Chapter 15

Letting Go

Alex knocks on Tommy's bedroom door; from inside she can hear, "Come in." She opens the door and Tommy sits up in the bed as he sees her enter the room. "I've come in to say goodnight."

He smiles, "Alex, can I ask you something?"

She walks toward the bed and sits on the edge, "Of course, what is it?"

The young boy looks down and says very softly, "Are you sure, I mean really sure that Dad won't have to go to jail?"

Alex lifts his head up by his chin, "I'm positive, I promise you that your Dad will not go to jail."

He smiles and lies back down on the bed, "Goodnight Alex."

She leans down and kisses his cheek and before she lifts herself up, he puts his arms around her and gives her the biggest hug a boy of nine could. "Goodnight Tommy."

She decides to knock on Chris' door, "Come on in."

"Hey I thought I'd come in and say goodnight," she looks around the room, "Cool room."

The boy smiles, "I bet when your Dad sends you up to your room, it's not a bad thing at all."

"He doesn't do that; we have to sit in the kitchen." Alex chuckles, "And after you've eaten all the snacks you can, there's nothing else to do in there." Alex laughs.

She moves closer to the bed and sits on the edge, "You seem to have gotten the answers to your questions," he nods his head, "I want to tell you that I haven't told your Dad about our conversation." He looks away from her, "Chris, are you mad at him?"

He shakes his head, "No, it was as if he was talking about someone else."

"He was Chris."

He looks at Alex and sits up in the bed, "He did good with that lady, didn't he?"

"Yes he did, he didn't panic, he kept his cool and he got the answers to his questions today."

"I'm glad you're here Alex."

"I'm glad to be here, can I give you a kiss goodnight."

He nods his head, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Alex." She closes the door and walks the few feet toward Bobby's room, the door is ajar, "Bobby?"

She hears a door open down the hall, "Yeah," he walks down the hall and without missing a step; he grabs her hand and leads her into the bedroom. He lets go of her hand and sits down on the bed. "How can you tell if you've re-injured your ribs?"

"X-rays, I believe. Are you in that much pain?"

He smiles, "Only when I move." She tries not to laugh but she cannot help it. "I'd better go."

"No you don't have to go," he pats the left side of the bed, "There's plenty of room."

She looks toward the door. "It's not like we can have sex, unless you want to kill me," he flashes that smile that she has grown to know and love, "Don't answer that."

She laughs, "Yes, I'd like to stay."

"Good."

"Can I borrow one of your t-shirts?"

"Sure, top drawer left hand side."

She takes the shirt out of the drawer and leaves the room, "Alex where are you going?"

"To the bathroom and then I'm going to change."

When she returns he is already in bed and she pulls down the covers and gets in. "Bobby, can I ask you something? About your Dad."

He turns to face her and grimaces in pain, "If you must, go ahead."

"Was he an alcoholic?"

"No…………….but he stayed out late almost every night, he liked to screw around. I think he felt that it was his right. I think the smell of the alcohol is so memorable because of what happened later. Man that hurt."

"It must have been a very upsetting night for you."

"No I mean physically, it hurt like hell, he punched me in the face. He barley spoke a word to me from that night on until he moved out and when you're a kid you feel that every time something goes wrong you think it's your fault. You have any idea what it is like to be ignored?" he scoffs and puts his hands behind his head, "The strangest thing is that when he left I didn't want him to go and I wanted to go with him but he left me behind."

She snuggles in closer, "Does that hurt?"

"A little but it feels nice." She looks up at him.

He says, "What?"

"Huh."

"You have that look."

"What look?"

"That cop look."

She sits up, "What the hell is that?"

"I have been around enough of cops to know when they want to ask something but I must say that you cuter than any of them and I've never made love to them. HMMMMM, sex, I wonder if I remember how."

"Oh it hasn't been that long."

He removes his hand from behind his head, and shows four fingers, "Going on four weeks."

Alex lies back down on the bed, "I could………" he cuts her off, "No, that's ok."

He lifts her chin up and lightly kisses her, "I didn't say that because I wanted you to do that."

"Wait a minute; you're just trying to change the subject."

He chuckles, "Not intentionally. Ok go ahead, cop lady ask our question."

She laughs, "What happened after you destroyed your kitchen?"

"I went out to my favorite watering hole and got drunk."

"Wait, a minute." She says sounding surprised, "You were sober when you did that?"

He shyly looks over at her, "Scary isn't it, once I started, I couldn't stop. It was as if I was possessed. If I threw a dish against the wall and it didn't break into more that four pieces I picked it up and threw it again."

"Oh my god, was your Mom living here at the time?"

"She had moved out a few months before, she was living in a group home." He adjusts his position in the bed to get a feeling of comfort.

"I barely remember the night but I do remember that I ran into this guy that I went to High School with, you know the kid that is always getting into trouble. I didn't know it at the time but he was using drugs all through junior and half of senior year."

"Why only half of senior year?"

"He was expelled; anyway he was the one who introduced me to cocaine. That was the first time I used it," he shakes his head in disgust, "when I woke up the next morning, in a strange bed, in a strange room lying next to someone who I didn't remember meeting, to this day I don't know her name." he pauses and exhales, "Well it least it was a woman."

She grabs his arm, "What?"

"It's nothing, drop it. Whatever you're thinking it's yes and no." he looks at her sternly, "Please can you for once in your life let something go?"

"Ok, ok I'll let it go. So what was the argument you had with your father?"

"I don't remember."

"You're a terrible liar."

"He called me one night when he was arrested after an illegal gambling house was busted; anyway, he asked me if I could bail him out. I might have been a screw up sometimes but I always had a job and I always had money. I told him sure, not a problem. I went down and paid the five hundred dollars and they released him. I thought that maybe after what I did that we could finally have an adult father son relationship, god what as ass, I was…………He."

Alex finishes his sentence, "When he got the bail money back he kept it, didn't he."

"Yeah……………..you know if he asked me I probably would have given it to him, but he didn't even have enough good character to ask me, I was his son, and he screwed me… again, goddamn him."

"I'm sorry."

"What the hell are you sorry about, what's the worst thing that happened to your family," raising his voice, "your Mom forget to buy bread for lunch one day?"

She sits up, "Don't speak to me like that."

"I'm tired, I'm in pain, and I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

He lies back down in the bed, "How about we talk about your past for a while there has to be something wrong that you did."

She lies down and they both stare at the ceiling. "After I graduated High School I went to college but after two years I still couldn't get a handle on what I wanted to do with my life. I kept denying the fact that I wanted to be a cop, why I'm not sure, maybe I just wanted to rebel against my father. Anyway, I quit college and for the next few years I went through job after job, I have to say that the best one I had at the time was bartending, I enjoyed that job. My parents and I fought constantly; they kept telling me to go back to school. I told them repeatedly that it was my life and I was going to live my life the way I wanted. One night we had a real screaming match and I moved out of the house, I didn't speak to them for months."

"Who apologized first, you or them?"

"I did. I went over one afternoon and I told them that I knew that they were just trying to point me in the right direction, that week I enrolled in the police academy."

He stares at her in silence, she looks over at him, "What?"

He slowly sits up in the bed, "That's it? That's all you got, you couldn't have made something up."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, um, you went to Florida on spring break and got totally wasted and showed your boobs to the world." He smiles and then she starts to laugh. "My boobs?"

"So did you do that? Because if you did it would be alright with me."

"No, of course not."

"Ah, that's too bad," he puts his arm around her and pulls her close.

"Bobby," she says shyly.

"What is it?"

"I have to tell you something...I checked her out."

"Yeah I figured as much." He looks over at Alex and she stares straight ahead. He lightly tugs on her arm, "Well."

"Do you remember what they called John Gotti?"

"Yeah, the Teflon Don."

"Well she's Teflon Nicole; she has been brought in for questioning about so many different crimes before and after you met her. She always has a male accomplish but in most cases, they seem to disappear. She has yet to be arrested in the U.S. or any other country and you have to admit that she is very charming."

"Yeah like a shark."

"It's easy to see why she cons so many…………"

He cuts her off, "Idiots."

"Stop," she lightly pushes him, "people, into doing what she wants."

"I don't want to hear anymore," he takes hold of her hand, "Let's make a promise that we will never talk about her again," he kisses her hand, "especially in bed."

"I can live with that, goodnight Bobby." She leans over and kisses him lightly on the lips.

"Goodnight Alex, I love you."

"I love you too."

She pulls up the covers and rolls over, a few minutes pass, "Bobby?" no answer, she sits and looks over at him and he is asleep, she smiles and kisses his forehead.

A Week Later

Alex drives into his neighborhood and notices a big lump of something in the driveway covered with a tarp. In her rear view mirror, she sees Bobby walking toward her. She parks the car on the street and waves. "This is a nice surprise." He bends down and kisses her as he takes her hand and leads her up the walk. "What is that?" she points to the lump.

"It's………….a frame…………for a motorcycle."

She tugs his hand and smiles, "Does Eileen know?"

"No, not yet."

"Were you just taking a walk?"

"No I wanted to talk to Patrick and Eileen about what happened." he digs into his pocket and gets his keys.

"About Nicole?" she says surprised. He opens the door and Alex enters first. "Yes."

He tosses his keys on the table, "I had to, I couldn't keep it a secret from them they deserved to know."

"What did they say?"

"At first they just stared at me. I think I shocked them a bit but I explained everything and it made me feel better. They said that it was a mistake from a long time ago and if I was looking for forgiveness from them that they would give it to me. Then it got a little mushy and we hugged and then Eileen asked how the boys were and I told her that they were handling it all right. I asked them to please find some time in the next few days to talk to the boys about what happened. They said that they would do that and they thought it was a good idea." He sits down on the couch, "You know I really do feel better."

Alex sits down next to him and takes a hold of his hand, "You have told all the people you care about and who care about you what happened. No one has cut you out of their life or turned their back on you. Everyone has accepted the mistake you've made because they know the kind of man you really are. Now it's your turn."

"What?"

She leans over and kisses his cheek, "Let yourself off the hook, you have to forgive yourself, it's time to let it go."

TBC