In a Moment
Chapter 3: Jesse
Summary: A person could make a choice that has the power to make or break their lives. A million thoughts could go through their minds in one moment. Watch as some of our glee members make such a choice.
"Nothing really matters, anyone can see," Jesse sang out. He was proud of himself. He knew he had nailed it. A soulless automaton was he? He thought not. Rachel had always told him that he never put the soul in his voice that some of the other glee members did. He thought he put plenty in, at least for this song. This song was iconic. This song was thought impossible to be sung by anyone else but Freddie Mercury, but Jesse thought that he did just that: the impossible. Yes, he was very proud.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a swish of gold in the back of the theatre. He paused for what seemed like an eternity to him, but was in reality only a millisecond, if that. There she was, Rachel Berry.
Rachel Berry.
Was it wrong of him to admit that he missed her, after everything he had done to hurt her, to break her? Most would think so. He didn't love her, of that he was certain. However, he really liked her. After all, who wouldn't? She was beautiful, any idiot could see that. She was an amazing singer, probably one of the best teenagers he'd ever heard. Truth be told, she had the most chance out of anyone he knew to make it big (not that he'd admit that to any of his Vocal Adrenaline members). She was actually extremely smart and although she tended to be a bit overbearing when it came to singing, she really was looking out for her friends' best interests. She was kind. She was loyal, fiercely so.
And it seemed that she really liked him. It would have grown into love if he had stayed at McKinley High any longer. She trusted him so blindly. It amazed him how easily she fell for his act at first. He was worried in the beginning. He thought he was being to over the top, but she fell for it and why? Because she believed in the best of people. She truly did believe that everyone had some type of good in them deep down. She wouldn't have thought he was capable of being such a…a jerk.
And she reminded him a lot of himself. Both of them knew what they wanted and would do almost anything to get that desired goal. Both of them were completely sure in their abilities, whether it be singing, dancing, or simply out-smarting another person. They both tended to get a little crazy when it came to the stage and their futures on it. They were both admittedly high-maintenance.
If he really stopped to think about it, she was perfect for him. They were the perfect cliché: the two rising stars, the two star-hungry performers. He was also probably one of the only people in the world who could deal with her and she was most likely the only girl who could deal with him as well.
But he couldn't be with her. His friends were at CHS, his family. He had the best chance of winning Sectionals, Regionals, Nationals, any contest they threw his way with CHS. He had the best chance of succeeding at CHS.
So why was he thinking about her? Why couldn't Jesse get Rachel Berry out of his head?
Why?
Could it be that his feelings for her went deeper than he thought they did? Could it be that he cared for her more than he had any other girl he had ever been with? Could it be that when Ms. Corcoran told him that he would be coming back to Vocal Adrenaline within the week that his heart dropped into the center of the Earth? Could he, Jesse St. James, finally have been the one who was played? Could he be the heartbroken, not the heartbreakee?
Oh, he was screwed. He was screwed big time.
Why?
Because there was Rachel, looking breathtaking in that amazing dress that she wore, a dress that fit her perfectly, that brought out every beautiful curve she had. Rachel, with her hair completely out of her face so you could see her beautiful eyes, her flawless skin, her perfect, full lips. Rachel, the girl whose powerhouse of a voice rocked the theatre, shook it to its very core. Rachel, the girl who had the most amazing chemistry with a man that wasn't him. Rachel, who still believed he was good, still wanted him, even after he left her, her school, her friends, alienated her, made her feel like second best and unwanted, even after he put her entire glee club in a funk and trashed their room. Rachel, whose beautiful chocolatey-golden eyes were usually so bright with happiness, were darkened with sadness and betrayal as he crushed the egg on her head.
The one and only Rachel Berry.
At that moment all he wanted to do was rush off the stage and run into her arms. All he wanted was to beg her forgiveness, to say he was sorry and hope she takes him back.
Of course, he couldn't do that. That wasn't part of the choreography. They could lose for that.
But maybe, showing her he didn't care would convince her he was worth forgiving.
Or, maybe, if he gave her a sign. If he blew her a kiss, or reached his hand out, brought the crowd's attention to her and smiled or saluted, or…hell, even if he stared right at her and winked she would see. She would see that he, Jesse St. James, still had feelings for her, Rachel Berry, who was worth losing Nationals for, who was worth risking his closest friends never speaking to again, who was worth…everything. Maybe…
But his career. If he did that, who knew what would happen to his career? If he left CHS for WMHS and re-joined their glee club, would they still get to Nationals next year? Or the year after that? Would he still be noticed by the scouts that always come to Nationals? Would he get into Julliard on a full scholarship? Would he get into Julliard at all?
Was she worth that? Was she worth that?
There lay his choice: Be with Rachel Berry or risk losing his career?
As Jesse stared into Rachel's mesmerizing eyes, he couldn't think of another answer besides a resounding "YES!"
A part of Jesse knew that whatever his decision was would either bless him or haunt him for the rest of his life. A small part of Jesse knew this was one of the biggest decisions of his life.
But instead of rushing into her arms, gesturing to her, blowing her kiss, or even simply winking at her, Jesse unknowingly made the biggest mistake in his entire life:
He looked away.
"Nothing really matters to me." It seemed that statement rang more true for him than he ever could have thought.
As he arose to thunderous applause, it suddenly struck him how tired he was. All that thinking, all that deciding had worn him out.
All that took place in the course of a single second.
A single moment.
This was the first one I wrote. I am SO proud of this. I don't know why, I just am. I love it. I don't know why, but the idea of St. Berry one-sided makes me smile. Like, him being all "I'm still in love with you" and her being all, "Screw you mofo!"
It appeals to me because I really liked Jesse. A lot. Even after I found out that he was using her because it's not like he was trying to throw her off her game, that was just kind of a side-effect. He was doing the wrong thing (using her to get her closer to her Shelby) for teh right reasons (reuntiting Shelby, who he obviously cared about with her daughter). Then Funk happened and I hated him. It seemed really out of character though. Like, what was that? It just ticked me off.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I hope you liked this one at least half as much as I did, because honestly, I think this one of my favorites of anything I've written. I'll post another soon. The next will be Puck's POV.
BTW - my Internet is up so posts will be coming more often!