Dakishimetai (I Want a Hug)
By: Dark Kitten Saki
Disclaimer: I do not own either the song Dakishimetai, the translation or the characters.
Artist: Jungle Smile
Summary: Sesshoumaru is getting help. (This is in drabble form. Exactly 100 words between lyric groupings.)
**XOXOXOXOXOX**
I hate the way you're always laughing,
You're cute, strong, and popular,
I hate the way that I'm slow and stupid,
No one needs me at all,
You're very smart and never have any weak points,
You always make a fool of me,
But really I just want to talk to you,
I want to be your friend,
Although I've been jealous of you,
You were trembling, crying alone,
"Can you tell me about the 'accident,' Mr. Taisho?"
"My family, Mother, Father and my younger half brother died in a car crash. I watched them die."
I held his hand as we sat on the couch at the psychiatrist's office. His voice was so deadpan I wanted to cry.
"Do you have a step-mother then?" She asked not looking up.
"No," he replied. "She died in child birth. My mother was too gentle and couldn't turn the pup away." I could hear his scorn… pain.
"What was he like?"
"A pain in this Sesshoumau's side."
This wasn't going well….
[Chorus]
Hey, are you afraid of being alone?
And maybe you're weak and people pick on you,
If I had more courage,
I would have given you a hug,
We had just left the doctor's office. The ride home was uncomfortable and tense.
At dinner he finally started talking to me again. "Why are you insisting on this, Kagome? I don't want to remember! I just want us to be together! Why are you doing this to me?" He flew out of his chair aggravated. "None of this is necessary!" He picked up the closest wooden chair and threw it at the wall destroying it. The four chair set was now a three chair set.
"That's why, my love." I told him not fazed by his harsh tantrums anymore.
I have a lot I want to talk about,
I said bit by bit to you last time,
Why did you pretend you couldn't hear me?
I was really happy…
You laugh as usual just for show,
But you're someone who'd break down and cry,
He plopped down in another chair looking at the broken chair for a long time. It was the only items left of our time before the "accident." I came into the kitchen to drag him to bed.
"I could have really hurt you," he said looking at the splintered wood.
I sighed, "Yes, do understand now? Anata, this has been going on too long." I knelt in front of him. "We can't do this alone anymore. You get more and more violent with these tantrums. Please, let them help us."
He closed his eyes so tightly it must have hurt.
[Chorus]
Hey I'm also afraid of being alone,
I'm insignificant and pathetic,
If I had more courage,
I would have given you a hug,
"Comparatively, Butterfly, I could…" He didn't finish the thought as we lay in my bed.
"Yes," I replied. "You could kill me." He hadn't called me "Butterfly" since before the "accident." The little action thrilled me. He could hear how much even if his ear wasn't over my heart. "But that tells you how much I love and trust you." He didn't say anything but continued to listen to my heart. "Dog's aren't meant to be alone, love, so I will be your pack."
"Yes," his voice was gravelly. "I will allow that… doctor to… help this Sesshoumaru."
"Thank you."
Imagine that you're not alone,
Close your ears and feel it,
Hey who's going to cry today?
Like the wind, I will wrap myself around you,
I curled around his sleeping frame. He held me tighter. I felt a little like a Teddy Bear or a talisman that would keep away bad dreams. But he hadn't been visited by them for a while. I wasn't sure if it was me or the doctor.
He was depressed… or that was the official story the doctor gave us. What else could we call it? Prolonged grief sounded odd so we went with it. He refused to take pills and I forced the issue being the mama bear I was with him. They didn't make him. I like winning.
[Chorus]
Hey, are you afraid of being alone?
And maybe you're weak and people pick on you,
If I had more courage,
I would have given you a hug,
He started making a lot of progress after that conversation. I started to see the man I fell in love with. Mother was seeing the difference too! He was starting to make time for them again. After giving all of them separately a formal apology and a written one (not an easy feat mind you he's not much of a writer), he was starting over with their relationships with a clean slate. My friends were still skeptical but willing to give him another shot because I had stayed loyal to him so long. Plus, a lot of begging from me….
Hey I'm also afraid of being alone,
I'm insignificant and pathetic,
If I had more courage,
I would have given you a hug,
…I found myself missing him depending on me…. I wanted to hit myself every time I thought like that! But it was true. I felt like he was pulling away from me. Which he was, but in a healthy way so it shouldn't have bothered me but it did.
After about a month he confronted me about it. He was gentle and calm while asking me what the hell was wrong with me. I felt horrible but when I spit it out his face softened and he came over to me. I found myself in his loving arms that night.
Hey, everyone feels the same loneliness,
And scared the same way,
But there's nothing to be afraid of,
Because I'm going to hug you!
It had been almost a month since my confession of those horrid feelings.
"I love you."
I spun around in the kitchen to look at him wide eyed. "What?" I barely dared to breath.
"I love you."
I could have cried. He hadn't told me he loved me since they died. He told me he couldn't afford to love anyone again. I wasn't worth the pain of losing them.
"I love you, Butterfly."
I burst into tears and ran across our small kitchen into his arms.
"My little waterspout!" He laughed quietly. He laughed!
"Anata! You laughed! You just laughed!"
**XOXOXOXOXOX**
The next chapter will be the last one. If anyone spots a mistake in my spelling or grammar as always please tell me and I will fix it. =)
Have a great week!
Saki