Hey! So just so you all know, this chapter switches POV's a lot, and mainly focuses on Alice. Things are starting to get a little heavy, but it's all leading to something. [At the end of the chapter there is a fairly long authors note just explaining where this story is coming from, because some of the things I write about are heavy, but they are based on real events. So just read that] AND ALSO PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!! Thanks!!!
Disclaimer: Naaadddddaaaaa. Zip. Zero. Zilch I own a-nothing.
Week 25-April 13
Alice POV
School starts on Monday and I'm pretty sure that besides Bella, none of us are looking forward to it in the slightest. I couldn't even believe that mom and dad were making me go to an all girls school! Like, how mean! After they gave me the news I refused to leave me room. Even when Bella got that phone call and the whole family went to comfort her, I still stayed locked up in my room.
I had seen this coming. It was a while ago, the day we found out that Bella was having a girl. We had just found out the sex when I had this...vision thing where some guy was grabbing the baby away from Bella. I tried to push the thought out of my head, but now with that phone call and everything...I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to tell mom, I mean she has so much other stuff going on with Bella and Rose and the new house and all that, I don't want to have to tell her that I'm crazy too.
I was trying to concentrate, you know, to see if I could see anything else, but I haven't had a vision since then.
"Alice!" Mom called, "Rosalie! Girls, we're going!" Today was the day that we were going to get our uniforms. I've yet to see what they look like, but I bet they're horrible.
I cried the whole way to the uniform store. I know it seems like I'm being a baby, but I'm not. It's just that I can't stand the idea of being at a place with just girls. Girls are horrible, they are so mean. Boys are just so much more fun to hang out with and stuff. And plus, wearing a uniform? Like are you kidding me? Fashion is all I have! Without nice clothes I'm just another girl in the crowd.
"Alice!" My mother finally snapped, "Stop that crying this second!" My mom almost never yells at me, so if she does I know that she's mad. Like, really mad.
"But--" I started to protest.
"Alice, just be quiet. I can not even believe how you are acting about this! Do you think that we want to be here? No. None of us are happy right now, but we are all sucking it up. I don't know how you can possibly sit there and feel sorry for yourself because you have to go to school you don't like for three months after everything that your sisters have been through. I am sure that Bella would gladly take your spot. I bet that she would much rather be going to an all girls school as opposed to carrying the baby of the guy that raped her and is now threatening to take her child from her. So honestly, how about you stop crying and count your fucking blessings. You should be thankful that no one has ever forced you to have sex, not crying because you have to wear a fucking kilt."
I stopped crying immediately. Rosalie stiffened in her seat. Mom has never blown up like that at me, ever. I mean of course she's yelled, but never anything like that. I couldn't believe that she said those things to me.
"Sorry." I muttered.
The whole rest of the way to the store I didn't dare say anything. I just sat there quietly staring at my hands. Rosalie was crying silently, and the tension in the car was so beyond strong. That sad thing though is that things have been like this for a while now. I knew it was only a matter of time before mom blew up at one of us, I was just hoping that it wouldn't be me.
Esme POV
I can't believe I just did that. I just did the one thing that I told myself I would never do. Back when we first adopted Edward I made myself promise that no matter how stressful things got, I would never take it out on my kids, and thats what I just did, I blamed Alice for all the things that weren't her fault. She should be allowed to cry because we're forcing her to go to an all girls school. She should be allowed to be pissed cause she has to wear a uniform. She should be allowed to be a normal teenager who gets angry at us. She shouldn't have to be carrying around all of this stress. Just because Rosalie and Bella have their issues on the side doesn't mean that Alice should have to change her whole life.
Alice looked petrified in the back seat, and I don't blame her. I just said things to her that no thirteen year old should ever have to worry about. She shouldn't have be worrying about getting raped, and whats going on with Bella is not something that I need to hold against Alice at all. I didn't know what to say now though. I just said things that no mother should ever even think about saying, and now I can't take them back.
Six months ago if you told me that this is what my life would be like, I never would have believed you. And I sometimes wonder, if someone had warned me that this is what things would be like, would I still have adopted Bella? I know it makes me sound like a horrible person, but I would have had to think about my family. I mean tearing my kids away from the only life they know, making them all start new schools this late in the year, seeing how upset and miserable Alice and Rosalie are...I mean I don't know. Of course what happened to Rosalie has nothing to do with Bella, but still, a little part of me always wonders...
I never let my self think that way seriously though, because the reality is that we do have Bella, and I love her to death, even with everything going on. I can't be worrying about the what ifs, its a waste of my energy. Bella needs me now. She needs someone to protect her and help her, and I have to be that person. And not to mention my five other children who need my attention as well. While Rosalie is finally back on the right path, Alice is starting to get into some trouble. Not much, but there are little things that I've been noticing, and I want to help her, to be there for her, I want to talk to her, but I feel like with all of the other stresses, Alice just keep slipping through the cracks.
How could I have let things get this bad? I'm their mother, I was supposed to be there for them, and I wasn't. For the first time in my life I feel like I truly failed.
Alice POV
I didn't dare say anything else the rest of the way there. Mom looked furious, and after what just happened I don't want to upset her more.
When we got to Westside Uniforms Rosalie and I silently followed mom into the store.
"What school?" The lady behind the counter asked.
"Saint Mary's." Mom's voice was cold and hard. The lady looked at as pitifully, then turned towards the racks.
"Follow me." She instructed. We walked down an isle of hideous clothes until we finally stopped at a rack marked 's. I almost puked as the lady pulled out some items.
"Try these." She dumped a pile of clothes into my arms and pointed me in the direction of the fitting rooms. I fought back the tears and went to try the stuff on.
Once the door to the change room was locked I allowed my self to cry again. The tears kept coming as I put on the white dress shirt, green vest, the navy and green plaid tie, navy and green plaid kilt, and the navy blazer. As I stared at my self in the mirror I couldn't stop crying. The cast on my arm was a symbol of how shitty my life has become and the hideous uniform is a symbol of all of the lame changes that are happening. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing. I've never done anything this bad. And of course I feel bad for Rose and Bella, but I don't understand why I'm the one being punished. Just because my sisters have their issues doesn't mean that I shouldn't be allowed to be a normal thirteen year old.
"Alice?" I heard mom call. I quickly sobered up and stepped out of the dressing room. "You look very nice. Both of you do." Rosalie was standing next to me dressed exactly the same. Mom turned to the sales lady, "We'll take two sets in each size and two sets of gym clothes in each size as well."
As we were walking back out to the car mom turned and looked at me, and for the first time I saw how much sadness was hiding in her eyes. I guess I never realized how hard this must be for her too. "Thanks for being such a good sport Alice." She said quietly.
I just nodded. I was too scared to say anything else in fear of being yelled at again. Nobody in my family ever used to yell, we were all so calm. But now it feels like that's all everyone ever does. Mom yells at us, dad yells at us, we yell at each other, we yell at mom and dad, and if we're not yelling, then we're crying. Yelling and crying, thats all we really do anymore.
As soon as we got back home I went straight to my room. Sometimes I think about running away. Just packing up my bags and getting as far from my stupid family as possible. When I'm alone, which is all the time now, I like to think about the what if's. What if my birth mom had kept me. What if I had ended up with a different family. What if we never adopted Bella. What if Bella wasn't pregnant. What if Rosalie hadn't been raped. What if I got raped. What if I ran away. And the what if that's been crossing my mind the most lately, what if I didn't exist. What would happen if I was dead.
I've thought about it. I truly have, but I've never really thought seriously about it. Things are bad now, but I have to believe that they will get better. Five years from now I will be on my own, as far from this hell hole as I want to be. Even on days like this I have to keep optimistic. I hate this feeling though. I hate how much pain I'm in, yet I can't see the reason. Sometimes I think about cutting my self. Just so I can have a legit reason to be in pain, but I never go through with it. Instead, when I'm feeling like this I sneak into the liquor cabinet and drink until I forget why I'm upset.
Bella POV
School is something that I have always hated. Being in the foster care system I usually moved schools every year, if not more often. Because I moved around so often I never really had any real friends. I kept in touch with a few girls, but I never really met anyone that I could truly connect with. And then at Forks High I had friends for about a month, and then as soon as news of my pregnancy spread nobody would really talk to me. I guess I don't really blame everyone for not liking me, I mean nobody could relate to me, nobody could understand what I was going though.
I can tell though that the girls here get it. I've only been at the Jean Louise School for less than two hours, but already I can tell that I'm going to love it.
Here I can relate to everyone, and it feels great. When I walked into my first class nobody gave me dirty looks or made rude comments, instead everyone welcomed me with open arms. They understood exactly what I was going though.
I walked into my first class this morning, and within twenty minutes I had like ten new friends. It felt amazing. For the first time in my life, despite my dark past and my huge stomach, I actually feel normal and I can't even begin to explain how good that feels.
"How far along are you?" A blonde girl sitting next to me asked, "Oh, and I'm Jenna by the way."
"Twenty five weeks." I smiled. "And I'm Bella." Nobody besides my family had ever really showed an interest in my pregnancy before. "How about you?" She didn't look like she could be more than a couple of weeks in.
"Ten weeks."
"Hi!" A tall girl with brown hair smiled as she sat down next to us. "I'm Dani. You must be Bella."
"Hi. Yeah, I am." I smiled.
"How far in?"
"Twenty five weeks. You?"
"I had my daughter, Adeline, last summer." She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of a smiling baby. "This is her."
I couldn't help but smile. "She's so cute. I'm having a girl too."
"Have you thought of any names yet?" Dani asked.
"A little bit..." I bit my lip. "My mothers name was Renee, so I'd like to somehow fit that into her name. I'm really not sure yet though."
"You guys are so lucky." Jenna whined, "I have to wait like two and half more months till I find out the sex." She pouted.
"What names to do you like?" I asked her.
"For a boy Hunter, or maybe Harley or Bentley or something like that and for a girl Whynter or Asia or Olivia."
"Those are...different names."
"My mom says I should stick with something more generic like Katherine or Madison or Caitlyn or Ryan or Daniel or something, but I want my kid to have a totally off the track name."
"Thats sweet. I want my daughter to have a unique name too, something that really has a meaning to it." I explained. "Something special."
"That makes sense." Dani nodded. "Adeline's middle name is Rose, after my grandmother."
"Adeline Rose," I repeated, "Thats such a cute name."
"Thanks." Dani giggled, "It took me forever to finally settle on a name."
"Good morning class." The teacher said, interrupting our conversation. "I hope everyone had a great weekend and is ready to get back to work. Before we start though I have a couple of announcements. First of all Laila had her baby on Saturday. A healthy baby boy, Jordan James." There were a few quiet whispers and then the room was quiet again, "And second, we have a new student joining us, Isabella Cullen. She and her family just moved here from Forks, so I hope that you all make her feel very welcome."
Everyone turned and smiled at me. And even though I don't really know any of the girls, I know that we will probably all be good friends, because except for out families, which I bet some of these girls don't even have, we are all each other has. We have all been ostracized from the rest of the teenage population. We are the fuck ups. The misfits. The misunderstood. And that brings us all together.
Alice POV
I woke up in the morning with a wicked bad hangover, but I couldn't let my mom know so I threw back a handful of advil and started my day. I got dressed in my hideous uniform and made my way down to the kitchen. Mom was at the counter making her coffee, Bella was already gone, on her way to her new school. Emmett and Edward were on their way out and Jasper was sitting at the table eating his breakfast.
"Nice uniform." He cracked a smile.
"Just shut the fuck up." I snapped. I was in no mood for anyone to say anything to me today,
"Alice!" Mom yelled. "Watch your mouth."
"You," I glared at her, "Are not one to be talking,"
"Mary Alice Cullen!" She started to yell, but then she shut her mouth. "We're leaving in ten. Be ready."
"I hate you." I muttered then I grabbed a box of cereal. "I hate this whole stupid family."
I ate my cereal in silence. Jasper quickly finished then disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my headache.
Edward POV
Emmett and I left a lot earlier then we needed to, but we both agreed that we needed out of that house. I don't think I have ever seen a family as fucked up as ours. All anyone in our family does anymore is yell or cry. Although the crying is usually just from the girls. Emmett, Jasper and I have tried to just stay off to the side. Emmett and I are old enough now to take care of our selves. I mean, he'll be graduating this year and I'm graduating next year and then I'll be off on my own. Jasper's always been very independent and responsible. He knows right from wrong, and even if mom and dad aren't always watching over him, he still makes good decisions. It's Alice that I'm most worried about. Mom and dad are so focused on Bella and Rosalie that Alice is sort of just slipping through the cracks. Sure Alice is smart, but she's at an age where she needs guidance, and at the moment no one is there to give it to her.
"So how are things with you and Bella?" Emmett asked.
"Things are good. She's been really upset lately, with Kyle's call and everything, but so far everything between us is great." Not to sound all high and mighty or anything, but I think it's good that Bella has me right now. I'm someone that she can rely on, someone who is always there for her, and I think that I'm really good for her.
"That great. I'm really happy to hear that," Emmett smiled, "She's lucky to have you."
Alice POV
The ride to school was silent. Mom and I still weren't on good terms and Rosalie just sat there quietly. "Well, here you go." Mom said as she pulled up in front of the school. Saint Mary's is a fairly big school with a modern campus and a sprawling front lawn. Groups of girls in the same ugly uniforms were walking into the building. "Good luck." Mom smiled as we climbed out of the car.
"Whatever." I muttered, slamming the door behind me. I didn't bother waiting for Rosalie as I stomped towards the school. The inside of the school was huge, and I wasn't sure how anyone expected me to find my way around.
Finally I found the main office. "I'm new here." I told the receptionist, "My name is Alice Cullen and I'm in the seventh grade."
"Of course." She smiled politely as she printed off a pile of papers. "Here's your schedule, a map of the school and your locker number and combo. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask."
"Thanks." I tried to sounds sincere. I looked at the locker number and saw that it was in the 200's, which probably means that it's upstairs. I followed the rows of lockers until I found mine then dumped all of my shit into it. My first class was math in room 370. Yet another flight of stairs to climb.
Once I found my class I chose a desk in the far back corner and stuck in my headphones. The last thing I needed was for one of these girls to try and talk to me.
Groups of girls started filing into the room and by the time the bell rang the class was full of girls in navy blazers and plaid kilts. Luckily for me the teacher skipped all the introduction crap. "Alice Cullen will be joining our grade. Please be nice." Was all she said before moving on. The morning dragged on forever, each class going slower then the one before it. I wouldn't say that the girls here were mean exactly, but none of them were overly friendly. At lunch I walked into the cafetiria looking for an open table, but I couldn't see any.
"Alice!" I heard someone call. I turned around and saw a blonde girl waving me over. "Hi." She said as I approached her table. "I'm Lauren, you're in my math a history class."
"Right." I smiled even though I didn't remember her.
"Do you want to sit with us?" She asked.
"Uh, sure." I sat down in the empty chair between a brunette and a red head.
"I'm Robin." The red head said, "And that's Emily." She pointed to the brunette.
"Nice to meet you." I smiled again. All of the girls were eating either school lunches or brown bagged lunches, but I had neither. I was too out of it last night to think of making a lunch and mom hadn't given me any money to buy.
"Aren't you hungry?" Emily asked. I just shook my head.
"Nah, I had a huge breakfast." That was the first lie I told at my new school, but definitely not the last. One thing that I learnt very quickly is that it's always best to just tell people what they want to hear. Nobody wants to hear the real truth, they just want to hear the clean and quick one.
Esme POV
The kids had been in school for three days now and from what I can tell things are going okay. The boys all seem to be adjusting fine and I've never seen Bella happier. So far Rosalie is doing really well too. I think that a new setting was just the thing she needed. The only one still not doing great is Alice. I honestly can't remember the last time I saw her smile.
She won't talk to me about anything anymore. She comes home, hides in her room, eats dinner with us then locks her self in her room all night. I want her to know that I'm here for her, but she won't listen to me. Not that I really blame her considering how I've been treating her.
Thursday afternoon I decided to surprise Alice and take her to get her cast removed. I came into the school at lunch and asked them to page her for me. She came into the office looking sullen and miserable. "What?" She asked when she saw me.
"Get your stuff." I told her, "I'm taking you out."
She sighed and rolled her eyes then walked out of the office returning five minutes later with her bag.
"Where are we going?" She whined.
"I think you and I need some time just for us." I tried to keep my voice light. I first took her out for lunch to her favorite restaurant.
"I feel like you and I never talk anymore." I told her as we sat down in our booth.
"I don't have anything to say." She snapped. She glared up at me and I saw that her eyes were cold and angry. Who is this girl? She is certainly not the Alice I know. My Alice was sweet and bubbly and outgoing. Everything that this kid is not.
"How is school?" I prompted.
"Shi--It sucks." She said. "I hate it." She kept her eyes glued to the table.
"Have you met any girls?"
"A few. But we aren't like friends or anything." She started biting her nails.
"Alice." I said seriously, "I know that I've been busy lately, but you know that I'm here right? You can tell me anything."
"No, I can't." I was surprised at her honesty. "I can't tell you anything." Her voice was sharp.
"What makes you think that?"
"Because, if I were to like say that I didn't really have any good friends, you would probably just like say, oh Alice, you should just be glad that you weren't raped." It sounded like she was about to cry, but hr eyes remained cold. I didn't know what to say back. I wanted to tell her that of course that wasn't true, except it sort of was. Last time she tried to be upset I just yelled at her, so no wonder she feels like she can't come to me about the little things any more. It's because I've robbed her of the chance to just be a normal teenager.
"Alice--" I tried to reach for her hand but she pulled away.
"Just forget it. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm totally happy." I knew she was lying but I didn't say anything else on the matter.
We ate lunch in an uncomfortable silence then I took her to the hospital to get her cast removed.
"I bet you're glad thats off, huh?" I asked trying to keep things light. I know that I've messed up and that she probably won't forgive me anytime soon, but a mother can try, right?
"That was last things tying me to Forks." She muttered. Her voice was cynical and to be honest I was sick of it. I wanted my old Alice back. I hated this new sarcastic teenager. I wanted my baby girl back. She sighed loudly and rolled her eyes and I felt like yelling at her again, but I bit my tongue. She could be bitter if she wanted to be. It was her choice. I can at least let her be miserable if she so desires.
"Thanks for lunch." She said as she got out of the car. And before I could even say 'you're welcome' she was gone. My baby girl was gone, off on her own in the adult world.
So I hoped you liked that chapter! AND PLEASE REVIEW! If you review I will send you a snippet of the next chapter. So yeah, REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, for anyone who actually cares, I am posting a little...blurb...about where I got the inspiration for this story. I know that things are getting heavy and that it seems like everything that can go wrong for the Cullen's is going wrong, but I hope that you will all keep reading. Things can only go up from here, right? So, if you care to read, here is my blurb...:
[Alright, so as you have all probably noticed, this story is getting very heavy and there is a lot shit going on with all of the girls. I just want you all to know that this story is going somewhere, and I will not leave you with any loose ends. Some of you might be thinking thats it's unrealistic that the family has this many problems, but this is all based of real events. About seven months ago my seventeen year old sister told us that she was pregnant. Now, obviously none of you know Molly, but this wasn't exactly a complete surprise (to put it nicely). Molly had a lot of issues to start, like drinking, drugs ect so when she first told us she was pregnant my parents sent her to a rehab type place (much like the one Rosalie went to) to help her get clean and sober for the baby. During this time all of my parent's energy was focused on Molly, and me and my younger sister (who was just shy of fourteen at the time) started falling through the cracks. Luckily for me I had a great group of friends to support me, but Bailey wasn't as lucky. Much like Alice and Rosalie in my story, Bailey started sneaking alcohol and stopped eating and all that type of stuff. Luckily Bailey got help, but for a few months my family was a complete gong show. It felt like EVERYTHING was going wrong. Problems are like dominos. When one thing goes wrong it sort of sets off a chain reaction and everything starts going wrong. So I guess the moral of my little rant is to please, just keep reading. Don't give up on the story. Things might seem bad now, they will get better. haha yeah I've been saying that a lot in my story, but it is true...]
AND AGAIN, PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!
Love Alice .