Chapter 7
"Can we talk?" I ask uncertainly, my gaze, never wandering from Killian's.
He simply nods in response and stands up from where he is sitting in the booth. Milah stands as well, nudging me to the side, she grabs Killian's hand and drags him over to the other side of the diner, presumably to chew him out.
I don't blame her really, I would be pissed too, If someones ex-girlfriend came in and kissed the daylights out of someone I think is mine.
Dragging my eyes over to them, I shake my head, clearing unwelcome images of the two ex-lovers. I see Killian hug Milah goodbye, and their hug lasts a little too long. I worry that I'm about to see something that I probably shouldn't. And just as I'm about to look away, however, I see Killian clasp a hand over Milah's shoulder, much like friend would do to another friend, and suddenly I am less worried.
I head towards the door, knowing he is close behind. We both make our way back to my car, and I drive to the one place I know would be the best place to have this conversation: our house.
Once inside, I take his hand and lead him to sit on the couch. A couch I'm hoping we can share, like we dreamed of sharing.
"Not that I'm complaining love, but what is this about?" he asks, his walls coming up in the form of a wry smile. His insecurities are leaking through his facade however, and I can't blame him, knowing it's a great deal my fault as to why his facade needs to be there in the first place.
Taking his hand, I look up into his blue eyes, and I muster as much courage as I can to say the proceeding words. Clearing my throat, I say the one sentence I know could change my life forever.
"I want to get back together" I say with a small smile, hoping he feels the same.
His face lights up as soon as I end my sentence, but falls a second later, no doubt out of confusion. In order to appease him, however, I gather up even more courage and push my insecurities aside and explain further.
"Killian, I want forever with you. I want us to share this house. I want you to help raise my son. Hell, I want to raise OUR children together. I want to be your wife. I want to always count on each other. I want you, always" I finish.
Tears are gathering in my eyes now, the words almost getting stuck in my throat. The amount of vulnerability and want in those few sentences have completely shaken me to my core. I am trembling lightly so lightly that I hope he won't notice, but of course, he does, and his face softens even further, and he gathers me gently onto his lap.
"Baby…" he soothes, putting a piece of hair behind my ear. He rubs soft circles on to my back as I cry into his shirt, putting me more at ease with each passing second.
He starts his words over as soon as he sees me visibly calmer.
"Love, don't you know that that is what I have always wanted? You completely. Us completely?" he explains, a genuine tone coming from his lips, "But..."
His last words rip through me.
"But...?" I ask.
He grabs my hand now, linking our fingers together.
"Now hear me out, Swan. We've been through so much this year. Most of it great, and some of it.."
The bad times flash like a montage behind my eyes. The mistrust, the darkness, and walls. Most of it my fault, but some of it his. I break out of my daydream, letting him continue, and ensuring eye contact to show him that I am indeed listening to what he is saying.
"Well, darling, some of it has been quite hard for both of us. We're both pretty broken people, and we've both stifled a lot of our emotions. I need us both to be on the same page, we both need to be in this 100%" he finishes, not making eye contact with me anymore, probably afraid he's already said too much.
I realize that I need to assuage him. I will beg if I have to.
"But I am in, 100%. This is it for me. Babe.." I quickly say, trying to make the situation better.
His eyes still don't meet mine, however, and instead choose to linger on our shag carpet. Gathering up more even more courage, I look him in the eyes until he his finally rise from the floor meet mine.
"So what now?" I ask in a shaky voice, not knowing if I want to know the answer.
He doesn't answer for what seems like an immeasurable amount of time. Finally, he clears his throat, shaking his head a little in disbelief.
"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think we need a break" he says, his hands now unsteadily holding mine.
The shock hits my system when I hear these words and they force my throat closed and my eyes to well up with moisture.
"But..but what if you don't want me after our break" I ask, my voice shaking of fear.
He begins to laugh quietly.
"Not possible," he says, forcing our fingers to weave together.
"Just give us time", he continues, "We both need it. We're both still the dark ones, and like it or not, but I'm still angry. At who? I don't know, but I don't want my anger to get in the way of our relationship. I won't let it. But I need to know can you do that for us, baby? Give us space to heal?" He asks, the question lying heavily between our sitting forms.
After a few seconds I nod my ascent to his words, and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, climbing on to his lap once again. We sit there wrapped in each others arms for a very long time. I get lost in his scent and try and touch him as much as possible, while there is still time. His fingers, in turn, stroke my back up and down and pull me even tighter to his body. Pulling away after what seems like hours later, I ask the one question I have left.
"How long?" I ask. How long do I have to live without you?
His answer is abrupt, like he didn't even have to think about it.
"Only for a short while" he answers. I can't last that long without you.
Please Review! Should post another chapter by the end of the week!