Thank goodness for kids with hairy legs; that's all I have to say.
As Mrs. Fujatle's teeth met my flesh, a horn sounded from just outside of the classroom door. Naturally, I thought it was just the rest of the staff coming down for afternoon tea and to have a snack from the student body, but in fact in was just a kid with extremely hairy legs.
Coming in with a bow raised and an arrow notched, Mrs. Fujatle easily lost interest in me.
"Ah… a satyr", she hummed.
"A… what?", I said confused as I tried to ease my way toward the door.
"I love satyrs", Mrs. Fujatle continued, "They just seem to melt in my mouth."
The satyr didn't move; he just sat there poised, ready to shoot whenever necessary.
"Jake", he rumbled, "Get over here. You need to get out of here."
"You don't have to tell me twice", I yelled as I ran toward the hairy legged kid.
"Stop!", the voice in my head shouted at me.
"As if!", I retorted, "You almost got me killed a few seconds ago. Screw you!"
"Fool", it whispered as I found that I was suddenly not going forward. I was flying sideways!
I had just enough time to figure out that it was Mrs. Fujatle tackling me before my head smashed into the concrete blocks that they call the wall.
Then I blacked out.
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"You idiot get up", the voice hissed in my head.
Opening my eyes, I found everything to be where it was when I blacked out; which means I blacked out for about a whole five seconds.
The satyr was still over by the doorway holding his bow and arrow. I guess he's not used to rescuing people because as far as I can tell he's all talk and no action. I mean seriously, if you're going to threaten the old hag by shooting her, then by all means go on and shoot her. Don't sit there and wait for mean to get beaten to a bloody pulp before you finally decide to shoot.
Mrs. Fujatle had flown back to her feet after tackling me. Apparently she was having a tough decision whether to kill me, kill the satyr, or kill me. That leaves two of the three chances bad for me. Fortunately, she chose the satyr.
As she lunged at the satyr, who let out a volley of arrows that came nowhere near Mrs. Fujatle, I ran toward the windows.
"Okay, voice do your thing", I thought.
"What thing?", it asked quizzically.
"This is no time for games!", I shouted at it as the satyr let out a blood curling scream.
Turning, I found that satyr on his back, desperately trying to hold back Mrs. Fujatle's jaws.
"Come on! Help me!", I shouted at the voice.
"Hang on, a representative will be with you shortly", the voice said in an automated voice as elevator music began to play in my head.
"Fine!", I shouted as I turned back to the windows, "I'll figure it out myself!"
Flexing my fingers, I thought back to what happened when I thought of roses.
"Ello! Thiss iss yor persss…onal represss…entative from America", the voice said in an Indonesian accent.
"Seriously! You're going to distract me while I try to save myself! Plus, you definitely don't sound like you're from America!", I spat back.
"No, I am from New York. I live here all me life."
"No, you haven't! I can tell because your grammar is horrible!"
"Have you heard of our premium packages?"
"Leave me alone!", I shouted aloud.
The room went silent as Mrs. Fujatle turned and looked back at me. The satyr laid half eaten on the ground with his bow and arrows broken in two.
"Fried satyr for lunch", she hissed, "And roasted demigod for dessert!"
Tensing my legs, I got ready for her to make her move. And it was a good thing too because as soon as she was done speaking she let loose a giant fire ball.
"That's it!", I shouted as I rolled to my left, "I'm tired of this! I'm going to end this."
"About time!", shouted the voice. But I didn't pay any attention to it; I was focused on saving my skin.
Mrs. Fujatle lunged and I easily rolled back to my right, thinking of something I could use to get away.
Then it hit me.
"Paintball!", I screamed as a paintball gun appeared in my hand.
Doing my best impression of James Bond, I rolled back and forth across the ground letting loose a pounding of paint balls.
Mrs. Fujatle screamed with pain, as blues, reds, pinks, greens, and yellow erupted across her body. But the fun didn't stop there.
As my gun ran out of ammo, I chucked it at Mrs. Fujatle imagining it going at the speed of a cannon blast.
The good news: I took out half of Mrs. Fujatle's face.
The bad news: Mrs. Fujatle was very, very angry.
"Die!", she screamed as she crashed into me and sent me sprawling out into the hallway.
Pinning me down, she clawed, tore, and ripped at my body.
Blood spurted from my torso as I desperately tried to throw her off of me.
"Your arm will make my puppy very happy", she laughed.
"I'm not thinking so", I retorted, "How about a nice taste of old hag in a can."
She was not obviously thrilled with the remark and broke my nose, sending blood racing across the floor.
As my strength started to leave I screamed, "Wait! Timeout! Please, hang on this isn't fair!"
Confused, she stopped and gave me a blank stare.
"I need a drink of water. All this excitement has gotten me thirsty."
She didn't know what to say. Or even for that matter, she didn't know what to do. So like I stupid little monster that she is, she let me get up and walk down to the water fountain to get a drink of water.
After taking about five minutes slowly sipping water she screamed, "What's taking you so long?!"
"Oh", I said standing up as I looked at my watch and pretended to be amazed, "I'm late for my dance lesson."
So as casually I could, I waltzed away down the hall toward the doors that led outside. I was about halfway there when she caught on.
"You tricked me", she squealed as she flew down the hall at me.
"Bingo!", I shouted pointing at her as thousands of bingo cards erupted from my finger.
"What the…?!", she screamed.
"Cement brick?", I thought quizzically, wondering if I could make that happen.
Sure enough it happened. As the bingo cards settled and Mrs. Fujatle could regain sight on me, a cement brick fell from the ceiling and struck her on the head.
"Glitter!", I shouted as a cloud of glitter erupted, obscuring Mrs. Fujatle's view. I was on a roll now.
"Sheep!". And just like everything else before, a flock of a hundred sheep appeared.
Crouching down and grabbing hold of underneath a sheep, I imagined the doors at the end of the hall opening and a knife.
As soon as the sheep saw the open door they bolted toward it.
Confused at where I was, Mrs. Fujatle began to fry sheep with her balls of fire and scream random angry words.
As my sheep ran by her, I stuck out my knife and sliced from her knee to her hip.
With a scream of pain and some cursing, she exploded into dust, leaving me to escape into the fresh open air outside.
Letting go of the sheep, I stood up and clapped my hands.
"Okay sheep", I said continuing to clap my hands, "Disappear!"
The sheep just stared at me for a minute like I was some moron that could magically make things appear before they all went and began eating the school's garden.
Shrugging my shoulders, I let them be. After all I'd had been through, I didn't care.
Quickly, I walked back inside, grabbed my bag, and left before any other strange things happened to me.
Walking down the side of the road, I reminisced the past hour of my life.
And here's what I summed up: I was late to school. My teacher freaked out. My teacher turned into some creepy demon thing. I almost die. Hairy legged kid named satyr saves me. I almost die again. Voice in my head is weird. Hairy legged kid dies. I almost die. I trick my stupid teacher. I almost die. Sheep! I survive.
Stopping for a minute, I reached down and pick up a penny from the sidewalk.
Shrugging, I continue walking and thinking about what happened.
All I can say is… It's a Monday. What can you do about them?
Review!
Seriously, I don't have magical powers that allow me to read your mind and process what you're thinking…