Chapter 9

"Bubba, how many times have I told you not to attack me like that?" I reprimand. "That's it Bubba, right when we get home, we're going straight to the vet!"

Buster replies by jumping on my bed. I stand up and go over to him. He puts his ears back and hisses, showing all of his teeth.

I jump back in surprise.

Bubba growls and then strikes his paw out at me. He must be still mad about me taking away his sex kitten.

I gasp and run out the door.

I go down the hall and open the elevator. I don't know why I just went in it, but I just sit there in the corner. The door closes.

Finally.

I am alone.

I end up sitting there in the peace and quiet for about two hours.

This looks pretty sketchy.

I stand up and go elevator riding. I go up to the last floor, down to the first, and then repeat.

I don't know why I keep doing this at four in the morning, but I do.

When I get bored, I get off at my floor and go over to my hotel room and try to open the door.

Damn, it's locked.

I sigh and then realize that I have the key to Jason and Shane's room. So I go in their room as quietly as I can.

I guess I wasn't quiet enough, because Jason wakes up. "Nate?" he asks sleepily. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi… funny story… I got locked out of my room and…" I trail off.

"Just… sleep on the pull out bed." He yawns.

"Okay." I take off the cushions on the couch and pull out the bed, getting on it.

As I'm trying to fall asleep, I keep tossing and turning.

And the bed squeaks every time I do.

"Who the hell is squeaking?" I hear Shane ask.

"Nate," I say.

"Well… shut the fuck up, Nate; I'm sleeping."

I stay as still as I can, but then turn over again.

"Shut up!" Shane hisses.

I get off the bed, only it's dark and I can't see anything, so I accidently bump right into Shane and Jason's bed and fall over on them.

"OW!" I hear them both yell.

"Sorry!" I apologize and get off of them.

"Where are you going?" Jason asks.

"I'm gonna take a bath… I can't sleep."

"Okay."

I head over to their bathroom and close the door before turning off the lights. I make sure there are fresh towels before running the bathwater. I pour all of the cheap hotel bubble bath in and then wait for the bath to full up a bit.

I stick my foot in.

Ow! Hot!

I put on the cold water and wait some more for it to fill up.

I take off my clothes and look in the mirror.

Bad choice.

I look at how fat I am.

Huge.

Ugly.

So not perfect.

I shake my head and turn around and head over to the bathtub. It was almost full, so I turn off the water and step in the tub, sitting down.

I close my eyes and sigh.

I can faintly hear some of the bubbles popping and I swish the water around a bit.

Still can't sleep.

I recline further so that my hair gets wet.

Still not a bit tired.

I sit up and look around.

Maybe if I listen to some music I'll be able to sleep.

Wait… where am I gonna get music? My laptop is in my locked room and Jason and Shane would flip a shit if I used theirs.

Then I get a great idea.

Jason has problems sleeping all the time…

So he takes sleeping pills.

I get out of the bathtub; freezing the instant my bare body reaches the cold air. I quickly look around for Jason's medicine bag. When I finally find it, I look around in it.

Contacts, contact solution, my tic-tac medicine, band-aids, point ivy ointment…?

That's random.

I look some more and then find it.

The sacred orange bottle with the magical pills inside.

I pop two in my mouth and wash them down with some sink water.

I go back in the bathtub, closing my eyes.

Still can't sleep.

I get out and take another pill.

Still nothing.

I bring the bottle and a cup of water over to the bathtub and sit there.

I look at my watch and see that it's four thirty in the morning.

I still haven't slept.

I dump out the rest of the pills and take five more, closing my eyes.

But I end up getting out of the tub and pacing the floors.

And that's when something glimmering catches my eye.

I look over and on the counter is Jason's Swiss army knife.

He carries it everywhere, that crazy kid.

And I stand there, contemplating what I should do.

I grab the knife, go back in the tub, and when I can't sleep anymore, I get desperate.

And I start cutting.

And I cry.

I cry because I can't sleep.

I cry because I'm frustrated.

I cry because of how overwhelming the pain is.

And I cry because I'm not perfect.

I hear knocking at the door. "Nate? Are you still in there? You okay?"

Jason.

I hold my breath and hold back a sob. I don't want him to hear me cry. I don't want him to see the cuts I give myself when no one's looking. "I'm fine," I lie.

Part of me wants him to come in here and rescue me, but the rest of me wants him to stay away.

"Are you sure?"

I sniff. "Y-yeah." I breathe in uneasily and it gives it away that I've been crying.

By now, most of the bubbles have gone, leaving a thin creamy-white layer of soap hovering over a tub filled with cold, red water.

I slash myself again and gasp.

"Nate, what are you doing in there?" he asks, putting on his parental tone. "Are you okay?"

"Leave me alone!" I scream. "Leave me the hell alone! I don't want to talk to you, okay!" I cut again and let out a cry. I grab the bottle of pills and pour the remainder of them in my mouth, swallowing them down with some water.

That's when Jason decides to barge in here like there's no tomorrow.

I cut myself again. "Ahh!" I cry out, taking in the pain. I double over, holding my injured arm underwater. The soap in the water makes it sting even more.

"Nate, what are you doing!" Jason says, running over to me. He grabs the knife I was holding and tosses it to the side. He takes my arms and turns them over. "Wha-? Why did you…? Nate, why did you do this?"

"Because I'm not perfect!" I yell. "Okay? I'm not perfect like you and Shane are. I'll never be as good as you so why don't you just leave me alone and let me die?"

Jason grabs me under my arms and pulls me out of the water. "Jesus, Nate, you're so skinny!"

"No I'm not! I'm fat and ugly! And you know that because you're Mr. Perfect!"

"Nate, what are you talking about?"

I try to stand, but sway a bit like I'm drunk. "You… you're so perfect. And I'm so… not. And it's just so frustrating that sometimes…" And I grab the knife from the ground and slash again, screaming in pain.

"Stop it, Nate!" Jason yells and takes the knife away from me. He grabs my arms and looks at my wrists. "Let me get you some Band-Aids." He grabs a box of SpongeBob Band-Aids from his medicine bag and starts putting them over the cuts. "What were you thinking, Nate? Huh? Why would you do this?"

That's when I fall over on the floor and close my eyes, drifting in and out of consciousness.

"Nate!" he exclaims and crouches down next to me. "Nate, what did you do?"

"I just wanted to sleep," I whisper, closing my eyes again.

"Did you take something?" he asks, slapping me a bit to help me stay conscious. "Nate, tell me what you took!" He pauses for a moment and grabs the empty bottle of sleeping pills. "Nate, did you take all of these pills?"

"I just… wanted to sleep…"

"Please tell me some of them fell in the tub or something. Just tell me you didn't take all of them!"

But by then, I had already fallen asleep.

"Nate, you have to wake up!" Jason keeps yelling. "You can't quit yet!"

I can barely hear him. As if his voice is way far off in the distance.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," Jason says and lifts me up. "Shane, I'm taking Nate to the hospital," he calls out to my other brother.

I let out a soft moan, telling him that yes, I am still alive.

"Hang in there buddy," Jason says, taking me out of the room.

He starts running and presses the button for the elevator about a trillion times. I open my eyes and Jason looks so worried. He keeps pressing the elevator button saying, "Come on…"

When the elevator does open, he goes in and presses the first floor button. He finally notices that I'm semi-conscious and says, "Nate, I'm gonna get you help, okay? Just don't worry."

I don't say anything and instead just close my eyes.

As the doors of the elevator are still opening, Jason races out of there as fast as he can. I open my eyes and he runs out of the hotel, over to the car. He puts me in the passenger seat and puts on my seatbelt for me. Then, he gets in himself and zooms away.

To make it even more dramatic, he makes a sharp turn and the wheels make that squeaky noise they make when you skid. It was like that part in the 'Twilight' movie where Edward comes and saves Bella in the nick of time in his car when she's getting attacked or some shit like that.

Yeah, I saw 'Twilight.' Jealous? Who said that boys can't see chick flicks?

He starts driving down the road. "Don't worry, Nate, we're almost there."

I rest my head up on the door. "I'm so sorry," I manage to make out.

"No, don't be sorry. It's okay."

Jason accelerates.

"Jason, I was just so tired of everything and-"

"Nate, you don't have to apologize."

I open my eyes and lift my head up. "But Jason-"

I was cut off when all of the sudden we see a fallen tree in the middle of the road. Jason slams on the breaks and we swerve out of control when our car hits the tree and all of the tires blow out. Our car rolls over a few times. I felt a rush of unbearable pain and then-

Nothing.

Peace.

Quiet.

Finally.

Perfect.