All rights belong to Veronica Roth.
We are all standing in a line and Four walks down it, handing us each a gun without looking at us as he goes through his speech. "The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second is how to win a fight. Thankfully, if you're here, you already know how to jump on and off a moving train, so I don't have to teach you that."
It doesn't surprise me that Dauntless want us to start right away, but I still wish that I could have gotten more than a few hours of sleep. I still feel extremely tired. In fact, I think most of the initiates feel the same way. My suspicions are confirmed when Peter asks a question.
"What…" He yawns through his words. "What does firing a gun have to do with… bravery?"
Four flips the gun he has in his hands, presses the barrel to Peter's head, and clicks one of the bullets into place. The yawn that Peter was about to release freezes dead in his mouth.
"Wake up!" Four snaps. "You're holding a loaded gun you idiot. Act like it."
Four then lowers his gun. "To answer your question, you're far less likely to run away crying for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself."
He turns to face the wall with the targets. There are multiple squares of plywood with three red circles on them for us to shoot at. He stands with his feet shoulder-width apart, holds his gun with both hands, and fires. I'm unprepared for how loud it is. I don't scream, but I definitely jump. When I look at his target, the bullet went straight through the middle circle. After he demonstrates for a few more shots, he sets us loose, and I turn to my own target. I can't help but think what my mother would say about me firing a gun. She would not approve. She would say that guns are used to harm people and are therefore unkind.
I push my mother out of my mind and prepare to shoot. I make my stance, just like Four showed us. Feet shoulder-width apart, with both hands on the gun's handle. It's heavier than I expected it to be and a bit difficult to hold. Reluctantly, I squeeze the trigger. The sound of the gunshot hurts my ears. The recoil, which I'm also unprepared for, sends my hands, and the gun, back towards my face, but doesn't hit. When I look at my target to see where the bullet went, I'm stunned at what I find. The bullet is just centimeters to the left of the center circle.
"How did you do that?" I jump at the sudden question coming from directly behind me. When I turn around, Eric is standing inches away from me. When did he get here?
"I don't know, I just did it." My voice sounds very timid. Why does he have this effect on me?
"You just did it?" He says lightly with a small smirk on his face. He sounds amused.
"Yeah, I just stood like Four showed us and did it." Why does this feel so awkward?
"Do it again." It's not a question, but a command. I hesitate for only half a second before I turn back towards my target. I re-take my position and fire again. This time, I'm a bit more prepared for the noise and recoil. The bullet hits dead center.
"Follow me." He then grabs my arm and we start to head over to the side, but we suddenly stop. He turns back around to everyone else, who have stopped shooting. They're probably just as curious as I am about what he's going to do with me.
"Did I tell you to stop? Keep shooting!" They all immediately turn back to their targets. He then continues to lead me over to the side, where there are more targets, except at a further distance. When we get there, I notice that Four followed us over.
"What are you doing?" he asks, giving Eric a questioning glance.
"She was able to shoot dead center only on her second bullet. I want to see how she does at twice the distance." When he turns back to me, he motions for me to start. I turn to the target, take my position, and fire. It just barely hit the outermost edge of the target. The feeling is more discouraging than I thought it would be. Before I even get a chance to turn around, Eric tells me to keep going. With each shot I fire, I get closer to the center. It takes me four shots before I hit the center.
"Have you ever used a gun before today?" I look back at Eric, confused.
"Of course not."
"You say that like it's obvious."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because guns aren't allowed in Amity. They are used to hurt people so are considered to be unkind." The words rush out of my mouth before I realize I'm saying them. They come out as if they were a memorized speech. They sound exactly like what my mother would say.
"Alright. Good work, Amity." His words make me feel irritated.
"Thank you. And I'm not Amity anymore. I'm Dauntless." Four and Eric look shocked that a sweet little Amity would talk back to a Dauntless leader. I have a sudden feeling of pride that I was able to stun two Dauntless members, with twice my size and strength, into silence. I tense up, waiting for the reprimand for speaking out of turn, but it never comes. Eric takes a step closer to me. I think he means to intimidate me, but he also looks amused.
"Really? You're that confidant that you're going to make it here?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Ok. Get back in line. Keep working." I nod to him and then re-take my place in between Tris and Christina. With each shot I fire, I either hit the center, or come very close to it. Eventually, everyone else is able to do the same. The thing that shocks me the most is the power I feel from using a gun. It makes me feel powerful to know that I'm able to control something that is so powerful. Something that has the power to do so much damage. Surprisingly, it feels good.
When we finally got to break for lunch, my arms were throbbing from holding the gun up all morning. I noticed that Tris was having the same problem because she was massaging her hands and fingers while we were walking to the dining hall. When we get there, we find a table to sit at with Christina and Al. As I sit with them, I can't help but find it strange that two of my best friends are former Candor. Candor notoriously does not like Amity. They believe that people that seek peace will deceive in order to keep the peace.
"Can I sit here?" says Will, who just snuck up on us.
"Sure, have a seat." I move over to make room for him.
"You don't want to sit with your Erudite friends?" Christina says.
"They're not my friends," says Will. "Just because we were in the same faction, doesn't mean that we are friends. Besides, Edward and Myra are dating and I don't want to feel like the third wheel."
I turn to look at Edward and Myra, the two other Erudite transfers, who are sitting two tables away from us. They are sitting elbow to elbow and pause to give each other a kiss. Next to me, I hear Tris suck in some air. Growing up in Abnegation, she must not be used to public affection.
"Do they have to be so public?" she says.
Al frowns at her and looks confused. "She just kissed him. It's not like they're stripping naked. It's not that big of a deal."
"A kiss is not something you do in public."
Al, Will, Christina, and I all give her a knowing smile.
"What?"
"Your Abnegation is showing," Christina says. "The rest of us are all right will a little affection in public."
"Yeah, especially in Amity, with the whole free love thing. I'm very used to it."
"Oh. Well, I guess I'll have to get over it, then."
"Or, you could stay frigid. You know. If you want." I gape at him. I know I'm not Amity anymore, but I can't help but think that that was an unkind thing to say. I'm about to say something, but Christina beats me to it.
"Don't be mean to her. She can't help it, frigidity is in her nature. Just like being a know-it-all is in yours."
"I am not frigid!" she exclaims.
"Don't worry, it's endearing. Look, you're all red." We all begin to chuckle, and Tris eventually joins in.
After lunch, Four leads us into a new room. It's a very large, grey, dark room with punching bags and elevated platforms. There's also a screen placed at the side of the room. All of our names are listed in alphabetical order on it.
"As I said this morning, you will learn how to fight next. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act and prepare your body to respond to any threats and challenges you are faced with. If you intend to survive life as a Dauntless, these are skills you will need."
Right now, I can't even imagine life as a member of Dauntless. All I can focus on is surviving initiation.
"Today, we will go over technique and tomorrow, you will begin to fight each other. I recommend that you all pay attention because those of you that don't learn fast will get hurt."
Four names some punches and demonstrates them in two ways. First against the air and then against a punching bag. As he demonstrates, I watch him very intently, making sure to take in all of his movements and positions, so I know what to do.
Just like with the gun, I catch on very quickly. The punches aren't so bad, but the kicks are a little more difficult. I'll have to work on those. After a while, the punching bag starts to make my hands and feet sting and turns the skin red. The punching bag also doesn't move much, no matter how hard I hit it. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Four pacing around behind the initiates, watching us. He stops behind Tris and she tenses up. I don't blame her. Four is pretty intimidating, but not as much as Eric can be.
"You're weak." Speak of the devil. I turn around and Eric is, once again, standing right behind me. How does he keep sneaking in and out like that? It's really annoying.
"What?"
"You're weak. And you're small. You don't have a lot of muscle, so you'll be better off using your knees and elbows. You can put a lot of power behind them. You're also fast, so you can win a fight, if you attack first with a quick jab to the throat."
He then presses his hands against my stomach and lower back. I freeze up and my heart begins to pound. "Keep tension here, ok?" I nod and he walks away to watch the other initiates.
Even after he's gone, I can still feel his hands on me. I have to take a few seconds to breathe and compose myself before I can continue practicing.
When Four dismisses us, we head to the dining hall. Once we reach the Pit, Al, who was walking in front of us, turns around. "I want to get a tattoo."
"Of what?" Will asks.
"I don't know. I just want to feel like I've left Candor and stop crying about it. I know you've all heard me."
"Yeah, learn to keep it down, will you?" Christina says as she pokes him in the arm. "But I think you're right. Right now, we're half in and half out. If we want to be all the way in, we need to look the part." She gives Tris and me a look, but it's mostly directed at Tris.
"No, I will not cut my hair. Or dye it a strange color or pierce my face." She sounds very adamant in her decision.
"What about your bellybutton?" Christian asks.
"Or your nipple?" Will adds.
Tris groans, but I can't help but laugh.
Christina says that we will meet Al and Will at the tattoo parlor and then drags us to a clothing store. She insists and helping Tris and I dress better. By the time she is done working her magic, I am wearing a black dress that falls just above my knee and is kind of tight. Tris is wearing a similar dress, except, it is knee-length and isn't as tight as mine is. After Christina is done dressing us, she drags us over to the make-up section. She picks up a black pencil and Tris and I both look at it curiously.
"It's eyeliner."
"You aren't going to be able to make me look pretty, you know." I can tell that being raised Abnegation has affected how Tris views herself. I think she's quite pretty, but she doesn't. I guess that just stems from Abnegation rejecting vanity.
"No one cares about pretty, I'm going for noticeable." After she finishes applying the eyeliner on Tris she does the same for me. She then grabs another stick, but this one is thicker and looks red.
"What's that?" I ask timidly.
"It's lipstick. With your hair, eyes, and complexion, this will look great on you." After she's done applying the color to my lips, I look in the mirror and I'm shocked. All my life, people, especially boys, have told me how beautiful I am. Until now, I've never really believed it, like Tris. But now, for the first time in my life, seeing the make-over Christina has given me, I actually consider myself beautiful. Sexy, even. My blue eyes look even more piercing than they did before and the frame of my hair, along with the make-up makes my features look both softer and more defined than before.
"See, now you're both striking." After we buy our clothes, we head down to the tattoo parlor. When we get there, Al is already sitting in the chair, while the rest of us look around. Christina goes to look at the books of pictures with Will, while Tris and I venture off to look alone.
As I look, I spot a picture of a sun. It immediately reminds me of my mother. Before I can pick it up, someone taps on my shoulder. When I turn around, it's Matt, one of the transfers from Candor. I give him a small, but kind smile.
"Hi Matt."
"Hey, you look great." I blush under his praise.
"Thanks. It's Christina. She thought Tris and I could use a make-over."
"Well, she did a great job."
"Yeah, she did. Did you get a tattoo?" I change the subject in a desperate attempt to get the conversation away from how I look. That is a topic I've never really liked talking about.
He nods and lifts up his sleeve. On his forearm, he has a tattoo of a cobra. It looks very terrifying, but I praise it anyway, my inner-Amity shining through.
"Cool. Very cool."
"Yeah, I've always liked cobras. They're very slick, don't you think?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to get a tattoo?"
"Yeah, I found this one." I pick up the picture of the sun that I found and show it to him.
"Very Amity of you." He looks serious, but his tone is teasing.
"Yeah, some things you can't really escape, I guess."
"Yeah, so, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, of course."
"What was going on with you and Eric today?" His question took me off guard. If I'm being honest, I've been wondering the same thing too, but I didn't expect him to ask about it.
"I don't know."
"It seemed like he took joy in watching the rest of us struggle, but he was ready and willing to help you." If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Matt sounds and looks just a bit jealous.
"Well, I think it's just that, since I'm from Amity, I don't think he was expecting me to do as well as I did on the first day. I think he's just intrigued, that's all." We then fall into a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. For a moment, I thought that I saw a flash of irritation and anger on his face, but it faded away as quickly as it came.
"Well, I'm going to go. Good luck with the tattoo. I'll see you around."
"Yeah, see you." Before he goes, he gives me one last look, which goes from my head, down to my feet, back up to my head again. Something about the way he looked at me felt very unsettling. However, before I could dwell on it, something caught my eye. Or rather, someone. When I look back into the Pit, watching Matt leave, I notice Eric standing there, staring at me with his mouth slightly agape. Before I had a chance to react, he walked away. Was he seriously checking me out, or did I just imagine it. I decide not to spend too much time thinking about it, so I take the picture over to one of the technicians and explain what I want.
When he is done, he explains to me how to take care of it, that I have to keep it clean for the next few days to prevent irritation and infection. Before I leave to go to bed, I take a look at it in the mirror. I got the tattoo on my chest, over my heart. The sun is mostly yellow, but its rays turn from yellow to red near the ends of them. This is to signify the two parts of my life: the past, my life in Amity that I had known for 16 years and the present and future, me, now branching out to become Dauntless.
Author's Note
Thank you to all of my lovely readers! I'm proud to say that this is the longest chapter yet. Please leave a review, if you can, for they give me motivation and purpose to keep writing!