Disclaimer: We don't own fish and we don't own Eugenides. Even though we'd like to eat them both. And is makes no sense and sucks, it's because we're writing this at two in the morning.
During a formal dinner...
Attolia: Eugenides, tell the ambassador from the fishing provinces how good his fish is.
Eugenides: I was promised roast beef. (pouts cutely)
Attolia: But it is a good fish, yes?
Costis throws a dinner roll at Eugenides to try and make him mind his manners. Sadly, he misses.
Eugenides: I don't know, I never met the damn fishie. I'm just trying to eat it.
Fish Ambassador: I can assure you, our finest fishermen caught this fish, and only the finest fish get caught by the finest fishermen.
Attolia: My king, stop mutilating your dinner and shove it in your mouth.
Eugenides sat, trying to create a plan to get away from his dinner and to steal some proper food.
Baron Susa: Fine weather we're having, eh?
Dite: But it's raining.
Eugenides sat in his seat and growled menacingly. He hated small talk.
Attolia: No animals at the table please. (giving a pointed glare to her husband)
Eugenides looked at the fish ambassador questioningly.
Eugenides: So that's why I don't have roast beef! You know, in some cultures, fish aren't considered animals. We are Attolians here. We like roast beef, yes?
Dite: But you're Eddisian.
Eugenides: I'm the king, I can be anything I want.
Attolia: So that explains the trumpet under my bed.
Costis had a mild coughing fit.
Eugenides: Oh no, I don't play toot toots. It was a harp.
Attolia and Baron Susa: Ah.
The entire table looked at them in bemusement.
Attolia: Eugenides, eat your fish!
Eugenides: Costis, eat my fish!
A quiet murmur arose from the table from an unknown source, "The diseases, think of the diseases."
Costis: "Yes, my king." He wondered what he had ever done to deserve such horrible punishment.
The fish decided it didn't belong in Costis' mouth or on his fork and accidently flung itself across the table, into the frowning face of the fish ambassador. Ornon decided he was fed up with the king's stupidity and flung a dinner roll at him. Dite smiled and yelled, "Food fight!".
The fish ambassador's salad ended up on Ornon's feet.
Ornon's feet ended up on Dite.
Dite ended up on the cheese platter.
The cheese platter ended up on Baron Artodorus' new cloak.
He squealed.
Baron Artodorus' new cloak ended up on Baron Susa's wine goblet, which was full. (Surprisingly)
Attolia experimentally flicked a grape at Costis who moved just so it would hit him.
The wine spilled onto Attolia's new slippers. She kicked her foot, upsetting Dite's chair.
Dite flew into a far corner and bounced back, holding a salad bowl.
Attolia finally got fed up with the melee and slammed her plate of fish into Eugenides' face.
Eugenides: This stuff tastes good! How come you got the better tasting one?
The fish ambassador promptly fainted and landed in the wine spill.
The dinner party looked at his immobile and shrugged. There were more important matters at hand, like dessert.
Authors' Note: shah pah tah pah tu pah tah? Pa te peh.
Review please. May you never think of fish the same way again.