Hello everyone!! Thank you to all the people who take the time to read and message us...sugarfaerie, TRS, and ma buddy Lulu...we'll put u in somewhere doll. Theres still ALOT of story to go...
I was half-asleep when I saw the gigantic stone statue of the hand come rising out of the fog. I recognized it immediately; we had reached our destination.
I grinned in the half-light; "are we there yet?"
"Yes, we are indeed." Gandalf replied.
Nicky looked at him, scandalized.
"Its all in the timing Nicky." I told her.
"Cheat, you knew we were here."
I shrugged.
"What are we---" I started to ask Gandalf, but he cut me off.
"Ssshhh, you will find out soon."
We carried on.
We hadn't gone far through the mists when we came to the ruinous mounds of a great gate.
And sitting upon that gate was…
Merry and Pippin.
"Ha!" I laughed.
"What on earth?" Nicky cried.
"Don't you mean 'Middle Earth'?" I asked her.
"Same difference. But how did they get here?"
Meanwhile, Merry was starting to wake. They had been lying down and snoozing with a selection of plates and bowls and smells surrounding them.
"Ah, my good friend Pippin. The cavalry has arrived!" Merry cried, giving Pippin a good shake.
"Wha-what?" Pippin yawned.
Merry stumbled onto the very top of the small mountain they had been resting on, and spread his arms wide and swayed slightly in drunken cheeriness.
"Welcome, My Lords, to Isengard!" He cried.
"Okay, I'm keen for some of that piss, chuck it right here." Nikky replied, struggling to dismount the horse that she was sitting on, succeeding only in falling flat on her face.
"Careful Nikky, I will NOT be holding your hair back when you're spewing everywhere." I said.
"Ha, next to the anesthetic we already have, alcohol is the next best thing, I wanna get fucked!"
"We haven't had alcohol in a while…And we don't know how strong their piss is." I looked Merry over. He looked extremely tipsy…Well, there were a lot of bottles around him.
"Jeez," Nikky replied rolling her eyes, "Always the responsible one Carmen. Anyway, I can handle!"
"Hope you can. Dunno how much is left over…These two have got fairly stuck in by the looks of it." I said, laughing at Pippin who was about to fall over.
"Oh no, I've been waiting months to get pissed! If these two little punks have drunk it all already, there will be HELL to pay!"
"Hmmm… I have an idea Nikky…How about while this lot go and have a nice chat to Treebeard, we can stay behind and keep Merry and Pippin company… Make sure they don't do anything stupid in their, drunken state." I gave Nikky a pointed look.
"Ladies, I don't think it prudent for you two to drink anything this soon after your injuries." Raising an eyebrow at their various bandages. "You better come with us." Gandalf said, giving us a sideways look
"Oh Gandalf, you don't have to worry, there's no alcohol left…" Nikky said moving slightly to obstruct the crate of bottles behind her.
Gandalf frowned, "And besides Gandalf, with me here, Nikky can't possibly get in trouble…" I gave him my sweetest smile.
"I don't want to leave your side Carmen, I'll wait with you." Legolas said.
"And I." Followed Haldir.
"Ohhh, you don't have to do that boys. Honest, we'll be … fine." Nikki said winningly.
"Yeah, you don't want to miss out on meeting Treebeard do you? He's so interesting… Isn't he Merry?" I turned to Merry.
"Indeed!" He yelled, toasting Treebeard with an empty bottle in his fist.
"I suppose you cant cause too much trouble without any alcohol… Alright, but just be careful, and don't touch anything!" Aragorn said sternly.
"Oh, don't worry about us. We'll be on our best behavior." Nikky replied sweetly.
Gandalf frowned further, "That's what I'm afraid of."
As they rode off, I frowned and leaned towards Nikky, "Is alcohol classed as 'anything'?"
"Nooo, of course not, alcohol is a class of its own!" Nikky replied tearing the lid off the crate with the edge of her sword.
"OK then, that's good. Chuck one my way bruddah." I said, holding out my hands.
Nikky threw one brown bottle at me and I caught it, looking at it with interest. The label read: 'Old Tooks' Finest Ale, since the forging of the Rings.'
Nikky took a long swag of her bottle, "Scull!" She yelled and threw the bottle back.
"A little at a time Nikky!" I said, sipping my Ale.
Nikky finished and threw the bottle behind her, as she grabbed another one from the crate she said, "Toughen up woman! This shit is good, and we are aiming to get pissed, although," She said, giving me a calculating look, "you never could handle."
"'Could never handle'?! I'll show you handling…" And I threw back my bottle as well, drinking as much as I could. I spluttered halfway through.
"Not quite as good as you Nikky…"
"No doubt, I scull whole you scull half? See who wins?" She said raising her eyebrows.
"You do! Well, no matter. To Nikky, for suggesting this in the first place!" And I raised my bottle in a toast.
"To me! Ohhh yeah."
"Well, this little visit has proved most useful after all!" Gandalf happily told the group as they made their way back from the Tower of Isengard.
"Indeed yes," Aragorn said, "it eases my mind to know that Saruman's power has been thrown."
"I can't wait to tell the Lady Carmen of this news." Legolas said happily.
Then suddenly Haldir laughed, "Try to tell her anything!" He said, pointing towards where the girls were. Legolas looked up and comprehension dawned slowly on his face.
"What is it? What do you see?" Said Gandalf.
Then with the arrival of a gust of wind came a verse of loud bawdy song. "…and with the tide, came the call, of the great Pusseeeey…"
"What do you see!?" Cried Aragorn frantically, "I told them not to touch!"
"Gandalf! Gandalf! Look what we found!" Carmen called heartily, pointing to an Orc helmet, as the group walked closer everyone could see the empty crates littering the ground around the girls. Carmen picked up the helmet and put it on her head, "Raaarh, I am and ORC! I will eat your… your… spleen!"
Nikky burst into a fit of laughing and clutched her sides as she rolled around on the ground. The group of men just stared open mouthed at the spectacle that the girls were creating.
"Pippin! Pippin come here I want to eat your spleen!" Carmen wound her way over to where Pippin was sitting, hiccoughing on a log of wood.
Nikky lurched to her feet still giggling and staggered over to the men, where she dropped her arm around Aragorns shoulders and said slurrily, "Araborn… gorn… Ara… Aragorn, you're one of the best friends I've ever had… Honesth…tttt. I love you man…"
"Uhh, yes. I… am fond of you too, Lady Nikki…" Aragorn said, leaning slightly away.
"Hey buddy," Nikky said jerking away from him, "D… don't eeever catt me thall… call me that! It's just Nikki… Nicholas… Nicola. Do you knbow my name is actually Nicola… Nicola Leigh Abaraham… I mean AbrAham…"
"Nikky! Nicky we haven't finished our song!" Carmen dragged her away from the guys and put her arm around her and attempted to sway, but was really just hanging off Nikky.
"Ahem…" Nikky said, "From the top, "I wanna have sex on the beach, come on everybodeey… SEX ON THE BEACH…"
"Wait!" Carmen shrieked, "that's not the song! The other song!"
Nikky giggled, "Sex…"
"We're not near burp a beach Nikky! We're in the middle of some raaandom as place… I don't even knooooow what its called." And she stumbled over a rock.
"I wanna have sex in the middle of a random place… MIDDLE OF A RANDOM PLACE…No, but seriously here guys… Sex… hehehe." Nikky said.
"Leg… Leglaaaa…Sorry, Legolasssss, I'm a bit…hmmm…I dunno what I amm…no wait, I'm an ORC!" She punched the sky.
"Nonono," Nikky said quickly holding Carmen at arms length, "You're a Tiger! Growl for me…"
"Rowl… Rarhhg! No wait! It's the, eye of the tiiiigre its thee frill of de fight…"
"Risin up to de kkalang of our wwivaals, tha last known survivah talks his prey in the night…" Nikky gave Carmen a knowing look, then they both sang at the top of their lungs, "AND HE'S WATCHING US ALLLL WIF DE EYYYYYYYE… OF DE TIGGREE!"
"Oh dear." Said Gandalf.
"Where!? Wheres the deer, letsa go HUNTING!" Nikky yelled.
"We warned them." Aragorn said.
"Hear hear!" Merry squeaked.
Nikky ran up and grabbed Haldirs hand, "Hunt with me!"
"Legolas!" Carmen cried, "we can go with them! Come on! Quick before it runs away…"
"Double date! YUS, vene… vennes… nenshin… venison for dinner!" Nikky squealed delightedly.
"Legolasss! I LOVE venison!" Carmen tugged on his arm.
Pippin stumbled up to Carmen and Legolas and said, "I… ah… I like venneeeshon…"
Suddenly Carmen stood stock still, eyes wide. She began tugging on Legolas' arm.
"Legolass… do you know… do you…know...you know you have the COOLEST eyes…they're blue ay." She squinted at him.
"…Ooooooooohh baby do you know what that's worf? Ohh heaven is a place on earf… Haldir… I wanna go to heaven… but you hafto come… we can live in heaven togeter…" Then she frowned and staggered slightly, "I've decided… we cant go to heaven… there are christiians there… they wont like me…"
"Mmm…those Christiansss…always trouble…" Carmen nodded slowly.
Then Nikky said, "And," She said, slapping her hand on the nearest surface for emphasis, "They always try to take your money… my hand hurts…"
Haldir grinned and grabbed her arm in one hand while he rubbed his chest, the nearest surface, slightly, "We'll have matching bruises."
"And those Christians…NO sex before marrigae Nikky!" Carmen waved her finger in her face.
"How… barbaric… how can they not… do the deed… even if they're drunk… you get drunk and your as horny as a cactus…" She said eyeing Haldir speculatively.
"Nikky! Watch your language. There are gentleeemen heere…"
"Ha! You try and tell me that you're not horny right now…"
"I most certainly am NOT!" Carmen said, "OK maybe just a lil…"
"D'ya… d'ya hear tha' Leglasss? Nows your chance… just take her round the corer there… and your inn… I promissssss." Nikky said nodding knowingly.
"He is not 'innn' Nikky." Carmen said crossly.
"Beelieeve me Crmin… you woo… wont be compainin' when your round that corner… heh…"
"No Nikky, Lehgolasss is a geeentlemeen and he won't take advaaantage of mee…. No…"
"Its NOT tahhkin' advantage if… if you're hoorny." Nikky said, attempting to wink cheekily at Legolas, but only succeeding in blinking solemnly like an owl.
"True that… true… but Nikky… Nikky I need to sleep Nikky because I'm tired and Nikky we're probababbly going on a noble adventuuur tomro and Nikky, Nikky we need to be FIT!" Carmen said sternly.
"Carmen…Cah…Carmen though… Leglass will think your very noble… if… if you g… go round that corner with him riiiight now…"
"We really need to get these girls to bed…" Gandalf said, louder than necessary to be heard over Nikky's cackling, and Carmens stuttering denial.
Nikky looked up at Gandalf, "I'm… not goin' anywhere and only to bed I… if Haldir is in it… mmmm."
"Can, can Legolas be in mine too?" Carmen looked up at Gandalf.
"Yummm Haldir in mah beeed…"
"Legolasss in mmyyy bed…I'll sleep betta I think." She nodded enthusiastically.
Haldir tugged on Nikky's hand, "Come on… I think you ought to get to bed."
"No!" Nikky said digging her heels in the ground.
"I'll be there with you…"
"Oh. In that case… whoops!" She said as she stumbled over a rock, "G'night…"
"Good…night Nikky. Rest up for that…big venture thingy thing tomowo!" Carmen waved at her retreating back.
Nikky looked over her shoulder, "Wh…who's gunna be sleeping…"
"Oooooohh…"
Legolas put an arm round Carmen's waist, "You too."
"Oh but come on guys! There might be some bottles left that I didn't see…" Carmen looked around her feet. "Y… You can have some too…"
"No thankyou… Come now, there might be some in your blanket…" Legolas said, luring her away.
"Oh yeah I think I put some there before… you can have half Legolas…well, the small half…" Carmen pulled him after her.
The sudden silence now in the glade (Merry and Pippin had fallen asleep a while ago) was almost ringing now that the girls were gone. The men looked at one another.
"That," said Aragorn, "Was… interesting."
"Never give alcohol to a human. Or, as a matter of fact, especially not an Elf." Said Gimli.
Thanks for reading folks!!! im sure there are some ppl who i forgot to mention...but we love u all!!! Goodness its fun being a Mary Sue. Honestly, its soooo has a bad rep, but its soooo fun.