characters: aang, katara, sokka, zuko.
etc: fixed my laptop, here's an update.
…
ix. no one has ever been this lost
of learning to commiserate
…
"I'm going with you."
"What?" Katara's fingers lock around her waterskin, eyes stretched with shock. It only lasts for a few moments before it flutters away, her expression silent and unpliable. "Sokka," a heavy sigh, "this isn't about you. And I can take care of myself."
She can count on one hand what she expects from Sokka. She loves him to death, honestly and truly, but in this moment, she does not need his overarching presence when she is consumed by this much anger and darkness. Messily, she scrapes the rest of her belongings off of the ground, tossing them into her bag without so much as a glance.
Katara can feel the breath rush out of her lungs when Sokka grabs her by her shoulders, turns her around to look at him. It's the first time she's really seen him like this, with his eyebrows knit together harshly and his eyes dark and deep. For a moment, she doesn't recognize her own brother, only sees the troubles of an older brother weighing heavily in his gaze.
"Anything that's about you is about me," he says matter-of-factly, "and this is about our mother, which means it's damn sure about me, too."
She would suspect that Sokka was angry at her, except she knew better, and she knew that Sokka was just angry at the way she was behaving. And, well, perhaps Katara was a little out of line. It was hard for her to distinguish where she was, whether she was toeing the line or stomping over the boundaries completely. Between Zuko and Aang and now her brother, she wasn't sure where she ended and her anger began.
"Sokka…"
"It's okay," he cups his hand around the back of her head, pulls her until her forehead touches his shoulder. Katara remembers being five years old and crying herself awake in the middle of the tundra. She remembers Sokka rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and climbing over towards her, holding her this very same way. It means your thoughts are in my heart, with her head against his ribcage; it means I hope I am always on your mind, with his chin on her head. "You're going to be okay, Katara. But I'm going with you."
Katara buries her head against his chest, curls her arms around his waist feebly. As much as she clashes with Sokka on a multitude of different levels, he understands her on a fundamental scale that has been rebuilt with the more malevolent elements to her being. He may not discover what makes her tick at every turn, but he knows what to say, knows how to protect her, knows how to help her help herself.
"Let's go," she says, and he only offers her a grim smile.
...
In the end, it's Sokka and Zuko who pack their things onto Appa's back while Katara talks with Aang. It shouldn't make her as nervous as she is, and she wraps her fingers around her wrist just to try and calm her pulse.
"You think this is a good idea, Katara?" Aang's eyes are wide and hurt, she finds with a modicum of surprise.
"Sokka and Zuko will be with me, though. I'll be fine."
Aang is the one who frowns, as if there is some unknown element only he is aware of in this situation. She tries her best not to fidget, though. Katara has thought about this brimming with anger, she has thought about it bordering on tears. But she approaches Aang with a clear head and a desperate heart, and there is something that greatly weighs on having his understanding.
"What will you do…when you find him?" His voice is quiet, so soft that she barely hears the quiver in his words, the inevitable belief that she will find this man so evident in his words.
Her voice is gentle in its answer. "Honestly? I don't know, Aang. I just felt so incredibly angry when I told Zuko about my mother, and the only thing that made it go away was hearing that the man who killed her was out there, and that I could find him."
"Katara…"
"I don't know what I'll do if we find him," her fingers curl around his shoulder, her gaze insistent, "but I can't do nothing about it. I'm not asking you to encourage me or even support me, because…I know better than that."
She blinks carefully, realizing how close they are, realizing that her hand is still lingering on his shoulder. Her cheeks redden, but she does nothing to remedy the situation, does nothing to change the air of their conversation.
"Please," she says softly, so that Aang leans in to listen, "please try to understand."
Katara doesn't think he will ever be able to understand it, but she hugs him tightly before they go.
...
notes: i really have so much love for the phrase 'please try to understand' and no one will ever know the depths of why. also, the next two (possibly three) chapters will consist of the southern raiders stuff...if that doesn't end up being clear. also, why shouldn't sokka get to go too?