He knew he lied He had to.
The exorcist sat in the corner of the bathroom as he yanked at his hair violently. This was about what, the fifth time he'd done this? He whimpered and squeezed his mouth and eyes shut to suppress any unwanted noise. He remembers the first time he'd done this. It was that morning when he'd almost let slip to Rin where he was going sooo early in the morning all those years ago. That evening he'd locked himself in the bathroom and punished himself. He hadn't told Rin, or even Father Fujimoto, because in his opinion it was nobody's business.
At first it wasn't an intentional "I want to hurt myself" thing. He just did it when he'd get frustrated which wasn't that often so he didn't think of himself as a self-mutilator. As images of himself pushing Rin to his death filled his brain he tugged harder at his hair almost making him cry out.
I tried to kill my own brother...
Yukio sat in their shared room after dinner, isolating himself because of those feelings.
The feelings of jealousy, guilt and utmost hatred toward the person that was closest to him. He sat at his desk with his head down on the wood.
Back in the class room when Rin had yelled at him for some strange reason he got jealous when his brother showed such strong feelings of concern toward him. It made him extremely jealous and now he was debating, keeping himself isolated or going down there. He finally came to a decision.
"Hey Yukio,"
"Um… hey."
He stared at Rin for a while, trying to seem normal but failing.
"So what's u-"
He held out his arms to him. This is how you do it right?
"Um… what's… this?"
"What does it look like?" He asked angrily as he tried to hide the item he was concealing in his sleeve.
"Uh…"
"I actually don't know." He could tell the demon was grinning on the inside and that angered him.
"Seriously!?"
Once again he heard Rin's small brain echoing in his skull.
"I-I wanted a… hug."
The demon's eyebrows jumped up in surprise. After a long silence Rin finally smiled at him.
"Okay."
After some awkward shifting they were locked in an embrace. He stared down at Rin's back, calculating what he wanted to do. He slowly slipped the small silver blade from his sleeve and raised it a bit to his oblivious brother's back, all the while remaining straight faced. His hand was ready to strike when big cerulean eyes looked up at him and smiled warmly.
He choked.
I-I can't do it…
He slipped the knife back into his sleeve and withdrew from the hug. Rin just continued to smile at him. He felt like he would be sick. Before his brother could say anything else he quickly walked away.
Envious of others' spontaneity...
"Yukio?"
He sucked in a large breath and tried to sound normal.
"Yes."
"Are you okay in there?"
"Yes. I'll be out in a minute."
There was a pause.
"Alright. Hurry up!"
He didn't respond. Finally he heard footsteps began to fade away. He released his hair with a gasp of the breath he was holding. He finished getting dressed and looked in the mirror. He glared at the reflection and walked out, stuffing his anguish down his throat.
They walk to class together in silence as usual, Rin smiling at him every now and then and Yukio smiling briefly back.
_
"Hey Okumura-kun, can I ask you something?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"Oh nothing." The demon noted how his eyes were darting around nervously.
"Is everything... cool between you and your brother?"
Rin gave him a confused look. He really had no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean.
"What do you mean? Everything's fine."
"Oh... Well it's just that Bon- Never mind."
"No. Bon what?"
He was extremely curious. Why was Shima acting so weird?
"Well... Don't tell him I said anything but he keeps going on these rants about how he felt like he saw something weird during the... uh... incident."
The demon's face scrunched up even more in confusion.
"You know at the zoo."
It took a minute for it to click. He gave an 'oh' expression and stared at his hands in his lap. He really didn't want to talk about that right now.
"Well, what about it? What did Bon see?"
There was an extremely long pause from the pink haired boy.
"He says he thinks Yukio pushed you." He said quickly in one breath.
Shima stared at the ground as he heard the air leave Rin's lungs. He cautiously peeked over at him.
He was angry. No actually he was beyond pissed. Why was Bon discussing the situation when he wasn't involved at all. Sure hhe saved him, the demon thought, but he didn't really see anything. It was all in his head!
"Well you can tell Ryuji not to poke his nose where it doesn't belong!"
Shima didn't have to look at his face to tell how angry he was. The fact that he had used Bon's first name was enough.
"I tried to get him to hush up about! Honest! But he just wouldn't let it go!"
"Then why the hell bring it up!" He snarled. People in the classroom stared as he nearly flipped the desk he was sitting at, standing up, towering over the sitting Shima. It was then the pink haired boy remembered this guy could snap a tree branch by barely lifting a finger.
"Well... I just wanted to ask... did he? Push you I mean."
The demon sat back down and became calm once more and glared at him, making Shima feel like his life was in danger.
Nobody gossips about Yukio! Not him, not anyone, and certainly not Bon. When I get my hands on him!
"That's none of your business."
As if in cue the teacher came in and the room went silent.
_
Somehow Rin had gotten to cram class extremely early. Probably because he was avoiding the other exwires because all they wanted to discuss was the incident with his twin.
He angrily and rather childishly slammed his book down on the desk and sat down with an exaggerated huff. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He could feel intense eyes on his back.
"MY GOD WHAT THE HELL DO YOU-"
He was met with menacing burgundy eyes and tiny furrowed brows.
Oh it's just Izumo.
"Hey." He tried.
All he got was a small huff in response.
"You're not going to accuse my brother too are you?"
Finally her brows softened, in a smug manner.
"No."
He sighed in relief.
"But-"
He then let out a sigh of irritation.
"I don't think he pushed you. Or if he did it there was probably a reason or it was an accident."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. Even if you don't show it in public you two are pretty close. I'm sure he wouldn't do something like that on purpose."
How she said these things but remained a bitch at the same time escaped him.
"And... I'm glad your okay." She stated with a glare.
Rin smiled widely at her.
"Thanks Izumo. You really are nice."
All the sudden the frown went away and she became flustered.
"W-What? Oh-just shut up."
She huffed once more and rested her head in her palm facing away from him. He smiled even though she wasn't looking. At least someone believes him.
_
"So I heard four eyes pushed ya."
Shura said casually as she sipped on a can of beer. He hadn't seen her in a while and that's the first thing she says to him?
"For god's sake I'm a clumsy guy! Why is it so hard to believe that it was an accident!"
Rin's tail whipped in anger. It was seriously no one's business what happened.
She stared at him with seriousness and just a hint of pity.
"Because it wasn't."
She said before walking away, her firey hair swaying.
Rin growled at her back.
It was seriously no one's business what had happened. It was one thing to be concerned but to just bluntly say the your twin brother tried to kill you is kind of a heavy thing to accept. The demon couldn't count the number of times during the day he'd had to cup his hands over Yukio's ears or turn him in another direction so he wouldn't hear people chatting. Rin had absolutely no idea how in the world other kids around school found out, all he knew was that he'd heard girls whispering something along the lines of, "Yukio, the younger one," and "pushed his brother." It was infuriating to him.
Sure maybe Yukio did push him, he was still his brother and Rin had a sore spot for people talking about his twin negatively and even Yukio knew that.
Just last night Yukio had given him a hug. It was awkward but it was cute. Rin thought, very cute.