He gets the baby in his arms again, goes by the window and lets the ladies talk to Jane. She is looking at him and he finds himself start talking to her about her mom, their home, her room and toys. But then suddenly she starts crying again, he tries to make her stop, but she doesn't. He turns to Jane. "Jane…."
"Bring her over here, Kurt," Jane laughs and gets the baby in her arms. "Oh little angel, what is it? Shh, mommy's here." Her voice is not that loud now but she still cries.
"I think she's hungry," says Sara to Jane really softly. Jane startles and looks at Kurt. This is it. They talked about it a hundred times. The one thing that made Jane nervous the last few weeks.
Sara and Patterson say their goodbyes and he calls the nurse who comes in smiling. "It looks like someone is very hungry here. Jane, do you want me to take her in and feed her or would you like to try yourself? We can do whatever you want, whatever you want is absolutely fine for the baby."
Jane is shaking and she looks at Kurt. He knows what she's thinking. He knows she wants badly to be the one feeding the baby. He also knows that she's terrified that she will not make it, that she's unfit, that she will not give her baby what she needs, that the baby will reject her. She talked to Dr Watson about this many times. He tried to reassure her in every way possible that it didn't matter. That it wouldn't make her less or more of a good mother. That whether they used a bottle or she breastfed, it would be fine. He had her talk with other mothers with babies. Kurt was sure that if things in the past were different, Jane would be really okay with any option. But, Jane's insecurities are what they are, and her fear of not being enough or not giving the baby everything she needed was stronger now than ever.
He goes by her side, sits in the bed and takes her free hand in his hands. "Janie, what would you like to do baby? Maybe, you want to try later? Would you like to rest some more, get your strength back, relax a little?" he asks as he brushes her fingers.
"I wanna try, but…" she whispers looking between him and the baby crying on her arms.
"Okay, let's try then. Nurse Davis is here to help you. You know her and you trust her." Jane nods almost tearfully.
The nurse comes next to her and Kurt sits in the chair near the door. "Okay, Jane. This is going to be a little tough at the beginning but we'll do it together. The baby and I will help you. Now, hold her against your chest and open your blouse."
Jane does as she is told. "Good. Now bring her closer to you, like that, very well Jane. Do you see that she's calmer now that your skin touches her skin?" It's true. The baby seems calmer now and so does Jane.
"We're doing really well. Try very slowly to bring her head in front of your breast. Good Jane. Very good. A little closer now. Very well. Now let's see what she does, let's give her some time. Right now her senses are high, mainly her smelling and touch. This is how she's gonna recognize you in the beginning: by how you smell and how you feel."
The baby has stopped crying. Her mouth is opening and closing on Jane's skin and Jane just wants to cry at this perfect sensation. And, then her little girl finds her nipple and starts eating, hungrily at the beginning and calmer after a while.
"Well Jane, it looks like you have a little champ!" says the nurse enthusiastically. "Look at her knowing exactly what she has to do!" The baby eats peacefully and Jane's smile is illuminating the whole room. "Whatever, the problem is, you should always trust that you and your baby will find the solution. Okay, Jane?"
"Yes," says Jane almost out of breath.
"Do you feel okay? You wanna go on?" the nurse asks her carefully.
"Yes! It hurts a little and, to be honest, I am not sure if I am doing it right…but… but it feels so right, so good…" The baby seems alarmed and stops eating and Jane startles. "What did I do?"
The nurse laughs. "It looks like your little champ wants her mommy all of her own. I think she doesn't like it when she's eating and you are talking to someone else."
The nurse steps aside and Jane turns her full attention to the baby. "Sorry, sweetie. It will never happen again. Mommy is very new to this and you have to help her a little." The baby is looking at her. "Do you want mommy to sing you a little song? Let's see if you remember it." And then, Jane starts singing very softly and the baby starts eating again, their eyes never loosing contact.
The baby falls asleep after a while in Jane's chest and Jane lifts her carefully, placing her little head on her shoulder, one hand supporting the baby's head and the other caressing gently her back. Jane closes her eyes. When she opens them again, she looks at Kurt. He winks at her, silently telling her that he is proud of her, and she smiles.
And he can tell she's happy. Deliriously happy. Content and sure of herself, because she won another fight. He is also sure of a couple of things. Jane and their daughter make a damn good team. And they both have them wrapped around their little fingers for the rest of their lives.