Before the Lies...
Chapter One
Dakoda......
Crash! i heard as i fell to the floor, slowly losing all my scenes. fading.
"Get the fuck up!" i heard his distant scream that he was directing at me, as if he was a train blowing its horn in snow fall. "I said get up!" he screamed again, kicking my side only making it harder for me to gain complete control. But that was is goal im guessing, it always was, to make me feel powerless. no matter how hard i try he always wins.
his kicking continued, only gaining more force when i did follow his command as to try to get up. so there i stayed. On the concrete floor of the garage. Broken and beading, bantered and bruised, misused and abused.
"You had enough yet bitch." he asked with out a question, i already knew not to answer. answering would only worsen the punishment.. he kicked again. and again. once more, but this time in the head.
then i was out. my ears busing as if they whir screaming to each other. My eyes rolling to the back of my head being shaded by darkness. and my pulse, slowly fading, till there was just a faint beat.....
.......
'ehh what happened?' i asked myself. Not recalling the events that acured earlier this evening, or maybe last night, depending on how long i was out. i was slowly regaining my scenes, and with that, i felt the pain. i never felt worse pain in my life, even including the time with Aro broke me the first time...i thought that was hell, but compared to this, that was like ripping a band aid off that has been there for a few days. that hurt, but it was just a dull pain to this, i couldn't move, my bones ached every where, my ears whir ringing and my cold bruised body was bare. not again....
.......
….
I could feel the pain between my legs as I walked through the halls of purgatory, I mean high school. This wasn't the first time, and most likely wouldn't be the last, after all I was just 16 and Marcus wasn't going to change. His friends weren't going to change, after all, they were just like Aro, only now I knew what was happening. Now I knew I was tainted. Now I knew that no one would want me like I would want them. I knew that love was just a myth, a fairy tale, that my life will never come across. The idea of me ever finding something so imaginary was impossible for my mind to wrap around. So I pushed that thought aside as I approached my locker. Spinning in the correct combination that came from memory the locker opened almost instantly.
Looking in the familiar small space i saw pictures of those who meant the most to me. Bella, my best friend, the small sweet girl who at times I felt the need to protect. her small 5'4 fame contrasted with her long brown hair that matched her chocolate eyes and her heart shaped face. Bella could be the quietest person yet at the same time so very deep, her words almost always true, meant the most. I would do what ever I could for Isabella Swan, if I had to, id even kill.
Out of every one of the friends in the photos, Bella meant the most, but there was also others who meant a great deal to me, just none that I would let get close.
Edward and Jasper whir two of the most respectful men Ive ever met. He was also extremely good looking, he had long bronze brown messy hair that went extremely well with his toned 6'2 body type. Edward was dating Bella, they were the cutest couple on the planet. No lie, and jasper. Well he was very empathic. He knew exactly what mood anyone and everyone was in within seconds of just being in there presence. It was rather amazing.
I would like to say that I had a man just as wonderful as my friend did, but that would be a lie. I have Mitch. im not going to lie, Mitch was extremely good looking. he was 6'3, had a muscled body, and had creamy brown hair that looked amazing with his tanned built body, however, lets just say, Mitch wasn't the nicest guy out there, Bella told me that I deserved so much better every day, but, Mitch had told me he loved me, and being that love was the thing I wanted most, I wanted to believe this. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to love him. Thats why I stayed with him.
"Babe!" I heard that familiar voice yell across the hall.
"Hey Mitch," I said as I heard him approach me, his arms warping around my waist his lips kissing my already marked neck. Closing my locker and turning around in his arms.
"Your looking Sexy this morning. I love your ass in those jeans babe."he stated as his ear grassed over my ear his hands groping my ass.
"You don't look so bad your self , you know how I love you in black." He smiled and kissed me. This kiss was deep, like they always are. Mitch was a very sexually oriented person. "I better get my ass to class." I said braking the kiss a minute after the bell rang.
"No babe, your not going anywhere. Lets skip." he stated, Mitch could be a very demanding person. Which was one thing I hated at times.
"Mitch you know how Marcus reacts when the head master calls." trying to talk him into letting me go to class, weirdly enough, however, I didn't want to willingly piss of Marcus.
"Babe, you cant just get me going and not finish the job. If you leave and go to class you owe me more then you already do. Do you have any idea how many time your going to have to get my off to make up for last night on the phone, let alone today. Babe you owe me big time." he was always about me owing him shit, he already owned me.
"fine lets go." I gave in...i always did.
….
we weren't even inside his apartment before he was undressing me. Like I said he was very sexually oriented. I just went along with it, the more we fucked, the more he told me he love me. Thats how I saw it. I mean Ive been with Mitch scene I moved in with Marcus freshman year. Yes, having Mitch only wanting made it hard, but I could live with it, as long as he loved me, it could work. Right?
….
That night when I arrived home at Marcus's manor it was quiet. That was never a good sign. Those were the nights that always hurt worse...
…..
"Slut!" he whispered as he forced it in me again, "Bitch!" with every word he spoke his harsh movements grew harder and even more painful then before. "Dirty, filthy, whore!"
….
when I woke up in the morning I could barely walk, 'what did he use this time' I asked my self as I got out of bed, but I didn't have to wait long to find out, because thats when my question was answered. On the floor was a large, blood covered, glass gin bottle. 'eh I better clean this up' I thought as I graved to bottle taking it to the bathroom to rinse it off and throw it away.
Once in the bathroom and had the bottle disposed of, I quickly got in a extremely steamy shower hoping to wash away the feeling of his hands on me...it never worked though.
….
"Koda! Where were you yesterday?" Bella asked as we sat in homeroom "Jasper said he saw you, but you never showed up to class."
"yeah I was, but you know Mitch..." there was nothing more to say, Bella knew of some of the things that happened in my personal life, not every, but a lot of them she did.
"Oh..."
"yeah."
….
"Dakoda, get your ass over here!" Mitch screamed. We were all at the port watching the tide when he pulled up with his gang in his Escalade.
"What Mitch?" I asked annoyed as I walked over to him. It was no secret that I distasted his gang.
"Cover up, and get your ass in the car." he demanded throwing a jacket that reeked of chronic.
"Why?" I asked the simple question wanting a simple answer.
"Because you look like a fucking slut! Only I should be able to see this much of you. Your mine. I own you!" looks like I never got what I wanted. So I just followed his demands like a puppet. He was, and forever will be the puppet master.
"Why are you such a whore Koda. God, do you have any idea what kind of things the guys tell me!" Mitch screamed as if we were alone. We might as well be, his friends made him this way.
"what the hell are you talking about." I though I was rather calm if I don't say so my self.
"you know exactly what im talking about bitch!" he said as something came in contact with my face, that something was his brass knuckled hand.
"no actually I don't." with that comment the master became enraged, and when the master gets pissed, his monkeys follow suit. I didn't last long in the closed space to say the least.
….
"Koda? What happened" Bella called and asked when I didn't show
up at school the next day.
"I'm fine Bells, don't worry about me." my voice emotionless.
"thats a lie, your not fine!" damn my best friend knew me better then id like to admit.
"Bella I'm fine alright. Please just leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it, ill talk to you tomorrow." and with that I hung up. I know I was rude, but really I didn't have to energy to deal with it. Last night the man the supposedly loved me commanded his gang to have there way with me. I was his, yet he let them dominate me. Not only them, but the broomstick. No longer can I handle this. No longer can I talk the pain the men in my life cause me. No longer can I live this life....
....
my anxiety was raging as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror waiting the three agonizing minutes that could change my life forever. As I looked into my reflecting dull gray blue eyes I saw angst, I saw the pain thats been resting there for the past year. I saw abnormally thin body in jeans that were getting tighter around the tummy. My brown blonde and black hair naturally mixing together falling in light waves around my face. My face that every girl seemed to envy, not I how ever. My face was what got me into this house in the first place, and for that I distasted it.
Beep
This was it, this was the moment that would change my life forever. The moment that would make my final decision. here i go. turn over the damn stick Koda.
"oh god."
....
.......
....
(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)
("Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye")
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you
(If you're sleeping, are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me.
I can't believe you actually picked me)
(Hey Justin! [x12])
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