« Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting ... Right there where you left it, lying upside down~. »
It wasn't very often that England ever thought about that boy.
It was even less often that he would ever get so torn up about it.
Yet still, here he was after the fact, lying beneath a tree staring up blankly into the sky, his mind seemingly gone off somewhere in the clouds.
It was calm - in fact, it was too calm for what had just happened mere hours before.
England had stumbled into his house after suddenly exploding and leaving at a Conference due to a heated argument with... Well, frankly, he didn't even want to think about his nane anymore after that.
Blinded by anger, sadness, or whatever his issue was, he soon went back to his old terrible habits. A single bottle of whiskey soon became some number that he was too intoxicated to count up to.
He was still in such a haze that he couldn't entirely remember what had happened after that, he simply recalled going somewhere and nowhere until he passed out.
As he lay here, though, he could still remember a child from centuries ago. A small one, though to be of no more worth than any other, but one with a big heart and a bright smile that more than made up for the fact that he wasn't so bright himself.
The boy, he was still a child, yes, but... it was different now. In fact, it had been different since more than two hundred years ago, but of course, England was too in denial to notice.
Tears unconsciously made their way from glazed over eyes as he remembered those words the child cried.
"All I wanted," he had said, "was for you to hear me out and treat me like I actually exist!" Today, England noticed how the kid's arguments seemed to mirror the same ones England had heard so long ago.
"I don't want to be some kind of stupid joke that you and the rest of the world can laugh at!"
Actually, they were exactly the same as before.
"Remember those eighteen years? Honestly, how blind could you possibly be? Why can't you see what you've done?!"
Maybe things weren't so different after all.
"You really haven't changed, have you?"
Ah, that only made it worse.
« When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded ... The underside is lighter, when you turn it around. »
America could not believe he'd just said that.
Well, actually, he could, but he really, really didn't want to.
And frankly, it wasn't like he didn't mean what he said. He still didn't want to, though. It just felt nice to say what he really thought, apparently so much that he just couldn't stop saying it.
Somewhere inside of him, he could even say he actually liked seeing the man flinch at his words like he'd actually been hurt. Now, however, that he'd actually had time to process what had happened, it just brought back unpleasant memories.
Soldiers standing on a field in front of him, the angry storm that threatened to batter them all into dust, the cowering Brit on the ground in front of him... no, he couldn't think about this now. After all, it was supposed to be a good day today, wasn't it?
Well, seeing how it started with being berated by one of the people he truly thought didn't legitimately hate him anymore, maybe it wasn't.
"It's not like I wanted this to happen to you," he said, "Whatever made you such an annoying, aggravating, and otherwise frustrating person to be around is your own damn fault!"
Heh, he always knew how to hit those certain nerves, didn't he?
"Did you think that was fun for me? You never even spared a single thought about what I really wanted for you, did you? You're a child, just like before. That's all you are, and it's all you ever will be."
America could practically hear the poison dripping from those words.
"But hey, no one really cares about what you want in this world, do they?" His laugh was empty, and somewhat unsettling. "I can't believe I spent all that time trying to raise such an ungrateful little child." He laughed even more as he wiped the tears forming in his eyes. "Remember how I said you'd never find anyone who cared about you again?" He sighed. "Well, I was wrong, because all you care about is yourself."
And then, he just… left.
Damn, that man was fast for his age.
« Everything stays, right where you left it ... Everything stays, but it still changes. »
"Amerique, please don't do something you might regret. With people like him, well… you really need time to think about what you're doing."
America had already thought long and hard about that, the determined stride he set off with proved that.
"You need to figure this out first. Are you doing this for somebody else, or just so you'll feel better?"
Suddenly, he paused in his steps, allowing those last few words to sink in.
Was he doing this for himself? He'd felt absolutely awful for saying all those things, and he couldn't just leave it like that. England would probably never speak to him again if he did.
Maybe this really wasn't for England after all.
America sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked out to the horizon, the sky appearing as if it were about to rain. He mused that maybe he should just give up. It was over, there was no hope of fixing this.
However, looking over into the distance, he spotted a certain someone.
Now sprinting, all he thought was that at this point, he couldn't care less about who this apology was truly for, he couldn't possibly just leave it like this!
"England!" He practically shouted once he was there. "England, I'm so glad you're here! You have no idea-" He stopped himself once he realised that he was getting nowhere with this. Any sort of feeling that England had before disappeared with a wave of indifference as he rolled over so as not to face the American.
"England, are you…?" That was a stupid question. Of course he wasn't. "England, please… I need you to talk to me. Anything is fine, I just need something!"
No response.
"Even if you just said 'I hate you,' it's fine, I just need something to work with, I need you to help me… I just… I need you."
Nothing.
America huffed and sat down in the grass next to him.
"England, seriously, this is important to me. Say something."
Ugh, those words, "me," and "I"… this really was for him, wasn't it?
"Arthur, please…." It'd been so long since he'd used that name, the word felt foreign and strange on his tongue.
A sharp intake of breath at that told America that he was at least still listening.
"Why did you come here anyways? Seems like an odd choice of venue to be pissed at."
"…I once found something wonderful here." He… He actually replied?!
"Don't you remember this place?" England asked quietly, "Do you still have any of these memories? Any of them besides…." His near-whisper simply trailed off into nothingness.
America kept quiet in silent contemplation. This place did seem familiar, but he really had no idea why.
"I don't expect you to after what I've done." England admitted in that same barely audible voice. "You probably won't recall them even after this."
"It… it wasn't what I asked for, you know. None of this was." His words came out thickly, as if he were about to cry. "I… Somehow, I just expected everything to go back to how it was before. I just wanted… I just wanted you back, Alfred."
America still remained silent. England had never once in his life spoken to him like this before, and he'd never seen him so… tired. So oddly submissive, like he'd just given up. Homestly, it was scary.
"I still care about you, you know. I didn't really mean any of what I said, to be honest with you. I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore, you probably just felt like you had to. You don't, really. You don't need this, and you don't need me. I'm not the most pleasant person to be around. Sometimes, I wonder what you probably think of me now." He was cut off by a sudden awkwardly-angled hug from America.
"Well, I think you're pretty great."
« Ever so slightly, daily and nightly ... »
"I'm - I'm sorry, Arthur. I'm not a little kid anymore, but you... You do know that I still, like... l-love you and stuff, right?"
"Yes, Alfred."
"And?"
"And what?"
"What do you mean 'and what?!'"
"Calm down, I'm just kidding. I… I love you too."
And at last, the heavens cried too and it began to rain.
« In little ways, when everything stays. »
「ｍｅｍｏｒｙ」
song - "everything stays" by rebecca sugar
(the "i love you" is intended to be platonic but if you ship usuk thats ok too)
oh my gOODNESS author-chan wrote a fanfic with a GOOD ENDING somebody call the presses
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