Chapter 2: 911, Fairy to the Rescue
It is the next day. Say it ain't so!
Regina would have laughed at her musical reference – a song Henry had introduced her to recently – if only she could unknot her stomach. The clenching organ was definitely a problem. Perhaps food would make it all better? She knew it wouldn't because she knew the cause was not an empty stomach but rather, a certain archer. An extremely sexy but married archer.
Regina dragged her tired body out of bed, down the hallway and toward the kitchen. She had no energy to whip up breakfast with her incredibly honed culinary skills, so she settled for a pre-made strawberry smoothie. Just as she was about to take a sip…
Knock. Knock. Knock.
It was really more like THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"REGINA, are you home?! Open your stupid door!"
Mystery solved. The obnoxious pounding on her door came from none other than Tinkerbell. Pesky fairy! It is much too early for anybody to be awake, much less out and calling on someone else.
"Go away, Tink! Come back in five hours!"
"REGINA! I am going to stand here pounding on this door until you open it!"
Tink was preparing to do a full-body slam against the Mayor's front door, when Regina swept it wide open. Tink was caught off balance and fell through the open doorway.
"You could've warned a fairy! Couldn't you have at least caught me?!" Tink grumbled, still sitting on the entryway floor and rubbing her bruised side.
"No, dear. I am afraid not. I have such a delicate body. Having just awoken, I am especially tender and weak," replied Regina nonchalantly, a bit of sarcasm threaded through her tone.
"Weak? Tender? Yeah right, Miss Madam Mayor Evil Queen Super Witch!" Tink sniggered.
"I take offense to that," Regina bantered playfully, hands on her hips. "But seriously, why are you here at this unholy hour?"
"What am I usually here for?
"To eat my food? I was too tired to make myself breakfast, so you might as well wait for Granny's to open up."
Tink sighed, "No, my silly queen. I am here about your soul mate."
"Who?" Regina feigned ignorance about the man that constantly occupied her thoughts.
"Come on, Regina. Let's not play games. As you said, it's much too early in the morning. Anyway, Robin Hood. I am here about one certain outlaw. Ring any bells? The man you love. Your soul mate. Regina! Work with me here!"
Regina scowled. "Really, Tink? You interrupted my beauty sleep at this godforsaken hour just so you could inquire about the thief?!"
"Yes, Regina. Your soul mate's wife came back from the dead! I admit I am curious about your relationship status. But more than that, I wanted to check up on my friend," Tink offered a sympathetic smile.
"Robin and I are NOT in any relationship other than being very good friends. His wife is back from the dead, and I am over the moon for him!"
The sassy fairy shot Regina a disbelieving glance. "Really? Because before Marian came back, you spent every day with that man!"
"I did not!" Regina retorted, a little too quickly.
"Yes. You very much did. You even cancelled a few of our plans for shopping trips and lunches because something had come up. More like…SOMEONE. A very specific, special someone." Regina made every attempt to avoid eye contact. When she found that not working, she shot her friend a vicious glare. Tinkerbell grinned broadly.
The blonde pixie was only just starting. "What did you tell me all of those times? Let's see… 'Oh, Henry has a playmate over.' Cough. Roland. Cough. And Robin. 'Roland wanted me to read some stories with him.' Cough. While you made googly eyes at Robin. 'I have to go visit the Merry Men and drop off some decent food for them.' Cough. So you could cuddle up to Robin by the campfire. 'Henry is off to archery lessons with Robin, and I must supervise.' Cough. So you could ogle Robin's chiseled body for an hour. And what about when…"
"Stop right there!" Regina interjected. "You are definitely making half of those up! And ENOUGH of that subtext you're reading into everything! Have you been borrowing Snow's trashy romance novels. I swear! That woman!"
"I am not Snow, and you darn well know all of what I said is true! And that was only about one percent of what really happened since you met the dashing Robin Hood!"
"Please! That man is a forest-loving scruffy lawbreaker who feels the need to hang around me. I confess to some harmless flirting… But really! We are basically brother and sister!" Regina knew she was really stretching it with that one.
Tink stole Regina's signature eyebrow raise, the skepticism rolling off of her in waves. "Who do you think you are you fooling?! BROTHER. AND. SISTER. Brother and sister?!" Tink scoffed. "Even Pongo can read the longing glances, light petting, and lovey-dovey tones that spell L-O-V-E loooove! Robin and Regina, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-"
Regina slapped a hand tightly over the over-exuberant fairy's active mouth. Tink squirmed violently. The Mayor shot her friend a stern look of warning and slowly removed her hand.
"I get it. You believe in the whole soul mate thing." Regina sighed. "And yes, we definitely are not brother and sister. At least, I don't look at him like he's my brother. He's… I… well…"
"Not waiting here all day for you to finish that. He's your soul mate. Your true love," remarked Tinkerbell, with an air of wonderment and reverence.
"I was going to say he's…my thief. My best friend. I have no clue about love and pixie dust and all of that serious business. I do know I feel more connected to him than anyone else I have ever met in my entire lifetime. He makes me want to tell him things – things I haven't told to anyone. Daniel. Leopold. My mother. I don't feel scared to open up to him, and I never even feel the urge to hide," Regina spoke slowly, her head tilted toward the ceiling but her eyes unfocused and glassy. At the end, she snapped her attention back to Tink with brightness dancing in her expressive, dark orbs.
"Wow! I've never heard you talk like that, Regina. Like I said - soul mate. The heart and the soul know what they want," responded the pixie, casting the wistful brunette a look full of expectation.
"I don't believe he feels the same way." Regina's tone changed from one of hopeful contemplation to disappointment. "I think he views me as a sister, or perhaps I was the nanny to replace Marian while she was gone."
The former queen, usually regal with poise and confidence oozing from her every step and word, appeared so distraught and downcast. Tinkerbell could have wept at the sight. An hour before, she could not have imagined her beloved friend being any worse off than that night years ago at the palace balcony. But here Regina was – lonely, pained, and though she would deny it, utterly heartbroken.
"Regina, stop being so blind! The man is clearly head over heels for you!"
"Whatever," Regina muttered, rolling her eyes and waving dismissively with her hand. "Even if that were the case…and it is not…you forgot something."
"What?"
"Ahem. A certain someone. Another brunette. The mother of a cute little boy. The person Robin grieved over for decades! His wife! MARIAN!"
Regina had just about lost it. Even talking about the oh-so-perfect Maid Marian almost reduced her to tears while also working her anger to a frenzy. She was so angry at the situation and at herself for never having done anything before Marian came to Storybrooke; she wanted to hurl a fireball at the nearest person. Unfortunately, that was the neighborhood's favorite, obnoxious, interfering blonde pixie named Tinkerbell, also known as Regina's best friend. Regina wished the nearest person was Marian. She'd be more than willing to burn the woman to a crisp – if only Robin wouldn't hate her forever for that particular act of murder.
"Rein in that fire, sister! I can see the vindictiveness pooling in your ever darkening eyeballs."
Regina forced herself to withdraw from that damaging headspace. She chuckled, sounding only partially amused but mostly sad.
"Tink! What am I going to do?! I cannot sleep! I cannot even properly run the town as Mayor!"
"Oh, Regina. You really have it bad." Tink gave Regina a pitying look. "Not to worry! The problem will be handled in no time! I'll help you get rid of that Marian!"
Regina gasped and then burst into her truly infectious laugh. It was the first time Tink had seen her depressed friend lighten up all morning.
"Tink! You can't!" Regina laughed even harder. The giggles caught fire, and within seconds, Tink doubled over in laughter.
"Wait, Regina. What are we laughing about?"
"I guess it's not really funny," Regina answered thoughtfully and then burst out into giggles again. Once she reined it back in, she continued, "I really wouldn't mind if you could get Marian out of the picture. But I thought I was supposed to be the villain! Unfortunately, I am supposed to be a 'hero' now. I promised Henry."
"Ohhh. I guess we'll have to be a little more creative. Well… I am sure with pixie dust and our two devious brains we can come up with something. In the meantime, don't give up hope! I know you are not used to expecting happiness or things going your way. But I know Robin secretly loves you."
Tink stopped momentarily, registering Regina's dubious expression. Will that woman ever learn to follow her heart? Or at least see what is RIGHT in front of her! Sure, the man is in a tricky situation. BUT… there is no denying the way he lights up around her, the way he cannot stop admiring her figure, and the love written across his face when Regina interacts with Roland. What a keeper! If only Regina would stop sitting on her hands and quashing her heart!
"Anyway… Yes! Robin does love you, you stubborn queen! Believe me. Don't believe me. Even if you choose not to listen to me, I will not give up on trying to get you that happy ending you deserve. Just know that without your cooperation, it will make it a lot harder for me! Give yourself a chance. Follow your heart and see where it leads you. You don't have to bust up the guy's marriage or anything. You can take it slow – but for goodness sake, do something! Maybe you could start by stop ignoring Robin. Pick back up with your little coffee dates and letting Roland come over to play with Henry. You could even work up to an honest conversation with Robin about your feelings."
"Tink! I am NOT going to talk to Robin about my feelings!" Regina exclaimed vehemently. "I don't even have a clue myself as to what those are…"
"I guess maybe a bit too much? Well then, backtrack to the reconnecting with him."
Regina nodded her head. "I guess I could do that."
"I know you're already basically stalking him," Tink teased laughingly.
"I am not!"
The fairy ignored her flustered queen. "While you're stalking him, go up to him. Get some one-on-one time. Even with a wife, Robin can't object if his 'friend' wants to 'catch up'." Tink winked at Regina.
"Actually, I already invited the Locksleys to dinner tonight," stated Regina, matter-of-factly.
"The Locksleys?! As in ALL of them?! Marian?! TONIGHT?!"
"I know. I know." Regina pressed her fingers to her aching temples, rubbing as if the motion and pressure would suddenly relieve her of her emotional strain and anxiety. "I don't know what I was thinking! My center of gravity has been completely thrown off since Miss Swan dragged Marian out of the past and into our little town. When I see Robin, I start feeling idiotically excited, as well as getting the urge to cry and throw up. How am I going to get through tonight, Tink?!"
Regina started pacing back and forth and back and forth. Tinkerbell started getting the urge to throw up. I usually NEVER get dizzy because I am so used to flying!
"I command you to stop pacing!" Regina glared at the pixie for invoking the word 'command' on a queen but obeyed anyway and came to a halt. "Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine because I'll be there."
"When did I invite you?" Regina raised an eyebrow, tossing Tink a look of condescension.
"Oh, Regina. How little you think of me! I am your best friend. I can read your brain. You never invited me, and in two seconds, you'll probably tell me not to come. But I know you. You just freaked out and will probably continue to do so for the rest of the day. So I'll make it a little easier on you and be your backup tonight. Think of me as your wingman. Except you're the only one on the hunting ground tonight. Marian isn't exactly my type, and Henry is a bit young."
"A bit?" Regina scoffed. "Try for NEVER IN YOUR LIFE! I rest my case. And as much as I hate to admit it…" Regina shook her head and huffed. "Thank you, Tink."
"What was that? I don't think I heard you. Could you repeat please?" The petite blonde cupped her ear in an exaggerated manner.
"You heard it, you pompous sprite!" The former queen became only further visibly annoyed – but secretly amused – when Tink responded to her feigned annoyance with a smirk.
"Not even going to list all the ways that fairies differ from sprites – even though I know that you'd just love to here my encyclopedic knowledge on the subject," joked Tink. She took a minute to glance at the stove clock. "Whoops! I have to run! I promised Hook I would help him pick a birthday present for Emma. I'll come around at seven tonight, okay?"
"Are you kidding?! The Locksleys are supposed to arrive at six! You will definitely be here at five. Sharp. I mean it. You cannot be late tonight. I need you!"
"Fine. I'll see you later…Queenie."
Tink raced out the door before she could get chewed out for using nickname that she knew provoked Regina's ire. "BYE!" She yelled, slamming the door.