Chapter 21

Stop, Look and Listen

Leaving the restaurant I realized that I was down again. I walked back to the loft, taking the elevator to my apartment and opened the door with a real heaviness in my heart. I heard the television and realized that someone was in my apartment. I crept in and saw the back of his head.

"I can hear your serotonin levels falling. Come on over and join me, I have comfort food."

I walked over. "You used Susan's key?"

He nodded.

On the coffee table was a box of chocolates and a diet coke. I sat down and picked out a chocolate Bordeaux and then took a swig of the diet coke.

"You could have let me have one date before letting the ax fall."

"Nah, you don't have time to waste on guys who don't meet your fundamental criteria. Now you know that you need to move on."

"You know, you seemed really gleeful when you heard that he didn't want kids."

He threw his hands over his heart. "Oh, I'm wounded. You really think I'd take enjoyment out of your misery?"

"Misery loves company and you're miserable."

"At least you can check one off."

"Yeah, but now I'm just as lonely as I was yesterday."

He was silent and then he smiled over at me. "Hey, you're my pump buddy. I'm here for you, except I have to get going, Chase and I are going to go bowling." He got up to leave and then turned; his craggy face debating. "Did you want to come?"

I shook my head. "No, you deserve some 'guys only' time."

He ruffled my hair and then left.

The next day, we not only worked out, playfully zinging each other with the snaps of our towels, but ended up grabbing a vegetarian meal at the local hippie restaurant. On our way home, I reminded him that I still had his gym bag and dirty clothes at my apartment so he offered to pick them up. I invited him to stay for a glass of red wine. As I poured the wine into the spun glass goblets, he took a seat on the couch.

"Susan gets back on Sunday, right?" I asked.

"Wilson gets in tonight and Susan on Sunday."

"Is Wilson's girlfriend picking him up?"

"The hag has insisted on giving him a ride, in more ways than one."

"Well, I was thinking, we could go sailing on Saturday for our aerobics. We could drive down to the shore and rent a sailboat. Sailing on the Atlantic can get your heart rate up."

"I haven't been sailing for years. I used to sail a lot when I was younger."

"Really? I used to crew the Wednesday Beer Boat races in Los Angeles."

"It sounds like a lot of fun. We better go early to get a good boat. All the sailors start coming out of the woodwork in the spring."

"How's your leg these days?" I knew he had been having some pain after our initial workouts, but whenever he was around me he either was okay or hid it well.

"I have some pain and it's getting worse." He said, subconsciously rubbing it as we talked.

"Let me check your leg out."

He laughed. "Is this your way of getting into my pants?"

"Oh, come on. I'm more attracted to my vibrator than you."

"I'd like to see this vibrator." He stood and undid the buckle on his leather belt, dropping his jeans to the floor and pulling his boxer leg up a little to reveal the entire scar. I'd seen it when he wore shorts during our workouts, so I wasn't shocked, but when I put my hand over the muscle, I could feel spasms underneath. "Oh, Greg, this can't feel good. Your muscle spasms are intense. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"What do you think?"

"Stay here."

I ran to the back and brought out some towels and heated some water in my electric kettle. Once the water was ready, I soaked the towels in a tub of steaming water and then applied one to his thigh. He cried out from the heat, but then calmed down and let out a huge sigh. I was on my knees applying the compress and I tried to give him an encouraging smile.

"I usually soak in Wilson's big tub."

"Susan has a Jacuzzi, why don't you use it?"

"Because my leg doesn't extend down far enough."

I pulled the towel off and started rubbing his thigh with some olive oil. He leaned back and closed his eyes as I continued to massage the thigh. The sensual nature of what I was doing wasn't lost on me. Just touching his skin and being close to his package made me both nervous and aroused. I traded the cold towel for the hot one and sat back on my heels to wait. He opened his eyes and looked down at me. For just a second I thought I saw a flash of longing, but then it was gone. This had happened before, but his quick recoveries and subsequent behavior always made me doubt myself, but this time was different, I could tell that he wanted to say something to me and didn't.

I began another round of massage, chasing one of the spasms up his thigh until I came into contact with a fleshy creature. I snapped my hand back as his eyes flew open. He burst out laughing at me.

"You should see your face. It's like you just came into contact with a one eyed snake. Don't worry, it doesn't bite."

"I'm sorry; I just felt this spasm climbing up your thigh—"

"Did you hear me complain? Once your color turns from scarlet to rose you can start again."

"I think I'm done. Does it feel better?"

"I think it would feel a lot better if you'd chase that spasm again."

"Seriously…"

He dropped the raunchy grin and nodded. "It does feel better; you know what you're doing."

"I did massage therapy to pay my tuition in college."

We sat there staring at each other without saying anything. It was both awkward and sad. I think we both looked as if we wanted to say something, but couldn't. I glanced away and then took the towel to the sink. There was a good chance that he just wanted to tell me that he liked me like a sister, but that there were no feelings beyond that.

"I'm going to go home now." He pushed up on the arm of the couch, pulled his pants up and after buttoning up, grabbed his cane. "Thanks."

"Greg?"

He was almost out the door before turning around. "Yeah?"

"Wednesday, I'll probably still be in surgery. Would you like to work out after work?"

"Fine."

"Dinner?"

"Sure."

"Goodnight, Greg. Sleep tight."

"Goodnight, Fin. You too."

When the door closed I actually felt a certain relief. Whenever he was around it took all my emotional energy to keep from showing him the effect he was having on me. I cleaned up, putting the towels in the washer and the goblets in the sink to be washed the next day. I collapsed in bed despite the fact it was only eight o'clock. I wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep, so that's what I did.

Wednesday and Friday we spent working out and having dinner. There were no more massages. Instead, we spent our evenings watching television and having a few glasses of wine. It was comfortable and the conversation was easy. It felt strangely familiar, as if we'd been doing it for much longer than two weeks. I knew that on Sunday it was coming to an end, so I allowed myself the fantasy that we were a couple and this was just a regular weekday evening for us. When he left, I pretended in my head that he had a patient and had to rush back to the hospital. It was a stupid little lie, but I was only hurting myself.

On Friday after he left, I pulled out the little cooler, cleaned it, made some tuna salad and grabbed some snacks from the pantry. I looked through my wine and decided that I'd ask Greg to bring a bottle since mine were all white. After packing a bag with things we might need on our trip I went to bed with a smile on my face. We were both excited about the trip tomorrow and had talked all night about our past sailing mishaps and feats. It was going to be a lot of fun.

When the alarm went off at six, I didn't really mind. We were going to get on the road by seven so that we could be out on the water by ten. I put on my cropped pants, my long sleeved knit shirt and my thickly lined windbreaker. The weather channel had said it was going to only get up to 56, which meant it would be even colder on the water. By the time I put on my plimsoles and grabbed the cooler, I was ready. I had told Greg that I would meet him at the car, but when I arrived, he wasn't there. I waited until ten past seven and then took the elevator up to the penthouse, knowing that he had overslept, again.

I knocked on the door and waited. No one answered. I knocked harder and then heard footsteps coming towards the door. The locks were undone and the door opened. I was about ready to rag on him for being late when I stopped in midstream. My heart took a nosedive.

"I'm afraid Greg's going to be getting his aerobics at home today if you get my drift."

"Susan? When did you get home?"

"Last night around one. The snow in Austria was too sloppy to ski and my friends were fighting. I just decided to grab the redeye." She was standing, naked except for Greg's jazz t-shirt which she was holding up to her body covering the vital bits. "Thanks for taking care of Greg. He says you should join the Marines." She grinned and motioned behind her. "I'm going to go back for the next round. I'll give you a call later on, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Welcome home."

She closed the door and I stood there like a wallflower waiting for something good to come my way…it wasn't going to happen. I went down to the car and unpacked it and then sat in my apartment most of the day. I ordered pizza and drank myself silly, passing out in front of the Star Trek marathon on the SciFi Channel.

I didn't hear from Susan until Sunday night when she stopped by to borrow some milk for her tea. She was dressed in sweats and the same t-shirt she had been clutching to her body earlier. We talked about the trip for a few minutes and then she started for the door.

"I have to get back. We've been at it all day. This exercising and eating well has done wonders for his libido. Whew…I'm going to be bowlegged by tomorrow."

I held up a hand and shook my head. "Oh—too much information."

"Since when?" She said with a smirk on her face.

She was right, we'd often exchanged stories about our debauchery, but I just couldn't hear about her and Greg without feeling sad. "Sorry, it's just been so long since I got some, I'm jealous."

She laughed, came back and gave me a kiss on my cheek, then left with her container of milk. I went back to bed.

Over the next week I went to the fitness room and worked out, alone. Greg didn't come up and I didn't call to find out where he was. Susan came down and asked me for some of Greg's favorite . recipes from the last two weeks of our cooking.

"I brought home hamburgers last night and he had a fit. Said I was trying to kill him and that you had a couple of recipes that he liked."

"Don't let him sandbag you. He's a better cook than I am; he just wants you to think he can't do it."

"Really?" She shook her head and laughed. "He seems to have been impressed with your efforts to make him behave."

"Is he exercising?"

"Yeah, I converted the small bedroom into a fitness room and had some equipment delivered. He spends an hour in there every day."

I smiled. "I'm glad. He needs to keep it up."

"You've saved his life more than once. Thanks. Hey, I need a new dress for the big Spring Fling at the hospital. What about you? Do you want to go together and buy new dresses?"

"Oh, I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"I don't have a date."

"Half the doctors don't have a date. Come on, we'll all have fun."

Susan spent $800 on a dress, I spent $120…I bet you can't tell who looked like a million bucks and who looked 'acceptable.' I just didn't think one party was worth spending anymore until I arrived at the event. Greg and Susan had doubled with James and his girlfriend, which meant that there was no room at the inn for me. I was furious when I found out that I wouldn't even be sat at the same table as Susan because it was full by the time I RSVP'd. I ended up at the losers table with three other single doctors, all women and one administrator, again, a woman. The other five seats at the table were empty. I was humiliated sitting there eating my chicken dinner trying to make conversation with four other women just as embarrassed as me to be single and at the party.

After three glasses of red wine, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. While I walked through the hallway, I saw Greg coming out of the men's room. He spotted me and looked around for an easy exit, but there was none.

The wine kicked in. "God! I knew you were avoiding me, but to actually try to run away from me is something else. Can I ask what I did to you?"

He looked around, somewhat embarrassed. "I know you were probably wondering where I was at noon each day and frankly, I don't have an excuse. I just got lazy."

"Oh stop lying, Susan told me you're exercising. So, it wasn't because you suddenly became lazy. I guess it was me. I was a pity case for you. Since you had nothing to do, you decided to be nice to the poor pathetic best friend, but now that Susan's home, you don't want to be seen with me. I understand. You don't have to lurk around corners or avoid using the elevator. I won't say hello or even acknowledge that we know each other."

I looked straight ahead and walked past him; he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me back to him. I was both tipsy and stunned, standing in my cheap cocktail dress looking up into his beautiful blue eyes.

"You don't get it do you?"

"Get what?"

"Why I have to stay away—"

"Greg!" A voice came from behind us.

We turned and watched Susan walking quickly towards us.

"What's going on? Why are you grabbing Finely like that?"

He let go of me. "She almost tripped and fell, too much wine."

"Finley, are you okay?"

I turned and nodded, "Just making my way to the bathroom."

"I was trying to find you. Now that dinner is over, why don't you move to our table, we can squeeze you in."

"I'm going to the bathroom and then catch a cab home."

"Greg, can't you drive Finley home and then come back? I could then drive your car home later."

"No. I'm not talking to Greg anymore. We're no longer pump buddies." I said as somberly as I could manage.

"Pump buddies?" Susan said, wrinkling her forehead and looking at Greg.

"Fitness…you know, 'pump you up.'"

"Oh!" She nodded. "So you're back to hating him?"

"Yep." I said; my head swimming.

"Okay, then I'll drive you home."

"Here," I reached in and retrieved my keys, "You drive my car home for me and I'll take a cab."

"If that's what you want." Susan said. Greg just looked annoyed.

"That's what I want." I continued to the bathroom.

As I walked away I heard a very annoyed Susan hiss, "What did you do to her this time to piss her off?"

"Nothing!"

"Yeah, it's always nothing. I wish you two could get along."

Dear Readers...Thanks so much for the reviews. They mean a lot to me and encourage me and all the other authors to keep posting. Thanks. Kim