Chapter 25
California Dreaming
"You're here?"
"We got in early. Where are you?"
"I'm just pulling into the airport. Do you have your luggage?"
"I just brought a carryon. I figure we'll probably go shopping so I'll buy a suitcase when we're out."
"Okay. Then just wait out at the curb and I won't have to park."
"Fine."
Within minutes, Susan was riding shot gun and they were on their way out of LAX to the Hollywood Hills talking and giggling all the way down the road.
"Yeah, I bought a condo. I wanted a house, but I'm thinking of moving in a few months, as soon as my contract is up at UCLA."
"Moving? Where?" Susan was shocked; UCLA seemed to be the perfect place to showcase Finley's talents.
"I've been offered the head of cardiology down at a small boutique hospital in San Diego."
"But you're next in line here…and Carson is about to retire. You could be head of cardiology at UCLA in a year? Why leave?"
"Because I'm tired of the rat race and just want a few good years where I'm not constantly trying to prove myself. And besides, I'm pregnant."
There was a squeal out of Susan's mouth. "Oh my God! A baby? How far along are you?"
"About eight weeks." Finley lied. She was almost twelve, but luckily she wasn't showing that much."
"Wow, who's the daddy?"
"You're going to die laughing. It was a one night stand. He was here for a conference and then gone. We were drunk, he got lucky and his name was George."
"George?"
"That's it, all I remember. He showed up for a seminar at UCLA and that was it."
"Can't you get his information from registration at UCLA?
"He was a last minute substitute for someone in his practice back in Illinois somewhere."
She shook her head. "Greg's going to laugh his ass off."
"Please don't tell him. I don't want him knowing I'm a slut."
They both laughed.
"I won't tell him. But speaking of sluts…"
"What?" Finley asked.
"Do you remember Paul St. John?"
"Ah yes, the guy who wouldn't have sex with me."
"Well, he's not gay."
"Yeah, I remember you two had a fling before I moved to Princeton."
"Well, we went to a bioethics conference together in New York a month ago and…"
Finley whipped her head around. "You slept with him?"
She grimaced and nodded at the same time. "I know, I know."
"What about Greg?"
"I came home and told him."
"You told him?"
"I felt like I owed it to him. I've been unfaithful to him twice now."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't say much. Just asked me if I loved Paul."
"And?"
"I told him that I have feelings for him, but I'm not sure what they are."
"You have feelings for Paul?"
"I didn't tell Greg the entire truth. I had a few afternoons with Paul before the seminar. I'm completely torn between the two of them. I love them both for very different reasons."
"So when you told him you had feelings for Paul, what did he say?"
"He said that he'd had an affair too."
Finley swallowed hard, trying to keep her concentration on the rush hour traffic. "Did he say who?"
"No, he said it didn't matter; it happened once and it was over."
"Did he have feelings for her?"
"I didn't ask and I don't want to know. To be honest, I think Greg's the kind of guy that, despite all his bluster, would have to have feelings if he was going to cheat." Susan took in a deep breath. "I was so surprised and hurt. I realized how destructive my behavior had been; how hurtful it can be to cheat."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Greg has been sleeping at his apartment again. I stay over and we date, but there's definitely a cooling off between us." She winced. "I don't know, but he hasn't been acting the same for the several months. I think he slept with this woman a few months ago." Susan went quiet and then turned back with a tear in her eye. "I think he really cared about her. I think he misses her."
"Misses her?" Finley said as nonchalantly as she could.
"He told me that she doesn't live nearby, that I have nothing to worry about. But even though it might never happen again, I can tell he's sad. He's grieving."
"What are you going to do?"
"I've started dating Paul too. Greg doesn't seem to be that upset. I wish he were jealous or angry, but whenever I tell him I have a date, he just nods and walks off. I don't really know what to do. I don't know how to repair our relationship. I came out here to think."
"Well, it sounds to me like you have to make a choice and commit to it."
"But you know me, Fin, I have a horrible time committing to any one person. I was just lucky that Keith never caught me having the affair with Gunther."
"Susan, do you love Greg…I mean really love him, forever after type?"
"I'm very confused. Paul is an adult; we have adult conversations, adult plans, adult outings. With Greg, I don't know if I'm going to get an adult or a childish reaction out of him. But then he keeps things stirred up, I always feel like I'm alive around him; he keeps me guessing. And that's good and bad. I don't know how to handle him sometimes. He's a master manipulator when he wants to be. They're both good in bed. Paul wants to get married, have kids, Greg doesn't want to get married, doesn't want kids. You know me; I take care of children all day long. I don't really want any of my own."
Finley chuckled. "Maybe I ought to take another look at Paul!"
Susan nodded. "Enough about me. What are you going to do?"
"Uh…have a baby, move to San Diego, take a job with less pressure and enjoy motherhood."
"I don't think motherhood is something you enjoy. If my mother is any gauge, it's something you endure."
"We all know your mother was one by default; it was a requirement of the family trust."
Nodding, Susan thought about her mother and the fact that she came from a family, the Lawrences, who expected heirs to their fortunes. Had she not needed heirs, Susan was sure her mother would never have had children. "This is the end of an era. I'm losing my best friend to a seven pound alien."
"I'm not lost, I'll be here, it just means setting an extra plate for dinner. "
They pulled up in front of a large California Spanish-style home with tile roof, large arches and windows with divided panes. Tall palm trees graced the front landscaping. There was one main sidewalk that branched into two, both of which entered gated patios on either side of the large home. Susan followed Finley into the south gated patio which was filled with colorful planters, a chiminea, table, chairs and a lounge. Getting out her key, Finley opened the door and punched in the security code.
"I thought you said it was a condo?" Susan asked.
"It's a home that was divided into three condos, mine is the largest."
"Oh, look at those views! How can you give this up?" Susan cried out as she looked out the back sliding glass doors and ten foot windows.
"I can't live in this condo with a toddler. I bought it before I knew I was pregnant."
Susan opened the sliding door and stepped out on the wide deck that overlooked the canyons below the house, Santa Monica and the ocean in the distance. It was both serene and spectacular. Turning, Susan smiled in appreciation.
"Damn, this makes Princeton look like Trenton. It's beautiful and the house is so large. How many square feet do you have?"
"2100 square feet. Three bedrooms, three bathrooms. I use one bedroom as an office. Come on, I'll give you the cook's tour."
They started in the grand room which shared the spectacular view with the dining room and part of the kitchen. The large fireplace with a dark mantle and blue-green Italian tile captured your eye after you stopped focusing on the view.
"The fireplace is beautiful. The place looks like you--serene, yet cheerful and homey. You always did know how to make a house look like a home."
"Thanks."
The visit took the normal course except that Finley restrained from the obligatory welcome bottle of wine. Instead, she drank water as Susan proceeded to get drunk.
"What would you do?"
Finley tilted her head. "About what?"
"I know you hate Greg, but who would you pick? The adult or Walt Disney on crack?"
"I assume Greg is Walt Disney on crack…"
Susan nodded, her head bobbing slightly.
"Oh, Susan, I don't know. Who makes you laugh the most?"
"Greg." She said without hesitation.
Finley shrugged. "That would be my answer. I need to laugh. I can be an adult to the outside world, but somewhere, sometime, hopefully in my own house, I need to laugh."
"Wow, I wouldn't have expected that answer from you."
Finley snickered. "You have to live with him, not me."
"Oh, Finley, you don't know what you're missing. Even when we're fighting I feel alive…like my brain is firing on all circuits. The problem is that you get tired. I let him get away with way too much and after awhile, I just want to be alone. I bet you wouldn't let him get away with crap."
"Who knows? I guess we'll never find out. Susan, I have a favor to ask."
"Yeah?"
"Will you consider raising my child if anything ever happens to me?"
She blinked and then stared at her friend for a few seconds. "What about your siblings?"
"Only one would make a good parent and we don't agree on how to raise kids. She's a Scientologist and I just can't stand the thought of my child being raised as one."
Susan's face revealed her reluctance. "Finley, I'm such a crappy choice. You know I've never wanted kids."
Finley smiled and nodded with a look of disappointment and worry. "I understand."
Susan could tell that she truly didn't know who else would take her child. "Are you sure that you don't know this George's last name? Maybe he's always wanted kids and you're his last hope."
Finley chuckled. "Sorry, the one thing we did talk about was children and our different views on them. He absolutely doesn't want kids—if I could find him."
Susan took a deep breath and couldn't take the disappointment anymore. "Are you sure you trust me to raise your kid?"
"The only one. I know you won't be June Cleaver, but you'll be honest and try hard and I don't see you as becoming a Scientologist in the future."
"You know there's a chance I'll end up with Greg…he's not big on kids."
"I know. But, I think even he would do the right thing."
"Yeah, he'd tell me to let your family raise the kid."
Finley laughed. "Not when you tell him about my family."
"But your brother is fairly sane."
"Sane? He's a war correspondent!"
By the end of a week in California, Susan was slightly sunburned and extremely relaxed. She had packed and was waiting for Finley to come out of the bathroom to take her to the airport. She didn't want to leave because she didn't want to face the dilemma that she knew waited for her in Princeton. Finley had been right, Greg was probably the one she should be with, but Susan couldn't help but long for Paul's calm, assertive and extremely steady personality. She knew it had to do with living with her mother's mercurial personality as a child and never knowing what to expect.
"Come on, Mamacita! I have to check in and get through security…let's go!
Finley opened the door, looking pale and sickly.
"Oh, poor baby. Morning sickness?"
"No, I think I'm catching something."
"Do you want me to catch a cab?"
Finley's brow went up and her lip quivered. "Would you mind?"
"You better call one now. I only have two hours until my flight takes off."
When the cab arrived, they hugged and Susan whispered. "Thanks for letting me come and dump my problems on you. I can't wait for our little baby to be born. If you need help moving to San Diego, please call, I'll fly out. And I've been thinking; I'll be the guardian if something happens to you."
"Really?" Finley's voice dripped with gratitude.
"Really."
"I love you, Suz."
"You too, Fin."
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