Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I just like to play around with Stephenie's work.
A/N: So sorry for the delay. The holidays, a wedding, and visitors caught up with me. I have too many words and four more stories swirling around in my head and it's been hard to focus. I do apologize for the delay and hope to get the rest of the chapters out quicker. As always, thank you for reading and reviewing.
"So I guess you saw me coming?" I asked Alice. It was another dreary day in Forks, but there was no rain, so we were spending our lunch hour outside. I, of course, was the only one actually eating. Alice had once again anticipated our needs and brought a blanket for us to sit on since the picnic tables were full. The weather was warmer now, and even without the sun shining, the students wanted to be outside.
Alice shook her head gently. "Not really." She began and looked sideways at Edward, no doubt engaging in some form of silent communication. "Things weren't very clear until I got to know you better. My family members are very clear to me because I've known them for so long, but our other friends are hazier. I knew our lives were about to change, especially Edward's, but I couldn't pinpoint what was going to trigger that change."
"Oh. Is that why it took two days for you to find me?" I asked quietly, not wanting to dredge up unpleasant memories.
She dropped her gaze to her lap and Jasper hugged her to him with one arm. "Maybe. I'm so sorry, Bella. If I had been able to see what was happening, we would have stopped it sooner. I knew something was going on, but whenever I tried to look, things were pretty fuzzy."
"You can't imagine how frustrating it was to find ourselves so blind when it came to you." Edward jumped in. "It's our duty to keep an eye on things for the family. I can tell if anyone is starting to become suspicious, and Alice can see if anything, or anyone, is going to expose us. It's not one hundred percent foolproof of course, she's not omniscient and I can't hear everyone's thoughts all the time, but it's served us well in the past." He paused and took my hand, tracing circles on my palm with his thumb. "However, when you arrived, we were thrown into a bit of a panic, not knowing whether we should err on the safe side and take action, or if we were overreacting. Alice decided to befriend you, and we're all very glad she took that initiative."
I hadn't ever considered that Edward's family would consider me a threat. I was a human, what could I have possibly done to cause them to worry? It's not like anyone would have believed me in the first place. I would have been placed in a padded cell if I tried to tell anyone that a family of vampires attended the local high school. "What would you have done if you decided I was a danger to your family?"
The three of them exchanged a look between them. Edward answered hesitantly. "We considered moving."
I let out a uncomfortable bark of a laugh. "I can't believe that me, a mere human, would have caused your family enough worry that you would have moved away. I mean you all have school and Carlisle has his work...it would have been easier just to just...oh..." Words failed me as realization sank in. It would have been easier for them to just kill me, and from the looks on their faces, it had probably come up in discussion. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Knowing that your life was possibly considered forfeit because of some strange brain chemistry that kept a psychic and mind reader out of my head was more than a little unsettling. I couldn't find it in me to believe that sweet Alice would have ever considered something like that, but some of the others I was less certain about, including the one sitting beside me and holding my hand with a desperate look on his face.
"Bella..." He began, hoping to do some form of damage control before I possibly freaked out in the middle of the school's lawn.
"No, it's okay. I get it." I cut him off, but didn't fail to notice the pained look he gave Alice.
"We have rules, Bella. We can't risk exposure." Jasper tried to explain.
"There are rules?" I asked, surprised.
"Just one really. We have to keep our existence a secret."
"But I know. Are the vampire police going to swoop in and take me away?" My attempt at lightening the mood fell flat. They all looked very uncomfortable now and I was getting upset that there was obviously something to worry about. "Wait a second. Someone better tell me the truth right now! Other than Victoria, do I need to be worried about some vampire mafia coming after me because I know?"
Their lips buzzed furiously as they discussed whatever it was they felt they needed to discuss in a speed and volume incomprehensible to my mere human ears. Knowing that once again they were keeping something from me hurt. I was about to get up and head to class early, but Edward's hand shot out and grasped my wrist before I could get up.
He shot me a pleading look. "Please don't go. I want to tell you everything, but this just isn't the right place to have these discussions. Alice doesn't see any danger from the Volturi, but there is always the possibility that they might find out."
"Who are the Volturi?" My question was more of a hiss.
"They are like vampire royalty. They are the ones who make and enforce our rules. There are three leaders and then their guard."
Even though I was sure I knew the answer, I had to ask anyway. "And what would they do if they found out?"
He hesitated before dipping his head closer to me. "I don't know. They would consider you a liability, but our family would protect you. Carlisle spent time with them in Italy and has a amicable relationship with the leaders."
Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I merely nodded. Sensing my anxiety, Edward pulled me into his comforting embrace and pressed his face into my hair. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."
The warning bell interrupted and we quickly packed everything up before heading to class. All through Biology, I could feel Edward's eyes on me, and I knew he was worried about my reaction. There was just so much to process, that I felt quite overwhelmed. From the moment I arrived in Forks, my life had been irrevocably altered. Within a matter of months, I was embroiled in a world I once considered to be fantasy, and found a place with a family of mythological creatures who cared more for me than my own parents had. As happy as I was, I couldn't ignore the danger and secrets that seemed to threaten me at every turn. It seemed that every day brought something else to the table. This only solidified my resolve that in order to survive this new world I had stumbled into, I would have to join my adopted family in immortality. No matter how badly Edward preferred that I remain human, it simply wasn't an option. There were too many outside forces working against us. I wasn't ready to die, as I had only just begun to really live. Either I had to sever all ties to the Cullens and disappear, or I had to become one of them.
~~**~~
Alice sang along with the radio as she drove us towards the Cullen's house later that afternoon. It was her turn to keep watch over me while Edward went for a quick hunt. After watching me brood over our lunchtime discussion for most of the day, Alice became exasperated and called Carlisle to request a family meeting. Apparently she could see that this discussion would eventually happen and the sooner it did, the better.
I needed to find out the facts that Edward wanted to so desperately protect me from. I hoped that Carlisle, or someone in the family, would be willing to be open with me without sugarcoating it. Of course Edward's concern for me was endearing, but it was also frustrating. I didn't like secrets.
It was nice to spend time with Alice away from Edward's prying ears and mind, so I decided to take advantage of it. I knew she would be honest with me. She actually seemed quite anxious for me to join her family, and I had half a mind to ask her to change me.
"Do you think he really wants me for eternity?" I asked anxiously.
"Of course, it's what he wants, but he feels selfish wanting it. Then there's that whole matter of your soul..." She trailed off.
"What do you think, Alice? Are you damned?"
"I have no memories of participating in any religion, of course, so my opinions and impressions were made as a vampire. While I can see why he feels we are abominations, I don't agree. I've spent enough time around humans to know that we aren't that much different when it comes to our conscience or emotions. Things are much more intense for us, as our senses are heightened, but I still understand right from wrong. Humans do some pretty disgusting things, and they can't blame it on being immortal demons. Every living thing has a dark side and it's up to each individual whether they embrace that side of them or not. Plenty of husbands fly into rages and beat or murder their wives and children. Many others are addicted to alcohol and drugs and do some pretty heinous things while under the influence. I don't see that as being much different than learning to control our blood lust. It may be unnatural to lust for or drink human blood, but what about lions, tigers, alligators and other beasts in the wild that make humans their prey? We aren't the only carnivores out there."
I nodded in understanding. We had similar viewpoints and that was comforting.
"However, we don't have a beating heart, or blood running through our veins. We don't have to breathe and we don't have a digestion system. We can be killed, but only by another vampire or similar creature. That does set us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom and makes us quite unnatural, but it doesn't make us inherently evil. We all make choices in our lives that place us along a sliding scale of good and evil. There is no proof that there is any higher power playing judge and jury with our souls. It is only by pure faith that people believe there is something more after our physical bodies give out, and there are thousands of opinions on what that something more may be. Who's to say which way is the right way, or if any of them are?"
"Your outlook is so different than Edward's." I mumbled.
"It's easier for me, I think, since I woke up in this life a blank slate. The others still remember their human lives to some extent, along with the conservative viewpoints of the time in which they were turned. While I was turned around the same time as most of them, I've always found myself at the forefront of modern thought. Since I had no preconceived notions or prejudices, I have always been eager to accept new concepts and ideas. Rather than lament the human life I no longer had, I've embraced this life and tried to make the best of what I was given. For some reason, I was gifted with clairvoyance, and there's a good chance that was at least part of the reason I was put into an asylum as a human. In those days, it was thought that people like me were possessed by the devil. Now I'm a psychic vampire and I know for certain that no demon has any hold over my mind or body. Sometimes it feels like my visions are a blessing and sometimes they are a curse, but I try to take it in stride. Of all the things I have seen, the most reprehensible acts have been perpetrated by humans. So no, I do not believe we are damned simply because we are vampires. Should there be some kind of judgment awaiting us, I have faith that we will be judged by what we have done, and not because of what we are."
Alice finished speaking just as we pulled up to the house. Talk about perfect timing. Jasper suddenly appeared at her door and opened it for her. A moment later I jumped as my door opened and Edward held out his hand for me. His face was a blank mask, though I could detect the slight tightness around his bright golden eyes that gave away his anxiety. At least he was well fed, otherwise I feared the discussion might get out of hand. It was no secret that his mood was decidedly more irritable the darker his eyes were.
He pulled me into an embrace. "I really wish you wouldn't do this." He murmured. "You have enough nightmares as it is."
"I know." I turned my head to press my lips to his jaw.
"They're waiting." Edward pulled away abruptly and led me into the house. Rosalie was sitting next to Emmett at the dining room table drumming her nails against the wood. Esme hurried over to give me a quick hug and an understanding smile.
I took a seat at the table, across from Rosalie and fought to suppress a shudder as she leveled her piercing gaze on me. Carlisle breezed in a moment later with a kind smile on his face. As always, his presence was calming.
"Thank you for agreeing to talk to me." I began, formally. Rosalie looked away as if she was already bored with the conversation that hadn't even started. "I'd like to know the truth, no matter how frightening it might be. I know Edward only wants to protect me, but I honestly think it's better if I know as much as possible about what I'm getting myself into." I paused, wondering if Rosalie was even listening to me. "Part of me knows I should run the other way and never look back, but I just can't do that. It wouldn't change the fact that I know you exist, and I could never forget any of you. So that brings me to the Volturi. Tell me what the repercussions are. What am I...what are we dealing with?"
Edward leaned against the wall stoically, and Esme hovered in the doorway twisting a dishtowel.
Carlisle looked at Edward warily before taking an unnecessary breath. "They aren't cruel, Bella. It's their job to enforce the rules, and the one rule we have is to keep our existence a secret. We've broken this rule by exposing ourselves to you when we stopped those others from hunting you." He paused and Rosalie leaned forward and looked me in the eye.
"If they find out that you know our secret, they could kill us all."
Esme started to admonish her, but I stopped her. "Esme, it's okay. I need to hear the truth."
"But Bella, they very rarely leave their home in Italy and there would be no reason for them to ever find out. They have their own human employees who know their secret and they let them live. It's very, very unlikely that they'll ever show up here, let alone kill us all. Alice would see something like that and we could stop them." Carlisle continued to try to quell my fears.
"It is still a possibility though. It's the worst that could happen and there are no guarantees that it won't. I can't have that on my conscience. I cannot put your family in any more danger. We already have Victoria threatening us, isn't that enough?"
"You should never have come back." Rosalie interjected, and Edward's growl filled the room. She glared at him, before rising gracefully and disappearing into the kitchen. In a flash, she returned with a cast iron pan in her hands. Before I could really comprehend what was happening, the pan disappeared with a horribly metallic wrenching sound and she extended a dainty fist. As she opened it, black dust poured out of her hand onto the table. "If Edward, or any one of us lost control for even a moment, we could accidentally kill you with the flick of a wrist. It would be over before you even knew what was happening. Your life is in peril every moment you are with one of us, no matter how controlled you think we are."
"She's right." Edward murmured more to himself than anyone else.
"Then why have you continued with this ridiculous charade? She's human, Edward. There is no future for you two!" Rosalie turned to Carlisle. "And I cannot believe you have allowed this to go on. You should have stopped Alice and Edward from ever involving themselves in her life. You most definitely should never have brought her back here. Now we're all in danger because of her!"
Emmett rested his hand on her arm. "Rose, that's enough."
"No! She needs to know. If anything were to happen to her, our family would be suspect. Not only could she expose us, she could get us killed. We should have let them have her!"
"Rosalie!" Carlisle rose from the table, and his expression frightened me. I'd never seen him look so much like the vampire he was. His eyes were black and his hands splintered the wood of the table where he grasped it. "I will not tolerate that kind of talk in this house. We've discussed this! Every life is precious."
Esme appeared at Carlisle's side, attempting to bring calm to the situation. "Would you deny Edward his mate, Rosalie?"
His mate. The words resonated with something deep inside me. They fit.
"She's human!" The blonde vampire screeched. Edward and Alice had crouched protectively around me at some point, ready to defend me at a moment's notice. My heart was beating out of my chest as the ferocity of their argument, and I looked to Jasper, wondering why he wasn't calming everyone down. As if he could read my mind, or maybe just my mood, a calm haze warmed me, but I noticed no one else was affected.
"Emmett was human." Esme responded in a calm yet cold voice that sent shivers down my spine. I'd never heard a harsh word come out of her mouth before.
Rosalie turned her eyes on her husband and her expression softened for a moment. "That was different." Her face hardened again as she turned her glare on Edward. There was buzzing and snarling as the argument continued, but I couldn't make out anything they said. Suddenly, Rosalie gave me a scathing look, then turned on her heel and headed up the stairs.
Emmett watched her retreating back for a moment before turning back to me and offering a sad smile. "She'll come around." Then he disappeared after her. I don't think anyone believed him.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and both Alice and Edward relaxed now that they felt the threat was over.
Carlisle pulled Esme into his arms and kissed the top of her head. His eyes were distant as he turned his head in my direction, though he wasn't looking at me. "You'll have to forgive Rosalie. Even though this life is not what she would have chosen for herself, she is very protective of her family. That will not happen again though, and I apologize for subjecting you to such a spectacle."
I waved him off, unable to find words to respond with. I never wanted to put this family in harm's way, and I certainly didn't want to turn them against each other. While it hurt to think of never seeing Edward, or Alice, again, maybe it would have been best if I never came back. I'd obviously caused the Cullens a lot of trouble. Rosalie was right, they should have let the others have me. At least then they wouldn't be fighting over me, and they wouldn't be in danger. The only problem was that I had no clue how to make it right again. It's not like I could change the past or erase my memories. I briefly wondered if there was a vampire out there with that ability. Maybe Carlisle would know and then I could go on my way, leaving this family in peace. The corner of my mouth twitched up in a wry smile despite the tears slowly trickling down my cheeks. It was then that I realized the room was quiet and when I looked up, all eyes were on me.
Edward regarded me cautiously, his eyes wide and pleading. "Bella, don't listen to her..."
"She's right, Edward." I whispered.
"No she's not! She's selfish and petty and don't you dare believe a word she says. I don't regret anything." He had crouched in front of me and grasped my hands in his. "You are everything to me."
"But she's right." I replied vehemently, my voice still quiet. "I've put your family in danger, and you're fighting amongst yourselves. If anything happened to one of you I'd never forgive myself. I'm just a plain human girl and I'm destroying everything your family has worked hard to protect."
"You're wrong, Bella." Jasper's smooth voice surprised me. Out of everyone in the room, his voice was the last one I expected to hear. He was always so quiet and distant around me. I looked at him questioningly. "You have brought so much to this family. Rosalie is the only one who refuses to see it. I've never seen my brother so alive. You have given my wife the sister she never had. Carlisle and Esme are thrilled to have another child to care for, and even Emmett looks forward to seeing you. It has been so difficult for Edward, being alone for so long in a house with three happily mated couples. He's never complained once about anything, but we all knew he was suffering. It's been hard on me too – feeling everything he is feeling. Experiencing the helplessness and worry of the rest of the family, not knowing what to do for him. Then you came along. Such a plain human girl." He smirked. "You have no idea what you have done for this family, Bella...what you have done for my brother. What we have tried to do for decades, you've accomplished in a matter of months. Never have I seen him so happy. It's been contagious. The mood of the entire family has been lighter, more joyous. Your presence effects all of us, and we would do anything to keep you safe, because you are precious to us, Isabella. Never think you aren't worthy of my family's love. You are, and you are worth any sacrifice we must make."
Of course his words reached me, but his gift gave them more credence. It was the longest speech I'd ever heard from him. Even though I'd listened to Alice's passionate pleading, Edward's careful reassurances, and Carlisle's calm confirmations, none of those compared to Jasper's confident admissions. It was easy to mask emotions. People did it every day. But, Jasper had first row seats to the true emotional climate in the house.
All of this added up to a sum that I was more inclined to believe. I allowed myself to hold onto a tiny sliver of hope that what he said was true. Perhaps I had brought something to this family, or at least to Edward. He seemed happier than when I first met him. I didn't allow that hope to bloom any larger though. I'd learned far too young that my hopes and dreams would always rest on that top shelf, just out of my reach. It would take time to convince me I was anything more than a bother. I'd never once been considered anything more than that to anyone else in my life, including my own parents. A nagging voice in the back of my head told me that wasn't true. That my father really did care for me, and maybe I had brought something to his life. Maybe that was why he fought for me when my mother left. If you could call it a fight. He could have given up on me just as easily as she did, but he didn't. He wanted to keep me. He wanted it enough that he made my mother give up her rights. Maybe, beneath all of his misguided religious beliefs, he truly thought he was doing what was best for me. Maybe he did love me in the only way he knew how.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been lost in my own musings, but a movement caught my eye and I shook my head gently before looking around to see what was going on. Alice had been leading Jasper towards the back door. Carlisle and Esme were heading towards the kitchen, leaving me alone with Edward. A moment later my stomach growled and Esme gave me a warm smile, already flitting around the kitchen fixing something for me to eat.
It was one of those light bulb moments. Tears were trailing down my cheeks as the emotions crashed to the surface. I'd realized that Charlie did the things he did because he loved me. In his warped mind he was trying to keep me safe from what he thought were the evils of the world. Just like this family, who did everything in their power to take care of me and protect me. Esme was the mother I'd longed for since my own traded me for a new husband. Carlisle was the opposite of Charlie, and every bit the ideal father figure. I had a sister I was close to and one that hated me. Two big brothers to look after me. Throughout my entire life, no one had accepted me as I was, that is until I met the Cullens.
I had a family. And I had Edward. And he loved me.
A sob escaped me, and Edward crouched before me, his eyes frantic with the need to know what was wrong so he could fix it. "Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"
My heart broke for the parents I'd never really known, but it had been stitched back together by the man in front of me and his motley family. It was then I realized I could forgive my father, and the wounds healed a little more. Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
Esme was watching me with concern, a plate of food for me nestled in her hands. I realized exactly how long I had lived without the kind of affection and caring a young girl needed. It had been six years since anyone had thought of my needs. It wasn't the first time Esme had done something like this, but it was the first time I realized what it meant. The simple gesture of fixing me something to eat, anticipating my needs, combined with the look of concern on her face...
I knew I was a blubbering mess and I couldn't put it into words just yet. Brushing Edward aside, I flew to Esme, taking the plate from her and setting it on the table. Her bewildered expression was replaced with one of understanding when I threw my arms around her stony shoulders. Her arms immediately encircled me and she rocked me gently shushing me as if I were truly her child.
"Mom." I barely whispered the word, but knew she had heard me. Her arms tightened and I felt her head nodding against me.
Once I had calmed down, she pulled back, though her two hands cradled my face between them as her thumbs wiped away my tears. Her eyes shimmered, but no tears fell, and a grin stretched across her face. "Always, sweet girl."
I sniffled and gave her a watery smile, before she released me. I turned around and Edward was there, as always, to pull me into his tender embrace. "Bella?"
"I had an epiphany." I told him as I tried to wipe away the evidence of my break down with the back of my hand.
"Would you like to share?"
I grinned and nodded. "You love me." His glorious chuckle rang out and he shook his head at me.
"Truly, I do." Our lips crashed together then, and our hands found their way into each others' hair. We kissed for what seemed like hours until I had to pull away in order to breathe. Even then, he continued to press his lips, ever so gently, to my eyes and cheeks and chin and wherever else he could reach.
"Truly, I do." He whispered against the apple of my cheek, and I believed him.