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Chapter 5

Jennifer hadn't had a training lesson all week and probably shouldn't take the time tonight but she wouldn't have many more chances between now and when the Daedalus arrived. The infirmary had been slammed with injuries from several off world missions gone awry and the added administrative duties had taxed her abilities beyond measure. She'd looked forward to spending time with Ronon and had been watching the clock all evening.

Jen walked into the gym and found Ronon already warming up. She put her bag down and began stretching.

"Hey Handsome, what's on the menu for tonight?" Jen asked between stretches.

"Menu? We're not eating." Ronon answered confused.

"Sorry, Earth slang … what do you have planned for this evening?" she smiled.

"I want to go over what you've learned about frontal assaults and then start with some defensive moves for surprise attacks," Ronon explained moving over to the mat.

The two spent a good hour working hard on everything she'd learned so far. Ronon kept increasing his speed and was pleased she was keeping up with him, not that he hadn't sent her to the mat several dozen times. She was definitely improving and a good sport about all the time she'd spent on her backside. He hated to admit it but this little spitfire, one of the new words he'd just recently learned, was continuing to worm her way into his heart. He knew she wasn't ready for anything personal just yet so he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. When she was ready he'd show her how he felt.

"Okay, are you ready to learn some new moves?" Ronon asked while they rested on a bench for a few minutes drinking from their water bottles.

"Yes, but can we go slow? I do better if I can picture the whole thing in my head," Jen explained smiling as Ronon pulled her up off the bench.

"Go ahead and face away from me and try to relax." Ronon positioned himself behind Jen waiting for her to shake out the kinks in her shoulders and ready herself. Quietly, he walked up behind her and threw his left arm around her pulling her tight to his body pinning her arms to her sides.

Ronon wasn't prepared for her reaction. Jennifer totally freaked out and did everything she could to get away from him. As she began thrashing violently Ronon realized she was seriously upset and released the hold he had on her.

Jennifer jumped away from Ronon and started pacing trying to get control of her emotions. She put her hands on her hips and bent at the waist pulling in deep gulps of air.

Ronon moved forward to see if he'd hurt her but Jen moved quickly away with a look he'd never forget. He saw the fear of a hunted animal in her eyes stopping him in his tracks. Not knowing what to do he stood still and waited.

Instantly the night of her attack came tumbling back rolling through her mind at lightning speed. Once again she was in that dark parking lot in fear for her life. She could see the knife, smell his breath, feel her flesh splitting open as he ran the sharp blade along her face.

Jen couldn't stand still she kept pacing and jerking in frustration trying to find some relief. Why was this happening again, she kept thinking over and over. It'd been months since the attack and she thought it was all over with when she arrived back in Atlantis. Then it'd bubbled its way to the surface with Captain James but once she'd had her talk with Evan she figured it'd be the end of it.

She walked to the far side of the gym and placed her hands against the wall leaning into them. She felt the tears coming and could do nothing to stop them. Embarrassed by her lack of control she sat down and pulled herself into a tight bundle before she lowered her head and began sobbing.

Ronon looked over when he heard the doors open and saw Sheppard walk in for their sparring session. He watched the Colonel survey the situation and shook his head when Sheppard looked at him questioningly.

John realized immediately something was wrong and nodded toward the doors silently excusing himself from their training session. He loitered outside in the hall guarding the door so Jennifer and Ronon would have some privacy.

"Doc, did I hurt you?" Ronon asked as he squatted in front of her touching her knees.

"No … no, you didn't hurt me," she declared frantically as she raised her head to look in his eyes. "You have never hurt me, please know that."

"Are you okay?" he asked feeling helpless.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I don't know what happened; I thought I'd dealt with all of this already. Why is this happening all over again?" she rambled.

Ronon stood up pulling her up off the floor and into his arms. He could feel her hesitate for just a moment and then she melted against his chest. He felt something break within her and he was worried. Ronon had no idea what was going on but he wanted to know what happened in those few short months while she was on Earth.

"Will you come with me?" Ronon asked holding her at arm's length so he see her face.

"Yes," she answered quietly.

Ronon reached down and took her hand leading her out of the gym to somewhere more private. As they walked out the door he made eye contact with Sheppard and nodded his appreciation.

Jennifer silently followed Ronon as he protectively led her through the corridors. She desperately wiped at her face willing the tears to stop but the dam had broken and she was powerless to control anything at the moment.

She berated herself silently as they walked along for being so "girly", so weak. It wasn't like her to be so out of control. But she'd never really dealt with the attack and it was back with a vengeance biting her in the ass for taking so long. She knew she had to deal with it now or it'd swallow her up but did it have to happen with Ronon. Did he have to see her like this? She kept waiting for him to growl, "Suck it up, Keller".

As they exited the transporter on the crew quarters level, he led her down the corridor toward his room. Before this night was over Ronon was determined to find out what was haunting her, he needed to know where that scar came from.

He closed the door and led Jennifer to his oversized recliner in the corner of the room. Scooping her up he sat down holding Jen in his lap. He held her tight tucking her head under his chin; he gently rubbed her back waiting till she was ready.

Jennifer was amazed at how safe she felt in this man's arms. Her mind was in overdrive with too many thoughts to address. Shouldn't she be afraid? Ronon was twice the man her attacker had been and so much fiercer. His commanding presence caused most personnel to cringe and move swiftly out of his way but she'd never felt safer than right now.

The room was dark but for the faint light from the moon as it was fading from sight. His eyes had grown accustom to the dim light and he was finally able to make out the fading line running down her face. "How did you get this scar?" Ronon asked gently running his fingers over the length of the cut.

Jennifer knew this wasn't something she could skirt around. She'd heard the firmness in his request, more of a demand than a question. Taking a deep breath she slowly and quietly replayed the story for what she hoped was the last time. When she was done she felt a peace wash over her soul like a healing balm, a restoration to her heart. She wondered how that could be as she drifted off to sleep.

Ronon pulled her in tighter to his chest trying to protect her from the horrors she'd endured but it was too late. The damage was done and he needed something to hit, something to ease the anger that was building rapidly as he thought about her words. But the man who caused her pain lived in another galaxy and she couldn't even identify him so for now he decided to do everything in his power to protect her from ever being hurt again.

He gently tucked the edge of her shirt into the waistband of her pants covering the slash mark. Reaching down along the side of his chair he pulled the throw blanket up covering both of them. Leaning the chair back he drifted off to sleep.

"Good morning buddy," Sheppard greeted setting his tray down on the table across from Ronon. "How's Doc doing?"

"She's fine," Ronon answered not wanting to talk about her.

"So … she seemed a bit upset last night." Sheppard said trying to open some dialog with the big guy.

"Yep," he answered between bites.

"Well, did she talk to you at all last night?" John prodded.

"Yep," he scowled.

"By any chance did she tell you how she got that scar? Cause I gotta tell you, I've heard everything from an ice skating mishap to a car accident and a few unsettling things in between," Sheppard stated raising his eyebrows for emphasis.

"Yep, she told me," Ronon grumbled.

"Well, are you going to share?" John asked growing frustrated with Ronon's short evasive answers.

"No … and don't ask her either," Ronon growled. "If she wants you to know she'll tell you."

"Okay, you certainly woke up on the wrong side of the bed," John mumbled.

Ronon smirked as he thought about waking up in his chair with Jen still snuggled into his arms. In his mind there was no wrong side.

Jennifer woke up in Ronon's chair with a headache and puffy eyes. Putting on her shoes she picked up her gym bag and quickly walked to her room to shower. While blowing her hair dry she thought back over her incident in the sparing room and how embarrassed she was for the emotional breakdown. Ronon was so kind and supportive but in the light of the morning after she felt like a needy adolescent with trust issues, definitely high maintenance.

Why couldn't she run her personal life like she did her operating room? Hand her a scalpel and she was the picture of authority and competence. If she could just harness that confidence and inject it into her hormonal side she'd make a million. Maybe that should be her next research project.

It was a fairly slow morning in the infirmary leaving way too much time for doubt to take over and badger her about Ronon's intentions. By late afternoon she'd convinced herself that Ronon was just being a good friend and would never be interested in someone with so much emotional baggage.

It was time for an attitude adjustment … time to end this pity party and act like an adult.

Jen was right in the middle of giving herself a pep talk when Ronon walked in holding a bloody towel to his head.

"What happened?" Jennifer asked anxiously directing Ronon to a nearby bed.

"Working on a sparing demo for tomorrow, Sheppard got in a lucky hit," he frowned.

"Do it like this tomorrow and you'll give the new recruits false hope," she smirked.

"Won't they be surprised," he grinned.

Jennifer really enjoyed the easy rapport they shared and hoped her meltdown last night didn't damage it.

"So Doc, how are you feeling today?" Ronon quietly asked.

"Yeah, about last night … I'm really sorry for all the tears and panic attack," she apologized looking everywhere but at him.

"Hey," he said lifting her face so he could see her eyes. "I will always be here for you," he stressed. "I don't want an apology."

"Okay, but I can still say thank you," she smiled putting a bandage over his cut.

Looking around Ronon noticed activities had quieted down and the infirmary was rather deserted.

"Have you eaten all day?" he asked firmly.

"No, but I'll get something later."

"Come eat with me now before all the hot food is gone," Ronon insisted.

Jennifer was trying to decide if she should go now or wait till later when Ronon took her hand and lead her out the door and down the corridor toward the mess hall. It was good to have protective friends she thought as her stomach started to rumble.