Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Chapter 2
((Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for Alex. There are scenes in this chapter that will be quite graphic, so read with caution! You have been warned…))
"Alex, wake up. It's already eight and the train leaves at eleven!" the familiar voice of my father growled as he shook my shoulders impatiently.
"I don't want to get up," I moaned as I turned away from him.
"Lumos," he snapped, jabbing his wand in front of my face.
"Okay, okay! I'm getting up!" I nearly shouted shrilly as I pushed his wand away. "No need to blind me!" I rubbed my eyes angrily, but they were still unfocused and hurt as if I were staring into the sun for hours on end. I stretched like normal before getting up and grabbing a flattering dress from my half-packed suitcase and other clean garments *ahem*. I barely picked up my feet as I sleepily walked to the bathroom.
"How long did you stay up writing?" my dad called incredulously. "There must be twenty sheets of paper filled here! And it's all one letter to Hope?"
"I miss her, thank you very much!" I snapped from the other side of the door. "And I don't know how long I was up. Too long, in any case."
"Well aren't you lucky. I'm going downstairs to grab some breakfast. Don't take too long in there."
"I can't promise you anything," I laughed. I heard the door close as he left the room. I took a decent shower, not too long, and then packed the stack of papers into an oversized envelope. I gave it to Soren to deliver as I neatly stuffed the rest of my belongings into the suitcase. I dragged it downstairs to join my dad.
"Wow, Alex!" he called. "This sausage is delicious! It's too bad you're a vegetarian," he teased as he took a rather large bite of the tortured animal- excuse me, the sausage.
"Boo," I snapped as I grabbed myself some toast and hash browns.
"I just don't get how you do it," he was saying with his mouth full of the greasy meat, "I would die if I couldn't eat this stuff!"
"No," I said politely as I grabbed the heart-attack-on-a-plate from him. "You're going to die if you keep eating like this. You know what the Healers keep saying!"
"I'd rather die happy than miserable!" he responded and took the sausage back from me. I looked at my lap- he had offended me with out realizing it.
"Oh- Alex! I'm sorry, honey. I…I didn't think…I wasn't thinking…" I shook my head.
"It's okay. You didn't mean it." But after that, the remainder of breakfast was quiet and awkward. We left The Leaky Cauldron at 9:45, giving us an ample amount of time to drive to King's Cross, say a decent goodbye, and be early enough so that the train would be empty enough to find a good compartment. We drove along in silence, though my dad commented on the weather a few times in an attempt to start a conversation. He cleared his throat finally and said,
"Remember when you, Ben and I came here? Ben kept talking in a horrible British accent and everybody stared at him like he was crazy." He chuckled at the memory. I stared out of the window, trying really hard not to let my feelings show. "He walked around with you on his shoulders and referred to you as 'Lou' to every person who would listen. He loved to laugh, Ben did. He always wanted to move here, too, and go to Hogwarts. Every year when September 1st was approaching he'd wait for an owl to come from Professor Dumbledore. He thought that Dumbledore would ask him to attend Hogwarts. He begged me to transfer him. Hell, he memorized 'Hogwarts, A History' within days! If only he could see us now! Us, living in London, and you going to Hogwarts!" I was fighting back tears as hard as I possibly could and tried not to listen. He continued to reminisce as until we reached platforms 9 and 10.
"Do you know why I decided to come here, Alex?" he asked gently. I shook my head no. "I want you to remember the good times. I don't want to be back in San Diego where all the bad is. I thought that if Ben were to go anywhere, it'd be here. So the good Ben- the healthy Ben, can always be with us. I hope that maybe while you're here the memories of what happened would fade… and the hole in your heart could be filled with his happiness and his laughter- you understand?" I nodded again, and a few tears spilt over. I gave him a quick hug and entered the platform with him.
"Bye, dad," I croaked.
"Bye, honey." I gave him another hug and entered the train as fast as I could. I found an empty compartment very easily. I pulled down the blind, hiding from the rest of the students and let the tears flow. My whole body shook from the painful sobs. They just never seemed to stop coming. I felt as if all my tears had dried up, and instead of crying I looked out the window dejectedly, forcing my thoughts on the good times, and away from the loss that was gnawing at my heart. As crowds began to swarm the train, I pulled out my wand. I used a spell on myself that took the red and swollenness away from my eyes, so the fact I had been crying wasn't so obvious. A few curious eyes had peeked in to see who occupied the compartment I was in, and all left when the saw me, apologizing as they left. You see, a few lone tears had managed to roll down my cheeks.
"Why are the compartments always full when we get here?" a loud voice complained.
"I dunno," a strikingly similar voice answered. "But it's really getting on my nerves."
"Want to check in here?" another male voice asked. I saw three silhouettes standing outside my compartment.
"Sure," answered one of the 1st two voices, they were so similar I couldn't tell which was which. In fact, they were identical…
"Any room in here?" asked the voice identical to the last one who spoke. The door slid open and I saw the twins with another boy who looked about their age.
"Alex!" exclaimed the other twin as he pointed at me.
"Twin!" I said back, smiling through my tears. I wiped my eyes and giggled.
"What, did you forget my name already? Shame…" he said, his eyes dancing with silent laughter.
"I figured it'd be safer to go that route than to shout the wrong name and look like an idiot." He shrugged.
"Fair, I guess."
"Which one do you think he is?" asked the boy I don't know.
"Uhh…" They all stared at me expectantly. "Fred?" His brow furrowed.
"How'd you know?"
"I guessed. I was right?" He nodded.
"Can we sit here?"
"No, sorry. I was saving it for my llama. He should be arriving shortly."
"Well your llama will have to find another compartment then," George said as he took a seat across from me.
"My llama will be offended. I can't guarantee you will walk away from this unscathed." Chuckling heartily, Fred took a seat at my left and the boy I don't know sat across from him.
"I dunno," Fred said. "I've taken down many Slytherins in my day. They're close enough right?" I gasped and placed my hand on my chest.
"How dare you compare my llama to such… such… filth?"
"Well that's hardly fair," said a snide voice from the hall. Whoever it was opened the compartment door and sneered at the twins and their friend. "You haven't even gone to Hogwarts yet. You're Alexandra Whitely, correct?" The boy had platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes that had a malicious glint.
"Uh, yeah. That's me."
"Well then I know for a fact that you are the American exchange student my father told me about. I'm just warning you that you haven't been sorted yet, so don't make any enemies just now. Because who knows, perhaps you'll be in Slytherin. See you, America." After he shot a glare at everybody again he left me looking stunned.
"Who the hell was that?" I asked incredulously.
"Draco Malfoy," said the unknown boy darkly.
"He's the worst Slytherin gets. His family is pure blood so he thinks he's better than everybody," George continued.
"It doesn't help that he's filthy rich and all the girls think he's a really attractive bad boy and all want to be with him. Anyways, he's bad news," Fred finished with a scowl.
"Sounds like a dick to me," I agreed with a shrug. "And I don't believe I caught your name. I'm Alex," I said as I extended my arm to the twins' friend.
"Lee Jordan," he answered as he shook my hand.
"So…Alex?" Fred asked from next to me.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure?"
"Were you crying earlier?" I looked away and blushed profusely.
"Yeah," I answered my voice thick with embarrassment. He nodded and looked away.
"So… uh… hear about Sirius Black lately?" asked George to break the silence.
"Yes!" Lee exclaimed. "The sightings suggest he's heading this way. What kind of precautions do you think Dumbledore is setting up to protect Harry?"
"I just hope it isn't dementors," I said shuddering at the thought.
"Well, they'd protect the castle pretty well. What's wrong with them?" Lee asked.
"Have you ever been near one in person?" Lee shook his head. "Well, that explains it. It's the worst feeling in the world."
"I've heard they suck out the happiness. How is that so bad?" I shook my head at him.
"I couldn't explain it to you. You'd have to feel it." And right on cue the whole room suddenly got freezing cold and all the lights went out. I instinctively shot my hand out to Fred's, but only because he was next to me. "They're coming."
"Dementors?"
"Yes! I might start doing weird things but don't worry, it's," At that moment a large cloaked figure peered into our compartment.
"That wasn't funny, Ben," I giggled. "You really freaked me out!" I ran down the remainder of the stairs, and my brother jumped in surprise. When he looked at me I saw that he was sobbing.
"Ben?" I whispered. I noticed that in his hand was my father's gun. "Ben! What… What are you doing with that?"
"I'm so sorry, Alex," he cried miserably. "But if I don't…. If I don't I'll have to go to a hospital again…and take all the meds, and see all the therapists…"
"You need help!" I exclaimed, and as the shock of what was happening finally settled in sobs shook my tiny 11 year old body.
"What?" he screamed. "Not you too, Alex! I'm not sick! I'm perfectly fine, and I'm so fucking TIRED of everyone telling me otherwise!"
"B-B-But you are sick! That's what daddy said! Y-You can get better!" He laughed maliciously through his tears.
"You don't know the first FUCKING thing about dad!" he yelled. "That ASSHOLE made mom leave! I know you don't remember her, but I do! HE RUINED MY LIFE!"
"B-B-Ben please…!" I screamed. "D-D-Don't do this to me! I… I love you! I don't want you to leave! Not ever!" His face screwed up in pain. He fell to his knees next to me. He wrapped his arms around my shaking body.
"I'm so sorry," he said softly in my ear. "You're not old enough to understand. But you will someday. I love you so much. I…I just can't take it anymore." He stood up and walked back to the gun.
"NO!!" I shrieked. My throat felt sore from how loud I had yelled. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip around the trigger. Everything seemed to freeze in time, and I just stood there, screaming in disbelief. I faintly heard some distant voices yelling my name and shaking me, but I was rooted in the spot and continued to scream as I stared at his crumpled figure. Blood was pulsing from his broken head. "NO! BEN!" I screamed again as I raced forward. In a wild daze I began to pick up chunks of his shattered skull and attempted to put them in place. I whipped out my wand and started yelling, "Episkey!" over and over again, but the charm just didn't work. I tried 'Reparo' as well, but nothing helped. I sat there holding his broken head in my lap feeling useless, bawling so hard that I thought I would choke on my tears.
"Alexandra! Ben?!?" Shouted my neighbor's voice. I heard feet going down the staircase. I felt a pair of hands trying to pry me away from my brother, but I refused to move.
"NO! NO! I CAN FIX HIM! LET ME FIX HIM! BEN!!" My neighbor succeeded in pulling me away. "STOP! LET GO! LET GO!" I thrashed around wildly in his arms, trying desperately to get to Ben.
"ALEXANDRA FAYE WHITELY. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" shouted my neighbor. I felt him poke me in the side with his wand and he murmered something under his breath. He let me slump to the floor, and the last thing I saw was blood….everywhere…
"Alex?" asked a voice dripping with concern. I opened my heavy, swollen eyes and saw that I was lying across the seat in our compartment.
"Alex? You're okay?!" The next thing I knew one of the twins was hugging me.
"Those dementors, huh?" I said shakily. The twin, Fred, I'm guessing, pulled away.
"What was happening? You just started screaming and then you sat on the floor…and…and…"
"I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," I explained quietly, still shaking from the fresh memory. "I saw my older brother kill himself in front of me and I was trying to put his head back together. That was three years ago. I'm…I'm okay now."
"Does that happen whenever a dementor is near?" he asked.
"Only when they feed off of me… Is everyone else all right?"
"Harry fainted, but yeah, it's all okay."
"Get out of the way, give her some room!" a voice demanded. I looked up to see a tall graying man with very shabby robes and scars across his face. He knelt next to me. "Are you okay, Alex?"
"Yes. I'm fine."
"Has this happened before?"
"Plenty of times," I admitted sheepishly. "I had to go to a Mental Institution for a while, it was so bad."
"When was the last time you've had an episode?" he asked as he handed me a large chunk of chocolate.
"It's been a few months. I've gotten treatment and everything; it's almost as if it isn't even a problem any more. And when I do have episodes they're usually in my sleep." He nodded at my sympathetically.
"Alright, I'll let you rest for a bit. I expect that we have an hour or so until we arrive."
"Thank you very much," I answered as I forced a smile on my face. He left room looking quite worried. Fred, George, and Lee all looked quite pale as they sat across from me. I picked my wand up from the ground and fixed my eyes again. I glanced out of the compartment to see several students staring at me with great interest. I sighed angrily and laid back down.
"Are you all okay?" I asked and almost laughed at the looks of horror on their faces.
"Yeah," they all answered in unison.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I guess I just ruined your whole trip." I stared at the ceiling silently, and they talked amongst themselves in low voices.
"We should probably change into robes now," Lee said loud enough for me to hear just before I dozed off.
"Okay," I sighed. I stretched and stood up. I rubbed my eyes sleepily as I grabbed my uniform out of my suitcase. We changed in silence, and I was a little bit slower than them… Well, a lot slower. I felt their eyes bore into me as I pulled of my shirt. I wanted so badly to ask, "Like what you see?" with a smirk, but I figured that now wasn't the time. I finished up as quickly as I could and sat back down. The train screeched to a halt and we all stood up at the same time.
"Here," said a twin as he grabbed my trunk. "I'll bring this in for you."
"Which one are you?" I asked, blushing lightly.
"George."
"Thanks, George." We exited the train and they put the trunks in a big pile near the train while I ogled the large and beautiful castle. I now knew why Ben wanted to go here so badly.
"Firs' years!" called a rather large and scruffy man. "Firs' years and Alexandra Whitely!" I flushed at my name.
"Hey, I'm a whole new category!" I giggled to Fred and George. "I'll see you around?"
"Of course," Fred (I think) said with a grin.
"I hope you get Gryffindor," said George (again, I think.)
"Me too," I said with a smile. "But I'll be okay with anything as long as it isn't Slytherin. Well I better get going. Sorry for the scare." I nearly skipped over to the large man; I was so nervous and excited. "Everyone here? Okay then, let's get goin'," the man said. "My names Hagrid."
((Sorry it's a weird place to leave off, but this is getting pretty lengthy O.o))