Memory My Canadian Savior

by MedicalNonsense

The PruCan companion to Aftermath. After the fall of the Berlin Wall, Prussia is a mental and physical mess but seems to respond well to a blonde Canadian. From past to current, Prussia and Canada's gradual relationship change over time. Human names used

6. Wissen: Very Enlightening

Who Knows?

"Hic-Gilbert…" Matthew sighed as he laid on his back. The morning had been awkward, neither of them had really remembered too well what had happened the previous night. Waking up had been a terrifying experience as Gilbert was quick to milk the situation even when he knew nothing had happened. Their morning had then lead to a slight fight and Canada admitting the wrap his shoulder was in was because he had been shot. The fight had quickly been rectified with a hug from Gilbert and the man asking for pancakes.

"Mmn? Vhat?" The Prussian took a swig off his bottle of whisky that was about a quarter of the way full from last night. Yick, sawdust…

"Did you miss me?"

"Your booze ist terriple." He too was laying on his back next to the Canadian in the warm fireplace room. The rest of the house was freezing except for this single room that had pancake ingredients strewn about and liquor bottles scattered on the floor. They had been laying in here for the past hour, tired from today, strangely enough. Gilbert had pulled a not-so-nice practical joke on him (seriously making Canada think he was going to be raped) and he then was beaten over the head and in the stomach and hip with a hockey stick. His head still throbbed.

"Did you even hear what I said?"

"Dit I?" The drunken albino smirked.

"O-hic-kay… I'll ask again then. Did you miss me?"

"Vhat de fuck ahre you talking aboud?" He seemed irritable now.

"I mean…" Matthew started in a meek tone, not wanting to make him any more irritated than he already was. "Hic-when you were over in Europe… You know, during the war?" He sipped a bit of rum, coughing a moment later and sitting up as it nearly choked him. The other laying on the floor chuckled.

"Vhy voult I?"

"Well… I don't know…" The blonde looked away from him, wiping his mouth and rather embarrassed he had ever asked.

"I knew you voult schtill be hier vhen I came back. I knew you voultn'd ged hurd since you schtayt oud of de var." Gilbert shrugged as Matthew dared to look back at the man as he sipped more rum. "I ditn'd hev anyding to vorry aboud soh vhat vas de poind of missing you vhen I coult grace you vid my awesome presence ahll I likt vonce I came back?" He groaned and laughed at himself. You're getting sentimental again. "I musd be drunker dan I doughd if I'm schlaying schtupit dings like dat."

"At least I-hic-know I can get the truth out of you when you're drunk." Matthew swallowed the rest of his rum and discarded the bottle.

"Kese, vorts ahre cheap, how do you know I'm nod lying?" The blonde smiled at him, it didn't compare to that sweet and blissful smile he had earlier while he had been cooking… But it was enough to make Prussia's chest swell with something he didn't totally understand.

"I just know."

"Kese. I'm nod gonna ask." Matthew snorted and looked away, picking up a bottle of wine. He usually never drank, the last two nights though… Most likely he had taken in more alcohol in a few hours than he had in five months. It was quite amazing that he hadn't had to make friends with the toilet yet. Then again, he was a nation. "Breaking oud de vine?" Gilbert smirked to the point of showing teeth. "Gedding romandic, eh?" Matthew's already flushed face went a bit nervous at that smirk. That smirk that spelled sure embarrassment by any means possible. But after the whole… Fearing for the health of one's back end fiasco earlier, the man promised no more practical jokes. A fork… Seriously? Then there had been the teasing about his sexual activities. Finally he had rectified one of Gilbert's previous mistakes in assuming that he was a virgin, which he wasn't. Next up, Alfred. Shaking the wine slightly, he sincerely hope Gilbert planned to stick to his promise.

"Pfft, shut up Gilbert." The blonde opened the bottle with a "pop" and took a gulp. "Ah,-hic-French wine."

"Vhere dit you ged dat?" The Prussian's red eyes fixed themselves intently upon the green glass and the red liquid therein.

"From my sleeve."

"Oh, kese, lucky baschdart."

"Hey… We can do this-hic-at your house sometime. Then you get to make fun of me when I can't have what I want."

"How do you dink humans survife vidoud dat apilidy?" Gilbert asked as if this was something that truly astounded him.

"How do you survive outside of Germany?" The other asked with slight sarcasm, taking another swig.

"Kese, righd."

"So, you didn't miss me?"

"Noh." His hungry eyes had yet to leave the glistening container of alcohol.

"That's mean."

"Ahm I nice?"

"Sometimes."

"Den maype I misst you somedimes…" Canada's smile widened.

"That's nice to hear."

"Don'd go repeading it or I'll rib you a new arschole" Matthew's face screwed itself up at the implications of such a threat.

"Cute." What an interesting man you are.

"Vhat dit you schlay?"

"Nothing."

"I doughd soh." Matthew chuckled. "Vhat vere you soh heppy aboud earlier? I mean, avder you came back downschtairs from changing clodes?"

"I already told you, it was-hic-nothing."

A smile like that is never at nothing… Silently he wished that he was smiling like that because of him. But there was the feeling in the pit of his stomach it had had nothing to do with him. Aforementioned pit churned itself over as he realized the direction his thoughts were taking. It threatened to over take him and turn his stomach inside out all over the man next to him. There is something wrong in your head right now.

"What were you thinking-hic-about just now?"

"Kese… Noding."

"I thought as-hic-much."

"Vhat's dat s'post to mean?" Prussia sat up, discarding the now empty whisky bottle. His eyes promptly returned themselves to the wine in his friend's hands. Feeling his stomach still churn with utter disgust he decided that the sweet (or perhaps bitter) liquid would do him good.

"Oh, you know."

"Do I?"

"Is there anything you don't?"

"Nope." They both laughed, Matthew looking over the green wine bottle at him as he took a drink. He couldn't help but smile and offer the bottle to him. Without word, Gilbert accepted the bottle and threw his head back, swallowing nearly half of it.

"Don't ch-"

"I von'd."

"Usually when you shay shtuff like that bad-hic-shtuff happens."

"Oh, like-"

"Remember when you took Kumajirou's fish?"

"Dat vas-"

"Hilarious? Well, it washn't fun trying to get the finger away from him"

"Von. Time…. Qvid cudding me ovf, it's kinta creepy…" His best friend laughed and reclaimed his alcohol. He nearly took another sip, but thought better of it and corked it, sitting it back down next to him. "It's like you're in my het or someding."

"Alright, alright. I'm gonna head to bed, it musht be… Two AM?"

"Mosd likely." With that, the two picked up their empty bottles and stumbled their way over to the nearest rubbish bin, dumping them into the container. "How in Hell dit you ged me up dose schtairs lasd nighd?"

"I don't know I wash drunk…. I think I-hic-shorta am now." The Canadian commented as he made his way to the stairs and headed up them. Gilbert stayed behind and watched him. Matthew didn't seem to notice and carried on into the room to get ready for bed.

"Hmm… Dat boy." The Prussian leaned down (nearly losing his balance) and picked up a discarded shot glass, pouring a shot of vodka in it a moment later. "Vell, beschd of luck to me. For vhat I don'd know…" He took the shot down and dropped the bottle (and glass) onto the unused couch. You're drunk if you're saying shit like that. "Kesesese, c'mon brain, tell me someding I don'd know." The fire by now had burned to mere cinders in the place, cold was already beginning to find its way back into the room. Prussia shivered, it was like whenever Russia walked into the room. Immediately everything was sucked dry of life and warmth… Don't! Don't think of him now! "Go to bett." He shakily told himself, venturing out of the warmth of the fireplace room and up to the bedroom.

"You can shleep in here-hic-tonight, but no getting handsy got it?" Prussia laughed at the odd greeting.

"Ja, ja, I unterschtant."

"You better. Shtay on your side of the-hic-bed and I'll shtay on-hic-mine." The Canadian rolled over, burying his face in the pillow as Gilbert readied himself for bed.

"Ist your schoulter feeling alrighd?"

"Yeah." Came his muffled reply as the other pulled aside the covers of the bed in the freezing room and slid between them. "Good night."

"Ja." The naked Prussian next to the blonde replied.

About twenty minutes passed neither of them did any sleeping during this time. There was much shifting on Prussia's part and annoyed groaning from Canada.

"Can you-hic-just settle down?"

"It's fucking colt! I cahn'd fall aschleep in dis!" He didn't want to tell Canada how much the room reminded him of Russia… It was dark, cold and the house groaned in strange ways. Each creak of a floorboard nearly sent him into a panic. He's not here, he's across the water… You're with Canada. Things are always better at his house. He told himself, attempting to calm himself down.

Matthew sighed, it was cold, the heat from the fireplace hadn't reached this far into the house. If both of them were cold there was no harm in scooting together.

"Alright, if you're that cold then just scoot over here o-hic-kay?"

"Gaaaay."

"Homophobe."

"Ahm nod! My bruder ist gay!"

"First off, you don't know that. And if you're so secure in your-hic-masculinity and straightness, there is no problem with two straight men sleeping together to keep warm when it's this cold."

"Ja… I guess soh…" Slowly, the two inched together, Matthew wrapping his arms around his friend. "V-Vhat de fuck ahre you doing!?" The surprised Prussian yelped as he tried to inch back away. Perhaps sleeping in the nude tonight hadn't been a such a good idea.

"Gilbert, just go to-hic-sleep. Okay?" At first Gilbert only stared at the boy in the darkness, his eyes closed and his face peaceful. Obviously completely oblivious to the fact his friend had no clothes on. He sat and stared clear until he knew Matthew was asleep.

"Okay." Gilbert mumbled to himself, putting his head down on the pillow, their foreheads touching. What a novel thing… Was the last thing his pickled brain thought before it finally slid into sleep.

---

What had happened? The Canadian could only vaguely wonder past the pain that his body was. Not that it was in, was. Everything was pain, his head, his limbs, the sound of boots as they trod away from him towards the front door.

"Why are you naked, eh?!"

"I alvays schleep naket, you know dat."

The morning had been just as awkward as the last and certainly no less pleasant.

"How ist it dat ef'ryvon forgeds you vhen you're von of de funnesd people I know?"

"I-I don't think I'm that fun… I mean… Nothing ever happens with me."

The awkward shower this morning… Gilbert… Prussia… Had told him about the excess hot water left in the heater. He had needed to clean his gun wounds so badly.

"Hope you don'd mint Matthew!"

"Prussia! Get out of my shower, eh!"

"Noh."

"Why are you in here, Gil?"

"I neetet a schowver of course. Efen de awesome me bades."

"Couldn't you have waited though?"

"Hello! 'Enough for von schowver'?! Do you expecd me to take a colt schowver?!"

Matthew blinked away the free-flowing tears. What had happened after he passed out after his shower? Next thing he remembered…

"Canada!" Suddenly he was awake and it was very cold. Why was he naked?! Oh right, shower… Gilbert was fully clothed though… Kumajirou bolted from his side.

"What is it Gilb-" And Gilbert was choking him, his fingers digging painfully into his throat.

"Vhere ist Italy!" Spit flew into his face as the albino yelled in unadulterated fury. It dawned on Canada at this point that he was stranded in the middle of freezing nowhere with a man that would love only to kill him. Almost in tears, he reached back under the sheets to pull a gun, Prussia guessing him and snatching his wrist before he could.

"Ah! Prussia!" He managed to squeal past the choking fingers.

"Don'd make me break your finkers, Canada, I vill."

"Gil-"

"Do nod call me Gilbert!" His vision was blurry then as the man violently shook him. "Don'd you schtard crying you liddle pansy!" More spit coated his face as Prussia eyes seemed evilly foreign to him. His vision blurred again and a sudden crack resounded in his head with blinding pain. He was in the hallway now, the banister at his back and on the floor, his head bleeding.

Get up, dammit! Get up! Prussia had one foot out of the bedroom. Get up! Matthew was on his feet, only for his face to meet Prussia's fist, stumbling a few feet, he fell to the floor thereafter. He lay in front of the stairs, blood trickling down his ripped cheek. He's going to kill me…

"Vhere ist Italy!?" He heard over the crack of his ribs and his bitten off scream. Suddenly the Prussian was down on his level, his hand nestled softly in his hair. It felt like a caress.

"I-I don't know." More pain and he was held eye-to-eye with the kneeling man.

"You lying piece of shid." Gilbert hissed standing up. Now was where Matthew would draw the line with this abuse. He fought against his pain and his captor.

"Prussia! Unhand me now!"

"Kesesese." Canada's eyes followed his assaulter's… The stairs.

"NO! Please!"

"Mmmng, too lade." Nothing but pain as the Prussian tossed him as easily as garbage by his head down the stairs.

Matthew didn't bother to censor his cries of pain as he hit the stairs, breaking his nose and nearly everything that was left intact. Hitting the floor at the bottom left him as little more than a pile of bloody meat. Managing to touch his hand to his mouth he saw the red gleaming blood on his fingers.

Shit. Prussia's boots… Swallowing harshly, he tensed, waiting for the kicks that were to come.

"You hev nod answert me." The blonde barely heard his voice over the pain as he curled up, trying to shut it out, shut out the cold and the humiliation at laying naked at this man's feet.

"I-I told you, I don't know." Pain shot through his side as the steel-toed boot met his ribs again, he cried out and sobbed into his arm.

"Answer me trudfully und I vill leaf."

"H-He's with Lovino." He admitted, his heart tearing itself apart over condemning his love and admitting he had been lying the whole time to his friend.

"Lovino? You two ahre on a human basis?" Prussia sounded utterly disgusted with him.

"I'm sorry Gilb-"

"Don'd! Call me Gilbert!" Despite the screaming ribs, Canada curled in upon himself ever tighter, choking back a sob. His yelling was what broke his resolve's back. Matthew told him everything about kidnapping Italy. How he had been instructed to bring him home and wait. How Lovino and he had shot at one another for appearances and how he eventually had ended up with a ruined hand and a bullet lodged behind his shoulder blade. Prussia at some point had squatted down next to him and began to stroke his bloody hair. One last attempt at apologizing had Prussia yanking at his hair again.

"Don'd call me-" The Canadian then cut him off, screaming at him. Screaming he wasn't apologizing to Prussia, he was apologizing to Gilbert Beilschmidt. The albino merely stared at him, thinking him insane after so many blows to the head. Behind his accusing eyes though, was a glimmer of recognition. With that recognition swirled something else, something beyond his fury, hurt. A hurt that Prussia would not admit to. Not where Matthew could still see him.

"I was only following orders. Please don't leave." The Prussian stood and the Canadian wrapped his arms around his boots.

"Don't leave." Canada pleaded one last time as Prussia worked himself away from the man and towards the door. There was no reply as the blinding light of morning shining off a layer of snow caught his eyes. Prussia appeared to glow like an angel. An angel of death more like. A cold wind blew snow into the house and the light was suddenly gone, taking the wind and Prussia with it. "No…" He sobbed into the floor, his body slowly feeling colder and colder. "Gilbert I… I…" What was he going to say? Why was he going to say it? His friend was no longer there… Prussia was no longer there. After so long, they were over like that. Never again… "Gilbert, I lo…" Shit… The world left him, enveloping him in a cold, black blanket.

"Matthew!"

---

Did I just do that? Gilbert asked himself silently as he sat at a bar in the small town nearest the Canadian's house. It had taken less than three days to become friends again and in that same span of time for him to nearly kill the boy. He flipped the small cell phone around between his fingers before dialing the number he had been fighting with himself not to. But he realized the world would be a darker place without that boy in it.

"America."

"Naaah… It's so early! Who is this?!" The blonde on the other end of the phone whined. Really it was about 9:30 there, but the American was lazy.

"Canada vill freeze to dead aht his haus in Ifujifik if you don'd goh to him now." Gilbert hissed lowly.

"W-What?! No joke?!"

"Vhy de fuck voult I joke?!" The phone went dead. At least, if he was lucky, the boy would live to lie to someone else another day. Why did you just do that? "I don'd seem to be in my righd mint aht ahll recendly…" The bartender looked at him curiously, holding out his hand for his phone back. "Oh, danks for ledding me use it." Gilbert handed the cell phone to the bartender, a false smirk of thanks on his face.

"Not a problem…" The balding man nodded as he went back to work, trying his best not to stare at the albino wearing five layers of clothing with a yellow bird in his hood. Gilbert then sighed, what to do now? He needed to get out of the country and back to his own. Only Heaven above knew what all else had gone wrong in the last two days. Standing up to check his pants as he left the establishment, he found a small amount of change in his various articles of clothing. Praying that it was change he could actually use he delved into the many pockets.

"Yes!" He triumphantly crowed as he found plenty of Canadian coins among the euros and American coins. Was that a mark? Yeah… But it was nothing interesting to him, this made his stomach churn with fury. It was an Ostmark, dated 1964. "Yich." Hatefully he flicked the coin off his hand and kept walking as it pinged off a nearby human's forehead. "Liddle piece-a hischdory for ya." He growled as the human caught it and looked at it. They quirked their eyebrow at him and he walked on, it was freaking freezing in this town out in the tundra. Hell, it's very name meant something along the lines of where currents deposit ice.

Amazingly, the place had a phone booth, wedged between two establishments out of the wind. Shivering against the little wind and ice that blew into the alleyway he dialed up international services and was connected to Ludwig.

The conversation between the two turned out being longer than expected. Within the initial conversation, he had found out Italy had divorced his brother, he had calmed his brother down by telling him where the boy was and… If that crackling noise over the phone told Gilbert anything, the man now would need a new receiver for his phone.

"Ludwig, ve neet to talk aboud someding vhen I ged back… I'fe been meaning to talk to you aboud it for some time…" Gilbert inserted, moving along to their next topic. He knew that he had put this off for way too long. Has America gotten to Canada yet? Quickly shaking off the half-worried thought, he concentrated upon his brother's voice at the other end of the phone as he asked where he was for he couldn't remember. There were more back and forths about an old friend, where the Hell he was and Prussia irritating his little brother. Germany told Prussia about his house being bugged and how his dog had found one of the cameras. Prussia adequately reacted with outrage and calmed down after the conversation moved on to that traitor Canada. Then his brother asked something he didn't expect…

" Er… Ahre you und Canada… Erhm…" Germany paused for a moment. "Uhm… A 'ding'?"

A thing…? What?! What?! His mind didn't have an answer for him, all it could supply was… What? "I'm nod a pansy-arsch fag like you, Ludwig!" Prussia's mouth ran on auto-pilot as his brain ran circles around itself at the question. They hadn't been a thing, but would he have liked to have been? No! No! His gut twisted itself up, utterly disgusted with him. He felt like vomiting, but realized he couldn't with Germany on the phone.

"I am nod a fag Prussia! Und vhat dit I schay aboud dat vort!?" An involuntary smirk pushed over Prussia's face as his body continued on auto-pilot.

"You schtadet I coultn'd descripe Italy vid it. You nefer sait anyding aboud yourselv." His teasing continued and Ludwig kept defending himself, slowly getting angrier. Prussia's mind meanwhile kept turning and turning, it hadn't gotten any better. So, quickly, he kicked it into gear and tabled the issue for his own sanity. He would analyze it at a later date when he didn't have anything better to think about.

"Cool ovf Westen. I'm only joking. Anyvay, it's colt hier und I neet to fint a vay home. I vill see you vhen I see you. Tschüss." Prussia hung up the phone before his little brother could respond and focused on just how in the Hell he was getting home.

---

Upon reaching Berlin, Prussia decided he hated human transportation. It was so damn slow and gave him too much time to think. How was it humanity was so stupid when it had so much excess time to consider things? It seemed nearly impossible that nations got into the trouble that they did when humans had nothing better to do than just sit around and fool about in the recesses of their minds.

"Figure's dey't sqvanter it vid some mintless in-flighd mofie." He growled to himself as he walked out of the airport. "Hm… Now who ist dat?" There was an inkling in the back of his mind that another nation was openly present within the confines of Germany. "Und vhat ahre dey doing down in Bavaria?" It seemed odd to him that Germany was still within Berlin and hadn't checked to see who it was. With how pissed off the man was Gilbert figured that he would just rather throw everyone out the moment they set foot within his boarders. "Vell, Westen knows I'm hier anyvay…" The presence of a living but dead nation was hard to mistake, especially when he was pretty much the only one left. He needed more time to think anyway. The plane ride had been confusing as his brain constantly switched between topics of Canada and Germany, now was time to just consider how to talk to the stubborn man that was his little brother. This had better be you Francis.

So, he headed south.

It most likely is France… Gilbert thought to himself upon reaching the door of a house in a small town. He had followed the feeling all the way here from Berlin and was a little surprised to find that whoever they were were rooming with humans. It was two AM though and most likely they were asleep. Either way he was getting into that house.

Quickly he knocked on the front door, a woman of maybe her late twenties with a round face and blonde hair opened the door and surveyed him for a moment. She looked back into the house for a moment but then back to him, curious. Underneath her manufactured face of neutrality, Gilbert could see she was deeply irritated about something.

"Guten Abend, Fräulein." He started with his most charming smile. A slight blush came to her face, she chuckled once before speaking.

"Das heißt 'Frau'." The woman corrected with a smile and this seemed to strike Gilbert as odd. She was married already?

Damn. "Oh, entschuldigen Sie den Fehler, Schnucki."

"Sie wünschen?" She asked as Gilbert got over his slip of the tongue, she also didn't want to even acknowledge the man was trying to flirt with her.

"I have reason to believe that my friend is in your house." The Prussian explained as politely as he could.

"What a coincidence, my husband brought a man here at about five this afternoon. He passed out in a bar and has been out ever since."

"Passed out you say?" Nevermind, it's Italy.

"If he's yours come on in."

"Why thank you." Rudely, he shoved the female out of the way, she gasped as he managed to grope her rear as he passed.

"Sir!" Gilbert ignored her as a man with dark hair walked into the room, he carried something in his hands.

Who the Hell plays cricket here? Prussia wondered as the man raised the bat to rest it on his shoulder. He shoved passed the man too, following his senses to a guest bedroom with door shut.

"Hey! Just who do you think you are buddy?!" The woman's husband yelled angrily as he headed down the hall after him, his wife following. He grasped the intruder's shoulder as he grabbed for the doorknob of the room.

"Königreich Preußen!" Prussia howled at him as he smacked the lowly creature's hand from his shoulder with utter disgust. "Touch me again swine and you'll find that bat rammed up your ass and that bitch of yours raped!" Fear lit up the German's eyes as he backed away from the fuming albino, making sure his wife was behind him and his bat at the ready. An inhuman air of power seemed to swirl around the ex-nation, it didn't matter if he only had his own strength, he still had enough to tear a human apart with minimal effort. Prussia snorted and opened the door to the guest bedroom.

There on the bed, Italy lay. His face looked gaunt and sickly, his skin seemed papery with an almost green tint.

"Italy?" He started gently, putting a hand on the boy and shaking him carefully, afraid the boy would break beneath his grasp. Italy did not stir, but at least it was still clear that he wasn't dead. Gilbert snorted and left the room, shoving past the curious humans again, grumbling to himself.

After trashing the humans' kitchen, he returned with a glass of cold water in hand and stood over the prostrate form on the bed.

"Vaaake uuuuup…" He started, no response. "Hey! Vake up buddercup!" Gilbert dumped the cold water on the sleeping man's face then. The reaction he received from the humans about their now wet sheets was less than stellar. Gilbert only had to spare them a glare and they shut up. Almost immediately, Italy sprung up in bed and started pleading for his life as enthusiastically as he could muster. He pleaded to Prussia not to hurt him, that he had family in Bavaria. "Feliciano! I'm nod going to kill you!" The albino cut him off as he began to plead for pasta before he died. Italy froze and lifted open an eyelid, sighing and slumping back down to the bed as the sudden change in altitude hit his sickened form.

"Hey! Go easy on the guy! Can't you see he's sick!?" The male human yelled. Prussia only sneered at him.

"Shut the fuck up! You don't understand anything!" He growled to himself and sighed, looking back to Feliciano. "Damn humans." Prussia examined the boy and then chose that time to point out the obvious. "You don'd look soh goot."

"I don't feel so good." The one on the bed whined.

"Vhat de Hell ahre you doing in Bavaria?" Last he heard, Germany absolutely hated the man because his brother had bugged his house. It seemed a slight bit odd that Italy had been openly roaming about the country when he pointedly was not wanted within its boarders.

"I don't know." Italy paused for a moment as his brain seemed to need time to wake up and consider things. "Oh! I have to tell Germany something!" Quickly, he tried to sit up, Prussia only caught the man's shoulder and gently pushed him back down to the bed.

"Calm down." Prussia sighed soothingly to him. "Vhat a coincidence dat I hev someding to tell him too."

"Prussia, what are you doing here?" Italy asked, very confused.

"I arrifet in Berlin nod efen an hour ago und vontert who vas heir… Glat I came und fount you. Dis couple hier vas nice enough to bring you hier vhen you passt oud aht a restaurand." Feliciano made a noise of confirmation and looked around Prussia to the couple. He recognized the man from the bar, one of his friends had dumped beer all over him in a drunken stupor. The man had been nice enough to offer him a place to stay tonight and to wash his clothes.

"Uhm… Prussia, can I stay at your house tonight?"

"Vhat's lefd of it you cahn."

"What time is it?"

"It's aboud two in de morning." Shock and fear lit up Italy's face, Prussia wasn't totally sure why, but he was pretty damn sure it had something to do with the fact that he was dying again. Feliciano sniffled and once again Gilbert had the urge to somehow comfort him, he chose to resist.

"Uhm, I don't know if I can get up by myself…" Gilbert suppressed a frown, Italy was in worse shape than he thought, his need to talk to Ludwig only increased.

"Fine, fine, I'll carry you." He leaned over and carefully picked up the feather-light Italian. The boy looked so sickly and gaunt. It was nearly a terror to look at him. Gilbert noticed that as he began to leave the room, Italy was slipping out of consciousness again. An actual frown came to his face as he passed the humans into the hallway again. "Sorry for the intrusion folks… This is my brother-in-law, or he was anyway. Please understand that I am very stressed right now." The couple looked to one another as Prussia held the boy close to him and stepped out of the house.

"Wait. Is there anything else we can do?" The male asked.

"You can say this boy was never here if anyone asks. Don't tell anyone about what happened tonight. This is to be between you two and me. And if I find out you said anything, I'll come here and go through with my threat got it?" The two humans backed away from the front door as Prussia stopped to look pointedly over his shoulder at them, a foul smirk beginning to twist his handsome features. His eyes traveled away from the couple then and back down to the boy in his arms. "You could also get me a blanket for him. We have to go back to Berlin." Italy couldn't necessarily freeze to death in his mostly uninjured state, but it was late December and it was very cold. I can't believe it's almost Christmas… The human's wife nodded and rushed off, returning a moment later with a thick blanket. She helped Prussia wrap the passed-out man in it before just telling him he could keep it. That was good, because Prussia had no intention of returning it. "Have a merry Christmas and a happy new year." He said as he bid them farewell. The male human snorted something at him and slammed his front door.

Prussia rolled his eyes at the man's "holiday spirit".

Some people.

---

Once at home in East Berlin, Gilbert graciously stripped the clothes from the boy. He knew the Italian liked to sleep naked and even though it was odd that he did too, he chose to make the boy as comfortable as possible. It wasn't like they had to sleep pushed together like had had with Canada…

Matthew… Desperately he wished he knew the boy's status. He was still angry, he still wanted him to feel the pain that he had felt at the boy's betrayal… But he at least wanted to know if he was still alive. His brain started to float off as he stuck the naked man into his bed, for he had no guest room… The thoughts in his head turned depressing. After Canada and he had finished their shower that same morning he had done the same thing with his little friend… He had felt that fond swell in his chest as the naked boy unconsciously curled up with Kumajirou to keep warm beneath the sheets of the bed. Matthew had been so adorable… Prussia's brow furrowed.

The chair in the garage, the slashed twine and broken plate of food. The blood smears on the car and on the floor and the spent bullets laying about… Canada's gunfight with Romano had occurred but a half-hour before his arrival. Anger boiled in his stomach. Anger at himself for not noticing anything suspicious from the start, anger at Matthew for lying to him and anger at Romano for laying a single finger on the innocent man! Then hurt… Matthew had lied to him and hadn't even thought about telling him the truth… Why should he care if the boy died?! He was a worthless piece of shit! A liar and a kidnapper! Most likely he had bugged Germany's home for that Italian asshole! But he did care… And something felt like it had been tearing itself apart in his chest as he beat the boy senseless. His fury had blocked out the pain earlier and now… It was tearing at him again, tears threatened his face that hadn't known them in sadness for years. Christmas 2007... France had been running amok as usual but… Austria and Hungary looked so happy together…

Fuck. He didn't need anyone… He had told himself that so many times, but every time he thought of Specs and that damn woman it made his heart hurt. Matthew made it hurt now too… Tears welled in his eyes. Fuck it all! Angry with himself, he tore the rest of his clothes off and dropped them to the floor. Just go to bed, you can't think when you're asleep. Sliding into bed next to the other naked man he rolled onto his side, his back to the snoozing Italian. He went stark straight as a board as said man curled up into his back. For a moment he almost wished it to be that stupid, lying, traitorous boy. Prussia just pulled his pillow over his head and screamed as loud as he could into it. "Verdammt noch mal! Jemand, irgendjemand…" He pressed the pillow harder still against his face and back came those evil tears. "Bitte…" Gently and unbidden, his mouth plead."Erschieß... Erschieß! Erschieß mich!"

"Gi… G-Gilbert?" The Prussian let the pillow shift so he could look at the curious and worried Italian laying next to him.

"Vhat ist it?" Men did not cry, he did not cry, he did not feel, but he was also a man who was never ashamed of himself. He did not attempt to hide his wet and blood-shot eyes from Feliciano.

"Cognato, why are you so sad?"

"I ahm nod. Und you ahre nod my bruder-in-law. Nod anymore Feliciano."

"I can't call you fratello, though… And I feel like you are family."

"Don'd dink dat I ahm."

"Why are you upset?"

"I tolt you I ahm nod!" Gilbert yelled, sitting up to glare down at the boy.

"Then why were you crying? Why were you cursing?" The boy too far gone to care about much smiled. "As much as everyone thinks, I'm not stupid. I'm a silly boy that loves pasta, but I'm not stupid. I've heard Germany scream and yell with anger so much I start to understand certain pleads." His smile disappeared and he was the depressed, sick boy again. "Why were you screaming for somebody to shoot you?" Gilbert glared down at Feliciano for a few moments. He hated how easy it was for the simple of mind to see through the facades of others. Even more, he hated his weakness and his own stupidity for crying next to him. Usually, Italy slept like the dead, but it only made sense that now he was sick and possibly suffering from sleep apnea it would be easier to wake him.

"None of your business." Prussia growled as Italy sighed in a defeated manner.

"Fine…" He weakly sighed. "I'll stop asking then." Another sigh and the brunette's eyes started to drift closed again.

"… I'fe done someding I dink dat I regred."

"You think you regret?" The half-sleeping Italian asked at Gilbert's confused tone.

"I don'd know too vell vhat regred feels like, okay? I don'd-"

"But you do. You do have emotions…" He was nearly snoring now.

"I ust to nod hev emotions den. It's easier to say now-a-days dat I don'd… Bud de only dings I voult hev efer regreddet in my live happent vhen I ditn'd hev de sense of mint for emotions; soh I cannod see anyding dat I hev efer done ahs bat."

"You don't feel regret over killing anyone?" Prussia snorted with humor.

"Noh, killing ist a fun paschd time to dis day for me. Dat und fucking. Same ding if it's a human. Kesese."

"You don't know what regret feels like?"

"I only know in deory. I dink I regred someding. Bud I'm nod sure exacdly vhat."

"Best of luck figuring it out Gilbert. I can't stay awake any…" Italy trailed off as his mind was once again taken by sleep. Prussia only stared at him, Ludwig didn't know what he was missing. Rarely did thoughts of his brother and Feliciano being together not bring a foul smirk to his mouth. This though, was one of those times. He wanted his Ludwig to be with Feliciano. Italy was a pure and kind person, he was slightly cowardly and a lay-about and messy but he was a truly kind person. Those were so hard to find now-a-days.

"You vill make my bruder soh heppy. I cahn only hope tomorrow goes vell." But his reprieve of sweet thought was brief as he realized he had to figure out what exactly was making him this… This… Emotional. It could have been Canada… Beating him up, not having visited the very lonely man for two years, could have regretted saving him because he would have to deal with England, France and America later… Was it Hungary? Could he have regretted never having told her he loved her? He knew he bitterly regretted not having been able to do anything about her marriage to Austria. Still he hated that they were close even after a divorce. Again it could have been that he had never married, but that was a point of pride in all honesty. He didn't need anyone for happiness, he had been happy with it… Fuck you Canada. I hate you. His mind ran circles around itself and each time he came no closer to understanding the exact cause of his outburst. He wasn't lonely! He wasn't! Really I'm not…

Groaning with exhaustion and exasperation, he laid back down in the bed, his chest fluttering and still in pain. Sometimes he wished that he still didn't have to think for himself. Not to misunderstand, he loved having his own mind, not swayed at all by the actions of humans. He was his own person more than any other nation could say. But this made things so damn difficult so damn often.

Old Fritz… What should I do?

---

Prussia awoke a little after noon to the sound of knocks to his front door.

Damn. Sitting up, he groaned and scratched at his neck to find a layer of stubble growing upon it, he hadn't shaved in… This would make day four, no wonder. The knocks came again and he slid from bed, pulling on a pair of pants as he left the room. Whoever it was at his door was a nation, it wasn't Germany though, that was all he knew.

More knocks.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He gruffly yelled, taking in his appearance at a mirror as he passed it in the hallway. It looked as if he hadn't had a shower in a few days (even though this was untrue) and it looked like he had been asleep for a few days (he only wished this was true). Grasping the door handle harshly, he wrenched the door open to see it was Francis. Oh shit… "Vhat to you vant France?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were friends with Mathieu?" The blonde nation asked plainly as Prussia's muscles tensed for the ass whooping he was most likely to receive.

"It nefer came up." Keeping his cool, Prussia replied as truthfully as he could. The Frenchman only sighed and gave him a long-suffering look.

"Do you still care about him?" Why did everyone assume that he had to begin with?! Just because they were friends didn't mean that he cared if the boy lived or died! He would have been happy if the little bastard had died! His thoughts paused…

That's not right… Why did he call America if he didn't care? What was the correct answer in this situation? To say that he didn't would sort of be lying if he had kept the boy from dying… But to say that he did would be admitting to himself that he had done something wrong… Does he suspect me? Prussia wondered to himself as he surveyed Francis. Oh goddammit… "If you're asking if ve're schtill freunds, ve hevn'd schpoken in a vhile…" Francis confirmed this as what Canada had said too. Why is he even here then?

"Well… I'm just here to tell you think in case you want to know. Mathieu is in the hospital. He's really banged up and I think he could use a friend right now… Arthur, Alfred and I were there but we're his family." The blonde on his doorstep informed with a depressed tone.

You're a shitty family at that. It takes something like this for you to notice the poor boy. Can't you of all fucking people France see that he is lonely!? Prussia held his incriminating tongue to play his part. He narrowed his eyes in irritation. "He's vhere? Vhat happent?" France explained the boy didn't know who had attacked him and suggested that Prussia visit him. He flipped his hair in the end and began to walk away. "Vaid! Vas dat ahll?" He said he didn't remember… Either Canada had been beaten in the head one too many times (this was quite likely) or he was lying on his behalf… Fuck my luck. His internal monologue growled as France seemed to remember something and turn back around.

"Oui. I have things I have to do before going back to the hospital. Oh, wait I forgot to give you the address. It's in America, but transportation's never a problem for us." The man whipped out a pen and scribbled down the information Gilbert would need to find Matthew. "Here." He offered it and Gilbert took it without word. Francis turned again and curtly wished him a merry Christmas before stalking away, not giving Prussia a chance to return the wish.

"Merry… Nng, fuck it." Gilbert slammed his door shut and locked it. He looked at the paper in hand and unfolded it, true to his word Francis had given him all the information he would need to see Matthew… And for whatever reason Matthew hadn't ratted him out… But maybe all those blows to the head had just screwed with his memory… A deep growl issued from his chest and he ground his teeth. "Dammid." He hurriedly went back to his bedroom and stood in the doorway of it. "Hey! Feliciano. Vant to goh schopping vid me?"

---

What are you doing? Gilbert asked himself as he sat in a plane (always reserved for nations) and headed for America. He had a box of maple leaf-shaped cookies and a bouquet of flowers, a single red rose in the center of the dozen yellow and orange roses. You never apologize for anything. Why now? The Prussian contemplated the card he wrote to go with the baker's dozen roses, it was a very simple message, but it seemed to say so much.

You're Awesome.

Didn't that hold the gist of his feelings for the man? Matthew put up with everything that he did and always seemed to forgive him for it. Those years and years ago when Prussia came to the boy's house for the first time and was nothing if not ungrateful for everything he had done for him. Even then, Canada never held his bad behavior against him. All those times he appeared in the middle of the night, soaking wet, drunk off his ass and horny, Canada took him into his house and let him stay even if he could have ended up raped…

Why does he put up with me? The card suddenly seemed very blank and badly in need of some other embellishment.

"Cheep!" He turned his head to Gilbird, nuzzled deep into the large, grey scarf Matthew had knitted for him.

"You dink it's plain too?" The yellow fluff ball hopped up and down and pulled at his hair slightly. "Owowowow, okay, okay, I gif! I'll wride more." Satisfied with himself, Gilbird nuzzled back down into the scarf and buried itself from view. A pensive noise escaped the Prussian as he searched his coat for the pen he had used earlier. Upon finding it he had to tackle the simple question in his head. What else can I say? Embracing his emotions for the first time since he could remember, he let them do the talking as he set the pen to the paper and started writing.

Canada, what happened between us is something that I regret and I regret few things I have done. To express my thanks for not telling France, here are tokens of my appreciation. I bare you no further ill-will as you were being loyal to a person you promised to help. No matter what side of this you are on no one should be punished for following orders. I hope in the future you will choose to extend this gift of amnesty to me as well. ~Prussia

It seemed so sappy to him, this past week had been bad for his pride. How many times had he been sentimental and emotional? Fuck my pansy-ass emotions. His mind growled in a defeated way as his eyes drifted to the box of maple cookies. "Hm…" One wouldn't hurt right? "No." He stopped himself as he started reaching for the box and he clicked open the pen again.

P.S. I swear I didn't eat any of the cookies.

"Dere, de awesome me doesn'd lie to a cripple." A triumphant snort escaped him with a smirk. Whimsically, he punctuated the ending of his apology with a quick doodle of the bird sitting on his shoulder. Now that that had been settled his thoughts idly flitted to Feliciano and their talk earlier in the flower shop.

"Feliciano. Vhat vas it you vantet to talk to Ludwig aboud?" He picked up a bouquet of yellow and orange-rimmed roses and looked to Italy.

"Uhm… What do red roses mean over here?" The smaller man asked absentmindedly as if he had never heard the question.

"Dey ahre a declaration of lof of course…" Surely the man knew that after what had happenend on Valentines day those years ago.

"Oh…" Italy just stared at a large dozen of red roses.

"Italy, ve talkt aboud dis aht de hospidal nod too long ago… Bud you nefer gafe me a conclusife answer. Do you lof my bruder?"

"Yes…" Italy admitted, reaching for a bouquet of the reddest roses there. Gilbert sighed and stayed his hand, plucking the bouquet of roses into his arms next to the ones he picked out for Canada.

"Ist dat vhat you came hier for?" Gilbert moved along to look for something else to send to his (thanks to him) bedridden friend.

"Well…" Italy followed after him. "I wanted to come say that I was sorry for the whole… Well, divorce that's causing so much trouble right now…"

"Ja, I hort de nuvs aboud de rioding ofer in your coundry… Dey say your halv of de coundry istn'd doing soh vell…" He didn't need to hear rumors to know how true that was. One look at the small man screamed how unwell his state was. "Ahre you hier to plead him to take you back?" Prussia stared down at a box of maple cookies… They were cutely shaped like maple leaves…

"No, I can't ask him for that… I just want him to forgive me… And I want him to know how I feel before I… Before I…"

"You don'd hev to say it…" He slipped the box of cookies underneath his arm and pulled a blank card from his empty pocket along with a pen.

"What did you want to talk to him about?" Gilbert sighed as he produced a clipboard from nowhere.

"Jus' aboud someding I dink he hes forgotten ofer de years." He began scribbling something down on the blank card. "Vell, maybe less ofer de years und jus' forgodden."

After that he had bid Italy farewell and headed for the plane. Italy had said that he wished to deliver his dozen of red roses personally but Gilbert made the boy promise to hold off until he got back. If he knew anything, Germany was not going to like what Italy had to say and he would need someone around if the blonde got violent.

Prussia arrived at the American hospital a little after seven in the morning. Desperately he wished that Canada would still be asleep as he didn't know yet if he could face him. He may have known how badly something needed to be done about their friendship, but he wasn't about to go admitting nothing to someone's face… Yet.

Strolling on into the hospital, his gifts in hand, he stopped at the front desk and smiled to the receptionist. She looked up from her work after a moment and fixed her glasses. It reminded Gilbert of Matthew for a second.

"Hello, sir, how may I help you?" She asked, Gilbert's smile turned into a smirk as he almost started hitting on her. At least he remembered why he was there, if he hadn't, he would have been considering luring this girl to a good time in bed.

"I ahm hier to drop ovf some gifds for a Matthew Williams." Gilbert made sure to annunciate the boy's name as best he could to avoid confusion. "In room dree-eighdeen."

"Uh… Three-eighteen you said?"

"Vhat else voult I hev sait?" The receptionist stared at him stupidly for a moment. She's a child of Alfred for sure… Was the derogatory thought that ran through Gilbert's head a moment later as the woman fixed her glasses again, a blush coming to her face.

"I-I am sorry, sir. Just a moment." She looked to the box of cookies and the bouquet of flowers sitting next to it. The flowers lacked a vase so she would have to notify someone to get one. Looking back to him again, the albino seemed irritated. "Okay, uhm, they will be delivered as soon as the patient wakes up, okay?" Gilbert nodded and looked to his watch. How long would Italy's bored patients hold out? "Is there a name you would like to leave with them?"

"Oh, noh, he'll know who it ist. Dere ist also a cart."

"A cart, sir?"

"CarD." Gilbert hissed, harshly hitting the D for emphasis. The woman at the desk suddenly seemed indignant.

"Well excuse me. I'm not… Wherever that accent comes from, Schwarzenegger." Gilbert's eyebrow twitched as he gripped the lip of the desk. A crack appeared within seconds causing the woman to scoot away from him.

"If you schay dat I sount Austrian again, I vill nod hesidade in making you suvfer de same fade ahs dis desk." The pissed albino punctuated his threat by prying a few inches of the lip off and plopping it down in front of her.

"H-Hey! That's hospital property!" Gilbert only grinned and leaned in, happy for the empty lobby.

"Und… Vhat exacdly cahn you do aboud it?" Gilbird cheeped then and pulled at his hair causing him to stand up straight again. "Vhat?" The yellow ball of fluff jumped up and down angrily and pecked at his head. "Alrighd, alrighd, Onkel." Prussia turned to look back at the woman then, sighing. "I'm fery schtresst righd now. Hev a pleasand day." He spun on his heel and stalked out of the hospital before the receptionist could say anything. Even if he had left her room to respond she wouldn't have, she was out cold in her chair.

---

"Damn, vhere ahre dey?" Gilbert grumbled to himself as he tore through his belongings that had been stored in his attic.

"Uhm… Gilbert?" The Prussian looked over his shoulder at the Italian standing at the other end of the room, the bouquet he planned to give Germany in hand. "Do you need some help?"

"Nah, I'm awesome enough to fint ledders from my own bruder."

"Germany sent letters to you?"

"Ja, vhen he vas really liddle. Vhen he vas schtill Heiliges Römisches Reich."

"When he was who?"

"De Holy Roman Empire." Italy nodded and played with the red roses a bit as Prussia crowed in triumph, extricating a medium-sized box from a pile of other similar boxes. "Hier dey ahre!"

"He sent you letters?"

"Ja, nod dat I took dem seriously aht de time. He vas jus' my faggy kit bruder a long vays avay dat only vischt he vas ahs awesome ahs me."

"Can we go?"

"Ja."

---

Prussia watched from just around the corner as Italy offered the roses to Germany. He winced as the blonde just swatted the bouquet away and yelled. Again he winced as Italy attempted to embrace him and was swiftly caught around the neck by Germany's left hand. His other was still in its sling, at least Italy would have a slim chance of getting away should the German choose to actually attack him. There was squealing and yelling and an Italian being thrown to the ground. Apologies were made but nothing could compare to the look of mixed fury, confusion and want on Ludwig's face when Feliciano told him he loved him. The boy had kissed Ludwig a mere few seconds before (this was met with him being shoved away and threatened) and was now spilling his guts to the man. Gilbert shook his head as Feliciano leaned up and kissed him again, this time with no resistance, but Ludwig was still obviously caught within his own head. He watched intently as Ludwig threatened the boy one last time and told him to get off his stoop, slamming the door in the boy's face to terminate the conversation.

Working quickly, Prussia sprung from his hiding spot and went to stand behind the weeping man. Feliciano had sunk to his knees and was sobbing into his bouquet of roses.

"I visch dere vas someding I coult say to make you feel bedder Feliciano. Bud I hev my own dings to discuss vid Ludwig now." Bending over, he gently grasped Feliciano's arms and pulled him to his feet, brushing him off slightly. "Now look hier." Feliciano hesitated for a few moments, but eventually he turned around and looked to the sympathetic rubies fixed upon him. "I von'd make you goh home. In facd, someding tells me dat voult be vorse dan you schticking arount hier." Even though my brother just promised to kill you and your brother if you did… "Bud, if you vant to, goh anyvhere you vant vhile you're hier. Ef'ry bar keep und convenience schtore clerk in East Berlin knows me vell, jus' say to pud vhatefer you vant on Gilbert Beilschmidt's tap. Alrighd?" The Italian cried again into the bouquet and leaned on the man, wrapping one arm around his midsection. "Or, if you don'd vant to do dat, I s'pose you coult jus crasch aht my place." Aren't I so generous? He smiled haughtily as Italy merely nodded and shuffled away from him. A chuckle escaped him as he kicked open the front door of his little brother's home. Loudly he announced "Oi Westen! Your awesome bruder hes returnt!"

---

Okay, that hadn't gone so well. It had all started out fine enough. Germany had obviously been irritated about Italy's visit prior but it all seemed as if it was going to be okay… Then he broke out the letters and had his brother read them… Prussia had been frank with Germany as he had been for most of their years and that only served to piss him off ever the more. Well, one thing lead to another from there and Prussia had had to dodge a thrown lamp and had a book slammed into his face. Next thing he knew his brother had his left fist buried within a wall and was yelling "Fick dich, Schwein!" Preferring not to have his ass handed to him by a one-armed man, he fled the house and was now on his way to Italy. Romano was going to pay for what he had done. He had succeeded in affecting a whole cornucopia of people and even his personal relationships.

"Romano you ahre soh fucking deat."

---

Oh he was awake. He hadn't slept at all since being awoken by his "family" about two and a half hours ago. Sleep brought terrible things to him anyway. Dreams of dancing with a man in dark blue and a tri-cornered hat. Nightmares of a red-eyed demon strangling an Italian man as he powerlessly looked on… No Matthew refused to fall asleep right now. It wasn't good for his psyche.

Blindly, he stroked Kumajirou's fur, Alfred had been nice enough to fetch the abandoned bear from his home near the tundra at his request. England had grown hungry and left, France said he had things to attend to before he returned and America was working on getting him some clothes as he was naked (aside from bandages) beneath the bed sheets. Now that he thought about it, he was rather surprised that his boss had yet to visit him to check up on his condition. It was probably for the better though that the man hadn't shown up. He would have ended up staying far too long and all he wanted at that moment was to be left alone to his thoughts.

The only eye he could properly see out of was his right, his other had been covered up as the rest of his face had required extensive bandages, only stray tufts of his silky, blonde hair escaped the wrappings. Only about forty percent of his skin was exposed and what little there was were the most terrible colors ever to be seen upon human skin. Mottled greens, yellows, blacks and purples colored him like a human rainbow. His breaths came in rasps as his neck had a huge hand-shaped bruise upon it and his ribs refused to cease their complaints. This made every breath an immeasurable pain.

Truth be told, he felt better than he had when he had initially woken up, Francis, Arthur and Alfred had all been there. Each of them being noisy in their own way, Alfred had even threatened to nuke whoever it was that had done this to him. The looks on each of their faces as he told them his edited story of what had happened to him made his chest swell with a warmth he seemed to be starting to know more and more often. At the same time, it made him sad, he had to lie to them too because he didn't want Gilbert… Prussia, to be blamed for what had happened. He didn't deserve to be held responsible for this even if Matthew held his own anger against the man. It wasn't Gilbert's fault, it was his own for listening to Lovino… But he loved Lovino, so could he really have helped it?

He clutched Kumajirou to his chest as hard as he dared, fighting back more tears that threatened to overwhelm him the moment everyone who could see was gone.

"Mr. Williams?" A nurse called gently from the doorway to his room.

Please just go away… I just want to be alone here can't you see? Instead of voicing his want he took a deep breath and politely answered "Yes?" He sat up, allowing the nurse a glimpse of the sleeping polar bear. To this, she gave a half-frightened and disbelieving stare before she announced why she was there.

"A man, he didn't stay long I'm afraid, asked for these to be delivered to you.." Matthew's exposed eyebrow traveled up his forehead at the vase of yellow and orange-rimmed flowers. Politely he inquired as to who had given them, she replied that they left no name, but there was a card and they also left cookies. He requested the card and was swiftly handed it. The neat and simple black handwriting made his lips twitch as he red the first line of it. He didn't need a name, that was enough. For just a moment, and only for that moment, he considered not reading the rest of the card and tossing the flowers out. But considering that it was Gilbert of all people trying to apologize, he chose to finish reading the letter. He's so damn lovably arrogant… Assuming I would forgive him for only this… But he only apologizes if he means it… Did that change things? His eyes drifted to the box of cookies now sitting on the table next to his bed and he smiled. I guess it does.

Politely, he asked the nurse to leave and opened the box of maple-flavored cookies. It was odd how a man so insensitive as Prussia knew exactly how to cheer him up. For a moment he hated himself that Prussia had cheered him up so easily after tearing him apart like that with just flowers and cookies… But he was Gilbert Beilschmidt and therefore awesome.

Most likely the Prussian would visit some time soon… The notion both made him giddy and terrified him. He was very apprehensive about seeing Gilbert so soon after the incident…

Just don't show fear, he'll only make fun of you. His strongly beating heart sped up as he continued to think about how the meeting would go. He had to be careful not to make him angry, a repeat of that incident was not high on his list of fun things. Even worse, with the shape he was in now, on top of the fact that he was not within his own nation he would have even less of a chance of getting away from him. He swallowed hard, taking a bite of maple cookie.

Nearly choking on his cookie at the sight of who then opened the door, a smile lit up his face then, his distress forgotten. The man carried with him a large pot held in a thick towel. It was easy to assume what was inside the pot. Pasta.

"Lovino!"

---

His blood burned, his fingers itched for the weight of a sword and his emotions couldn't do a thing to stop him. He had shut them out as he had so been longing to do the past few days. The riots in Italy were positively intoxicating and Romano wasn't present for him to tear his fingers into. His urge to join in upon these fights had gripped him before, but it had been smothered by something the reptilian brain was unable to understand now. A brick that had crashed into the back of his head had shaken him out of his emotional reveries and reminded him of what the monster he was really wanted.

Kill.

Blood.

Scream. He wanted these things, oh how he wanted them. To see true fear within a helpless human's eyes, to hear them scream and beg for mercy. To taste the blood in his mouth as he laughed at their pain. To feel that powerful joy that surged through the body as one fell dead to your feet. A human screamed to his right. A blood-thirsty grin broke out over his face as he saw it was a human male, a gunshot in his arm.

Throwing himself against the human, he smashed him up against a brick wall, his hands at his throat. Fear lit up in his eyes and inordinate glee sparkled within Prussia's bloody orbits. His grin grew ever the larger as the man struggled against him, trying for a single breath. Other humans were on him now, tearing at him, trying to get him to release him but their fighting him only made his grip stronger as he began to hear a cracking noise from the man's throat.

Snap his trachea! Do it! A mad laugh tore from Prussia's lips as the human's form slowly went still, it made one last attempt at breathing and then--Wait… Some part of his still active brain called out beyond the red his eyes were seeing, beyond the screaming cacophony of the humans about him… It sliced through his craving for blood and death and silenced the screams he wanted so badly to hear. Fuck! No! I want it! Give it back! Desperately he clung to the last bits of his receding insanity. Each red strand slipping through his fingers like greased silk ribbons. His hands released the human and dropped him to the ground. He allowed himself to be pushed aside as his comrades came to help him. They all looked immensely relieved as the pitiful creature drew in a breath and coughed. Why?! Gilbert screamed in his head as he turned from the clustering creatures and shoved his way through the masses. To make himself feel better, he broke as many fingers and arms as he could manage as he shoved other's aside. Fucking why?! Tell me! His mind screamed again.

Because it's not you anymore. The thoughts almost didn't sound like his own. They sounded as if… As if…

Matthew…? Or am I insane?

Were you ever anything else?

"Noh." Gilbert laughed, yanking at his hair. "Maype I vas vonce. Ahs a chilt perhabs… Bud devinidely nod avder Russia." A serene sort of smile broke his face, broke through his madness. "Maddhew, I vant to see you." You're so damn gay.

---

What was that stupid English idiom? "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? "Fuck." A gloved hand gripped at his chest, angrily it wished nothing more than to rip it out. Gilbert remembered the old rumors humans used to circulate about nations. The rumors that nations didn't have hearts. This was one of the few times Gilbert wished so fervently for this one to be true. His heart was causing so many problems right now. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. In less than four days… Four… What is wrong with me?

Now he stood before a hospital door. Behind that door was the man he so desperately wanted to see, but he would never admit to himself just how much he had to see him.

Why the fuck me? What the Hell is wrong?! I don't goddamn know! Old Fritz… I'm sorry… Gathering his resolve he opened the door to the room.

"Prussia!" Matthew yelped, nearly throwing himself off the side of his bed, this very well may have happened if Romano hadn't been there.

"What the fuck are you doing here you sick, sadistic fuck?!" The Italian man jumped from his seat, ready to defend Canada if need be. So, the boy hadn't lied to everybody.

Hello to you guys too. Guilt… Gilbert decided that's what this emotion filling him up was as he looked at the Canadian as he cowered away from him. As he fearfully grasped Romano's hand, wrapped in bandages and black and blue all over. "You bruise like a fuckin' banana Canada!" Gilbert assessed, grinning as Matthew assessed him too. Could he tell that his smile was as fake as the unashamed tone in his voice?

"Hello to you too asshole." Matthew greeted, Gilbert's grin spread. Romano yelled something about being noticed and Prussia promptly ignored the irony of the matter, giving the man a very unamused look.

"I originally vas going to fint you in Italy und bead de lifing shid oud of you. Bud consitering dat you're in a hospidal I mighd do to you vhat I dit to your liddle butty dere." Prussia threatened emptily.

"Prussia, please don't." Canada squeezed Romano's hand.

Look at me! Not at him! "Vhy schoult I listen to you? Isn'd it obfious I don'd gif a fuck?" A smirk adorned his face as he snarkily motioned to the state of Canada's body. Matthew's response about him having enough scruples to listen to a cripple made him roll his eyes and take a few steps forward. It hurt slightly to see this man cower away from him and take solace in the touch of another. "Soh, vhat, ahre de bod of you a couple of cock-suckers now or someding?" A joke was not to be skipped when the opportunity arose. Hopefully Canada would respond as he normally would to such a thing, how disappointed Prussia was when he just slumped and looked away from him. Romano made some comment, but Prussia didn't hear him. But… That's alright. I don't give a fuck… Say it! He didn't tell him it was alright. He didn't say "I don'd gif a shid" or "dat's expecdet". No, he played his usual part of the homophobic asshole.

Meekly and somewhat hopefully, Canada inquired as to Prussia's presence in his room.

"Vell vhy de fuck else voult I be gracing dis hospidal vid my glorious presence?" He quirked his eyebrows twice at the boy, hoping for a smile that never came. What he got instead was a sarcastic look.

"Prussia-"

"Call me-"

"Prussia. We were in the middle of an important conversation when you walked in." No eh? So Canada wasn't angry at him… He was calling for the man to be discreet… His assumption was only confirmed by the smile Matthew gave him. That sweet, trusting and oh so very affectionate smile that told him all he needed to know about the state of affairs between them. "Could you uhm, wait in the hall or somewhere… Not there?" A suggestive grin pulled at Gilbert's face as he looked between the two.

So that's where this was going… Prussia couldn't remember what he said before he turned to leave, something about being hungry…

"Hey! Wait! You can't just leave!" Romano roared, still angry and now sounding slightly nervous.

"Hah, vatch me!" And Gilbert slammed the door behind him. "Fuck." He groaned to himself as he began spewing all sorts of other obscenities and heading down the hall towards the stairs. He yelled at the humans staring at him at some point that he was very pissed and they knew not to mess with him. He claimed he wasn't insane, but at that point he sincerely wished he could blame how he felt upon mental illness. Insane indeed he was in his own way… But he knew he was completely sane then and what a pleasure it was to know that.

A blood-thirst came back to him, but not in a general sense, he now more than ever wanted to kill Romano. Matthew and Lovino could never be together and he wouldn't allow it! The very gods themselves could bless their love and he wouldn't fucking care. It wasn't right!

Why isn't it right? He couldn't answer that as he unknowingly flew down two flights of stairs, disturbing a group of interns as he did. Fuck these pansy-ass emotions. I knew I should have just tried to have had fun in Italy anyway! "Fuck my conscious, fuck Romano, fuck all of this." And he froze at the exit to the hospital. Matthew… He wasn't totally sure when his running had started (literal and figuratively) when he had ran down two flights of stairs… He had to stop running even if he didn't know what exactly it was he was running from. Running was being cowardly! Being a coward wasn't awesome! He was awesome! He would face this problem, whatever it was and he would come out victorious!

Suddenly his stomach reminded him of just how hungry he was and he headed for the hospital cafeteria, chuckling to himself all the way.

After sitting down in the cafeteria with a tray of food, he tugged his cell phone from his pocket. If he couldn't get through to his brother then maybe Japan could. The call to the man was short-lived and as usual Prussia made a point of making fun of the man's accent as much as possible. In the end he had Japan's word that he would try as hard as he could to make Ludwig understand he was acting like an idiot. Prussia doubted the man's ability to make Germany see that, though. Perhaps though, just maybe, Japan could be more discreet about it than he could. Taking a deep breath and standing up (having finished his crappy food during the phone call) he chose to leave the hospital. Canada didn't have his glasses and Prussia knew where they were.

---

A step into the house and already he was reminded of what he had done to his friend. Right at the front hallway was a gigantic bloodstain. There were some prints from his boots as he had walked away that were pointed towards the door. At least the shin-deep snow outside had washed the rest of the blood from his shoes that day. Snorting that it didn't matter anymore, he walked up the steps that had several splotches of blood all over them too. The hallway was no different as he took in where Canada's head had contacted the banister just outside the master bedroom. Ignoring the state the rest of the freezing house was in he strolled into the bathroom and plucked the glasses from the table, sticking them in his coat pocket.

Humming to himself as he walked through the house, he mused when Canada would get out of the hospital and they could go back to their usual visits. It was obvious that he had forgiven him after all. Well, maybe he wouldn't be so sure about that when he saw the stains on the floor.

Perhaps I can help him clean those when he gets out. It was as he strolled out the front door of the house and into the woods that Gilbert noticed something. He didn't feel so unsure about things anymore. His mind had calmed down and he considered maybe stopping to get something actually good to eat while he was up in Canada. The man could damn well wait for his awesome ass to get there. He was after all only still alive because he had chosen to be so awesomely awesome and called his brother to get him. If he wasn't going to be grateful about that then why the fuck did he give a shit about the man? A throaty chuckle escaped his mouth as he kept walking. Yep, he was still himself.

---

By the time Prussia arrived back at the hospital, he was practically singing to himself (albeit a little off key).

"I'm awesome! Soh awesome! I'm ef'ryding dat you'll vant in a man! I'm crazy! Amazing! I'm ef'ryding dat's gread in de vorlt! I'm gread, you're fillt vid hade! Uh-huuuuuh! Und you cahn'd escape!" He grabbed the door handle and poked his head into the room. "Hey, hey! Your faforide person in de whole vorlt ist back." His face dropped as he noticed the blonde bent double and crying into his arms. Emotions began bubbling within his gut then, but these he was used to anger and one very similar but he couldn't name it. What did that skinny pasta-eating bastard do now?! Striding over to the man's bedside, his usual mighty air swirling about him he put his hands on his hips. "Come on now, tell me vhat's wrong." He was far too awesome to be dealing with this sort of… Emotional situation. Matthew only shook his head, not saying a word. "Euh… Vhat dit Romano do?"

"Nothing." Canada wasn't meeting his eyes and only wiped his tears upon the blanket covering him.

"If he dit noding, vhy vere you crying?" Gilbert remarked with a smirk.

"Shut up, Prussia."

Okay, different approach… Digging deep into that emotional core of his that seemed to love rearing it's ugly head in the past few days (a ton today alone) he asked something nicer. "Do you schtill vant to cry?" When Matthew didn't respond he sighed, letting that emotional side of him grip his actions. It was something he hoped he would never repeat as long as he was sane and sober.

"Euh! Put me down!" Matthew squealed as Gilbert scooped him up into his arms and sat down on the Canadian's hospital bed.

"Noh." He settled down and gently plopped his friend into his lap, he was completely naked aside from the bandages. If he were anyone else other than himself, this would be an awkward situation.

"G-Gilb-ber-rt, what are you doing?"

I don't even fucking know so don't ask me.

"Uhm, you don't have to-"

"Schud up." The Prussian made sure to pull a sheet over his friend's exposed groin.

"I-I thought being emotional wasn't awesome…" Gilbert just stared at the back of the Canadian's head, infinitely happy that his face could not be seen by the other.

"It's nod." He answered plainly.

"I'm not awesome then?" Prussia was happy Canada was trying for humor now.

"Ditn'd you reat de cart?"

"Yeah…"

"De awesome me doesn'd lie." Gilbert smiled as Matthew leaned back onto his chest, he could vaguely see the smile adorning his face as well.

"You're a bit emotional too… And very weird."

"Don'd make me break de resd of your rips." He smirked at the boy and he chuckled in response. Was forgiving one another really this easy? "Ve look soh gay righd now."

"Your fault." Canada closed his eyes and leaned back even further, getting the small tufts of his hair in Prussia's mouth.

"Nod to ruin your momend or noding, bud your hair ist gedding in my moud." Surprisingly, the strawberry-blonde straightened and then promptly slouched forward as if he were exhausted.

"Why are you being so nice anyway?" Matthew asked idly.

"Because I ahm awesome und awesome people cahn admid it vhen dey'fe done someding wrong to a freund. Don'd expecd dis to lasd." Playfully, he knocked the boy on the crown of his skull causing him to wince away from him.

"I didn't expect it to. It's weird when you're nice." They stared out the window together then, smiles on both of their faces.

This is so gay.

It didn't take long for Matthew to fall asleep in Gilbert's lap. The two hadn't spoken much and had just enjoyed the sight outside the window. It wasn't as if they didn't want to speak with each other, it was just that they didn't need to. Both knew the other forgave them, words were not needed.

The silverette idly played with a tuft of hair that escaped the boy's extensive bandages as he thought. He already knew he was awesome beyond compare. Hell, he was fucking Prussia! What was more awesome than that? But why did he feel… Even more awesome when with the extremely unobtrusive man that was sitting asleep in his lap?

It's because there is something wrong with you. He reminded himself. Maybe not so much wrong as just… Odd? A snort escaped his nose, he was an odd man to begin with. Red eyes, white hair, shorter than most Germans due to malnutrition when he was young… His skin was so pale it was nearly translucent and there was the fact that he was a nation. Yep, odd to begin with… So, maybe this wasn't a bad thing. But this thing, as his brain and feelings so often referred to… What was it? Well if that wasn't frustrating he wasn't sure what the Hell was.

Shifting, he gently laid his sleeping friend down on the bed and laid down next to him. Just a short nap wouldn't hurt, would it?

Needless to say, the sleeping with him didn't exactly hurt but the wake up call the two received was anything but pleasant. The whole affair had been completely hilarious though! Freaking out Englishmen and an extremely flamboyant Frenchmen (along with a dramatic American) invaded the room. Kumajirou and Gilbird had both gone missing, eliciting further chuckles from Gilbert and confusion from Alfred. The Canadian actually became angry and yelled at his exactly how long he hadn't been a virgin (a little over 120 years), more laughter from Gilbert followed.

"I haven't been for nearly… Well, over, 120 years now!" The three squabbling, blonde nation's mouths dropped open, they reminded Prussia of a school of fish.

"Ya… Ya got laid before me?!" America loudly exclaimed, incredulous.

"Alfred, you're older than me, that's an impossibility as-"

"That's not what I'm sayin'! If my math is right, y'popped your cherry a year b'fore I banged my first chick!" Everyone (excluding Prussia of course) winced at his terminology. Prussia's laughter escalated and he slapped Matthew hard on the back, really the man couldn't breathe.

The rage in Matthew's eyes could not be paralleled at that moment, someone was about to get their ass ripped off.

"Kesesesese, I'fe been callin' ya a firgin since I med ya, sorry buddy!" Gilbert hugged his fuming friend. "I ditn'd know ya hat it in ya for dat long!" While Gilbert was infinitely amused, England and France looked utterly horrified. Their little boy hadn't been a virgin in how long?! Canada sighed and leaned against the man whose lap he was sitting in, his forehead having many wonderful meetings with the hard bone of the sturdy Prussian's shoulder.

There was more teasing from Gilbert, another angry yell from Matthew and his family had scrambled out the door after a few suspicious looks at Prussia. It did seem odd to them that Prussia was not asked to leave when Matthew needed to get dressed. Then again, he would need someone's help with the state he was in. Prussia was curious too, he could have chosen a family member and eventually, as Matthew slunk slowly from bed, he explained himself.

"Vhy ditn'd you kick me oud too?" Prussia stepped off the bed and turned to help the nude man stand. Matthew held the sheet around his hips for some form of modesty

"Because you have an obligation to be nice to me. Alfred would just be annoying and Arthur and Papa… No one wants to have their parents help them get dressed."

At least during a phone call Gilbert received from Japan he had managed to locate his bird and Matthew's bear up in a ventilation duct.

"How de fuck dit you ged in dere?" The blonde gave Gilbert a look and shifted to see what he was looking at…

"Wow, how…?"

"Ja…" The Prussian stood and strode over to the chair France had been sitting in earlier, hopping up on top of it he peered into the ventilation duct… Just beyond the grate was a white face, a yellow ball of fluff sitting atop it. "I'm nod going to efen ask for de simple facd dat Gilbird vas vid him." Matthew chuckled, delighted that laughing didn't hurt as much as it did previously.

After digging into his pocket and retrieving his keys, Gilbert opened the multitool he had attached to the keychain, using the screwdriver on the vent a second later.

"Alrighd, c'mere." Sticking the still open cell phone into his back pocket, he reached up into the duct and pulled out the heavy bear as Gilbird took off and landed on Canada's head. Prussia re-placed the duct and somehow or another managed to even screw it back to the wall before his arm got tired. "Gott Maddhew, vhat do you feet him?" Gilbert dropped the forty pound bear to the bed.

"Anything he wants." Matthew answered with a smile, reaching to scratch behind the polar bear's ears.

The concluded phone call lead to Prussia teasing Canada as he usually would and he received a rather unexpected piece of information.

A wide smirk spread over Gilbert's face, his teeth were exposed. He could see the blonde visibly inch back. "Soh, vas your firsd time 'popping your cherry'?" Canada closed his eyes and sighed, exasperated.

"First off Gil, that is an impossibility as I am male. Second, my first time was with a woman."

"Bed she toppt you, kesesesesesesesese."

"As a matter of fact, she didn't." Gilbert's brow rose, that was unexpected. "And before you even think of asking…" Matthew paused for a second as his face grew very red. "I actually popped hers…"

"Vell, you hev a bid more bide to you dan I doughd." That cruel smirk grew wider. "Efer hat your-"

"No."

"Voult you efer van-"

"No."

"How do you kn-"

"Because you are predictable, Gil."

"I don'd di-"

"Well, you are to me."

"Impressife…" Prussia's smirk became that plain smile from earlier. "Mein Gott Maddhew." Canada chuckled, realizing what was so funny about the situation. "Don'd you fint it schtrange?" Gilbert paused to think. "Avder deteriorading for two years it takes… Vhat? A single nighd for our freundschip to rekintle, less den fife minudes for it to become compromist und a day to built back up to de poind vhere you know vhat I'm saying before I say it…" He sighed out his nose, smiling about the whole thing and how utterly… Weird it felt to know that neither of them bore hard feelings about what happened the two days previous.

Which surprised him more, the part about the timid man topping his first woman or that they were so easily friends, Gilbert didn't know. All too soon he had to leave, Japan's call earlier had been about Germany's annual Christmas party and Japan required help as Germany was asleep on the couch. Strangely enough, Japan had also called to invite Canada to the party… Gilbert reached into his coat pocket and pulled out pair of glasses then.

"Are those my glasses?" Canada asked tiredly after the past hour's events.

"Ja. Vhen I valkt in hier earlier und saw dat you ditn'd hev dem, in dat hour I vas gone I vend up to your house by Ifujifik und god dem."

"Oh… Thank you." The small man took the proffered glasses and slipped them onto his face. Prussia turned to leave then. He stopped at the door for a moment as Gilbird flapped off Canada's head and landed on his shoulder, burying itself in his scarf.

"By de vay, I hev a presend for you tomorrow, so you sure as Hell bedder ged some schleep. God it?"

"A present? Wh-" Gilbert held up a finger and shook it back and forth in a "ah-ah-ah" motion. He made a "tsk, tsk, tsk" noise to go with it.

"I ain'd telling you so don'd ask. Jus schleep."

"Fine, see you tomorrow."

"Schlaf gut." Prussia left then, making sure to hunt down America as soon as he was out.

"America." Gilbert held up a hand and waved it slightly to get the blonde's attention.

"Hey Prussia… What's it?" America swallowed a big bite of hamburger, later giving it a dissatisfied look. Hospitals were capable of making anything suck apparently. It was a lot like England's cooking.

"Japan askt me to invide you to Germany's Chrisdmas pardy tomorrow nighd." Blondy's eyebrow rose.

"Is France gonna be there?" Alfred asked, wolfing down what was left of the terrible-tasting hamburger. By the look on the man's face not only did the taste get to him, but he was having flashbacks of Christmas four years ago. France had been invited to that one too. Of course Prussia and he had gotten into a sort of… Contest perhaps? Who could make a family member more uncomfortable the fastest. France won when he tried his "techniques" out on America. Prussia swore he would have won if Germany hadn't broke his nose for the hundredth time at his "ministrations".

"I hevn'd infidet him yed bud I plan to."

"Can I drag Iggy with me?"

"Oh, vhy nod? I know you'll hev fun gedding him to come anyvay." Prussia watched as the American's face lit up and a grin spread over it.

"Oh I most certainly will! See y'there Gilbert." He smirked to the boy and patted him on the shoulder a few times.

"Ja. See ya." And with that, Gilbert departed he did have somewhere to be after all.

---

A bit of cleaning, a dog walk, a screaming phone call from Romano, a destroyed kitchen, a fight with Germany and a heart-to-heart talk with the same man later, Prussia found himself sitting in his room. His nose had already been broken previously in the brotherly tussle with Germany but he was now sporting a new black eye. It would probably be healed (along with his frequently abused nose) by the time of the party. The black eye was also caused by one of their brotherly fights because Prussia had invited France and Spain without asking his little brother first. The broken nose… Well, he had attempted cooking and failed horribly, catching their food on fire and breaking a bowl of pancake batter on the floor. Ludwig had wanted a fight to let off steam so that's what they did. Either way he got his brother good, all things considered. He still chuckled at how he had twisted up the barrel of an assault rifle Ludwig had been hitting him with and stuck a carrot in it. But now, as his head got back on track… There was no laughter, only confusion and slight disgust. He thought back on his conversation with his little brother.

"I dink… I dink I feel de schame vay." Ludwig mumbled suddenly, averting his eyes. A smirk pulled at Gilbert once more and he couldn't resist. It was obvious that the two had changed subjects once again. Germany no longer seemed angry, instead he was embarrassed and ashamed. It was hilarious to see his brother reduced to this, cute in some immature way as well.

"Dat exschplains vhy you don'd like de vort 'faggod'." He laughed to himself as Ludwig, his embarrassment momentarily forgotten, narrowed his eyes and unlaced his hands. The fight earlier in the kitchen still cooled his blood, but he wouldn't hesitate to floor his brother. "My bruder! Finally in lof." Now Germany's face was a fine beet red once more. "I nefer doughd I'd see de day." Prussia continued on in a sing-songy kind of voice. "Nefer really doughd I'd see de day vhen you voult lof a man, bud vhatefer."

"It's nod anyvon's fauld dat you ahre only… Receptife of vemen." Ludwig stated, trying to make things seem less awkward.

That's what you think. Wait, what did I mean by that? Canada… Matthew, Matthew, Matthew! And suddenly it was there… That thing he had been referring to the past few days… The swell in his chest and that kindness… Why did it take so long for something this important to click? It made him swallow and it disgusted him, Prussia's stomach heaved but he ignored it. He couldn't let his brother see how something so innocuous shook him. A snigger escaped him. "'Receptife'. Interesding vocapulary Westen."

"De vorts you voult hev ust ahre… Vulgar." The Prussian couldn't resist a laugh as he still refused to believe what he had just internally admitted to himself. Luckily enough for him, however, a rare smile pulled at Ludwig's lips. "Bud… Vhat aboud you?" Gilbert's stomach clinched.

What about me? Am I fucking gay now?! Am I some Goddamn faggot?!

"Ahm I a faggod?" He whispered to himself in his room, biting on his knuckle.

"Vhat aboud me?" Prussia simply asked, mirroring his thoughts.

"Do you… Ehrm… 'Hev your eye' on somevon recendly?" Ludwig awkwardly asked, he and his brother so rarely seemed civil to one another and asked each other such simple questions. This whole, brother-brother talk-thing was not a common occurrence.

"I don'd dink soh… Vell, nod recendly…" You're not lying are you? It has been longer that just recently… Another heave and he discretely clenched jaw. Trying to occupy his brain with something else, Gilbert watched as Ludwig sucked on the inside of his cheek for a second before his eyes floated to the window. It had taken them both a while to clean the kitchen, even with Japan's help. In fact, Kiku was most likely still scrubbing the blood off the floor or trying to reattach the broken refrigerator-door handle. The sunset behind Ludwig's head spilled pleasantly into the room between the two men, it gave this whole thing a sort of ethereal quality… Prussia soon found his thoughts drifting to Canada. Only a few more hours… Fuck. He sighed, standing. God, when did this happen? Why did this fucking happen?! He had no answer for himself. "If dat's ahll you vantet to talk aboud, I vill leaf now…" Fuck this shit, why did it fucking have to be me?! I don't fucking want this!

"Or do I?" Gilbert laced his fingers together and rested his head atop them.

"Osten… I vantet to ahsk… Vhat do you dink I schoult do? I hev… No experience vid dis sord of ding." Prussia laughed in his usual cackling way.

"Do you honesdly dink dat I hev experience vid lof?" You must be fucking crazy. "I'fe nefer been marrit und de only voman I efer dit lof marrit Specs." What does that fucking tell you?! He was aware of his face as it pulled down into a slight grimace, hopefully Ludwig would think it a trick of the sunset light. Talking of Hungary more than was necessary was taboo within the house. Neither spoke of it, but they both new it existed. Hungary, surprisingly enough, was still a sore point in his heart. "I don'd know how to help you vid dis von Westen. Ahll de tail I'fe been gedding ofer de years hes been from von floozy or anoder. Dey're all deat now of course, really a loss to the prostitution vorlt some of dem, bud I'fe nefer hat sex vid somevon I'fe--" A bitter snort escaped him as he thought of all the bitches he'd ever bedded. Thought of the people he'd raped just to establish who was better. Thought of Russia… "loft." Never. Ludwig frowned, Gilbert did not let his face change. Who actually has pleasurable sex with their wife, anyway? People always lie just to get sex. It's normal to do people you don't even like. He was fully capable of being indifferent. "Belief me Westen--" He laughed in his more usual fashion. "if I coult help, I voult. I raist you like a son und I only vant to see you heppy." This was getting too touching, Prussia was the one saying the goddamn words and he was on the verge of puking. That fucking boy has made you soft!

"Or ahre you jus olt?" His stomach heaved again. Was he in love? Or did he merely think he was and this whole terrible thing could just be forgotten? Matthew… Grasping his rubbish bin he brought it up to his mouth and vomited into it. Prussia is not an emotional pansy! Prussia does not love! He doesn't have emotions! He doesn't want Canada!

But what about Gilbert Beilschmidt? Does he want Matthew Williams? "Fuck." He clutched at his hair. Do you love Matthew? "I… I…" His tongue flicked out and licked his lips as if the boy were in front of him. "Do I lo-"

"Osten?" Ludwig poked his head into his older brother's room, causing him to jump.

"Raus!!" He roared, surprising the younger of the two.

"Vhat ist de madder?" The other asked, Gilbert had been in such a good mood earlier…

"Bundesrepublik Deutschland, verpiss dich!" Prussia spat and hissed as Germany came to stand about five feet from him. Growling, he sat the trashcan down by his leg. Ludwig on the other hand, was stunned. He was always either Westen, Ludwig or Germany now-a-days. Back as a child when he had done something wrong, he was just Deutschland. Prussia had never called him by his full and proper name before as far as he could remember. His blood flared red-hot, what had he done but show concern for the man?!

"Deutsche Demokratische Republik." Ludwig hissed and Gilbert's face grew even more infuriated.

"Wie hast du mich genannt!?" Gilbert nearly threw himself at his brother.

"Called you by your name." The blonde snorted.

"Ich bin das Königreich Preußen!"

"Du warst, Gilbert." The venom in his older brother's glare would have been enough to make a black widow envious. "You ahre schtill Gilbert dough."

What… It was as if Ludwig had picked that exact moment to walk in specifically because of his thoughts… "Was?"

"Gilbert ist mein Bruder. Nicht Preußen." Ludwig thought for a moment, Prussia only thought it amazing that his little brother knew the difference. That moment had finally come for him… "I'm sure you of ahll people hev nodict dat ve ahre our own people. Ve ahre more dan jus nations."

"Of course I hev." Prussia nearly laughed at him. Better late than never though.

"I don'd dink I realizt it undil I knew dat I vas in lof vid Feliciano… Nod Italy… It's a rader inderesding feeling… Dat momend of realization."

"It hid me a long time ago Westen. Bud ja, it ist a feeling nod soon forgodden… Vhy dit you come?" Prussia sat back down on his bed, not totally comprehending his earlier freak out. Hormones? Peh, I'm too old for that… Or I am in love… Why didn't this seem so bad anymore? He was more worried about being hormonal than his feelings at this point… It's Matthew… It didn't matter…

"Vell… Partially dat… It vas bodering me, und you seemt… Upsed aboud someding…"

"It ist noding… I hev it figurt oud." I am… Again…

"Vhat vas it den?" Gilbert grinned, glee as obvious upon his face as his usual snarkiness.

"Das ist nicht dein Bier." Ludwig almost smiled to his brother as he seemed… Happy about something.

"I'm heppy dat you figurt it oud den…" Now it seemed awkward for Ludwig to be in the room. "Uhm… Japan vants to vatch more of his soap operas soh… I dink I mighd goh join him… Ja…" Turning on his heel he stalked from the room as Gilbert watched him go.

"I'm heppy too…" The silver-haired man muttered to himself, a sincere smile on his face. "I'm in lof vid Maddew und I coultn'd be happier…" Suddenly his eyes went wide and he was reminded of the party not even twenty-four hours away. The three blonde nations that were going to be there with Matthew. Oh damn….

-----

Notes:

All the Flashbacks--This isn't called "Memory" for kicks and giggles.

Ivujivik--Place where ice accumulates because of strong currents, a small town in Northern Quebec.

Ostmark--Or East Mark, was the currency of the German Democratic Republic.

Tschüss--Good bye.

Guten Abend, Fräulein--Good evening, miss.

Das heißt 'Frau'--It's misses.

Oh, entschuldigen Sie den Fehler, Schnucki--Oh, excuse the mistake, sweetie.

Sie wünschen--What do you need?

Königreich Preußen--Kingdom of Prussia!

Christmas 2007--Referring to the France's Christmas Rampage strips

Verdammt noch mal! Jemand, irgendjemand--Damn it all! Someone, anyone…

Bitte--Please…

Erschieß...Erschieß! Erschieß mich--Shoot… Shoot! Shoot me!

Cognato--Brother-in-law

Fratello--Brother

Sleep apnea--A medical condition that causes temporary cecession of breathing during sleep.

Onkel--Uncle

Heiliges Römisches Reich--Holy Roman Empire (Its traditional name, well, one of them)

Fick dich, Schwein--Fuck you, swine!

I'm Awesome! Soh awesome…--Anyone care to guess what song it is he has Prussia-fied? First person to get it right gets a fic with their favorite couple in it courtesy of me XD (I'm not joking)

Schlaf gut--Sleep good.

Raus--Out!

Bundesrepublik Deutschland, verpiss dich--Federal Republic of Germany, piss off! (For me, it seems more like Bundesrepublik Deutschland is more Germany's full and formal name than just Deutschland considering the fact that America's would be United States of America or England's would be United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.)

Deutschland--Germany

Deutsche Demokratische Republik--German Democratic Republic (East Germany)

Wie hast du mich genannt--What did you call me!?

Ich bin das Königreich Preußen--I am the Kingdom of Prussia!

Du warst, Gilbert--You were, Gilbert.

Was--What?

Gilbert ist mein Bruder. Nicht Preußen--Gilbert is my brother. Not Prussia.

Das ist nicht dein Bier--That is not your beer. To say "Das ist nicht mein Bier" is to say "It's none of my business" I'm not totally sure if you can say "Das ist nicht dein Bier" and it will still mean "It's none of your business", I am but guessing XD

Okay, now that… Is the longest chapter you will ever see in this and the longest notes section you will ever see. Holishit it's nearly a page in length, making this document about 23 pages long. I'm sorry for the lengthiness once again, but it was necessary for the next chapter will start at the end of the events of Aftermath.

Holishit, stuff from Prussia's point of view --headdesk-- I enjoyed it to say the least but I felt there was not enough love for Canada within the chapter. Oh well, over half of the last chapter is from Matthew's point of view since it's obvious how things are on Gilbert's end now. I feel that I did better on this chapter than I did on the last one, but I could be wrong orz. Needless to say, people who have been here since Aftermath, you can stop being bored now XD Finally! Building off Aftermath! Enough with information you have already seen before (well, after the first two scenes it will be, and even then it's things that haven't been seen yet)!! Ahh, feels wonderful when a plan comes together.