Ack...I'm so so so so sorry. In my defense, I had lots of exams and essays... Anyways, hope you enjoy!
Coulson sat in his office, staring intently at a paper clip. So, Brynn had paid him back for his prank on her, but now how was he going to take revenge? Paper clips…Paper clips… Paper clips!
"Uh, sir?" asked Ward, poking his head into the room, "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, of course, why wouldn't anything be okay?" Coulson hurried, jumping up, "Everything is perfectly fine."
Ward looked suspicious. "You suddenly yelled 'paper clips', so I was wondering if you needed them or something…."
"Oh….I yelled that? Okay…. Actually yes! I do need paper clips! Get a big box of them."
He hurried Ward out of the office and laughed evilly. Oh, this was going to be wonderful.
Ward walked down the halls, having just ordered a large box of paper clips from Amazon. What did Coulson need so many paper clips for? And he seemed so fidgety… Aha! Coulson was going to prank someone! Ward stopped cold. What if it was him? Coulson would surely be mad that Ward helped Brynn in her prank, so naturally, he would prank him!
Ward hurried down the hall. What sort of prank could Coulson pull with paper clips? Fill his bed with them? No. He had to prank Coulson before Coulson could prank him. Hahaha, Coulson couldn't beat him! He was always one step ahead of the director, and Coulson could never take him down!
Grinning evilly, he hurried into his bunk and shut the door. He already had a marvelous prank idea.
Coulson cackled as he ripped the top of the cardboard box open. Inside were over twenty little boxes of silver paper clips. He heard footsteps coming towards the hall, so he shoved the box under the table right as May walked in.
"….Coulson? What's under the table?"
"Nothing!" he squeaked, leaning in an awkward position, attempting to block the box from her sight.
"Coulson…" she warned in her famous May voice that made even Mack tremble more than Hunter did at the sight of a cockroach.
"Fine, fine! It's a box of paper clips."
"Paper clips?"
"Yes. Paper clips."
"Why would you hide paper clips?" she asked, pushing Coulson away from the desk. "And why did you buy so many? Good God!" she dragged out the box. "What is this for?"
"It's for…ermmm….paperwork and…stuff….and things."
"Coulson." She glared.
"Ugh, why are you so good at reading people's facial expressions? Fine. I'm pranking Brynn back."
May rolled her eyes. What a child, she thought, Paper clip pranks are so last year.
"Ridiculous!" she huffed, "You're turning into a child yourself. Why don't you just act like an adult and let it be?"
"Because…Because…because this is war!" he spluttered.
May rolled her eyes and began to walk towards the door.
"Brynn will know you're planning an attack. You'd better be prepared."
With that, she walked out and slammed the door, muttering something about immature babies. Coulson quickly tacked up a sign that said he was busy, and then settled down to business.
Bobbi was sitting in the lounge with Brynn, each of them on their own computer, the former watching The Walking Dead, and the latter doing science homework that Fitz and Simmons had assigned her. She was reading about an experiment with dry ice. Apparently, if you used boiling water, than the cloud of fog that came up would be really, really huge….Aha! Coulson said that she was next, so he was going to prank her! Well guess what? She just thought of the best pre-Coulson-payback payback! She was going to prank him again before he could get to her! This was amazing. Amazing!
She jumped up and ran to the lab. Neither Fitz nor Simmons was there, so this was her perfect chance.
Ward was in the pantry, looking for some flour.
"Ward, what are you doing?" asked Skye, yanking the door open to reveal the tall man crouching by a shelf, looking as if he was caught stealing donuts from the donut jar. Well, he was stealing donuts, but he was mainly looking for flour.
"Wha—uh—nothing!" he exclaimed, jumping up.
"Then why is there powdered sugar on your shirt?"
"Because…Fine. I was eating donuts."
Skye sighed. "You know Coulson keeps count of them, right? Yeesh, move out of the way. I need the coffee mix."
She pushed him out of the pantry and grabbed the container of coffee powder. While Skye was busy making herself coffee, Ward sneakily grabbed a bag of flour and tucked it under his shirt.
"Um, see ya, Skye. Toodles." With that, he dashed from the kitchen.
Skye glared suspiciously at Ward's back. Toodles? Ward never said toodles, unless he was…Aha! He was pranking someone! She went on stirring her coffee, wondering what in the world he was going to do with a bag of flour.
Ward was pacing back and forth in his room. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Skye was most definitely suspicious. And she would most definitely tell Coulson, because she was just a tattle-tale, suck up, little Daddy's girl! Or in this case, Coulson's girl. Curse you Skye!
Ward realized he had been talking aloud to himself and stopped. How would he deflect Coulson's anger? He would have to prank the director before Skye got to him. But Skye would tell Coulson that it was him! Unless….Yes! It was a brilliant plan! He would out-brilliant everyone on this base!
Ward snuck out of his room and slowly edged towards May's room. A few minutes later he ran out with one of May's many black boots tucked under his shirt.
Coulson crawled through the air vents with a large ball of a wound up paper clip chain. He quietly hummed the Incredible's theme song to himself as he slithered along the tight metal tube. Finally, he reached his destination. He carefully took off the panel in the roof and slid down a rope. Ew. Brynn had a lot of pink in this bunk.
Trying to burn the image of Hello Kitty out of his mind, he ran to the door and unwound the paper chain. Quickly, with the help of Duct Tape, he stuck the chain in zig-zags across the door. Haha! Now Brynn wouldn't be able to get into her own room! Cackling evilly, he climbed back into the air vent and put the panel back. Oh, this was wonderful.
Brynn was in Coulson's office, fiddling with a drawer handle. Ha! Coulson would never see this coming. After a few minutes, she stepped back and observed her handiwork. The drawer was rigged, so that when it opened, the dry ice would fall into the pot of boiled water. The water was still piping hot, and, if her calculations were correct, it would stay hot enough for her plan to work for about ten minutes. Now, she just had to get Coulson to go to his room.
She planted the evidence on another team member, and escaped through a window. Oh, Coulson never should have signed her up for science lessons with Fitzsimmons.
Coulson, elated by how well his prank had gone, skipped into his office. Now, he could settle down and finish paperwork like a mature adult. He plopped down in his chair and opened a drawer.
"Crikey!" he screamed. His whole drawer of paper work was packed down neatly with flour. He noticed a slight dusting of flour on the wood floor. And in the middle of it, was a neat print of the bottom of May's boot. Coulson was so angry he could have hissed. Just kidding. He actually did hiss.
"Agent May! Report to the director's office IMMEDIATELY!" he screeched.
May came running in. "Sir? What's wrong?"
"YOU tell ME what's wrong!" he squeaked furiously, "You're good. Oh, you're good May. All this while, you're telling me to grow up, while you do this?!" he furiously pointed at the crime scene. "You…you…traitor!" he was shaking furiously now, and a vein was popping furiously out on his forehead. Did I mention that he was furious?
"Wha—I didn't do it!" yelled May.
"Then how do you explain that?!" he pointed at the footprint.
"I—i—it wasn't me! I'm serious!"
"Do you really think that's going to clear you? All the evidence points to your boot!"
"But look at the boots I'm wearing right now! They're the exact same boots I was wearing this morning." She lifted up her boot to show Coulson. "The bottom print is different from that in the flour."
Coulson stared intently at the footprint and the boot.
"Oh. You're right. But how do I know you didn't change shoes in the middle of the day, so that you could get away with this prank?"
"Are you serious? I would've planted the evidence on someone else, not myself. What do you take me for? A fool?"
Coulson was about to respond when Brynn came running into the room, emitting unintelligible squeaks.
"Woah, woah, what's going on?" asked May, already beginning to feel the start of a migraine.
"You!" Brynn whirled around to Coulson, "You barricaded my door with PAPER CLIP CHAINS and now I can't get into my own room!"
"Payback!" he crowed, "Payback for your crimes! You can always get into your room by the air vent."
"But you know I'm scared of tight places!"
"And you know I'm scared of Little Ponies!"
Brynn growled in frustration and stormed off.
"Just wait!" she yelled over her shoulder. "I'll pay you back soon enough!"
Coulson huffed. "Anyways, who would've done this, anyways? Ward?"
May thought carefully for a while. "this does seem rather Ward-like, being related to food and all. He's a candidate."
Coulson nodded. "Investigate the matter. It could also be Hunter. But for now, at least my other drawer is untouched. I can work on that paperwork." He pulled open another drawer, and fog exploded from it, enveloping Coulson in a hazy cloud.
"This is—this is unbelievable!" spluttered Coulson, "Two attacks in one day?" He looked down and saw the dry ice in the pot of water, with the words "Gotcha—Ward" written next to it in sparkly pen.
"That's….odd," he muttered, "This says that Ward did it. But if the flour prank was pulled by Ward, why would he admit to one but plant the evidence of the other on someone else?"
"Then he couldn't have done both. Either he's really dumb to admit to one, or he's smart to evade the other. Ward is smart. I don't think he did the dry ice prank."
Coulson's face suddenly screwed up in anger. "Brynn." He hissed. "Brynn pulled the dry ice one. Simmons just taught her about it. This has Brynn written all over it!"
Skye came into the office and stopped short, eyeing the flour.
"What the…Oh. So that's what Ward needed the flour for."
"Ward?" chorused Coulson and May in unison.
"Umm, yeah. He took a bag of flour from the pantry earlier today. I'm guessing that's where it went."
"That little worm!" exclaimed Coulson. "I was right!"
"I can't believe he actually stole my boot," said May dangerously. She gave her famous "May is Very Angry and You Should All Beware" face and stalked out of the room. Coulson was right. This was war.