Chapter 4

The diner, quiet as it was, fell silent when Charlie entered, firmly wedged between Morag and Leah. They had finally managed to persuade her to venture out, promising to keep everyone at bay.

At the counter, Martha and Colleen were deep in conversation and hadn't noticed Charlie enter. In the now silent diner, Martha's voice could be plainly heard; "I can't believe Angelo would ever hurt Charlie."

Morag silenced Martha with an icy glare as Charlie sank into a booth and wished herself invisible. She held her head in her hands and fought back her tears, shattered that her friends didn't believe her.

Sipping at her too hot coffee, eager to finish it and retreat to the safety of the house, Charlie was oblivious to her companions attempts to engage her in conversation. The only time she looked up from her drink was when Ruby entered the diner. Some sixth sense kicked in and Charlie just knew that Ruby was there. Ruby looked away and sat on the opposite side of the diner. Charlie couldn't stand the hushed conversations, and pointed stares any longer. She had to get out of there. Standing suddenly, she pushed past Leah and bolted for the door.

Ruby quickly followed her outside.

"How could you Charlie?"

Charlie turned uncertainly to face her daughter.

"Angelo has done nothing but love you and support you! How could you accuse him of this?" Ruby screeched.

Charlie collapsed to the floor, devastated at Ruby's words, hyperventilating. Struggling for breath, she managed to gasp, "I said no" before her world went black.

Charlie lay staring at the ceiling of her room. She could hear Rachel, Morag and Leah talking quietly by the door, and could feel their pitying glances. She felt numb. There was no pain anymore. She had gone beyond pain into a noiseless world.

I didn't ask for this. I said no. Why will no one believe that? Why has Ruby turned against me? I said no!

Rolling onto her side, Charlie's gaze settled on the photo that sat beside her bed. It had been taken way before the truth about Ruby's conception had come out; back in happier times. Ruby stood in front of Charlie, with Charlie's arms around her, both beaming into the camera. Charlie was in her new senior constable uniform. They had been celebrating her promotion.

Closing her eyes, Charlie suddenly knew what she had to do.

Charlie awoke at dawn and dressed quickly, moving around the house silently to avoid waking Leah, searching for what she needed. Slipping out into the cool morning air, she headed for the beach. Something about being near the ocean always made her feel calmer.

The beach was deserted. Without bothering to remover her sandals, Charlie walked through the surf, enjoying the rush of water through her toes. She stood for a while, gazing out to sea, watching the sky get lighter. Turning her back on the ocean, she headed up the beach and threw herself down at the foot of the dunes. She pulled her phone from her pocket, and turned it over in her hands.

Her mind was set. This was the only way to stop the pain. The emptiness. The feeling of being ashamed of what had happened. The shame of the person she had become. Fumbling in her pocket, Charlie pulled out her service pistol, checked it was loaded and removed the safety. She placed it carefully on the sand in front of her.

Is it really only a year since you left? It feels like forever. It feels like it was yesterday. I'm so lonely without you. I can't go on anymore.

Turning the phone over, she switched the video camera on to record, and turned it around so the lens was facing her. As she moved the phone around, the gun came clearly into view.

"Hi, it's me. Charlie." She tried to smile. Her voice was cracking and she suddenly found herself lost for words, she stared into the lens for a moment. "I miss you so much. I miss you everyday. I never knew it was possible to feel so alone. I wish I'd had the courage to love you as you deserved." She laughed bitterly. "I thought saying goodbye would be easy. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye but I do. God I wish you were here. It would all be so much easier with you by my side. Something happened. Something bad. Not even my own d…not even Ruby believes me. No one really believes me. I'm so alone, and scared. But mostly I'm ashamed. Ashamed that this happened. Ashamed that I can't deal with this. It hurts so much Joey. I wish you were here to heal the pain. I wish you were here to hold me. I love you so much. I never stopped loving you. I wish I never stuffed up the best thing that ever happened to me. I just wanted you to know that my last thoughts are of you. I'm so sorry Joey. Please remember how much I love you."

The recording light stopped blinking as Charlie's ramblings filled the memory card. Turning the phone around, she selected Joey's number and pressed send. She stared at the screen for a while, before carefully placing the phone next to her on the sand.

Picking up her gun, she again checked that it was loaded, and the safety was off. Keeping her eyes on the horizon, she slowly raised the gun and placed the barrel in her mouth.

Charlie closed her eyes.