Terror and Romance
TGyamiBakura
Rating: T but rating will go up. sex later and swearing XD
Warnings: Yaoi, fluff, non-cannon, MisakixShinobu. Oh how I love to be difficult..
Disclaimer(forgot last time): I do not own Junjou Romantica…not even a smidgen…not even a little bit! I'm glad I don't because I'd screw it up so bad… Misaki would be screwing Usagi-chichi and Usagi-san would end up screwing Nowaki and…. Yah know we really don't need any of that…
OMG! Thank you all soooooooooo much for the reviews! I totally wasn't expecting that big of a response to only three pages of crap XD I guess I'm a better writer than I thought? Maybe…? Er… Probably not. Lol you guys are probably just happy about any Junjou fanfics at all. Sorry for grammar and overall terribleness… I don't have a beta but if you want to beta, it'd be cool right? XD I hope this chapter is better… It's longer and hopefully not so sucky.
Um, I'll get to all your reviews before I update this! XD .
XXxxxXX
I arranged to meet with Shinobu-chan after school the next day. The next day which is today… I still can't believe he got me to agree with something like that. Why did it have to be me anyways? Surely if he can tell that I…have… er…
…Some experience with men…
Then he can tell that others have it too! Ugh! Why do I even have such experience anyways?!
I can't possibly be the only one that is so obviously wearing a neon sign on his forehead that says: "I'M VERY WELL FUCKED", right? Is it really that obvious and it's just my brother who is that oblivious to it?
What can I do to make myself seem straighter…? I….No! What am I doing that's making me seem gay?! Surely I haven't been doing anything different since I met Usagi-san… I've never been hit on by guys before… I've never been hit on by anyone actually…
Usagi-san just mercilessly rapes me on a daily basis!
He didn't even decently hit on me to make me feel better about myself! The first time he touched me he just made me feel like an idiot! What an insensitive jerk!
Well now I'm walking out the school in a horrible mood and I barely even notice Shinobu-chan standing by the gate. He's wearing his high school jumper again (why does he always wear that thing… isn't he done with school now?) and he's looking like he's avoiding being seen. I wonder why… Not that it's my business.
"Hey," I say when I reach him, causing him to nearly jump out of his skin. He glares at me and then grabs my hand, pulling me away at top speed. Wh…Is he in track or something?! Jeez…! "H-Hey! Where are we
going?" I say when we reach the crosswalk. I grab my knees and huff a bit. I'm not used to running like that. Oh god… am I getting old too?! Old and gay… Is this really the life I'm doomed to suffer? Oh my god. I can already feel my mid-life crisis coming on and I'm only at the blossoming age of nineteen!
"We're going to my parent's place. Nobody is home until eight anyways," I nod, blushing a bit when I think about why I'm going to his house in the first place. He wants me to… To give him pointers or something…? Oh great… I didn't even think about what I was going to teach him last night…
…I couldn't really think about anything because Usagi-san was too busy molest—
-ER Sp-spending time with me… yeah… that… ahahaha.
"Ah… Shinobu-chan" I say nervously as we take our seats on the bus. He looks at me as if daring me to say anything and I almost revoke the question on my lips. Why must he always look so scary? "…Wh-What is it again that you wanted me to teach you?"
"How to please my partner sexually, as the submissive one," I twitch…
E-exactly how did he get me to agree to this again?!
"…R-Right…" I laugh nervously. This is… This is all about sex. My least favorite subject! I never participate actively when….doing things with Usagi-san. I…I usually just protest and whine about it the whole time! I-I don't exactly hate sex with Usagi-san… I just… I can't bring myself to show him that I like it.
It makes me kind of happy though, that there's someone who looks up to me, respects my knowledge (what knowledge there is… ugh…) … Even though the circumstances of this admiration are a bit odd…
When we reach our destination, we need to walk a bit before actually reaching Shinobu's house. He's silent the whole way, but I know he's thinking very deeply. Whenever he's thinking he looks at his feet. I wonder how many times he actually bumps into things… Or people. Haha… I can so picture him bump into people and then blushing cutely as he apologizes.
…C-Cutely? Since when do boys do anything cute?! Oh god… Misaki you have to stop this before you're completely plunged into this scary world of homosexuality! It's not good! Not at all!
xx
When we get there it's what I kind of expected. His home is very expensive looking. It's designed like Usagi-san's, just a bit on the homier side. Shinobu-chan has that resident scowl stuck on his face. Now why does such an attractive kid have to look like that all the time?
He leads me through the house, showing me around…sort of. It's more like a series of opening and slamming doors and forcing the knowledge of the rooms into my head whether I want it or not. I guess he feels pretty obligated to be a good host.
After a few more door slams, I'm practically shoved into a room that I'm assuming is his bedroom and am told to wait there and not touch anything while he gets tea. I scowl. What am I, four? I'm not gonna just touch things because I have nothing better to--
-Ehhe… I put down the very expensive looking painting. Wh-Where did that come from I wonder? Ahahaha…
His room is very typical for that of a sixteen year old. There's a desk, his bed, a small TV in the corner and a bookshelf. It's kind of nostalgi—
Guh! I don't need to use that word yet! I'm still only a freshman in college! I'm not old dammit!
After a moment, I decide to forget about my youth issues sit on the bed and I immediately hope he doesn't get angry about it… I don't know how to act around this kid. I'm always hoping I don't say or do something wrong… Maybe somebody sitting on his bed could be a thousand-year bad omen for him for all I know…
After a while, Shinobu returns with the promised tea and sets it on his bookshelf, handing me a cup. I thank him, glad he hasn't shown any hostility at my choice of seating. After taking a drink, I notice that he's staring at me, his tea untouched. I can feel my face heat up at the scrutiny. This kid really has a staring problem.
"Sh-Shinobu-cha—"
"Let's just cut to the chase," Shinobu crosses the room and sits at the side of the bed, leaning back. "I want you to teach me what it is you do to please your lover," I twitch, smiling nervously. That's kinda…
"I-I told you before… I'm not very experienced. I don't really actively do anything…when…when I," I feel my face burn. Talking about this with someone else…a male at that. It's so embarrassing.
Shinobu sighs and crosses his arms. He's silent for a moment before he says slowly, "Then… We'll just learn together…"
I pause. My tea shakes a little bit. "T-Together…? What do you mean?" He shifts on the bed to face me.
"We're the same. I'm submissive, you're submissive. I'm inexperienced and you're inexperienced," His face softens a bit and he looks away. "Don't you want to be satisfying to your partner?" I think… Do I? I never really thought about doing sexual things with Usagi-san willingly. I… I don't want to because wouldn't that be admitting defeat? I'm not ready to be admittedly gay!
"…Shinobu-chan,"
"When you do it, doesn't the sight of his face contorted in pleasure just excite you to no end? Don't you want to be the direct cause of that expression just once because of something you're willingly doing?"
Usagi-san's face…contorted in pleasure just because of something I'm doing to him… I… Would that really be satisfying? I unconsciously bite my lip at the thought. Would it be so bad… just to give in? To induce the bliss unto him that Usagi-san is constantly giving me… I look at him and his eyes are shining even though he's scowling. He's serious about this. I feel my face heat up.
"To do those kind of things to Usagi-san… I… I don't know if I could. I can't even tell him…"
"Tell him…?" Tell him that I love him… If I said that, what would Shinobu-chan think of me?
"I can never fully say that… That I l-l-lo," Shinobu smiles.
"Takahashi-kun, you don't need to rush it. I can tell you really do like him. Perhaps, if we practice now, it will be that much better when you're ready to admit it to him fully. Right?" I hesitantly nod. I can see how that would be helpful. I do like him… maybe even l-love him. Maybe I can't say and do those type of things to Usagi-san because I'm so inexperienced.
"So do you really want to do this?" He says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Y-Yes,"
"Then we should start by learning about each other. What's your lover like?" I bite my lip. Oh.. Just wonderful! I've never even thought about talking about my love life with another person…
My love life…? More like my forced love life!
"I… He… Usagi-san is…"
"Usagi… Liiiike…" He takes his index fingers and wriggles them above his head akin to a rabbit. It looks completely ridiculous with that scowl on his face and I choke back a giggle.
"S-Sorry… His name is Usami but people say Usagi…"
"Usami… Like the writer Usami Akihiko? You're dating hi—" I clamp my hand over Shinobu's mouth and laugh nervously.
"Hah…Ahaha! Of course I'm not dating the writer! N-No this is a different person… Silly kids… Dreaming up weird things," Shinobu narrows his eyes and pulls my hand away.
"Whatever, you never answered my question," I didn't…? I could have sworn I did!
"…Ah… Well," I look at my knees. I guess it wouldn't hurt telling Shinobu right? It's not like he has any connection to him, or any of my friends for that matter. I should probably not mention all the bad things about him… Best not dampen a young boy's hopes right? "Usagi-san is… He… he loves me...At least he says that all the time. I… I have a hard time expressing my feelings but he always seems to understand.
He's kind of forceful…lazy…mean and a jerk—" Why am I with him again?! "… But he's always looking out for me…"
I'm interrupted by the sight of Shinobu gagging in the corner. Why that little brat…!! "Hey! I'm pouring out my heart to you here!" He returns to the bed, his scowl still firmly in place.
"Like I want to hear a cliché load of crap like that," I grit my teeth and clench my fists.
"Fine, you want the truth?! When we first met he was hanging all over my brother, who is completely oblivious to the fact that Usagi-san is gay. Then he RAPED me…(even though it wasn't so bad) Then the jerk got over my brother after he got married and decided to pursue me instead! I was forced to live with the guy against my will and…and," Shinobu looks at me expectantly. I bite my lip. I can't say it! I won't say it! "And… I…I really can't see myself living without him…" Damn it I said it! Then Shinobu smiles. I sip my tea, maybe that wasn't so bad…
"My lover is 17 years older than me—" I spit out my tea.
"—EXCUSE ME?!" I look at Shinobu horrified. He's only…what…he's s only 18?! The guy he's going out with is is… one…two…Thirty-five?!
"I know… he's a bit older than normal but—" I set my tea down on his night stand, looking at him horrified.
"A bit?! Try like…he could be your dad?!" Shinobu frowns and looks at me like "Are you done yet?". I bite my lip. "Shinobu-chan… that's a bit," He looks at me sternly, cutting off any thought I was going to put together.
"Don't judge me," He glares harder at the floor, gripping his tea tightly. "I know, it's not the most conventional of relationships… It's not like Miyagi doesn't know that. He didn't want it either… Takahashi-kun, we're in love. It's not just a weird, sick fascination we have. I fell in love with him and he has to take responsibility for it," I twitch. What kind of kid is this?!
"S-So you're forcing this guy into a relationship with you… It's not like you're pregnant, Shinobu-chan," He knits his eyebrows together, still looking at his knees.
"Aren't you being forced into a relationship…?"
"I—" The younger boy throws the teacup to the floor, standing up in front of me. His hands twist tightly at the collar of my shirt.
"Can you honestly say that you're not in love with the guy that forced you?" My eyes widen and I feel my heart start to thump. His grey eyes looking up at me are filled with fiery passion. A fire that burns me. "Miyagi has fallen in love with me. He didn't want to, but it happened. It was never about sex… But now that it's a part of us, I want to show him I can be mature about it. I don't want to be something he
thinks he has to accommodate to anymore!" His grip is tightening and I can see it in his eyes. That passion, that fire… Something about this kid tells me that it's something serious he has for this guy.
I smile and gently remove his hand from my shirt. He really is a cute kid… Maybe a bit extreme… but cute nevertheless
"I believe you, Shinobu," He momentarily looks like he's about to bite my head off again but then he freezes in realization. His facial features soften and he looks at me astonished. "As long as you're not being forced into anything you aren't ready for, I can support you on this," He bites his lip and then moves away, blushing a bit.
It's a moment before he speaks again. His voice is cautious and considerably more cute than before."C-Can I call you Misaki?"He asks. I grin. This must be his way of saying he wants to be friends.
"Of course you can,"
Xx
Well… Instead of teaching… or whatever, I spend the afternoon playing video games with Shinobu. I'm totally kicking his ass at Operation Hayaku 4 and he's extremely mad about it. Apparently he's been the champion at this game for as long as he can remember and I totally blew his high score away.
After another hour Shinobu has had enough and turns off the game (…that is, if you want to call throwing the whole game console at the wall and smashing it to pieces 'turning it off', then yeah he succeeded). He stands and crosses his arms and right when I'm about to say something he puts his foot to my forehead and glares.
"Enough procrastinating! It's time to learn,"…Sc-Scary!
"Uhh… O-Okay," I scramble to my feet. "S-So what are we…"
"Luckily for you I already consulted this book," He digs through his desk draw and pulls a book holding it up in front of me. 'A woman's guide to pleasing her lover in be—' Wait a second!
"Shinobu… I think you got it wrong, that book is for women…er you know…" I cup my hands below my chest making a very obvious gesture. Perhaps he doesn't know the difference between men and women… It would explain a lot of things. He crosses his arms, the book still in his hand.
"We play the woman's role during sex. I couldn't find a book about gay sex that teaches submissive people to please their partners so I had to improvise…" I grimace at the notion that I play the "women's role". I was a man the last time I checked!
"So…" Shinobu opens the book and skims down the page with his finger. "The first thing it talks about is sexually arousing your partner. It says in here; 'The way you let your lover know that you want to 'play'
is very important. A good start is to seduce him and show him that you want his attention," I suppress a disdainful snort. Like I would ever seduce Usagi-san. If I even tried he'd have me thoroughly fucked before I even touched him. I shiver at the thought. Oh god… This thought is not arousing! Ugh! Pay attention to Shinobu!
"S-so you want to practice that?" I ask hesitantly.
"It sounds good. D-Do you want to try first?" …. Try? We're… g-going to be simulating this? Did I agree to that?!
"Uhm… A-Are you sure about this, Shinobu-chan?" He narrows his eyes.
"I wouldn't go through this trouble if I wasn't sure," He proceeds to pull off his sweater and then unbuttons his shirt. His skin is paler than I thought and he has bright pink nip— "So, I assume to seduce someone, physical appearance is key," He runs his fingers through his hair, mussing it slightly and then pinches his cheeks giving them a slight red tinge. By the time he's done he looks… he looks...
D-Does edible do it justice?!
"Misaki-kun…" The golden-haired boy moves toward me, kneeling on the bed. He moves one of his legs over so that he's now straddling my lap. I can feel my heart pounding because God…he's so close! His sweet scent is infiltrating my nostrils and I find it hard to breathe. He runs his hands up and down my chest, then changing it to a small, circular motion. He looks at me, the redness on his cheeks spreading. "I-Is this good?" His voice is tentative and unsure. It feels weird… I've never done this kind of thing before. I-I have to look cool for Shinobu-kun though!
"I-I think so…" He nods and then grips my shoulders, nuzzling slightly into my neck. His soft breath and the feel of his lips there sends shivers through my body..
"Do you think something like this would arouse your Usagi-san?" I smirk.
"I think Usagi-san would already be screwing me senseless if I ever tried anything like this to him," He chuckles and I realize that I totally said that completely naturally… Like it was something normal. Wh-Why is it so easy to talk to Shinobu about these kinds of things? Wh-While he's doing these kind of things!
"I-I think I need to be able to do a bit more than cuddle to get Miyagi turned on though… So… is it okay?"
"Uh…y-yeah," I blush, realizing that Usagi is so extremely easily turned on. He'll jump me even if he just sees me blink cutely (In his opinion that is!)…
I'm distracted when I feel Shinobu's body grow closer, our chests pressing together now. He arches his upper back a little into me and I gasp, feeling his groin come into contact with mine. Th-This is getting a bit…a bit… Er… Shinobu seems a bit more skilled at this than he says he is!
Shinobu stops and looks at me, blinking. He looks a bit worried. "W-Was that bad…?" I blink and then shake my head, patting his shoulder in, what I hope, is a comforting gesture. That was not bad in the least. In fact, it was far too good and I think my body agrees. Damn you hormones!
"It…It was good," He smiles, melting my insides. Why is this boy so cute?! Oh god… am I really…? Could I seriously swing for the other team? He nuzzles a bit and then kisses my neck, sending chills down my spine.
"I want you…" he says lowly by my ear. He must still be acting but…does he have to say that of all things? I sigh and I think my hands have a mind of their own because they snake their way up behind him. Wh… What am I doing?! It… It's just a simulation! I'm not really turned on by this… I can't be, because if I was that would mean that I was attracted to Shinobu-chan. Shinobu-chan is a guy, so that would mean I really am ga—
I stop and forcibly put my hands to my side. No way in hell! Besides… Even if I was attracted to Shinobu… I couldn't do anything about it because… Well because I think I'm kind of going out with Usagi-san… And I mean… Like.. . Isn't that c-cheating or something? Shinobu-chan is only treating this as a simulation so it would be kind of betraying his trust…. even if it was kinda his fault for trusting a stranger anyways and…
… THAT'S TOTALLY NOT THE POINT!
The point is NO! NO NO NO and NO! Gh! why is he licking my neck!? Uh…uhn… uh…Wh-Why is he sucking on my neck…? Why does it feel so…..heavenly?
"S-Shinobu—" I say, a bit more breathlessly than I anticipated. Shinobu pulls away and the look on his face looks positively thrilled…and…determined.
"I'm learning so much…" I twitch… I'm freaking out here and you're just learning?! He looks at me, smiling. "Misaki-kun. You try now,"
"H-Hahh?!"
"Come on!" He sits next to me and pulls me onto him by my shoulders. I resist and apparently that wasn't a good idea because we land in a more…er…compromising position on the bed. This position involves me lying on top of Shinobu-chan and him… sprawled out under me, his hair mussed and cheeks red and…GH I think I'm drooling!
I silently muse to myself that Shinobu is an uke all the way… albeit a very forceful one…
"I-I don't think I can… I'm really not cut out for this sex business… I'm not good at either roles…" Oh it hurts to admit that… But I'm trying to think of what I would even do if I was with a girl. I can't really see myself wanting to get into her pants all the time… I can't see myself taking the initiative every time we do it… I can't even see myself enjoying it with a girl…
…Oh that kills… really kills. I think I'm going to go die now!
"Misaki-kun…" I freeze when I feel his arms wrap around my neck. He pulls me down and our lips meet. It's only two seconds. Two seconds of tender, unadulterated sweetness but these two seconds have my world spinning out of control. Shinobu just…k-k-k-ki-!!
I pull away, staring at him in disbelief, but he's still smiling.
"Just do your best?" O…Oh it's it's just a friendly…kiss. Like that. I think he said that he had lived in Australia before… Maybe it's something normal? Normal to kiss…your guy friends…
… Yet somehow I can't even see French people doing that!
I nod and sit up. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do. I think this is becoming dangerous… But I feel like it's only me and I'm worried if that makes me a pervert… Doing things like this… It seems perverted in itself. No one can really blame me for being a bit nervous.
But… Now that I'm here, I'm kind of at a loss… What should I do?
"Shinobu-chan… I don't…"
"The book said that visual self-stimulation is usually sexy to your partner. Maybe try touching yourself a litt—"
"—Touch myself?!" He shakes his head, his face glowing red.
"N-Not down there! Just everywhere else, you know?" I bite my lip and nod. My face is still burning but that doesn't seem too difficult…right?
I decide to take a leap and shrug off my over shirt. I can feel Shinobu's eyes on me which is embarrassing but I ignore it. I already agreed to do this and once I agree to something I can't back out! I… I think of what might be sexy and I find myself absently running my fingers along Shinobu's naked chest with my right hand, my other hand is busy snaking up the hem of my shirt. I lower my eyes to look at Shinobu's gorgeous face…
… he really is a looker.
I bite back a moan and… Even though I know it's wrong I can feel myself becoming a tiiiiny bit aroused. Shinobu is too cute…
I decide it's time to remove my shirt completely and I do so. After dropping it on the floor, My fingers experimentally run over my chest and nipples and it feels like every touch is like electricity running
through my body. He's watching me oh-so-intently and I feel on fire. These butterflies in my stomach… I recognize them from times I was with Usagi-san…
…Only this time they're threatening to burst out…
My fingers stop at my nipples and I think back to the times when Usagi would touch me there. I give them an experimental tweak. Oh god… Now I remember why I liked this so much. I repeat the action, sending sparks down to my groin and my back arches involuntarily. My eyes close and I scrape my fingernails over the sensitive flesh, unsuccessfully suppressing a soft moan when I do.
Shinobu's pale chest is rising and falling faster now… I look at him quizzically. I hope I'm not making him nervous…
"A-Am I doing this bad?" I ask, uncertainly. I'm worried that I'm making a fool out of myself… But Shinobu isn't showing that sort of teasing amusement on his face. He shakes his head.
"M-Misaki-kun… You're really attractive…" I bite my lip feeling my cheeks heat up. He's so…SO cute!
"I-I'm no—"
"I-I think you'll have no problem getting your lover turned on…" He looks behind me and I'm confused when I realize he wants me to look too.
Oh…
… He's… Yeah it's pretty obvious…
He's completely turned on.
My face bursts into flames and omg! Omg Omg Omg! Shinobu is hard and is..is it because of me? Well what… What am I supposed to do?! This is extremely awkward!
"S-Shinobu-chan I…this is…" He nods.
"Misaki-kun, I know this is just explorative research (is that what he calls it!?)… but… I…I can't help it if you're sexy to me. You weren't attractive at all when I first saw you…" I twitch, narrowing my eyes. Well thanks a lot! "It's just…" He grips his head. "I feel so… You're…" I hold up my hand and look away.
This is too dangerous… We're straying into uncharted waters and… it's gotta stop!
"It… It's okay Shinobu I… This probably wasn't the best idea. As your senpai I should have been more responsible. Perhaps we should just stop this…"
He looks at me. It's a moment before he says anything but then he sits up, looking away. "I think… it's not bad. I mean, We're both guys, both homosexual…" I twitch at the word. "… It's only a natural reaction…right?"
"But still… It's… I mean…" I look away nervously and he reaches up and presses another kiss to my lips. I resist the urge to pull away because I know it's just a friendly gesture but sheesh! I'm not used to allowing kisses like this! I'm always pulling away whenever Usagi-san tries it! It's become an acquired habit!
"Misaki-kun. Think of it this way. If what we're doing can cause each other to become sexually aroused like this, then isn't that what we're hoping to achieve for our real partners? The simulation wouldn't get very far if we just stopped it here. We might even have to go further as well,"
"F-Further?!" He nods. I shake my head furiously. "Shinobu-chan, I really don't think it's a good idea. What would your lover say? I can't even think about what Usagi-san woul—" He grabs my arm, a bit painfully.
"Then we won't tell them! We know we're not cheating, but it would definitely look that way to them, but it's not! All of this is for bettering our relationships with them, right?! We shouldn't have any guilty feelings about it!" My eyes widen. C-Could he be right? If I'm doing this for Usagi-san… Then shouldn't I actually feel good about this kind of thing? If I can make Shinobu sexually aroused, then doesn't that mean that I'm making progress?
"I… I still don't know," Shinobu smiles and gently rubs my shoulder. God… why does he look so angelic when he smiles, when he looks so satanic when he glares? I shiver at the thought. Yep, I really don'tlike those glares…
"It'll be fine. I promise. So is it a deal?" I take a moment. This is the last time I'll be allowed to think about this. I'm throwing away my insecurities… No, I'm giving them to this boy. I'm letting him in to see my secrets, my suppressed feelings. I'm letting him see…me.
Why is it that opening up and learning to accept all this is much more easy with this near-stranger than it is with Usagi-san? Is it because Shinobu is my own age…? That Shinobu's willing to let me go at my own pace? Is it that, Shinobu can relate…?
I nod, covering his delicate hand on my shoulder with my own."Okay," My voice shows no trace of hesitation, I realize. I think I can really do this with him. I don't really know the definition of cheating but I think it will be fine if it's for this purpose. Nobody would see it that way, but I'm doing this because I want to make Usagi-san happy.
I want to be someone he doesn't have to force to have sex with anymore.
XXxxxXX
Ahh… The end of another sucky chapter. Longer, but still sucky. I don't really know if my stories are good or not… God I need a beta. I can't believe I'm actually updating…
Anyways, this chapter was setting the deal, next chapter is about carrying it out lol. Misaki drifts away from Usagi-san and gets closer to Shinobu… I think Miyagi will make an appearance in the next chapter (not sure).
I'm warning you extreme canon death o.o;;; So leave now if you don't want to see it…
Review for me, my pretties, God know's it's the only thing that keeps me writing XD… (always wanted to use "my pretties" in a sentence, sorry o.o;;)