Nathan
Jamie misses you. We all miss you. Its been eight days Haley. Eight whole days without you here and I'm barely coping. Jamie has only been at school twice in the past eight days, he's not sleeping well, neither am I. I'm not sure if you have any idea how hard it is for me to roll over and find an empty, cold space next to me. But for the past seven nights I've slept here beside you, because I don't want you to roll over and find a cold space next to you. I never want you to think I'm not here for you Haley and I want you to know you can wake up anytime, because I'll be here. As long as you're here, I'll always be here.
7 Years Ago:
"N-Nathan?" You stuttered once you had opened the door of your family home. I smiled brightly at you, all the while trying to convince myself that what I was about to say was real. "I need help in history."
"Oh" you smiled gently at me. "It's kinda late…" I watched as you glanced behind you nervously and shifted your feet.
"I was thinking we could grab some dinner and you could help me with Napoleon."
It was that smirk that got you. You would probably swat me right now for being cocky but I could tell there and then that this was out first date.
"Uh…" You blushed slightly and ducked your head. "Sure."
"So do you feel like you've improved since the tutoring or…" You asked my whilst we ate at that restaurant down by the docks. I barely heard you though. I was still finding it hard to get over the fact you ordered mac and cheese.
"Uh yeah I do."
"Great." You smiled.
"So you, uh, have a nice house." I stuttered lamely and you chuckled.
"Seriously? Can't you make better conversation?"
"What? I was just being nice."
"Uh please, my house is probably the size of your bedroom in the Scott mansion."
"I think its cute."
"No you don't."
"I do! And its not a mansion, it's a house-"
"Really? So if that's a house do I live in a box?"
"No." I laughed. "Your house is cosy…my house gets too cold sometimes."
"Turn up the-"
"I don't mean like that-"
"You mean…does it feel empty sometimes?"
"Yeah." I said weakly and you smiled.
"You ever get scared?"
"No!"
You laughed. "Well you can borrow my sisters if you ever do, I'm sure they'd have no problem making you feel cosy."
"Can I ever borrow you?"
You raised your eyebrow at me, but I could see the twitch of your smile. "We'll see."
"So what can you tell me about Napoleon?" you asked me.
"He was French?"
"Yeah…" I dipped my head as you waited on more. "Is that all?"
I nodded.
"Okay, don't worry, we'll sort you out." You laughed and then your head snapped up. "Oh I have the perfect idea! My brother studied history, he has all these old books, I'm sure there's one on Napoleon."
"Really? That would be great, but are you sure he wont mind?"
You nodded silently. "Lets go."
I followed you up the steps of your house and into the dining room/library.
"Here we are." You said as you took a few old books from one of the mahogany shelves. We squeezed into a small space; sitting on the hardwood floor, below the window, but with the huge table right in front of us. You told me this is where you like to read. With your knees bent, your feet resting on one of the tables wooden beam, and your back to the outside world. It was perfect actually. The street lights outside making it light enough to read but if you looked over that table, you would be able to see the end of the room hiding in the darkness.
"Tell your brother thanks." I turned my head to face you and caught a shimmer in your eye.
"He died last year." Your voice was barely a whisper but I heard you loud and clear. A single tear ran down your cheek, the moonlight catching onto it making it visible.
"I'm sorry Haley-"
"Its fine, honestly." You chuckled and wiped the back of your hand along your cheek. "I'm being silly."
"No you're not. I shouldn't have let you get these books-"
"Nathan you didn't know, I wanted to help you and-"
Then our worlds merged together as a I quickly kissed you. You looked so surprised that I felt a pang of guilt wash over me.
"I'm sor-" But then you kissed me. I could taste the saltiness of your tears but it didn't even compete to how sweet you tasted. When we broke apart, panting slightly, you blushed. We sat in completely silence, letting that shift we both felt take its place.
"Thank you." You suddenly blurted.
"For what?"
"Just for this." You said and you closed your eyes, soaking in the moment. I rested my head against yours. "No," I said, "thank you." You opened your eyes and looked at me.
"For what?"
"For helping me," I smiled, "and for being here for me."
"You're welcome." You smiled.
"So, um, you're probably gonna think you're in a jungle when you wake up with all these flowers." I told you as I walked into the hospital room carrying flowers that Taylor sent. "These are from Taylor." I chuckle to you. I paused, almost waiting on your answer but then I took a deep breath and sat on the chair next to your bed. "One of the nurses told me that you probably came in here to see Lucas… well sort of. You'd be worried about him Hales. It was only a week after he…that you…" I tried to breath. I couldn't see my brother like this one week and then my wife the next. "Hales I'm sorry." I've never been a crier. But in that moment when I seen you looking so eerily perfect, your chest rising and falling so gracefully, I cried. "Haley…please!" I am practically begging you now, telling you to wake up. "If you could talk to me, I know you would tell me it isn't my fault, that its no ones fault. But it takes two people Haley. Me and you. And I feel like I did this to you. How can I live with that Haley if you…" I breath. I feel sick.
"Nathan!" Brooke barges through the door, her face stained with tears. "Luke isn't doing so well…"
And just like that my fragile world shatters into a million pieces. I can hear Peyton's cry as I see her let go of Lucas' hand. His bed being wheeled to theatre. I become increasingly aware of a beeping noise, which seems to be slowing. I hear the cry of a baby, but I'm not sure if its real. Suddenly I'm outside the room looking in, the opposite of what I was doing just a second ago. I watch as Peyton sinks to her knees. And the beeping noise goes flat. There are doctors surrounding you, and it hits me hard on the chest. I am weak. And you are dead.
----------
The second time we kissed it was at my house. Your parents had left town for a while and Brooke suggested you stay with me. It was awkward at first, but it soon became normal. I got used to seeing you in your robe every morning. I learned what you took in your coffee. I knew that you liked to stare at the ocean as the sun went down. Peyton even said once it was like we were married, without the sex. And although something deep inside me wanted to desperately think that too, I couldn't. Simply because I wanted to savour each moment with you and I wasn't going to wish anything away, this was just the beginning. I think it was the third night of you sleeping in my guest room that the heating crashed. I came through to your room to check on you and found you shivering. "Haley?" I asked. "Are you alright?" You mumbled an incoherent 'yes' but when I touched your arm you were freezing. "I'll get you some blankets." I told you but I couldn't find any. "Nathan its okay, honestly." You said to me but I couldn't leave you cold. I did the only thing I thought would keep you warm. I climbed into bed with you and wrapped my arms around you. I could feel you tense up but when I traced small circles on your back you fell asleep. "Body heat is the warmest heat." You mumbled before falling into a peaceful sleep. Truthfully, that was the best nights sleep I had ever had.
Our second kiss was an accident. You came rushing out of the kitchen just as I bolted down the stairs and we smacked straight into each other. When you lifted your head from my chest you gasped at how close we were and our noses bumped. We didn't even have to lean in, we were already in perfect position, like we fitted together perfectly. The kiss was inevitable, although we both wanted it, we knew we couldn't stop ourselves if we tried. And most importantly, we had no intention of doing so.
----------
"Mr Scott you have to lie back down." I heard some dumb-ass doctor demand me to get back on the bed but I needed to see you.
"I need to see my wife!" I say as I grab my jacket and head for the door. But I am stopped in my tracks when my head starts to spin.
"Take a seat Sir." I hear the doctor say and this time I do as I'm told, because everything in the room has merged into one. "You shouldn't stand up that fast after a faint."
"But-"
"I understand your wife is in a critical condition, but I want to make sure you are well enough to visit her."
"I'm fine, I only fainted." I actually felt quite selfish. The fact that you were the sick one and here I am getting the treatment.
"And why do you think that is?"
"Uh…" I've never really been able to identify medical problems. You always did that.
"Too much happening at one time?"
"That could be it, you were over-whelmed emotionally, maybe the room was too hot?"
"Yeah…"
"Well its perfectly normal for someone who is emotionally drained to faint."
"Really?" I say, but it comes out a bit sarcastic.
"Sure." The doctor smiled and hands me my coat.
"Thanks." I smile as I walk out and then start running to be at your side. Ignoring the thumping in my head, all I want is for you to be breathing. I near the room and take deep breaths. All the while wishing my dream wont have come true.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! The next chapter will be Peyton and you'll find out what's going on with Lucas! Also there is one heck of a shock in store for all! Review!!!