other man's. It wasn't like the kiss on the street though, his lips parted and his tongue slipped in. He slowly moved forward and pressed Wade's back to the comforter as the kiss deepened, his muscle playing against Wade's until Barton needed to breath.

When he pulled away he rolled the mask back down and smiled, tapping his lips with his forefinger.

"Damn it, I have a huge boner now."