A/N I'M BACK!
Yes, I am back to writing and I am really sorry for the two month disappearance. I feel like I essentially just left you guys and owe you an explanation, so here it is:
One of the things I have always been proud of is overcoming my depression. Recovering from the shit I've gone through is my biggest achievement and beating my self harm is also something I am really, really, really, proud of. But just before I put this story on a break, my depression relapsed - that is to say, it came back and I couldn't cope.
I couldn't find it in myself to write and I couldn't find it in myself to carry on, and that's why the gaps in between chapters became increasingly longer until I realised I couldn't keep delaying and making excuses to myself. I felt it was better to just stop and pull myself together and then update regularly with good chapters that I felt satisfied with, rather than forcing my writing and feeling pressured to update, sporadically at that. For the past few months, I have found it really difficult to cope. I had too much stress in my life that was partly just me pressurising myself and it just became too much.
To tell the truth, I don't think that I've completely defeated my depression. As I am writing this, I know that it's never really going to leave me, but that's OK. But I am beginning to recover my footing, and I feel ready to begin writing a little more. I will be updating in a few weeks, and my updates when I get back to regular schedule will be less frequent than before, I'm sorry to say. It's just I need time to adjust.
I also want to say something if you, reading this, is going through hard times. I want you to know this: though you may feel you are alone, you most certainly aren't. It is a long, long journey, and we all have some way to go. And you know what? Like I said, I don't think that depression really ever leaves you. It will fade, but it will not leave, and I think that's OK. And if you are considering taking your own life, I beg of you: do not. Please, please, please do not commit, do not swallow the extra pill, do not tie the rope, do not pull the trigger, do not cut just that little deeper than normal. Just don't. Because even if you don't feel like anyone cares, I do. I care a lot. Please just private message me, kik me at .fall or direct message me on Instagram . . Because I believe you are worth it. I really do. I love you all and I will always care.
Love,
Joanna x