I was sure the entire parking lot could hear the pounding of my heart as I approached Edward's shiny Volvo. My eyes searched for anyone who may have been watching, scanning the cars parked along the street, hoping no one saw me. One rumor started about me sitting with a boy in a car alone could ruin everything. Maybe we could find a more private place to meet, because this was too nerve-wracking. I hurried the last few steps to the car and slid into the passenger seat as quickly as possible. When I looked over at him, his shoulders were shaking with silent laughter. I glared at him.

His expression quickly changed. "Sorry. You just looked so scared, like we are doing something illegal or something."

"Very funny. It may not be illegal, but it might as well be where my father is concerned. I just can't risk him finding out Edward. Maybe this was a bad idea. Is there some place else we can meet?" My words flew out as I let my nervousness take over.

He studied me seriously for a moment, all hints of amusement gone from his face. "Bella..." He started with an anguished look.

"What?" I looked up to find his beautiful golden eyes boring into mine. He wanted to ask me something, but I sensed his internal struggle and I gave him a firm look, hoping to distract him. He must have taken the hint, that I had no interest in discussing anything serious with him at the moment.

I watched his expression change as he resigned himself not to press me further, dropping his eyes as he held out a paper bag to me. "Esme thought you might like this for breakfast. You don't have to eat it if you don't want to, I won't tell."

Curious, I dug into the bag. Wrapped in foil, was a tortilla stuffed full of scrambled eggs and cheese. I flashed him a huge grin. "Your mom is the best. You know that right? Please tell her thank you." I greedily bit into the breakfast burrito and moaned. Edward smirked as he watched me eat. I devoured the rest of it and balled up my trash. When I was finished he pulled out a small black box and opened it, revealing the supplies his father had given him. I watched apprehensively as he readied the syringe.

"Bella, you look positively green. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just the needle thing." I stammered.

His expression dropped into one of regret. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I tried to put on a brave face and started to pull up my skirt. "Who would have thought it would be Bella Swan pulling her skirt up in the front seat of Edward Cullen's car." I quipped, trying to dispel my nervousness. "I hope Lauren doesn't find out."

"She won't. Try to relax Bella, Alice is looking out for us. No one is going to see us." He tried to reassure me.

"Alright, let's do this then." I took several deep breaths trying to calm myself.

The cool wet of the alcohol pad, the sting of the needle, and it was over. He gently applied pressure to the spot before handing me a band-aid.

"Carlisle wanted to know how you were feeling?"

"A little better I guess." I shrugged, then gathered my school supplies. The parking lot was really filling up now and I wanted out of his car before anyone had a chance to become suspicious.

"Thanks Edward. I'm sorry you got stuck doing this." I apologized. Surely, the last thing a teenage boy has on his mind is sticking a needle into the thigh of a girl like me.

"Bella, really it's not a problem. Have a good day and I'll see you in Biology."

"See you then." I scurried away from his car and found Angela and Mike where they usually waited for me. The rest of the school day passed without incident, and I found that as the end of the day drew near, the sadder I became. I enjoyed the distraction of school and friends.

As I went about my daily chores, I thought about what I wanted from my life. Family was the first thing, it was what I craved most. My mother left when I was twelve, and I don't know the exact cause of why she left. I know what my father had told me, that she had strayed, her faith was broken...that she left me so I would be safe with him without her influence. She was a free spirit and fell in love with my father, but once they had me, things started to change. She wanted more out of life, and my father became more controlling and demanding as I got older. When he decided to start holding our own private sermons on Sundays, it was the beginning of the end. She became a shell of who she had been, and no matter how much I reached out to her and pleaded with her to help me, she just pulled further away from me. Then one day she was gone. He never spoke of her again, it was as if she never existed. At least until one day when I was fifteen. It was the beginning of the summer, school was out, and I was stuck in the house every single day, bored out of my mind. He came home early from work, frantic and incoherent. He rushed me over to a friend's house and I didn't see him for three days. When he returned, he never explained where he had been. Over the next week, anything that had been hers or that reminded him of her, disappeared from the house. When they came to take the piano away, I broke down, screaming and pleading with him to let me keep it. She had taught me to play, and it was one of my few pleasures in life. That was the first and only time my father struck me with his bare hands. He looked as horrified as I felt, and we didn't speak for days. He never apologized either, but one morning I woke up to a small box on my desk. Inside was my mother's crucifix, and I had worn it every day since then.

That was the summer things changed for me. I had always believed whatever came out of my father's mouth, he hung the moon as far as I was concerned. I did exactly as he asked, and I never talked back. When he hit me, out of anger, something snapped inside me. I know people make mistakes, and I forgave him, but the trust was gone. As many times as I had read Bible passages and listened to sermons, I never really spent the time to analyze or interpret things for myself. The rest of the summer I spent my days reading the Bible, along with other texts, and realized that my father saw something completely different in these verses than I did. The message I got was the opposite of my father's. Where he saw evil and sin, I found love and forgiveness. I spent hours every week in the library, researching and reading about different beliefs. I read up on some of the things he insisted on – such as diet, lack of medical care, modesty. I checked out a book about how to be a healthy vegan, but he got angry that I would question him and more importantly that I thought a human writer knew more than God. I could have argued that humans wrote the Bible, and that he was a human who was interpreting the Bible to support his choices, but I knew where I would end up for that kind of rebellion. I tried to get him to let me see a doctor for a yearly physical, and he told me only God could heal me. After many tries at respectfully disagreeing, I learned my lesson. He was set in his ways, and I could not change his mind. So, I would have to play my part, and bide my time, or I could be a homeless teen on the streets. Since that summer, I've learned more about myself and what kind of life I wanted. I would be able push all of this to the back of my mind and finally be happy once I got out of his home. This was the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, that kept me going. I endured Sundays, and then on Monday mornings I woke up and it was if Sunday had never happened. The more things I had to be thankful for, the easier it was. Forks was proving to be a quite necessary distraction as the time until my freedom grew shorter.

"Bella?" My father's voice startled me. I was confused to find us sitting at the kitchen table eating. I really must have been in a daze to not have even registered that he had come home.

"Yes sir?" I replied, completely oblivious to whatever he had asked of me.

"How was school?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Oh, it was fine, as usual. I'm feeling better."

He nodded and that was the extent of our conversation for the day. I learned a long time ago, the less that was said, the better things were.

After I finished cleaning up for dinner, I headed to my room to work on homework. When I opened my notebook, 'Psalms 18:16-20' was written on the inside of the cover. Flipping open my Bible I read through the verse.

16 He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. 17 He delivered me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. 18 They attacked me at a moment when I was weakest, but the LORD upheld me. 19 He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. 20 The LORD rewarded me for doing right; he compensated me because of my innocence.

Who had written the note? I hadn't seen anyone near my stuff at any point. My heart was racing and I thought I was going to start hyperventilating. Someone knows. The thought kept racing through my mind. This was a message from someone, that they knew, and...a promise?...that I would be rescued? I knew I could easily walk into any police station or even the school office and show them the evidence and it might come to an end. But what would I gain? Living with strangers who might even be worse than my father? I had no family to take me in, nowhere to go. That's if he didn't manage to get out of it somehow. If they did not believe me and I was forced to stay with him after making such accusations, things would only get worse. I knew it was a stupid idea to talk to a doctor, to try to make friends. Somewhere I let too much information slip or someone was overly curious. What were they planning? Why couldn't they understand that I was dealing with my life just fine! As long as everyone minded their own business, everything would work out in the end.

I didn't get much homework done, and it was time for our nightly prayers before I realized it. I joined him downstairs, still visibly shaken.

"Everything alright Bella?"

"Fine, just tired." I replied.

We prayed and I couldn't get upstairs quick enough. Sleep did not come easy that night.

~~**~~

The next morning I woke up paranoid. I had to play my part to perfection and couldn't risk revealing anything to anyone. Breakfast was on the table before my father came downstairs, we prayed, ate in silence. I followed the script and escaped to school. Edward was waiting for me, but I decided that I couldn't risk anything. I made it a point not to look at him and took off for the school as quickly as possible. I was headed up the stairs to the walkway and my foot got caught in my skirt. My books scattered and I tried to brace myself for impact on the concrete steps, but it never came. Two strong arms caught me and set me upright again. I turned to find myself face to face with none other than Edward of course. My breath caught in my throat and my pulse raced as we were locked in each other's eyes. His hands on my waist made my entire body blush. It felt so right.

"Breathe, Bella." He murmured and the sweetest smelling breath washed over me. It took me a minute to get myself under control, and I finally pulled away from him, turning to gather my books, but he insisted on helping and had them picked up and in my arms in no time.

"Sorry." I whispered as turned and tried to get away.

"Bella, wait!" He followed me. "Will you just stop for a minute! What's going on?" His hand was like a cold vise on my arm as he tried to get me to stop. When I winced he let go quickly, apologizing. "I'm sorry...just...why won't you talk to me?"

"I can't Edward. I don't know how to make anyone understand. My life is not normal. I can't have friends, because they want to know too much. I'm sorry, just please, if your family cares about me at all, leave me alone." I begged. A myriad of emotions crossed his face, and I could tell he was trying to think of what to say. I wanted nothing more than to have friends and do the things normal teenagers do, but I had to accept that it could never be that way.

"What about...Carlisle?" He asked.

"If he can get the pills then I'll take them, but I can't meet with any of you again." He looked away, his jaw clenched, like he was upset, though I had no reason to think it would matter to him. "It's not that I don't want to, because I do. I like your family a lot." I whispered. "I just can't..." Then I turned into a coward and scurried off to my first class. Thankfully he didn't follow.

Alice marched, albeit daintily, into English class. I briefly looked up when she entered and her face was full of concern and determination. Keeping my eyes on my desk, I refused to acknowledge her for the entire class. I had my books gathered and my feet ready to move before the bell even sounded. Rushing from the class, I ignored her plaintive cries and kept my head down. I reached the door and turned to the right, only to collide with the solid wall of another body. Jasper. Alice was behind me and they had me cornered. I had to remain steadfast, yet I could feel my resolve slipping.

"Bella, please, we can protect you." She pleaded, reaching for my hand.

"I don't need protecting." I said, pulling my hand away from her. "Everything is going according to plan, as long as no one interferes everything will work out just fine. Please, I'd love to be your friend, I really like your family, but I can't." I could feel the tears threatening to pool in my eyes.

She sized me up, and exchanged a meaningful look with Jasper who shook his head. Alice seemed to give up then and sighed deeply.

"Ok then, just know that if you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask." Then she pulled me into a quick hug and turned away. Jasper wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder.

Alright, two friends pushed away, only a couple more to go. Misery, here I come.

It was easy to ignore everyone in the rest of my classes, until lunch that is. I quickly made my way through the line and found an empty table. I tried not to notice Angela and Mike staring at me with questioning looks. I certainly tried to avoid looking at the Cullen table, though I could feel their eyes boring into me from across the cafeteria. So I buried my nose into a book and ignored everything and everyone in the room. It was towards the end of lunch when someone finally decided to approach me. Angela slid into the chair across from me, watching me for a few minutes before finally speaking.

"Bella, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. If you want to be alone, I understand, but if you need anything, just let me know." She offered quietly.

I nodded, careful not to make eye contact because I didn't want to cry. I thought it would be different here, but I obviously got too comfortable and someone was suspicious. Deep down I think I knew it wasn't Angela, but I couldn't take chances. I knew this would hurt her, but I had to keep everyone out of my life.

"I'm fine. It's just better this way...it's better if I'm alone." I muttered. Her entire posture shifted, and she was hurt, but she sat with me in silence for the rest of the lunch period.

Angela walked silently beside me to Biology. Casting me one last concerned glance, she left my side to head to her table, and I was left to face Edward. I looked anywhere but at him, though I could feel that his eyes never left my face. My pulse raced, as it always did when I was near him. Of course, of all days, today we would be doing another lab. I managed to keep our interaction to a minimum while we worked through the assignment. We finished early as usual, and the silence between us was uncomfortable to say the least. I had always felt a strange magnetic pull to Edward, so it was beyond difficult to sit beside him, knowing he wanted me to talk to him, and forcing myself to stay silent. Sure, I had enough experience suffering in silence, but this was different. Thankfully the bell rang and I rushed from the room before he could say anything or try to stop me. Alice shadowed me in gym as she always did, only in silence, and after that she and Jasper walked beside me to the parking lot.

I worked through my chores and had dinner with my father. I returned to the zombie I had been too many times in the past. Playing the part, sticking to the script, and locking away deep inside any hint of the Bella I truly was. I became the shell of myself that my father wanted to see. It was only a matter of months before I would be free, and the people I counted as my friends now would be left behind anyway. It's better this way, rather than letting them get too close and spending months engaged in friendships that are just going to end.

I cried that night. I cried for the people I had hurt, for the friends I'd never know, for the family I would never have. I cried for myself and all that I had lost – not just my mother and my innocence, but the life experiences that you are supposed to have as a child, as a teenager. Experiences I could never get back. I was almost an adult, and had been acting as an adult for as long as I could remember. I never got to play at the playground with other children, to catch fireflies in the evenings, there was no ballet or sports, no boyfriends, no beach trips, no swimming. There were endless days and nights of prayers and chores and school and homework. I cried myself to sleep.

~~**~~

School on Friday was the same. My friends continued to to walk beside me to my classes, though we didn't speak. At lunch, Angela joined me at my table again, and even Alice came over for the last part of the lunch period. The guilt washed over me as I struggled with myself to ignore them. It was obvious these people cared, for some reason, and had chosen to show me by staying by my side, as much as I was trying to push them away. I didn't want to push them away, but it was for the best. In all honesty, it was comforting that they were still standing beside me after the way I had treated them. I wondered how long it would last. Would they give up on me, or would I crack first and try to repair the friendships that I so desperately needed to brighten my days? I was fooling myself if I thought I didn't need them. Yes I would be moving on soon, but in the meantime they made life more bearable.