"Maura? Say something?" Jane begged.
Snapping out of her stupor brought on by the pure surprise of Jane Rizzoli announcing she wanted to get married… to someone… who wasn't her, Maura forced a smile before shrugging off Jane's questioning of her silence. "What is there to say?"
A heavy weight settled at the pit of her stomach. She should have realised that this would be upsetting for Maura. She sighed and pulled out the dining chair next to her friend and sat down facing her. "Hey, you're still my best friend. You're so important to me Maur, and I just… I need you to be happy for me, ya know?"
"Of course I am happy for you." Maura answered all too quickly. She hurriedly set about standing up and clearing the table, she too had lost her appetite.
Jane helped clear the table in silence, all the while chewing the inside of her cheek while contemplating what to say next. "C'mon Maur, what's really goin' on in that big brain of yours?"
Maura turned from the sink abruptly and looked up into the concerned features of her best friend. "Don't you think this is a little soon?"
She had figured that question was coming and she couldn't really blame her friend for asking that. It was too soon, heck it was even the wrong person if she allowed her heart to be honest, but she did love Dana and she needed somewhere safe now more than ever. "I love her Maur… I just… I dunno maybe I should wait a little longer, but…"
"But what?" Maura asked, curiosity getting the better of her.
"She's pregnant." Jane answered honestly, deciding in that moment that Maura had to know everything. She had to know her reasoning for her decision.
Maura raised a curious eyebrow, "Jane you're not exactly equipped…" her voice died down as her brain caught up with the implications and not being one to make assumptions she asked, "How?"
Jane chuckled, "And you call yourself a doctor…"
"Jane that is not what I meant and you know it!" Maura was not amused.
The reality of the situation settled on her shoulders, "She was raped."
"Oh!"
"Yeah." She felt like someone had taken to hoeing into her gut with steel capped boots. Rehashing the conversation she'd had with her girlfriend in her mind only served to rekindle her original feelings. "She kept it from me, wasn't gonna tell me at all until she had to."
"It can't have been easy for her. How is she coping with it now?"
Jane shrugged. "I dunno, all I know is she wants to keep the baby and I wanna be there for her Maur."
Maura gently gripped Jane's forearm, "I know you do Jane and I would expect nothing less from you, but that doesn't mean you should rush into marriage."
Despite knowing there was no malice intended Jane couldn't help but be defensive. She yanked her arm away and growled, "You just don't get it!"
Maura stepped back in shock at the outburst, "Then please enlighten me."
"I shoulda been with her that night," Jane snarled, "But I stood her up, so I could have dinner with you!"
Maura flinched a little at the implication. "Don't you dare…"
"I'm not, alright?" Jane interrupted angrily, "But I'm gonna ask her to marry me and if she says yes you'll just have to get used to it!"
"Damnit," Jane muttered irritably as she sat up and rubbed at her eyes. Her back hurt, her heart ached and her brain, her damned brain decided that sleep was a crappy option. Dreaming about the night she told Maura she was going to marry Dana was not a dream she needed to be having, not when everything was so messed up.
Moonlight shining through the windows guided her way across the room over to the sink. She grabbed a glass from the cupboard above and filled it with water. She sipped at it distractedly, her brain a constant rerun of all the decisions she wished she could change.
After finishing the water she left the glass in the sink, she would worry about it in the morning. She padded back across the kitchen into the living area and adjusted the pillow and blanket her brother had thrown at her before leaving for the evening. Apparently he had a big date and she shouldn't wait up for him. Tucking herself under the blanket she curled up uncomfortably on her side and closed her eyes.
"Fuck it," she muttered under her breath. She sat up and eyed her brother's bedroom. After taking all of five seconds to debate the pros and cons, the desire to fall into a deep, hopefully dream free, sleep beckoned her all too temptingly.
She grabbed the pillow and blanket and carried them into his room. She was surprised to find that his bed was made, hospital corners and all. She had imagined he was as big a slob as she was when it came to bedroom cleanliness. Satisfied with her decision she collapsed onto the bed, content to sleep on top of his covers, using the spare blanket for warmth.
Despite the surprising comfort and support the bed provided, Jane just couldn't sleep. Her gut churned with guilt and desperation. She really needed to hear a friendly voice and despite not believing her chances of being answered were high, she figured she would at least try.
After slipping back into the living room to grab her phone from the coffee table she returned to the comfort of her brother's bed and the warmth of her blanket before taking a moment to stare at her phone. She had brought up Maura's contact details and despite the part of her brain that warned she wouldn't cope very well if her friend didn't pick up, she called anyway.
The phone rang out until it went to voice mail. "Damnit Maura," Jane muttered under her breath after ending the call. "Please just answer the phone." She pressed call again.
"Jane, is everything alright?" Maura's answer betrayed the sense of urgency felt. It was late in Boston, a little after two in the morning to be precise and Jane had not been on call overnight in two years. As such the timing of the call had caused her to pick up when Jane had called back almost instantly a second time.
Jane didn't know how to answer, partially still in shock that Maura had answered. She sighed and stumbled over what to say in her brain before finally uttering the most awkward, "Hi," she had managed in her life.
"Hello," Maura responded automatically. Her heart raced in her chest and she nibbled at her lip nervously while taking a seat on the edge of her bed.
Jane shifted so that she was sitting up with knees drawn into her chest and the blanket haphazardly strewn around her body. "Please don't hang up," she urged tentatively, her nerves clearly getting the better of her. It was a display of weakness that was out of character, even for her relationship with Maura, but she didn't have the energy or emotional fortitude to put on a stoic demeanour.
Jane's vulnerability wasn't lost on Maura. "I won't… well until I have to for the sake of driving to work."
A quick calculation of time implications and the sifting through her knowledge of Maura brought Jane to an elementary realisation. "So you're in London then?" She asked flatly.
While she could have just as easily been in Paris, she knew the detective was no fool. "Yes." She was torn between the desire to talk to Jane like nothing had ever happened and the aching feeling in her chest that reminded her she shouldn't be talking to Jane at all. "Why did you call?"
"I needed to hear your voice." Jane answered honestly before breaking the silence that greeted her in response. "I told Dana what happened."
"Why?" Maura asked quietly. She was unable to fight the tiny inkling of hope that threatened to bloom outwardly from her chest; perhaps Jane was strong enough to walk away from her family.
"Apparently I was walking around with a giant neon sign on my forehead that said cheater." Jane remarked humourlessly.
This was one of the few times Maura realised Jane was being hyperbolic rather than literal, but it still didn't really answer her question. "Jane," her tone of voice indicated her need for clarification.
Jane sighed heavily, her body beginning to revolt. She could feel the pangs of emotion gaining in speed in their attempts to break free. She felt the slight burning sensation of warm tears prickle her eyes. She coughed to clear the emotion choking up her throat before clarifying as asked. "I miss you so damn much Maur and I suck at hiding it. She confronted me about it and I couldn't lie. I wouldn't lie."
"Oh Jane," Maura's heart was breaking all over again. She couldn't begin to hypothesize the ramifications for Jane's marriage.
"I dunno what to do…" her voice broke as the tears hit violently and she broke into sobs. "I can't lose…"
"Sssh," Maura whispered soothingly, her goal to calm down the emotional detective first and foremost. "I'm right here Jane. Just breathe deeply and close your eyes for me. You need to sleep. The rest can wait."
Jane sucked in the air in an attempt to obey before sliding back down the bed and rolling over onto her side. The blanket was a tangled mess around her body but she didn't care. She closed her eyes and focused on the soft breathing and soothing whispers coming down the line. Part of her cried out for her to hang up and to stop showing her vulnerable side, but the part of her that needed her doctor won out.
"Just stay with me, Maur." She uttered groggily, the sleep that had been eluding her fast closing in.
"Always," Maura whispered in reply a short time later once she heard the detective's light snoring.
A/N: Yes I know it has been a while, and it might be a while again. I'm really sorry, but life has thrown all sorts at me recently. Death of a friend, flood evacuations, work... the binge watching of Pretty Little Liars. Just so much to keep me off centre. Anyways I hope this helps tide you guys over. I do appreciate each and every one of you.