Related episode: 5.10 Retaliation

Zenith-the highest point or culmination of a melody

I walked out of my flute jury with a feeling of relieved triumph. I hadn't been worried exactly since I had made sure to practice until I was confident but not over-practice. I had mastered scales and other techniques and had chosen my solo pieces with a care to challenge myself and I felt that I had succeeded.

Then a gust of cold wind nearly blew me sideways and interrupted my warm glow. Back to reality, but the jury had been my last final for the semester, so I was still feeling like school had let out.

I hurried to the library and the café next to it; Matthew and I had already arranged to meet there once I was done. Even just the quick moments outside and I was shivering and grateful to be inside again. The café was fairly packed given that a good portion of the student population was also done with finals and looking to celebrate.

Matthew waved me over to a table he had saved. I hurried over and Matthew stood up to kiss me on the lips and hug me in greeting before helping me with my coat. He must have already been through the line ahead of the crowd judging from the plates of sandwiches and mugs of tea already on the table.

"How did it go then?" Matthew asked.

"I'm feeling good about it," I answered.

"Of course you did well."

"You've got yours this afternoon, right? Piano or organ?"

"Organ," Matthew told me. "Piano was yesterday."

"And you feel ready?"

"I might get another half-hour in before if I can."

"No lingering over lunch then."

"Unfortunately not, but after this afternoon, we should get together again."

I took a bite of the sandwich Matthew had gotten me, pleased that it was a mozzarella, tomato, and basil panini. After that first date, Matthew had fully embraced my vegetarian accommodations. Since that night, we had met for tea and coffee nearly every day, went to lunch (but not at the Crown Café since I knew Natasha would have hovered), and gone to a student's senior recital where we scandalously held hands.

"What about tonight? We can celebrate," Matthew suggested.

I winced. "It'll have to be late tonight, I've got something to do until at least seven," I countered. "I'll even cook for you."

Matthew's smile still made me giddy everything time I saw it. "It's a date."

I shooed Matthew off to his practice after we had finished eating and then bundled up again. Before leaving campus, I stopped in the counseling offices to visit with Megan Reeves.

"How's it going in here?" I asked, noticing that the hall and rooms were relatively quiet. When I had stopped in to see her the previous week, students and staff had been coming and going in droves, mostly freshmen or seniors with test anxiety.

Megan was dressed casually as always in tan pants and a dark brown sweater, her hair up in a twist and glasses on her nose.

"Rachel, are you finished with all your finals or still have some to go?"

"I had my last jury this morning," I told her, taking the seat in front of her desk when she gestured.

"And how is everything with you and Agent Hotchner going?"

As both a counselor and a former federal agent, Megan knew better than almost anyone what Hotch and the rest of the team and me were going through after Haley's murder.

"I think he's so busy with Jack that he's still not coming to terms with it all," I answered honestly and bluntly.

"That's perfectly understandable, but I asked how you were doing."

I tried to hold out under Megan's gaze as long as I could, but then I realized there was no point to it.

"All right, I think," I finally said. "Of course I jumped right in and overcompensated at first."

Megan laughed at my rueful tone, though clearly not surprised. Megan knew me well.

"It never ceases to amaze me how often our strengths can so quickly turn to weaknesses," Megan commented. "Rachel, you are one of the most caring persons I've known, and it's remarkable everything you help with. It's not an easy task, being the one to stay at home and then try to pick up the pieces."

"But," I prompted, knowing she had more to say.

"But," Megan continued with a small smile. "You have to be careful that you don't focus so much on helping others that you forget and ignore yourself. You're at the point in your life where you should be deciding what you'll do with your life and who you are and who you want to be."

The advice was nearly identical to what Hotch had told me over a week earlier. I was happy that I could now assure Megan that I was already making progress.

"Message received and I'm working on it. Speaking of picking up the pieces, I said I would help settle Emily in today when the team got back."

"Was she hurt?"

"Hit and run on the case," I explained briefly. "She's had some head trauma and Spencer asked if I would get her home so that Garcia wouldn't take over and fuss over her."

"Well, he's not a genius for nothing," Megan joked.

I made a half-graceful exit and hurried to my car. I drove to Quantico practically on auto-pilot because even though I was trying to plan out my night with Emily, I was also realizing that I needed to plan out when Matthew was going to come to my apartment. My place was fairly in order, there were food options in the fridge, and there were plenty of movies that we had discussed and hadn't watched together yet.

Well, even if I had a thought about what could possibly happen later tonight, that didn't make it a certainty. Right….

"We should just leave a permanent pass for you here," Officer Hughes joked with me when I walked through the metal detector.

"Come on," I joked back. "Should I really even need a pass?"

Upstairs in the bull pen, I found that the team had already arrived and were packing up to leave. Garcia was indeed hovering around Emily along with Morgan. Reid stood off to the side and I could see Hotch up in his office.

A couple years ago, I had seen Emily after she had been beaten by a religious cult leader. Today, her face wasn't bruised like it had been before, but the bags under her eyes were same and it was the same weariness I saw in the droop of her shoulders.

"And really, we should get you to the hospital again, just to be sure you're okay," Garcia was saying as I walked up. It sounded like she had been repeating herself.

"Garcia, I just need to go home and rest," Emily argued weakly.

"Exactly right," I agreed. "So why don't I let you guys get back to your reports and I'll drive her home?"

Emily shot me a look of pure gratitude.

"Oh, but—" Garcia tried to insist, but Morgan broke in and took her by the arm.

"Come on, Mama, Rachel's got it."

Once they were gone, Emily looked at Reid and myself; I saw that Reid was looking very smug.

"I know you planned this," Emily said. "And thank you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Reid said innocently before turning back to his desk to speed read the files on his desk.

I didn't offer to take Emily's bag, I simply took it from her and motioned her to walk ahead of me so I could keep an eye on her. Emily rolled her eyes but didn't comment. She was probably just realizing that no matter what I did to look after her, it wouldn't be as overwhelming as Garcia would be.

Reid had already texted me Emily's home address and Google map directions; he'd also texted me the symptons for mild concussions. But while driving, I kept my conversation light by bringing Emily up to speed with my finals and the classes I was signed up to take next semester. She would respond to me briefly, but I could tell that she was quickly running out of steam.

"Thanks for the ride," she said when I pulled up to her building.

I got out of the car at the same time she did and again grabbed her bag. "If you think that my job is done here, you've got another think coming."

Her mouth opened, but I raised my eyebrows.

"Rachel…"

"Me or Penelope, your choice."

"Fine," she conceded. "I'm too exhausted to argue."

"Exactly."

I followed Emily inside and dropped the bag right in the door. "Go put your feet up and I'll bring you some tea."

I had actually never been to Emily's apartment before, but it only took a little searching to find what I needed and put a kettle of water on the stove to boil. Further searching also turned up some crackers, peanut butter, and an apple. I didn't think Emily would be hungry enough for a full meal, but I also knew that drugs were easier to take with something in your stomach.

There was a tray buried in Emily's cabinets which I dusted off and then set out the plate with a modest portion of food, the tea mug, and a napkin. I balanced the tray on one hip and then went back to the bag at the door to fish out the pain medications.

Emily was stretched out on her couch with a pillow underneath her feet. She took one look at me and the tray, shook her head, but smiled.

"This is really too much, but thank you."

"Think nothing of it. Eat a little, then take the meds, trust me."

I left her to it and then took her bag to the washer and dryer to begin the laundry. Once that was going, I went back to the kitchen and made mental notes for mild and easy foods that Emily could eat in the next few days.

"Enough, Rachel, give it a rest."

I looked in and saw Emily pat the cushion next to her on the couch. I sat down and leaned back until I was comfortable. Emily passed me the remote and also leaned back into the cushions. I clicked around until I found Turner and Hooch. Just around the time that Tom Hanks was prancing around in his skivvies and hosing the dog down, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was a text from Matthew. Want me to bring something tonight?

I smiled at the offer, but texted back: Just you. XO.

His response was back in seconds. LOL. See you soon, luv.

When I slipped the phone back in my pocket, I noticed that Emily was looking at me, her expression a little too knowing.

"Just making plans with a friend for later," I explained, even though I knew better than to try to dissemble in front of a profiler. Emily simply smiled at me, but I could tell she was humoring me.

Only one person knew that I was dating again, and that was because of Natasha helping me with my first date outfit. I hadn't told Michael, Hotch, or the rest of the team yet about Matthew. I wasn't keeping it secret on purpose exactly, I just wanted to have the time with him on our own to really see what we were before I shared it with my family.

And okay, I was also not looking forward to the team launching a full investigation and background check. Michael still wouldn't tell me everything he and Hotch talked about in their first meeting and the mystery still had me worried.

Emily headed off to bed early so I locked up behind myself and texted Reid that I was leaving. I made it home by about six thirty, fed Hannah, put my music and flute away, and then turned my attention to dinner. With not a lot of time and being the end of the week just a day before I usually shopped, my options were limited.

Finally, I grabbed my supplies from the pantry and started a pan with diced onion, garlic, and dried herbs. After that, I added cans of crushed tomatoes and let it all simmer while I got a pot of water on to boil for pasta. Simple pasta and marinara, but at least it wasn't out of a jar. Dad had never let me get away with that when he had been teaching me how to cook when I was younger.

I stopped in my tracks for a moment at the thought of my father. I would never say that I ever forgot about him, but I didn't usually think of him on a regular basis, mostly just so that I wouldn't hold on to my anger at him. Years later, and I could still get pissed all over again. But most of the time, I couldn't help but wonder what he would think of my current life. One thing was certain, however much time I wanted to pass before telling Hotch about Matthew, I would wait even longer before I would tell Dad if he were still around.

While the sauce continued to simmer and the pasta cooked, I ran around and cleaned up the apartment. In the middle of that, my phone rang. I picked up without looking, thinking it was Reid or Matthew.

"Hey, girl, what are your Christmas plans? Gran wants to know," Natasha said.

"Last I knew, Michael and I were going over to Hotch's for Christmas Eve and then Jessica was coming over for presents on Christmas Day."

"I'll tell her you're covered then and say Thanksgiving was enough. What are you up to tonight? Feel like going dancing?"

Preparing myself for the turn of conversation, I told her, "Matthew's coming over for dinner actually."

I held my phone away from my ear just in time to avoid the decibels Natasha reached. "Yes! Good girl. Is he staying the night, do you still have protection?"

I sighed. "We're having dinner, no plans to stay the night, but I still have protection, yes. Now, he'll be here soon so I have to go."

With one last comment about arranging a double date soon, Natasha let me go. As much as her reaction was over the top, she did bring up a good point. Would Matthew spend the night? Would we sleep together?

I was suddenly uncertain. I knew I wanted to sleep with Matthew from our first date weeks ago. Tonight was the perfect opportunity. Suddenly, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. I didn't have time for a shower, but I had to change clothing.

By the time Matthew knocked on my door, I had the table set with candles, plates, silverware, and napkins with the large platter of pasta and marinara and a bowl of grated cheese in the middle. I had changed into dark wash jeans, a sapphire blue lace camisole, and a white cashmere sweater. I left my hair loose, wore simple pearl stud earrings, and sprayed a bit of sweet lavender perfume.

Matthew was still dressed in his clothing for his jury in khaki pants, a navy, tan, and cream checked button down shirt with a solid navy tie that he had already loosened. His cheeks were slightly red from the cold, but his smile was warm.

I smiled back. "Hey."

We came in together and kissed the way we hadn't kissed earlier in the day. His hands brushed my shoulders and I reached up to wrap my arms around him. Neither of us were prone to a lot of affection in public, so it was really only when we were on our own that we took things further. After some breathless moments, we separated and I pulled him inside. His arm lingered around my shoulders as we walked in.

Matthew dropped his backpack just inside the door and then I gave him the tour.

"So, how did it go?" I asked after we had sat down and started dishing out the pasta.

"Very well, I think," Matthew answered. "I missed one of my stops, but got through it. I think only my teacher really noticed."

Matthew helped me clean up after we finished eating and then we ended up sitting on my couch, and watching my Doctor Who DVDs for the Christmas specials, because of course, Matthew also watched Doctor Who.

"So, if you saw the TARDIS and the Doctor asked you to be his companion, what would you say?" I asked. Somehow, during "The Runaway Bride" which was still one of my absolute favorites, Matthew's arm had wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me close so that my head rested on his chest and his chin propped up on my head. Cliché, but extremely comfortable.

"Hmmm, I would want to say yes so that the Doctor could take me back to meet Bach and Ralph Van Williams," Matthew said, all the while rubbing his thumb on my arm. "You'd be the adventurer, going to all the different planets."

"Oh, I get plenty of adventure here and now," I assured him. His thumb was really distracting though. Despite all of my experience with reading facial expressions though, I couldn't tell what Matthew was thinking. He had probably had time after his jury to go back to his dorm, so maybe there was a change of clothing in his backpack. I had no idea what his expectations for tonight were, but I knew mine.

"Adventure like this," I said, reaching up to pull his face toward mine to kiss him. I felt his lips smile against mine, and soon, our mouths were open and the kiss deepened.

Somehow, I managed to change position until I straddled his lap without breaking the kiss. Matthew helped by framing my hips with his hands. From there, his hands stole up under my sweater and camisole. My fingers wound through his curly hair and I felt a thrill go through my whole body when he jerked upwards in response.

My skin felt like it was burning so my sweater had to go. Matthew's hands immediately shifted to the bare skin of my arms and shoulders. To even the score, I wrestled his tie off and opened his shirt as quickly as my fingers would go. My hands pushed up his undershirt until I could reach the bare skin of his stomach and chest. Matthew shrugged out of his shirt and then immediately tore off his undershirt altogether.

While I traced the light hair on his chest, my fingers brushed against a small, metal medallion and the chain around his neck. In retaliation, Matthew ran his hands over my breasts, making me jolt from the touch even through the fabric.

Finally, we broke away to meet each others' eyes. Right at that moment was the farthest we had come to already: shirtless or nearly there. Matthew's eyes were nearly black, my face was on fire, and both of us were breathing deeply.

"Do you want to stay?" I dared to ask.

"Yes," Matthew answered immediately.

"My bedroom's through there," I pointed out, nodding my head in the proper direction.

Matthew set me on my feet and then jumped up himself. I took him by the hand and pulled him after me. My camisole ended up on the floor in the hallway, but the rest of our clothing landed on the floor of my bedroom.

.

I found out that night that the necklace Matthew wore was a medal of Saint Gregory and that he had a tattoo of a circular Celtic knot on his left shoulder. At least, I realized it later because at the time, I was not really noticing anything but how Matthew's body felt against mine. There was something to be said for having a musician as a lover from his talented fingers to the muscles in his thighs from playing the organ foot pedals.

I found out a lot of things that night that still made me blush remembering them. Granted, I knew I didn't have copious amounts of experience between my one night with Mark and the handful of months with Michael, but it was good.

From the way that Matthew's hands strayed over my body as we lay next to each other and caught our breath, he agreed. At first, I didn't think anything deeper about what his fingers were doing other than to wonder if we were already going for round two. But then I realized that he was tracing the scars on my hip and stomach.

Without any conscious thought, my own hand reached and grabbed his, right over the first scar that Foyet had given me. I waited for him to ask, but Matthew simply spread his hand out, warmth radiating from his palm and brought his other hand up to cup my cheek.

He still didn't ask, but I met his eyes and saw his patience and understanding.

I had options. Matthew clearly was waiting for my lead, so I could hold out and not tell him, wait until another time when we knew each other better. But…this was a huge part of me and Matthew deserved to know what kind of baggage I carried.

"The serial killer that I told you about a couple months ago?" I started quietly.

"The one who attacked Agent Hotchner's wife?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah. That wasn't the first time the Reaper came into our lives. One night, I fell asleep waiting for Hotch to come home from a case, but the Reaper got inside somehow. He waited until Hotch got home and…"

The words were difficult, but I had already told Matthew about my parents and in a lot of ways, that story was harder to face. I'd reached closure on Foyet's attack, but I still ached for my mother's death and Dad's leaving.

"The Reaper liked to use knives."

Matthew continued to watch my face, his hand a steady pressure on my stomach.

"He should have killed me," I confessed, remembering the fear and absolute certainty of that night. "Everything we knew about him said he should have killed me."

"He's dead," Matthew reminded me. "He can't hurt you again."

I smiled slightly. "Yeah, I know. But you've got to know that this is my life. Foyet came after me looking for Hotch. Another serial killer came after my mom and me because he wanted to destroy my father. My 'family' is harder to explain, let alone visually digest, but my every day life usually involves something to do with murder and crime." I took a deep breath and started again. "I guess what I'm trying to point out is, nothing about me is simple or normal, if that's what you're looking for."

Matthew rolled toward me on his side, one arm propping himself slightly upright and the other moving up my body to pull me closer to him. He kissed me, some cross between gently and demanding, before pulling back just slightly to stare directly into my eyes.

"Normal is overrated."

"I've always thought so," I agreed just before I pulled him directly on top of me, tangling my legs around his so he couldn't escape. Not that he was complaining as he got the hint and Act II began.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Hope everyone enjoyed.

So, it happened. Rachel slept with Matthew. Silly girl also still hasn't told anyone else that she's dating again. But that starts to come out in the next chapters. I'll also be posting a chapter in "Common Tones" for Christmas itself.

And yes, the chapter title could be considered a euphemism. Don't worry, Rachel won't turn into a romantic sap, it's not in her nature (nor mine). But stay tuned!

Cantoris