It was almost Coulson's birthday. He was turning "28", as he liked to say.
"I'm getting old," he sighed one day at dinner, when his back popped.
"You're not old," said Brynn, stabbing her steak, "Just 'Chronologically Advanced'."
"Very funny Brynn," said Coulson dryly, "you've been spending too much time around Skye and Hunter."
"Spending too much time with me? There's no such thing!" declared Skye.
"It's very much a thing," replied Coulson, scooping broccoli onto Brynn's plate.
"Eww, AC, I don't like broccoli."
"Too bad. You need to eat it so you can grow to be big and strong like me." Said Coulson, popping another cluster onto Brynn's plate.
She huffed and shoveled them down as quickly as she could, swallowing the large lump of food with water.
"Don't shovel your food," reprimanded Bobbi, "Take small bites and don't stab your steak like that, either. Cut it nicely with your knife."
"But Lance stabs his steak," said Brynn, picking up her knife and sawing away at her steak.
"Lance doesn't have manners," said Bobbi, handing Hunter a knife. He smiled mischievously and used the knife to cut his broccoli instead, and continued to stab his steak. Bobbi rolled her eyes.
"It's Labor Day this weekend," said Simmons, "we should do something special."
"I don't like parties," said Coulson, "too much confetti."
"But confetti's the best part!" exclaimed Brynn, "besides the cake, of course."
"Nah. I don't want to mess up the base. Anyways, it's Ward's turn to wash the dishes."
Ward frowned. "Skye, have I ever told you how nice you look—"
"No, Ward."
"It was worth a try," he sighed, gathering the dishes into the sink.
Bobbi cleared the table while Fitz wiped it down. Skye and Simmons swept the floor while Brynn and Mack mopped it, and Coulson and May put away the clean dishes.
"You know," said Ward, grimacing as his thumb touched a chewed up piece of gristle on Fitz's plate, "I don't see why we have robots to clean up alien debris, but we don't have one to wash the dishes."
"You could get killed if you touch alien material. Washing dishes is quite harmless," replied Fitz, tripping over a chair.
"That's easy for you to say, monkey. You're not the one who just touched your chewed up food. Now I have to boil my thumb."
"Sorry robot," said Skye, "Next time you should bring me cupcakes."
"You wish."
Brynn squealed as Mack pushed her around on the mop.
Brynn sat on her bed, thinking hard. Coulson didn't like parties? What was there not to like? All the sparkles, all the balloons, all the streamers, all the cake, all the bouncy houses… Wait. Coulson was an adult. Adults don't play with bouncy houses. Then what did adults like? Brynn sighed. Grownups were so difficult. Coulson didn't like confetti did he?... Brynn got a brilliant idea.
Brynn marched into the lounge where Skye and Ward were witting on a couch playing Battleship, and Hunter was trying to help Ward win.
"Hunter, go away! Stop cheating!" Skye whacked Hunter's arm as he ran around the couch to look at Skye's board.
"But Ward needs help! He never wins!"
"Wha—Yes I do! Shoo, Lance, I need to succeed on my own. I am a man!"
"You are?"
"Shut up Lance! Yes I am!"
Ward stood up and threw Hunter out of the room by his collar and slammed the door shut.
"Oh hey Brynn," said Ward, noticing the little girl, "Wanna help your favorite big brother crush Skye in battleship?"
"SERIOUSLY WARD?" yelled Lance through the door, "I CAN HEAR YOU!"
Ward chuckled and sat down on the couch, pulling Brynn onto his lap.
"If you go over and look at Skye's board for me, I will give you some of Fitz's candy."
"So that's where my secret stash has been going!" said Fitz walking into the room, "You sneaky, bribing, old hags!"
"You're horrible, Ward," said Skye, throwing a battleship peg at him.
"Speaking of candy," Said Brynn pulling her lollipop out of her mouth, "I need some help. Can one of you all take me to go get some stuff from the store?"
"What do you need it for?" asked Fitz, stubbing his toe on the coffee table. "Cripes!" he yelled.
"I need it to do stuff," said Brynn.
"What sort of stuff?" Asked Skye, putting down her battle ship pad.
"Stuff."
"What are you going to do?"
"Stuff."
"Seriously Brynn? I can't take you shopping until you tell me what you're doing."
"But it's a secret!"
"Are you pranking someone?" Said Ward, absentmindedly placing a peg on A-9. "A-9. Skye?"
Skye picked up her pad. "Miss. B-10."
Ward's face fell, and he threw his pad onto the coffee table.
"How did you know?" asked Brynn, pulling a hair on Ward's beard. Ward winced.
"Just a guess," he said, grumpily putting away his pegs.
"You haven't said it yet, Ward," reminded Skye.
"You're so annoying. Fine. You sunk my battleship."
"Yes!" Skye cheered, throwing a piece of popcorn at him, "I win again!"
''This wouldn't have happened if you had just let me help!" Yelled Hunter through the door.
"GO AWAY!" yelled Ward.
"Well are you going to take me?" asked Brynn, "Or will Lance become my favorite brother?" She batted her eyelashes.
"You are very sneaky," said Ward, "Fine. I'll take you, but you have to give me a back massage later and then help me win against Skye."
"But I thought you were a man…"
Skye was sitting in Brynn's room, waiting for the girl to return from her shopping trip with Ward. Something fishy was going on… The girls had just gone shopping last weekend, why suddenly go again? She didn't really hear Brynn and Ward's conversation, and when she asked them about it, they wouldn't tell. The door opened.
"Cripes! Skye!" yelled Brynn, hiding a bag behind her back.
"Brynn, what did you buy?" asked Skye.
"Nothing."
"Really?"
"Well-I mean… It's nothing important."
"If it's not important, you can tell me."
"It's a secret."
"I'm your S.O. No keeping secrets from me, especially if Ward knows."
Brynn sighed and took the bag out from behind her back.
"Fine. I bought some sparkles, glitter and a set of My Little Ponies."
She set out the boxes on the floor.
"I didn't know you were into My Little Pony," said Skye, picking up the box, "Yeesh, this blue horse is really creepy."
"That's rainbow dash," said Brynn, taking the box and ripping it open, "And I'm not into ponies. I'm pranking Coulson."
"Again? Wasn't that whoopee cushion enough?"
"Nope. His payback was too severe. Seriously, I smelled like chicken bouillons for a week, and purple hair does not suit me."
Skye tossed Rainbow Dash into the air. "So, what are you planning to do?"
"You'll see." Brynn smiled wickedly and ripped open Swirly Pop's box.
Coulson opened his office, singing Uptown Funk to himself.
"Gotta kiss myself I'm so prett—AAAAAAAAH!" Coulson screamed as he turned the light on. Lined up on his shelf, instead of his prized vintages clocks and watches, were pink, blue and green ponies, grinning demonically at him.
Coulson kept screaming and ran over to the shelf and picked up a pony. He screamed again and threw the pony into the trashcan.
"Who did this?!" he screeched, grabbing all the ponies off the shelf.
May ran into the room and screamed. "Those things! They haunt my nightmares!" (Yes, Melinda May was deadly afraid of My Little Ponies.)
Mack, Fitz, and Simmons ran in and yelped. "Disgusting!" yelled Fitz, tripping on the rug and falling down. "Why does this keep happening to me?!"
Ward ran in and bust out laughing, and Bobbi and Lance followed closely.
Skye and Brynn dashed in, and at the sight of Coulson and May screaming at plastic horses, burst into laughter and rolled around on the floor.
"Brynn?" asked Coulson dangerously, "Did you do this?"
Brynn kept laughing.
"Not funny!" he yelled, "Get these hideous creatures out of my sight!" he said, pelting Brynn and Skye with the ponies. "Where are my watches and clocks?"
Brynn kept laughing, and pointed to the drawers on Coulson's desk. She picked up Rainbow Dash and laughed even harder.
Coulson pulled the drawer open and carefully took out his prized possessions.
"My poor babies," he cooed, placing them on the shelf.
May stared suspiciously at the ponies.
Coulson picked up his gun in the shooting range. Ward said that he was a better marksman than the director of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Ha! Ward stood beside Coulson and picked up a gun. After an intense staring competition, they both took their places. Coulson didn't notice the slight twitching of Ward's mouth.
"One-two-three-" counted Ward. "GO!"
An explosion of pink confetti shot out of Coulson's gun, clouding the air. Coulson shrieked. Ward fell onto the ground, laughing.
"Brynn?!" Coulson screamed, "Not funny!"
Brynn climbed out of a shelf. "Oh, but it was!" she said laughing.
Coulson screamed again. "How long were you there?"
"Long enough to hear you scream the highest note on the piano," she said, picking up a pinch of confetti and throwing it at Coulson.
"Seriously? What did I do to deserve this?"
"The chicken bouillon in the shower head and the purple die in my shampoo!"
"This is so immature," said Coulson, plucking confetti out of his hair, "You're cleaning all of this up."
Ward laughed and packed up his gun. "Maybe next time, director."
"Wait!" yelled Coulson jubilantly, pointing to the target, "I WIN!" Right on the bull's eye of the target glittered a pink piece of confetti.
Brynn was very happy. Payback was a success, and her chicken scented hair was avenged. She skipped into her bedroom and turned on the light. On her bed in a perfect line were all the heads of the Little Ponies, and on the floor written in pink confetti were the words "You're Next ~ Coulson."
Brynn slept in Skye's room that night.
Ack...I'm so sorry this took so long! I've had a serious case of writer's block. Any ideas would be much appreciated!