Alright...so this is it!!! This story has been nearly a year in the making, and it was all leading up to this. The least you can do for me is leave a review! And also, the story is NOT over, I love this story too much to stop here, so keep it on your favorites list!
So yeah, ENJOY!!
Week 38-July 13
Alice POV
Esme, Rosalie and I are throwing Bella her baby shower tomorrow, and I'm actually so pumped! I can't even believe that next week the baby is due. I mean, it feels like just yesterday that she told us that she was pregnant, but then when I think of everything thats happened since then, it seems like years ago.
Our house is covered in pink and purple streamers and the cake is white with pink and purple roses. It's been so long since I've been girly, but I have to admit that it feels really nice, like I'm actually somewhat feeling myself again. I still sneek booze sometimes, but c'mon, I can't become perfect overnight.
The boys were all going on a camping trip with dad, so it was just the four of us home this weekend. Because of everything that's happened, I'm not really allowed to go out anymore, and since Bella's like too huge to move, she's staying home, and because Rosalie is this new found catholic who spends all of her free time praying for guidance or whatever, none of us are going out on this fine Friday evening. (A/N For anyone who cares, I imagine Rosalie to be just like Grace, from the Secret Life of the American Teenager. So if anyone is having trouble imagining what she's like--think Grace.)
We were all sitting on the couches in the living room, just chatting. Three months ago I would have rather stabbed a needle through my eye then sit with my family, but if theres anything that I've learnt this past year, its that your family is the only solid thing you can rely on, and they'll stand by you, even when you really fuck up.
"So," Rosalie said, looking at Bella, "Any ideas on what your going to name her?"
Bella bit her lip. "I don't know. I...yeah, I really don't know."
"Do you want help?" I asked.
Bella shook her head. "No, I want to be the one to pick the name, I want it to really mean something to me."
"When you see the right name, you'll just know that it's meant to be." Esme said. "It'll just jump out at you."
"I hope so..." Bella sighed, "I'm kinda running out of time."
"It'll happen. I promise."
I wonder if Esme's ready to be a grandma. She sure looks too young to be one. I bet there will be lots of people who'll think that Esme is the mother, not Bella. "I can't believe that this is for real." I said. "It's so crazy."
"This family is crazy." Rosalie said, "So I guess it sort of just fits."
"You guys weren't crazy till I came along." Bella pointed out.
"Meh," Esme brushed the idea away, "Sanity is so overrated. We needed some excitement in our lives."
Rosalie and I didn't respond, and Bella just sort of shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Esme took the hint, and stood up.
"Kay guys, tomorrow will be a long day, so we should call it a night now."
As we got up and headed up to our rooms, Bella was unusually quiet. She's been really quiet lately. Edward said it's nerves, which makes sense. If I were her, I would be freaking out too. I mean, this time next week her life will pretty much be over. Her life as of next week will revolve around this child. And I mean, really, lets face it, no 15 year old looks forward to giving her life up for a baby. And no matter how much Bella denies that, I know that it's true.
---
Bella POV
I've never been to a baby shower before, and I never thought that the first one I would attend would be my own, but nevertheless, here I am. Sitting outside at a picnic table covered by a pink plastic table cloth, wearing a party hat the says "Mom to be!" All of my school friends and some of Esme's friends and one of Rosalie's friends are here. Everyone was mingling and helping themselves to food and drinks, and I was just sitting here, wishing with every bone in my body that I was somewhere else.
Esme, Alice and Rosalie organized a bunch of games and stuff, but I just wasn't having fun. All I can think about is the fact that I'm having a...baby...I mean, what if I mess up...or what if something happens to her...whenever I think about anything happening to her it makes me want to puke.
Dani ran over to me and pulled me up, "Have fun!" She insisted, "This is one of your last few days of freedom, enjoy it!"
I don't know if that was supposed to make me feel better or not, but it didn't. It made me want to cry. I would never be free again. Any sense of freedom that I have will be gone.
Dani pulled me over to one of the tables where people were having a 'drink milk out of the bottle' contest.
"Bella!" Esme ran over to me, "Sweetheart, have fun."
I nodded.
"Bella, open your presents!" Amalie, a friend from school, shouted.
Everyone pulled me over to where a huge pile of presents were stacked. I just stared at them. I was gonna be sick. I can't do this.
Someone handed me a large box, and I pulled off the wrap. It was some...plastic contraption...or something. "Oh," I fake smiled, "How nice."
"It's a diaper genie." Esme told me.
I nodded quicky. "I knew that."
The next three gifts were all things that I had no clue what they were. I bit my lip to keep from crying. What was I thinking? I couldn't do this. I couldn't raise a baby. I took a deep breath and opened the rest of the presents, trying to keep a cool face. Finally four o`clock rolled around and everyone left. I moved all of the gifts into the nursery and then locked myself in my room and cried.
---
Four days after my shower, Esme and I were sitting in my doctors office for my last appointment. She went through the routine and then I sat back up. These check ups have become so normal that I barely even notice anymore.
"So Bella," The doctor said, "Have you thought about who you want in the delivery room?"
"Uh, the doctors?" Wasn't that kind of a dumb question.
"I mean for family members."
"No one. I don't want anyone."
Esme looked really surprised, "It's nothing personal," I told her, "It's just that this is gonna be really gross, and I'm gonna be half naked, and it would be really weird."
"This is your choice Bella. Do whatever you feel comfortable with."
"Bella," The doctor said, "I can almost guarantee that you're going to want at least your mom there."
"No," I insisted, "I won't."
I mean really, why would I want people seeing me when I'm trying to push a fucking watermelon out of me? It's gonna be nasty, and the less witnesses the better.
---
That night I was lying on my bed flat on my back staring up the ceiling talking on the phone with Renee. Lately I've been talking to her a lot. I don't know why though, I mean, shouldn't I hate her? It's her fault that my life ended up this way. I can't bring my self to blame her though, cause I'm in her shoes, and if I didn't have Carlisle and Esme and Edward, I don't know if I could really raise a baby.
"Have the nerves set in?" She asked me.
"Yeah." I was crying, "I'm so scared." Renee is the only person who I feel like I can be honest with about how scared I am.
"Bella, listen to me. These last few days will be very hard, and probably uncomfortable, but once it's done, it'll all be worth it, and you're going to be a great mom. And you'll have Esme helping, and me, and all of your friends. It'll all be okay."
"What if she won't come out?"
"She will. You did."
"Is it gonna hurt?"
She was quiet for a moment, "Don't think about the pain, think about your daughter. And if you have Esme there helping you, it'll be okay."
"Esme won't be there. No one will be. I want to be alone."
"No, no, Bella, don't do that. Have her there. I was alone, and it was bad. It made giving birth a million times harder than it needed to be. Please Bella, have Esme."
"I'm gonna be a mess though. I don't want her to see me like that."
"Bella, believe me, Esme doesn't care. She doesn't care how you look, or how much you're screaming, she just wants to be there for you. She has sacrificed a lot to take care of you, and the least you can do is let her be there when her granddaughter is born."
"I'm so scared though." I whispered.
"Bella, I'm sure she knows that. Have you talked to her at all? Does she know all of this?"
"No."
"Tell her Bella. She'll want to help you. She'll want to be there and hold your hand the whole time. The last thing she wants is to imagine you in the delivery room alone, scared and in pain. Just let her be there. You don't have to have anyone else in there, but please, for you and for her, let Esme be in there."
God, I don't know what I want to do. "I'll think about it."
"I just want you to be okay." She said. I know she loves me, even if she did abandon me. She's told me how much she regrets it, but I can also see how great her life is now, and I know that if she had kept me she wouldn't be nearly as well off as she is now. "So do you have a name?"
"Sort of. I have her middle names, but I still need her first name."
"Whats her middle name?"
"I don't want to tell you yet. I don't want to tell anyone her name until I have her whole name."
"Well, I'm sure that whatever it is, it's beautiful."
"Thanks Renee. I should probably go now though, it's late."
"Night Bella. I love you. Call me anytime."
"I will. Love you too."
I hung up the phone and turned off the lights. I wanted to fall asleep, but what Dani said earlier kept running through my mind. This is one of my last few days of freedom...
I sat up suddenly and turned my lamp on. I grabbed the baby names book that Esme had given me months ago, and flipped right to page 42. That was it. I looked at the name and smiled. My daughter had a name, and I knew it was right.
Week 39-July 27
My due date came and passed four days ago, and I was seriously ready to fucking punch someone in the face. I wanted my baby out. Now. I couldn't move. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't fucking do anything, and I'm sick of it.
My doctor told me that if my water didn't break by tomorrow then she would induce labor. I was so over this being pregnant thing, I just want my baby already.
A few weeks ago I printed off a list of ways to go into labour, and I couldn't stop thinking about number 3. Sex. I know I'm huge, but really, I don't have many options left. I waddled over to Edward's room and locked his door behind me.
"We have to have sex. Now."
He looked up at me, curious.
I rolled my eyes. "I can't take another minute of being pregnant."
Edward stood and and walked over to me. We were just undressing when I felt something wet. I looked down and saw a puddle of water on the floor.
"Jesus, I'm good." Edward smirked.
My eyes got real wide. "This is it." I said, pulling my clothes on. "Oh my God, this is it..." I started hyperventilating.
"Esme!" I cried, running out of his room. "Esme!" I grabbed my bag and waddled down the stairs.
Esme ran into the living room. "This is it!" I cried. "OhmyGod...OhmyGod..."
"Breath Bella." Esme grabbed me arm and led me out to the car. The others were all piling into Emmett's car to follow behind us. "Breath!" She kept reminding me.
"Make it stop!" I cried. "Tell her to stop...I changed my mind...I don't want to do this. Stop, stop, stop!" God, if it was this bad now, then actually giving birth is going to suck.
"Bella, breath!"
"Esme, will you be there with me? In the room? Just you though."
"Of course."
Esme floored it the whole way to the hospital. As soon as we got there they whisked me off into some room, and before I knew it I was in the bed in a gown, Esme holding my hand.
"Can she come out now?" I asked.
"You got a ways to go." The doctor told me.
I threw my head back and cried. "I don't want to..." I moaned. "Esme..." I grabbed her hand and held it tight.
She ran her fingers through my hair, and kept reminding me to breath. An hour turned into three hours, which became five, then seven, and by hour nine I was ready to quit.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cried. "Get. Her. Out."
"Almost there Bella," the doctor promised.
Almost there my ass. It was another four hours before they told me to start pushing. I didn't even care that I was totally exposed, or that I was crying and sweaty. I didn't care that I was a mess, cause I just want this baby out.
I grabbed Esme's hand and squeezed as hard as I could. They kept telling me to push, but nothing was happening. I fell back onto the pillow, sobbing. "Keep pushing Bella, you need to push harder."
I leaned forward and grabbed Esme's hand again. I pushed as hard as I could, but still no baby. "Just fucking cut me open. I fucking quit." I cried as I fell back again.
"Bella, she's so close. Just try again."
"No..." I cried. "No, no..." But even though I was saying no, I was still pushing.
"Here comes her head!"
"Fuccckkk.." I screamed. This was a million times worse than I had ever thought.
"Bella she's coming!"
Oh my God. The baby I had been waiting nine months for was almost here, and I couldn't even see her.
"Describe her to me." I told Esme. Still holding onto my hand she moved closer to the doctors. I was so far past the point of modesty here that I didn't even care.
"Her hair is light brown, her shoulders are coming, arms, legs and--"
And all of a sudden there it was. There she was. At 3:31a.m. on July 28th my daughter was born. Her cry filled the silent room, and Esme came up and gave me a hug. I lost it and started bawling too. I held onto Esme for dear life, too scared to let go. "You'll still be my mother, right, even though I'm her mother."
"Of course, Bella, you are only fifteen. So maybe you have a baby, but you still need a mom your self, and I'll always be here." The nurse came over and handed me a big bundle. The tears came back, but this time they were happy.
This baby was something special. She is my life now. I looked down at her face--sleeping and at peace. Her lips were perfect, and her nose was perfect and everything about her was so, so perfect. She's little though. Only seven pounds. She needs me, she is relying on me for life. I brought her into this world, and now shes waiting for me to make it all worthwhile. And what if I fail. What if I totally fuck her up. Carlisle and Esme can only help me so much. At some point we'll move out, and then what?
"Esme," I looked up her. She looked totally worn out, and exhausted. She hasn't slept in nearly 24 hours, but still here she was, by my side. "Thank you. I'm really glad you were here."
"Thank you for letting me be here. I would have gone crazy with worry waiting outside."
There was a knock on the door and Carlisle came in, followed by everyone else.
Alice rushed to my side. "She is so cute Bella!"
Rosalie nodded, "So cute. She is going to be such a stunner."
"Looks just like you, Belly Button." Emmett said, looking over Alice.
I looked down at her again. She was amazing. I can't believe that this is for real. I'm a mother. I'm not even a sophomore yet, and I'm a mother.
She opened her eyes and I quickly stiffened. She looked around at all of us, and then began to cry. I looked up at Esme for help.
"Rock her." I gently swayed her back and forth, and her cries quieted. I took one of her hands, and held it gently. It was so small. Her fingernails were barley the size of a rice crispy. And she's mine. This little bundle of blankets is mine. Forever.
"So what's her name?" A nurse asked walking over to us.
"I wanted a name that meant something, but I didn't know what I wanted it to mean. And then it dawned on me. I've given up my freedom, but I always want her to be free. I want her to have the freedom to grow up and explore but to have the safety of her family. I want her to be free to love without worrying about being hurt. I want her to have the freedom to grow up that I didn't. So I looked up names that mean free, and I've decided on Carley." I smile down at her, trying out the name. "Carley Renee Esme Cullen." Perfect.
Wow, so that's it. The baby is here...crazy...So how do you think she will handle motherhood? And will Carley put a strain on Bella and Edward's relationship? Can Bella manage everything, or will a lot of the weight fall on Esme? And what about Renee?? So much more to come, so KEEP REVIEWING SO THAT I CAN KEEP UPDATING!!!
Thanks for all of your support so far, and stay tuned for the next chapter!!
--Alice xx